Their Miracle
It was amazing how four months could vanish in the blink of an eye. The wait, the months, weeks, days, minutes and seconds they’d finally counted down, was finally over.
Amanda tried to relax into the reclining chair, but it was nearly impossible to do when her bladder was bursting and the skilled hands of a young nurse were rubbing cold goo all over her still flat belly.
Her eyes tracked to Jason’s face. Anxiety and apprehension were at the forefront of those dazzling, ice blue eyes. His normally smooth brow was creased with a frown.
He hates being here. They were both excited for their four month ultrasound, but she knew how much he hated coming to the city. Since they’d booked the ultrasound first thing in the morning, they’d decided to stay and do a few errands. When the hard, icy hand of winter moved in on them, the garden wasn’t producing and fresh fruit and vegetables didn’t just appear in the pantry or on the table.
While her belly was still flat, Amanda knew that there was a time coming, and not far off, where she would have to have larger sized pants and tops. Even if she didn’t shop maternity, she needed something bigger than the extra small and small she wore. Shopping was not Jason’s favorite thing in the world. Despite his reluctance, he tried to welcome the idea of finding new clothes and purchasing baby items.
“Okay. We’ll just have you lie back and we’ll take a look.” The nurse, overly cheerful, smiled down at Amanda.
Slamming back into focus, Amanda took a deep breath and tried to focus on anything but the pain in her bladder. It would be nice if drinking three water bottles beforehand wasn’t a prerequisite of an ultrasound.
She shifted in the chair, trying to find a position which didn’t apply pressure. Thankfully, as she moved off her hips into her back, the screaming, shooting pain and urge to pee right there in the chair finally eased up.
“I’m Jennifer, by the way,” the nurse introduced herself softly. She had dark, chestnut hair, hazel eyes and a creamy, flawless complexion. She looked about eighteen, but Amanda knew that wasn’t possible. Nursing school was what, four or five years?
At least she was nice. Amanda couldn’t have handled someone rude or unkind poking and prodding at her. She didn’t like being touched by strangers. Even the visits to her new family doctor had been trying. She made the first one alone since Jason flat out refused to go to the city. After he’d seen how hurt she was, he started coming along, but he always wanted to escape as soon as they could and get back to their cabin.
She wasn’t sure what it was about the city. Was it just Boulder or did he feel that way about all cities? They were still so new as a couple that she didn’t want to ask him questions that pried into a past he clearly didn’t want to talk about. It wasn’t that he’d ever outright shut her down when she asked him something or tried to talk. He was just a master deflector. He’d turn the conversation to safer ground or ask her something about her own past, so that she was always distracted and forgot about what she’d asked him in the first place. If that didn’t work, he’d always go to the fail proof conversation and discuss the baby.
Their baby. It was still incredible for her to believe that there was a life in her belly, being as she hadn’t actually really felt the baby move yet, and that she and Jason had created it. It was even more incredible to think that Jason was hers.
“I’m just going to do some measurements and take some images to make sure everything is alright. If I don’t respond to you right away, please don’t get worried. That’s completely normal. Some people panic, thinking that I’m seeing something that shouldn’t be there, but that isn’t the case at all.” Jennifer’s warm tone and her dazzling smile even in the dark room, brought Amanda back to reality.
She nodded once at Jennifer before she turned her face to the side to look at Jason.
He’s the most beautiful man in the world. Her heart couldn’t help but be moved whenever she thought of him. She still loved going to bed with him at night and waking up beside him in the morning. Ever since he’d come back for her, come into the city and found her at Phil’s, defended her and took her back to the cabin, she’d felt so… she couldn’t even put her finger on what the word was exactly. It was more like a feeling, deep inside her chest. A feeling of comfort, of safety, of happiness and contentment and hope.
Of course she loved him. She’d loved him before she even left. It was just that his coming for her had changed that love, deepened it, matured it in the span of a day.
Jason blinked hard when he noticed that she was looking at him. He smiled gently and shifted in the chair, obviously as nervous and excited as she was. It was going to be amazing, seeing their baby for the first time.
They both waited patiently while Jennifer moved the little wand around her belly, smearing the cool jelly around. She pressed harder in some spots, lighter in others, all the while clicking away at the computer keyboard and screen she had turned to face her. She was obviously concentrating hard so Amanda didn’t want to disturb her.
Finally, Jennifer glanced up and her busy hands paused. “So, would you like to know what you’re having or do you want it to be a surprise?”
Right at the cusp of the moment she’d waited so long for, Amanda was struck speechless. Her tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of her mouth. A storm of fluttering butterflies exploded in her stomach.
“We want to know,” Jason answered smoothly. He reached forward, back still ramrod straight in the uncomfortable looking metal chair with the black pleather seat. It was the kind of thing that screamed waiting room or doctor’s office. “Please.”
“Yes,” Amanda finally forced out. “We would love to know.”
Jennifer grinned. “Alright. I’ll turn the screen so that you can have a look at your baby and maybe you can guess.” Her hand swiveled the large monitor on the mechanical arm around so that the screen was displayed.
Amanda gasped and Jason leaned in. His hand in hers felt so right, so strong, so supportive. She squeezed gently and he gave an answering squeeze in return.
The picture was clearly that of a face. Jennifer moved the wand on Amanda’s belly and other parts came into view, hands, arms, legs, feet. It was all so incredible Amanda’s eyes teared up. Her throat stung with unshed tears of joy. She couldn’t look at Jason. If that strong, burly man of hers, a man who had been perfectly fine living alone, off grid, in the mountains and forest before she came along, had a sheen of tears in his eyes, she was going to lose it.
Her emotions were already all over the map, thanks to the pregnancy hormones. She’d always thought that was kind of a joke, women and their hormones. She knew now that she never should have laughed it off. It was the real deal. There were times when she went from perfectly happy to being a bawl bag over nothing in the span of a few minutes.
“Wow,” she breathed, in awe as Jennifer slowly moved the wand back and the face flashed onto the screen. She could clearly see the nose. It was the same, strong nose that Jason had. “That’s insane, how much you can see, even at such an early stage.”
“The technology we have now is quite amazing,” Jennifer agreed. “Do you want to take a guess at what the sex is?”
“I think I already know.” Jason leaned in even closer. He smiled softly, pride and excitement evident on his handsome face. “It’s a boy.”
“That’s right!” Jennifer sounded exceptionally excited at their correct guess.
It was nice, to have a happy, positive nurse with them in this moment, Amanda decided. She liked that Jennifer, no matter how many times she obviously did this per day, could still get excited. She was probably the sweet, beautiful kind of personality that Amanda would choose to befriend. If she didn’t live in the middle of nowhere so far from the city.
A hard chord of loneliness chimed in her chest. Her heart ached. She loved Jason, truly she did. She just missed having friends. She knew it would be hard, being an hour out of Boulder and being so remote. She hadn’t had many friends after Phil anyway. Many meaning zero. She just wished she could make some.
Or that she had her family with her. That ache in her heart intensified, to the point where it was nearly unbearable.
Jason squeezed her hand tightly again and that gentle pressure grounded her, brought her back to the darkened room and the screen in front of her.
“A boy,” she whispered, the same feeling of awe creeping back up. “I can’t wait to meet him. Right now it’s such a crazy thought. I haven’t even really felt him move yet. My belly is as flat as it ever was.”
“I know, but it comes fast. Five months might seem like a long time, but he’ll be here before you know it.” Jennifer pushed back the screen and shut off the machine. “I just have to go consult with the doctor to make sure that all the measurements I’ve taken are correct, but I’ll be back in to speak with you shortly.”
“Alright. Can I please pee yet?”
“Sorry. We need you to hang in there just for a few more minutes. If I’ve taken anything incorrect or the doctor sees something of concern, we’ll have to turn the machine back on and take a look so your bladder needs to be full.”
“Okay,” Amanda nearly groaned.
“I promise I’ll be as fast as I can.”
True to her word, Jennifer stalked quickly out of the room. She left the lights off as they were before, but even in the darkened room, Amanda didn’t miss the sparkle in Jason’s eyes.
“You were hoping for a boy, weren’t you?”
“I’m not going to lie, I thought it would be nice to have a son.”
At least he’s excited about being a father. That was all she could ask for after the uncertainty he’d expressed at the beginning of the pregnancy. She couldn’t exactly fault him for that. It had been a major shock for them both.
“Can anyone die from having to pee so badly?”
“I doubt it.” Jason’s grin widened. “Just hang in there. It’s only going to get worse as the pregnancy goes on. Maybe this is good practice.”
“Good practice? We’ll see how long you last if I make you drink two liters of water and hold it all damn day.”
“Technically it’s only been a few hours.”
“A few hours then. You won’t make it.”
“I generally drink quite a bit of water, seeing as it’s hot out when I’m working and I tend to sweat a lot and…”
“Shut up,” Amanda ground out. “I am seriously going to lose my shit here if that nurse doesn’t come back. Like really, we didn’t think to bring an extra pair of pants and I’m about three seconds away from peeing in these ones.”
Jason just gave another maddening chuckle. “Don’t lose your shit. That would be even worse.”
Amanda huffed indignantly. Men. They have no idea what any of this is like. They should be damn thankful about that too.
Although she did give him some kudos for having to put up with her mood swings and the early nausea where she couldn’t even be in the cabin when food was cooking. Jason had eaten a lot of sandwiches during those first three months.
Finally, an eternity later, Jennifer came back, all smiles. “The doctor says everything looks great. He agrees with the estimation that you gave me of how far along you are, so everything is right on track. You’re free to go. Oh wait.”
Amanda wasn’t sure whether she should groan or cry.
“I almost forgot.” Jennifer produced an envelope from at her side. “These are the pictures for you to take home.”
“Our baby’s first picture,” Amanda breathed. For a second, her bladder was forgotten. She reached out and took the envelope, but didn’t open it. She handed it over to Jason, who held it like it was made of the world’s most fragile, expensive porcelain.
“Here’s a towel to wipe off the jelly and the bathroom is just down the hall.” Jennifer held out a white terry cloth square, which Amanda took with no small amount of gratitude.
She made quick work of the goo and was out of the chair and heading down the hall before Jason even had time to get out of his own chair.
She’d never been so thankful for the opportunity to pee in her life. Afterwards she stood at the sink, waiting for the water to warm up to wash her hands.
Her reflection in the small mirror above the sink looked very much like it always had. Flaxen hair, green eyes, skin still tanned from a summer out in the sun. Her whole body looked the same. No one would guess at the precious mystery hidden inside of her.
As the water warmed up and she soaped her hands, that familiar stabbing ache came back with a hard ferocity. She longed to share this moment, the news of her pregnancy, the news that their child was a boy, and those beautiful pictures with her mother.
Amanda hadn’t called. She hadn’t worked up the courage. As far as her mother knew, she was still with Phil. It had been over four years since they’d last spoken.
Just because she would give anything to change it, didn’t mean that anything would ever be different. It was something Amanda knew well, so she kept standing in front of the sink and letting the hot water run over her hands long after the soap was gone.