Chapter Eighteen
Ryan woke up to the surprise of something vibrating under his butt. He rolled over, fumbled for his phone, and groaned when he saw who it was. Didn’t Eddie know about these things called time zones? It was way too early for anyone to be calling the west coast.
Especially when he’d gotten so little sleep last night. Rather than knocking him out, his little tête-à-tête with Claire had left him wired. How could he sleep after hearing her come so hard, biting back a scream?
Forget Eddie. He couldn’t talk to the man right now—especially not about when he was coming back to Chicago. The only person he’d answer the phone for right now was Claire.
But she wasn’t calling. And the truth was, he had no idea what was happening. He supposedly stayed in Gold Mountain to meet Maya, and now he’d done that. So he should be ready to go. He didn’t even know what Claire wanted from any of this, or whether she wanted to see him again.
But when he thought about packing his bags, booking that flight, showing up at Eddie’s office, sitting down with his old band to iron out the details of their new deal…his mind went blank. It was like imagining someone else’s life. He just couldn’t make it happen.
He let Eddie’s call go to voicemail and hopped in the shower. If he wasn’t seeing Claire, showing her he was no longer the same man she’d been right to leave all those years ago, then he had no excuse for not being at home, working on his next album, advancing his career.
So the only answer was to make sure he saw her. No matter how busy she was.
Just because he’d already sent her a gift basket didn’t mean she wouldn’t want anything else, right? After a quick coffee and a bagel, he found a flower store that delivered.
He debated forever over the card. Thinking of you, felt trite. Still want to sleep alone tonight? wasn’t right, either.
In the end, he left it empty. He didn’t have the right words, but she’d know what he wanted to say.
He got a text that afternoon.
I assume I have you to blame for these roses? she asked.
Unless you made other guys lose their minds last night…
Just one.
And then she added, At least, I hope he lost his mind.
He smiled. As if she could have any doubt.
Affirmative, he wrote back. I’m officially crazy.
That makes two of us. This day has been nuts.
Hard to focus?
She sent back a smiley face. Something like that.
How come you have time to be on your phone? he asked.
Canceled client. Gives me a few min to catch up on paperwork.
Paperwork shmaperwork.
I’m on my way, he typed and pressed send.
It wasn’t like Gold Mountain was that big. He was there in five minutes.
“Crazy,” she said again, shaking her head as soon as he walked in the door.
He glanced down the hall, but there was no sign of Sonia or any clients. Quickly, he drew her into his arms and planted a kiss on her temple. “For you,” he whispered, sighing into the soft lavender smell of her hair, her skin, her warmth.
She ran her hands up over his chest, through his hair, and he palmed her ass and pulled her close, nuzzling the side of her neck.
“Not here.” She stepped away from the front window and he, moving hip to hip with her, followed until he was pressing her back against the desk. Sure, that worked just fine for him, too.
If Sonia stayed away, and there was enough time before the next client came in, he could spread her legs right there on the desk and feel those hands messing up his hair as he started in on every filthy thing he’d been dreaming of last night…
But there came a banging noise from down the hall, and a high pitched “Oh shit!” Claire pushed herself up, straightening her shirt and running a hand through her hair to smooth down the flyaways.
“You okay there, Sonia?” she called.
“Yeah, just dropped the basket of clean towels all over the floor. I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay; I can rewash them this afternoon.” But she sighed, and Ryan wished she would realize that she didn’t have to take on everything by herself. Couldn’t Sonia wash them? And did it really have to be today?
Sonia came bustling back down the hall, and Ryan stepped away from Claire to hopefully not look like he’d been just about to maul her. But it wasn’t far enough. Sonia gave him an obvious once-over, smirking at what must have been his manhandled hair.
“You again,” she said with a grin.
“Hi, Sonia,” he said bashfully, feeling like a caught teenager.
“Make we could sneak into the back for a few minutes,” he whispered to Claire as soon as Sonia turned away.
Claire brushed his hand and said, “Maybe.” But the phones were ringing, there was too much to do, and he knew he was just getting in the way.
“Can you fit in a four o’clock?” Sonia asked, after putting a caller on hold.
Claire shook her head. “I have to pick up Maya.”
“It’s Jesse Turnbaum. Says he threw out his back again carrying groceries.”
“Shit, I told him he has to be careful. Can you take him?”
“I’ve already got someone. And besides, he’s one of your regulars. I know he really wants it to be you.”
Claire pulled up a calendar on her computer. “Earliest I can get him in is tomorrow afternoon.” She winced as she said it, and Ryan knew what she was thinking. That poor man with his back thrown out would have to spend the next twenty-four hours lying on the sofa unable to move, counting the hours until Claire’s next open appointment rolled around.
He wondered what else she was thinking. If she wished she had someone there to help her. If she was mad that Ryan was perfectly happy to fuck her once again but never did much when it came to actually being around.
But he didn’t want to be that person anymore. He’d thought once he met Maya, he’d be able to go back to his regular life. Now he knew there was no such thing as “regular life” anymore. He wanted to be there for both of them in ways he’d never been before.
“I can pick up Maya,” he blurted out. He was afraid he might fuck it up, do the wrong thing, make things worse in some way.
But as soon as he said it, he knew it was the right thing to do. Even if Claire was staring at him like she’d never laid eyes on him before.
“Sonia meets with her client, you help Jesse, and I get Maya from after-school care. It’s perfect,” he said.
She shook her head. “Never going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking; I’m offering. Maya knows me, and she’ll be thrilled. And—” He thought wildly, trying to come up with whatever argument would convince Claire this was a good idea. “I can bring her straight here so you’ll know she’s fine, and keep her busy until you’re finished. It’s a win-win.”
He could see her waffling. “Come on,” he said gently. “Let me help you with just this one thing.” Let me take care of you.
Finally, she agreed and scheduled a time with Jesse. Then she called Maya’s school to give permission for Ryan to handle the pickup. Before he left, she made him promise not to stop for ice cream on his way back. “I’m serious,” she said. “I know you.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He kissed her nose. “Work your healing magic. Maya and I will be back soon.”
“Wait!” she called and tossed him her keys. “You need to get Maya’s booster seat from the back. Or whatever, just take my car. She needs help making sure she’s strapped in.”
“You got it,” he said with a wink, and something inside him surged. Claire may have been full of reservations, but the ease with which she’d handed over her keys said she trusted him.
Not like picking a kid up from school was that complicated, but still. He wasn’t taking anything for granted.
He felt weird hanging around with all the other parents outside, knowing he didn’t belong. But Maya had no such reservations. Having Ryan show up at her school might as well have been Christmas and her birthday all in one. She chattered the whole ride, not caring that they weren’t going home. But when they got to the office, and Claire was already busy in the massage room, she started getting fidgety.
Shit. Why hadn’t Claire given him ideas about what to do to keep her occupied?
No. He had to stop thinking like that, like it was all on her. At last, he remembered that he had his guitar in his trunk. He brought it in, and Maya watched, mesmerized, as he gave it a quick tuning. He played a little bit, and when that got old, he decided to show her how the frets worked and the different sounds of each string.
“Do you want to try?” He lifted Maya so she was sitting in his lap and rested the guitar across her knee and his. He showed her where to hold her fingers, putting his hands over hers to act as a guide so she could strum.
They were sitting like that, playing together, when Claire came out, a much-relieved older man walking carefully and singing her praises. As soon as he left, Maya made Claire sit and listen to what Ryan had shown her.
“Thank you,” she mouthed to Ryan. “I seriously owe you one.”
“It was my pleasure. We had fun, didn’t we?”
Maya hopped off Ryan’s lap and ran to tug on Claire’s sleeve.
“We’re getting ice cream now, right?” she said. Clearly, she had Ryan’s number.
Claire laughed. “It’s kind of late in the day for ice cream, bug.”
“Then just a little bit of ice cream,” Maya said, and Ryan could see where Claire’s parents had planted the idea to be a lawyer in her head. The Collins girls knew how to negotiate a deal.
“Dinner first,” Claire said. “Then ice cream.”
Maya thought about it. “What’s for dinner?”
Ryan leaned over far closer than was necessary and whispered in Claire’s ear, “Let me cook for you.”
“What?” Claire said.
“Invite me over for dinner, but I’ll do the cooking.”
He said it quietly so that if Claire said no, Maya wouldn’t be disappointed. But his hand grazed her back where Maya couldn’t see it, reminding her of where they’d left off that afternoon.
He saw her hesitate, biting the corner of her lip, no doubt thinking ahead to all the ways this could go. Worst-case scenario, Ryan burned the crap out of everything. The other worst-case scenario, everything went perfectly, with Maya—and Claire herself—getting more attached.
But would that really be so bad? What if he could actually have this life he’d never thought he deserved?
“We’ll stop at the farmer’s market on the way”—he almost said home but caught himself in time—“back to your place and pick out whatever you guys want.”
She finally agreed. Maya, distracted from ice cream, ran around in excitement, going on about how Ryan was going to meet every one of her dinosaur friends.
He laughed, chasing her out the door like a T. rex, but inside his heart was pounding. He was acting like dinner was no big deal. And maybe it didn’t have to be. But he saw Claire watching him and Maya, and he knew that it was.
He hoped he knew what he was doing. Because now there were three hearts at stake. Not just his and Claire’s, but innocent collateral. So he’d better not fuck this up.