Chapter Twenty-Two
Okay. So he’d just agreed to be the sole person responsible for a tiny human being for an entire twenty-four hours when he’d literally never taken care of anyone else in his life. It couldn’t be that impossible—right?
He’d meant what he’d said when he told Claire that she and Maya came first. He wanted this more than anything. But his stomach was still a snake pit of nerves when the weekend arrived.
“This is the pediatrician’s office, her doctor’s number at home, the allergist, the nearest hospital, local lines for the police and fire departments, poison control, and here’s where I keep her spare EpiPen, first aid kit, extra bandages, and the fire extinguisher.”
“Claire,” he said as she ran through the list of numbers for the third time. “I got it. It’s only one night. We’re going to be fine.”
She’d only agreed to the trip if she skipped the Friday night information session and drove down first thing Saturday morning to attend the workshops she needed to maintain her license. She’d come back midday on Sunday after back-to-back panels on business expenses that made Ryan’s head spin.
“I know,” she said, her voice spiraling up in a way that said she definitely did not think everything was okay. “I just want to make sure you know what to do in case anything happens.”
“Nothing’s going to happen,” he said gently, steering her away from the laminated sheet on the refrigerator with a list of common foods most people didn’t know contained allergens. Foods Ryan didn’t need to worry about because none of them were in the house, and it wasn’t like he was planning on taking the kid to the grocery store to entertain her.
Especially since Claire had stocked up like she was leaving for a week. Fortunately, he’d noticed a bag of chocolate chips in her cabinet when he’d been rooting around for pancake ingredients, so he at least knew one thing he and Maya could tackle. He could find a recipe online. And if eating chocolate chip cookies got Maya to drink her milk, then he was being a totally responsible caregiver. Right?
“Get out of here,” he told Claire. “You’re going to be late.” He dropped his voice. “And stop worrying so much, you’ll freak Maya out.”
Claire took a deep breath. “I just don’t usually leave her overnight with other people. She’s not used to having another babysitter for this long.”
Ryan tried not to let the words sting. But they did.
“I’m not babysitting my own kid, Claire. I’m taking care of my daughter while her mom is off advancing her career. Think about how much it will mean to Maya when she’s older to know you were doing this kind of stuff. Wouldn’t you want her to go to the conference if she were in this same boat?”
Maybe it should have sounded crazy to be talking to her like that, saying the words “my daughter” and talking like they were a team doing this whole parenting thing together. But the words felt right, and he didn’t want to stop them.
“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Logic,” Claire grumbled. “Just…promise me you’ll call to check in? And if anything happens, don’t wait and try to fix it yourself. Call me or one of the numbers on the list. Sam is hard to get hold of, and Austin practically never has his phone on him, but if Mack or Connor don’t answer their cells you can try them at Mackenzie’s. Oh, and I left the number for the nature center where Abbi and Tyler work. There’s usually someone there on the weekends, so if they don’t pick up it’s—”
“Baby.” Ryan kissed her nose. “Get out of here before I strap you to the roof of the car and drive you down myself.”
Claire raised an eyebrow and leaned closer. “You’ll tie me up?” she whispered.
Ryan felt himself turning to steel under his jeans. How could she be this worried and still do this to him?
“When you get back,” he whispered, sliding his hand down to graze her ass where Maya, coloring on the coffee table, couldn’t see. “I promise.”
She kissed his cheek. “I can’t wait.”
“Bye, munchkin,” she called to Maya, who put down her crayons and came running over. “I’ll see you tomorrow, love. You’re going to stay here with Ryan. He’s in charge, but he has my number so you can call me anytime you need to, okay?”
And then they were walking Claire out to the car, waving as she backed down the driveway, and as much as Ryan had been trying to usher her out the door, not understanding why she was fretting so much, as soon as the car rounded the corner, he wished he could call her right back.
Maya looked up at him, her eyes wide, and it was really freaking different not to have someone else there—the mom, the real parent, the actual adult to figure out what to do and how to make conversation and come up with the next activity and keep everything moving along.
Ryan swallowed.
“Want to go back inside and color some more?” he asked, trying to sound upbeat and not totally freaked out.
But Maya shook her head. “No.”
“Watch cartoons?” he asked.
“No.”
“Play a game?”
“No.”
“Go for a walk?”
“No.”
“Uh, well, what do you want to do?”
Maya shrugged. “When’s Mom coming back?”
Ryan led her inside, checking his phone along the way. Three missed calls from Eddie, plus another text demanding to know where he was.
It was going to be a long day.
…
Claire watched the mountains disappear in her rearview mirror, practicing every form of deep breathing she knew. Twice she pulled into gas stations, certain she was going to turn around and head back. What was she thinking, leaving Maya with Ryan for a whole night? She should have asked her parents to postpone their trip or take Maya with them.
But she knew that even if she didn’t say a word to them about Ryan being back, Maya would spill the beans in an instant, going on about “Mom’s new friend” who’d spent the night.
That was not a can of worms she needed to spill all over the place. They’d lied to her, made her believe Ryan had never tried to find her. She understood their concern. But this was one mess she needed to clean up on her own.
She pulled out of the parking lot and kept heading south.
Maya was going to be fine—right? It wasn’t like Ryan needed constant supervision.
Then she thought about last night’s bottle of wine still sitting three-quarters of the way full on the kitchen counter and hit her palm against the steering wheel. Crap. She felt stupid for not thinking about the liquor she had in her cabinets and then guilty for feeling that way at all. Ryan had done nothing but show her he was different.
And she’d done nothing but doubt him, looking for the sign he was going to screw up again. He didn’t deserve that from her. Couldn’t she just let herself be happy?
Everything was going to be fine, she told herself as the Seattle skyline came into view. How could she trust herself to help clients relax if she couldn’t even take a few deep breaths herself?
On the morning that she’d agreed to let him stay with Maya, the morning he’d made her really late for work, he’d promised he wasn’t going anywhere. He’d said again that Chicago could wait.
He was the one with the whole crazy plan for how he could fly out to Chicago a few times a year to meet with his manager but not have to live there full-time. He was the one who’d said he didn’t have to be on tour as much as he used to. Not if he had someone sharing his life with him. Not if he had a reason to be home.
Home.
In Gold Mountain. With her.
If that was what she wanted, then trusting him with Maya for the weekend was as good a place as any to start.