It’s nine o’clock at night when I finally drag myself up the walkway toward my childhood bungalow, hoping Jade is asleep because every limb in my body is more exhausted than it felt when she was a newborn. Working out with Chelsea before my class was not the best decision.

My phone rings as I step through the door. Jade runs over, hugs me and then steals the phone out of my jacket pocket.

“Jade,” I sigh.

My mom is laying on the couch, her eyes closed, the television on some Disney show I’m sure is teaching my daughter how to be sassier than already comes naturally to her.

“Daddy!” she screams so loud, my mom’s eyes pop open.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have dozed off.” She moves to sit up.

“Mom, go to bed, I’ll take care of her tonight. Thank you.”

I really can’t expect her to manage Jade for much longer. It’s not her job to raise a child all over again. We came here to help her, not the other way around.

“No. I’ve got my second wind now.” She half smiles.

Jade skips around the house with my phone pressed to her ear. “School’s good,” she says, her voice holding the excitement only her daddy receives. Each call like an unexpected surprise.

“The bastard?” my mom asks in a near whisper, pulling the blanket off her legs.

“Yeah.”

She rolls her eyes and stands up, collecting Jade’s dishes.

“No, Mom, I got it.” I take them from her hands and head to the kitchen where Jade is rounding the center island like it’s a racetrack.

Once I’ve set the dishes in the sink, I place my hands on her shoulders to stop her and point to the table. She frowns but sits down.

“Can we FaceTime?” I hear her ask.

Pete must accept because she hangs up and then dials him right back with FaceTime. I glance over, and his face is displayed on my phone, his backdrop the usual one—his office.

“Daddy, are you at work?” Jade props her head in her hand and positions the phone.

“Yeah, it’s only seven o’clock here,” his deep voice answers with amusement in his tone. Like it’s normal for people to work past seven when they started at six in the morning.

“You look tired,” Jade says.

I pretend to wash the dishes and load the dishwasher while the two talk, glancing at the screen every once in a while. He can’t see me over Jade’s head taking up the entire camera area, thank goodness. Looking at Pete, I can’t help but wonder what he’d think if I told him about my upcoming date with Reed. I’m sure he’d be surprised I ran into him, let alone that he’s been actively pursuing me, but I don’t think he’d care in a jealous sort of way.

“Guess what, Bug?”

“What Daddy?”

I clench the dish in my hand at hearing him use my term of affection toward her. Actually, my mom’s that kind of stuck while she was growing up.

“I’m coming to Chicago,” he announces.

“You are?”

“Well, I heard this special little girl was having a birthday.”

“Me!” Jade points to herself.

I hate the way my intelligent daughter pretends to be a baby when she’s speaking with her dad. Like he won’t love her as much if she shows how smart and opinionated she is.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss my little bug’s birthday.”

Gah. Bile rises up my throat but I manage to suppress my eye roll.

“I’m going to be eight.” That was not an ‘I’m proud to be eight,’ that was a ‘just in case you forgot, I’m turning eight.’ On her fifth birthday, Pete thought she was four. Good times were had by all in the Keebler family that day, let me tell you.

“I know. I’m staying at Grandma and Grandpa’s, how about you stay over there with us?”

He’s kidding, right? On her birthday, he’s going to try to take her away from me?

“Jade sweetie, let me talk to your dad after you’re finished.” I manage to keep my voice level when I really want to rip the phone from her grasp and unleash a series of vulgarities at my ex-husband.

“Okay.”

“Is that your mom you’re talking to?” I smile to myself, knowing his worst fear is it’s my mom.

“Yep,” she says, moving the phone to show me at the sink.

“Hey, Vic,” he says.

I wave, my hand full of soap. “Hey.”

“Can you bring the ocean with you?” Jade quickly hijacks the conversation. Not that I blame her. She waits weeks for his calls sometimes.

“I can bring you some sand and water.”

Fat chance.

“Then I can take it to show and tell. My friend, Henry, has never seen the ocean.”

“Never seen the ocean? What kind of sheltered life is this kid living?” He chuckles like that’s actually funny.

“What does sheltered mean?”

“It means he hasn’t seen everything yet.” My mom walks by, tapping Jade’s hip so she’ll slide over and sit properly on the chair.

“I want to show Henry everything. Can he come with me to Los Angeles?” Jade bounces up and down on the chair and whines.

“Of course he can, but I’m not sure his parents would agree.”

“Henry doesn’t have parents.” The sadness I hear in her voice every time she has to tell someone that is ever present.

“He doesn’t. Who takes care of him?” Pete asks.

My mom joins me at the sink, and we share a look of mutual disgust that my ex-husband is rarely present in Jade’s life but wants to play dad of the year when he is.

“His grandma and grandpa, oh and he’s got a big brother.”

“I’m glad he has his grandparents.” I overhear the shuffling of paperwork. “Because I’m not sure a big brother would be much help.”

Jade giggles. “No, Daddy, Henry’s big brother is an adult. Mommy said it’s a program to help make him a man.”

“Make him a man?” Pete sounds skeptical and my mom laughs, patting my shoulder.

“Yeah, Re—”

“Time for bed, Jade.” I cut her off and sit down next to her at the table before she says Reed’s name. I’m not even sure why I care if she does. It’d be like a big middle finger to Pete, but it’s not something I want to discuss with Pete in front of our daughter. Besides, I’m not ready to share something when I don’t even know what that something it is yet.

Jade pouts and hugs the phone to her body. “That’s a hug from me to you, Daddy.”

He kisses his hand and blows it her way. “Do you see it, Jade, floating from L.A. to Chicago? I sent it express so it should be there at any moment.”

I smile at the exchange. Pete’s good at sweet-talking his daughter. She pretends to search the space between her and the ceiling. Runs out of the kitchen to the front door. “Got it!” she screams and runs back in with a clasped fist, sits down and flattens her palm to her cheek. “It couldn’t get through the door.”

Pete smiles the genuine smile that is rarely seen. It might only be reserved for his daughter. He wept the first time he saw Jade and it was the truest emotion I’ve ever witnessed him bear. Although she’s out of sight and out of mind to him most of the time, she’ll always be his number one.

“Good night, Bug,” he says, his hand up in the air. “See you in a couple weeks.”

“Night Daddy,” She kisses the screen and I refrain from telling her how gross that is because she’s way too cute and these rare phone calls light up her day.

Jade slides the phone my way and there I am in the little screen at the top right. My stomach revolts over the fact that I’m going to have to have a full-blown conversation with my ex. That, and the fact that I only have coffee and a bag of Doritos in my stomach.

Pete continues to concentrate on his paperwork.

“Go get ready and I’ll tuck you in after I get off the phone with Daddy, okay?” She nods and hugs me, then kisses my cheek.

“Okay.” She steps out of view and pauses. Her fingers in her mouth, nibbling on her nails.

“Jade,” I sigh.

“You aren’t going to yell, are you?” she asks.

Pete and I are more indifferent then argumentative, but the scars of our failed relationship are only a layer deep to our daughter. The one thing I wish I could take back is that. I should’ve never allowed us to fight in the next room. I’m sure she probably overheard things a little girl shouldn’t.

“No, sweetie. Go.”

She steps back, facing me until she has no choice but to turn around and head down the hall. Once the water in the bathroom is going, I focus my attention on Pete.

“You’re coming for her birthday?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I? I should ask you to fly her back here.” He closes a file folder, leans back in his seat and stares at me through the camera.

“Well, I’m throwing her a party here.”

“Funny, I haven’t gotten an invitation?” Like he’d know if he did. There’s probably a month’s worth of mail shoved in his new beach house mailbox.

“I haven’t mailed them yet.”

He smirks. “Still the organized one, I see.”

My fist clenches under the table. “Well, raising your daughter, working and going back to school—”

He raises his hand effectively cutting me off. “Let’s remember you chose that.”

My jaw clenches so hard I fear my teeth could crack. But I need to play nice. I’m the one who gets to see our daughter each and every day. “Listen. Why don’t I do the party on her actual birthday and then that way she can spend Saturday night with you and your family?”

“Fine?” he questions. “I haven’t seen her in three months and you’re making it sound like you’re doing me a favor by allowing me one night. How cordial of you, Vic.” He shakes his head. “I knew I should have fought you harder.”

“We both know nothing would be different if I’d stayed in L.A.”

“I would have been able to see my daughter more.”

“What? Maybe twice more. Don’t make me bring up how many times you were a no-show.”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Any chance to portray me as a deadbeat dad. My checks are being cashed. She has health insurance. I’m doing my part.” He lights up a cigarette and blows out a cloud of smoke. “The martyr bit is growing old, Victoria.”

“When did you start smoking again?”

“Since you stressed me out so badly that I needed them to relax.” A smile tips his lips. “I have a few big cases.”

Pete has been an on-again, off-again smoker since he first approached me at a bar with an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips and looking for a light. How foolish I was to think there was something sexy about him.

“Smoking isn’t going to help.” It’ll flare up his asthma.

“Yeah, yeah, Mother.” He exhales a drag and a cloud of white smoke covers the screen.

“Take care of yourself. All that stress and smoking—and if I had to guess there’s a whiskey on the rocks to your right. Jade needs a father.”

A chiding laugh escapes him. “She needs a father who cuts her mother big checks, you mean.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” My fingernails dig into my palm now.

He sits up straight and extinguishes the cigarette, grabs his drink to his right, and downs the rest of it.

“Let’s remember, Vic, you giving me your holier-than-thou advice ended two years ago when you became a Clarke again.”

He’s always throwing it in my face that I took my maiden name back. Why does he care at this point?

“Okay, fine. I’ll send you a carton of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey. I wouldn’t mind having Jade all to myself.”

A laugh leaves his lips again, but it’s a genuine one. Words that would’ve caused a knockdown, drag-out fight years ago, now halt our tempers because once we hang up, we’re done with one another.

We don’t have to sleep facing away from each other or go about our nightly routine in the same bathroom ignoring one another. We hang up and he goes back to what he loves—his work and on occasion barely legal women, and I get to tuck our daughter into bed. I definitely have the better end of this arrangement.

“I’ll keep you posted once I book my ticket.” He sits up straight, indicating he’s ready to hang up.

“Fine. I’ll let her know you’ll be here for sure.”

“Thanks. Get a good night’s sleep, you look like shit.” He smiles.

“Look in the mirror,” I reply, and his smile grows even larger.

“Night, Vic.”

“Night, Pete.”

I click the button on the phone and bang my forehead against the kitchen table. He still has the capability to deplete every ounce of energy I have.

“Mom, I’m ready!” Jade screams and I push myself up using the edge of the table.

When I step away, my phone dings. Snatching it back up, I see that it’s Reed.

My fingers stop moving and then start texting, only to delete. I have a few guesses as to what he does best and the fact that my man-deprived body wants him to show me, is making me squirm. But I can’t let that reflect in my response.

I flush crimson red. I thought we were taking it slow, and now he’s admitting to masturbating to thoughts of me?

“MOM!” Jade yells.

I stuff the phone in my pocket and head down the hall. It dings one last time.

Clicking my screen off, I walk into Jade’s bedroom, praying the ache between my legs will dissipate enough that I don’t actually need to do what he suggested before I can get to sleep.