Chapter Two

Alexis

I didn't speak to him the entire walk back to the training house. What was the point? It's not like we were friends or anything. I respected him as a warrior – he was beyond skilled with a blade. He was simply, one of the best fighters I'd ever seen in the seven or eight years I'd been involved with this life.

The trouble with Deyro was that he knew just how good he was with a sword in his hand. He knew just how gifted he was as a fighter. And it made him cocky. Arrogant. It made him do stupid things. Take ridiculous chances. He liked to showboat rather than just put the creature down and be done with it.

It also made him dismissive of those who weren't up to his skill level – at least, up to his skill level in his own estimation. But then, Deyro was convinced nobody was up to his skill level – which is where his arrogance came from.

He was an annoying and entirely frustrating man.

“I could teach you, you know,” he said as we walked down the alley that led to the door of the training house. “How to flip and do some of the acrobatics. It could prove useful.”

I shot him a look that I hoped conveyed the depth of the irritation I felt in that moment. It wasn't anything he necessarily said or did – he didn't say or do anything out of the ordinary for him. But for some reason, it was just striking me differently. It was more grating. More irritating.

“I'm not saying you're not good,” he went on as if I were actually listening. “I'm just saying, there are some skills you don't seem to have in your arsenal that could come in handy.”

I punched in the code for the electronic lock, opened the door to the training house and stepped inside, letting the door swing shut behind me. Deyro caught it before it closed and followed me in.

“Why are you so pissed off, Alex? I'm only offering to help.”

Our training house had once been a large warehouse used for storage. But instead of machinery and crates, now there were sparring mats and rings. In one corner, there was a state of the art gym, with every type of weightlifting equipment you could imagine. A second floor had been built that housed the dormitories for the fighters who'd been taken in – those with no other place to go.

Even at nearly two in the morning, there was plenty of activity in the gym. People were sparring with one another, lifting weights, taking instruction – those of us who'd dedicated ourselves to this life took it very seriously. This life, of course, being fighting the monsters that lurked in the shadows and preyed upon humanity. We fought to defend the people of this city from those things that went bump in the night – monsters that most people had the luxury of not knowing even existed.

“Hey,” Deyro said and put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

Reacting without really thinking about it, I grabbed Deyro's hand and bent it backward at a sharp angle. At the same time, I spun around and drove my foot into his sternum. The power behind my kick sent him stumbling backward. His momentum carried him into the door where he hit it with a hard thud and fell onto his ass, gripping his midsection and wheezing. He looked up at me with a mixture of shock and anger on his face.

“Don't you ever put your hands on me like that again,” I hissed at him.

“What's going on?”

I turned and felt the heat rush into my cheeks when I saw Quint, the Warden of Los Angeles standing there, looking at us, a dark, annoyed look upon his face. I quickly cast my eyes down to the floor.

“Look at me, Alexis,” he said, his deep voice booming.

It was then that I noticed all activity in the gym had ceased and all eyes were focused on us, deepening the color I knew was in my face. Reluctantly, I raised my eyes and looked up at Quint. I had no idea why I had such a hard time looking him in the eye. Quint was a good man who'd been nothing but good to me. And yet, I still had difficulty meeting his gaze.

Behind me, I heard Deyro get to his feet and step up beside me. “It was just a mis –”

Anger flashed in Quint's eyes as he turned his gaze to the Dragonborn Ranger. “I asked Alexis,” he said. “Not you.”

The normally brash and cocky man fell silent and lowered his own gaze. Quint was about the only person I'd met who could get that sort of reaction out of Deyro. The Warden was the only one who the cocky young Ranger showed any sort of deference to. He respected Quint, that much was obvious. If only he had half as much respect for anybody else.

“Alexis?” Quint asked, his tone softer, yet still firm.

I shot Deyro a withering glare but then looked quickly back at Quint. “Just a misunderstanding, sir.”

Quint looked between us a moment, his gaze narrowing. He was a physically imposing man. Somebody who just looked – scary. But I'd seen a different side of Quint in my time with our Alliance. I'd seen how loving, how caring, and how kind he was with his girlfriend, Astrid. I'd gotten to spend a little time with Astrid and liked her enormously. And she most definitely did a lot to soften Quint's rough edges.

“A misunderstanding?” Quint asked.

Reluctantly, I nodded. “Yes, sir,” I said. “A misunderstanding.”

He stared us both down for another long moment before finally giving a short, curt nod. “So be it,” he said. “Your mission was a success tonight?”

“Yes sir,” Deyro said, with a wide, cocky smile. “We put down eight Shongtal between us.”

His lips compressed into a tight line, a grim look upon his face. “That's eight human lives extinguished,” he said. “I do not believe that is something worth smiling about, Deyro.”

The smile fell from his face immediately and I felt a small wave of satisfaction roll through me at the slight rebuke. It was small and petty, but Deyro was somebody who needed to be taken down a peg. Or twelve.

“The number of creatures – not just Shongtal – seems to be getting thicker every night,” I said. “Why the surge in activity?”

Quint shook his head. “I'm not sure,” he said. “I'm going to need to make some inquiries. Anything further to report?”

I shook my head. “Other than the unusual spike in activity, everything was normal.”

He nodded. “Very good then,” he said. “Deyro, please go wait for me in my office.”

Deyro looked stricken, but then covered it up quickly, trying to keep a neutral expression on his face. He said nothing, but marched off toward the back of the warehouse where Quint's office was. The Warden turned to me and gave me a soft smile.

“It's late,” he said. “You must want a shower and some sleep.”

I looked at the rings where the sparring had picked back up. “Actually, I thought I might get a few rounds in. Try to stay sharp.”

Quint chuckled softly. “You're sharper than most anybody here, Alexis,” he said. “I think you can afford to take a night off from training.”

I looked at him and gave him a small nod. I was tired and could probably use some sleep.

“You're probably right,” I said.

I turned and headed for the locker room and was a little nervous about the fact that Quint fell into step beside me. We walked through the gym in silence and my trepidation seemed to grow with each step. When I entered the locker room and Quint shut the door behind us, my anxiety went through the roof – mostly because he was standing in the woman's locker room staring at me.

It wasn't that I feared Quint. For the most part, I didn't fear anybody – except when it came to men in positions of authority. It was a psychological trigger for me and one I couldn't shake. When a man held power over me – as did so many of the men who'd abused me growing up – it sent shockwaves of terror through me. And my only response really, was to shut down and show deference.

It grated on me. Gnawed away at my mind and my soul. The Children of the Dawn had transformed me into a warrior. A highly skilled, highly trained fighter who took on some of the most horrifying creatures imaginable. But when it came to a man in a position of authority over me – I turned into a puddle of jelly. And I hated it. Hated it with every fiber of my being.

I just didn't have the skills to fix it. Oh sure, I had the skills to cut down monsters of every stripe. But when it came to cutting down the monsters in my own head – I felt completely powerless.

On a more practical level though, it was also that I didn't enjoy having the unexpected sprung on me. And looking at the way he gazed at me as he leaned back against the door with his arms folded across his thick chest, I knew he was about to spring something very unexpected on me.

I walked down to my locker and turned, facing Quint.

“Do you know what your biggest problem is?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don't.”

“You lack confidence.”

Raising my eyes, I looked at Quint and then looked away quickly. His penetrating gaze made me nervous. But what he was saying didn't ring true to me. I was very confident, actually. Maybe not when the Children of the Dawn found me, but I'd certainly grown into a seasoned fighter – one who was skilled and confident with a blade.

“It's not your confidence on the field of battle,” Quint said, as if intuiting my thoughts. “It's your confidence in yourself as a person.”

I cocked my head and looked at him for a moment. “I don't know what you mean.”

He stepped away from the door and walked over to me. When he was within a few feet, I lowered my gaze and took a step back, feeling a little bit overwhelmed by his mere presence. He was an imposing figure and radiated such power – it was hard to not feel overwhelmed.

“That's what I'm talking about,” he said gently.

“I don't –”

“You're one of the fiercest fighters I've seen, Alexis,” he said. “And yet, when you don't have a sword in hand, you're quiet. Meek. A little mouse.”

I wanted to deny it but something in my head wouldn't let me. Something in my head recognized the truth in his words. As much as it galled me. I was tough. Independent. I was smart and didn't take crap from anybody.

At least, most of the time.

When I was holding a blade, I felt invincible. I felt like I could conquer anybody and anything. When I had my swords in hand, I feared nobody. It was silly, but when I was out on the streets, battling the creatures of the dark, I felt like a superhero.

But when I wasn't out there, when I was among people in social situations, I felt – less than. It was stupid and I knew nobody actually thought of me that way. It was how I thought of myself though. Coming from my background – with my history of abuse – I had a hard time viewing myself any other way.

I was raised to believe that I was less than. That I was only good to be a punching bag – or worse. The abuse was severe and shattered me in a lot of different ways. There were pieces of me that were missing – pieces I didn't think I could ever get back.

Although the Children of the Dawn had taken me in, had given me shelter, a safe place, had given me a purpose, they hadn't given me the tools I needed to put myself back together. That wasn't really their specialty though. They were in the business of training warriors – not putting psychologically scarred people back together again.

“Why is that, Alexis?” Quint asked gently.

I shook my head. “I don't know,” I said. “I guess there are things from my past I haven't learned how to overcome. Things that have been programmed into my head.”

“Things like you being made to believe you're not worthy,” he said as if he understood. “Like you are somehow a lesser being.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Something like that.”

I wasn't sure how somebody like Quint could ever possibly understand how I felt. Where I was coming from. And yet, as he spoke, he sounded like somebody who did understand.

“Let me tell you something,” he said. “You're not. You're not lesser than anybody. That's a thought we're going to have to find a way to get out of your head. We're going to have to find a way to reprogram your brain. Because that thought is cancerous. And it's just not true.”

“I want to believe you,” I said.

He gave me a gentle smile. “I want you to believe me.”

“I don't know where to start,” I admitted. “When I'm holding my blade, when I'm fighting, I feel confident. I feel like the most powerful person in the world.”

“And that's the feeling we need you to carry even when you're not holding a blade, Alexis,” he said. “Because you are not just a great fighter – honestly, one of the best I've seen. But I can really see the potential for you to be a great leader as well. I can see it inside of you.”

I felt the heat in my cheeks and knew I was blushing again. I wasn't used to receiving compliments and it never failed to make me feel uncomfortable. Mostly, because I just didn't think it was true.

“As insufferable as he can be,” I said. “I think Deyro would make a far better leader than I ever could. I've never seen his equal in a fight.”

Quint nodded. “He has considerable skill, I can't deny that,” he said. “But he's cocky. He's arrogant. He's – as you say – insufferable, at times. He's a great warrior, there's no question. But he has a lot to learn about being a leader.”

I gave him a small shrug. I honestly felt like Deyro had the better ability to lead. I was content doing what I was doing – protecting the people of LA. It was a noble endeavor and a job I took great pride in doing. There was no shame in being a soldier. Not to my way of thinking, anyway.

“May I ask why you're telling me all of this?” I asked.

“Because I think as great as you are with a blade, you can be even greater,” Quint said. “You hold yourself back. It's like you're afraid to let that light of greatness I see burning inside of you really shine through.”

I gave him a wry grin. “I don't think Deyro would share your assessment.”

“Because Deyro doesn't believe that anybody can match him,” he replied. “He only respects those who he believes can.”

I nodded. “Which is why he defers to you.”

Quint nodded. “Exactly,” he said. “And you can earn his respect too.”

I laughed. “I know I'm pretty decent,” I said, “but I don't think I could beat Deyro in combat.”

“I think you can,” he replied.

“That's nice of you to say,” I said. “But, I –”

He held up a hand to cut me off. “I know it's going to take some time to change the way you've thought your entire life,” he said softly. “I just want to give you some food for thought. I believe in you, Alexis. I believe in how great you can be.”

My cheeks were positively burning and I couldn't meet his gaze. I picked at the imaginary lint on my cloak and silently wished for this to be over already.

“Know what else I believe?” he asked.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.

“I believe that you could whoop Deyro's ass in a straight-up fight.”

I smiled to myself as Quint turned and headed for the door. He opened it and then turned back, giving me a very pointed look.

“Like I said, this is all food for thought, Alexis,” he said. “I don't expect you to take to it overnight. But I want you to think about it. Roll it around in your head and learn to sit with it. Get comfortable with it. Because I'm going to be working with you personally to get you to let out that light you're holding in.”

He turned and left the locker room, letting the door swing shut behind him. I sat down on the bench in front of the lockers at let out a long, deep sigh.

I knew I was a hot mess. A walking contradiction in a lot of ways – a fierce warrior, but a woman who was sometimes scared of my own shadow. I hated that I sometimes let Deyro get under my skin – but at the same time, I knew Quint was right in that I had to earn his respect. And once I did, I knew that things would be different.

While he might not be as deferential to me as he was to Quint, he might be less of an insufferable ass.

It was a goal to aim for, if nothing else. All it would take was finding a way to force him to respect me. For him to take me seriously.

As I stripped down and headed for the showers, I was suddenly very tired and weighed down by all of the food for thought Quint had heaped upon my shoulders.

In that moment, all I wanted was a hot shower and some sleep.