Chapter Seventeen
Luke pounded on Gemma’s door, battling his frustration. Adrian had reminded him that she had also told him the baby had been a girl, and they had decided to question her again. Was she lying, or had she been misled as well?
At last the surly little maid opened the door, and Luke presented his card. “Please tell Miss Cross that I need to speak to her.”
With a shrug, the woman led him and Adrian to Gemma’s small parlor. Gemma paused at her embroidery, looking not at all pleased to see them.
“What can I do for you, my lord?” she asked bitterly.
“I have some more questions,” Luke told her, taking a seat in the spindly chair across from her.
She sighed and put aside her needlework. “Ask me whatever you must.”
Adrian stood in the doorway, a dark forbidding presence, refusing to sit down. Gemma cast him a nervous glance, then looked back at Luke.
“When I visited you the last time, you told me that the child was a girl.” Luke gave her a piercing look. “How sure are you of that fact? Did you ever see the child? Were you there the night that Serenity gave birth?”
Gemma glanced down, kneading her hands together nervously. “I was there, but I wasn’t in the birthing room. I didn’t think it was fitting, as I am still a maiden.”
Luke struggled to keep from rolling his eyes. He wanted to shake her. Why couldn’t she just help them? Why did she make him pull every tiny bit of information out of her?
“Was it a boy or a girl?” he asked succinctly.
Gemma glanced away, unable to meet his gaze. “I don’t know for sure,” she admitted. “They told me it was a girl, but I heard them talking. Winters, and your mother. They were concerned that the baby could potentially make a claim to your title. And that wouldn’t happen if it was a girl, would it? I thought it odd.”
Adrian cursed softly. “Why didn’t you tell him this the last time he was here?”
Gemma shook her head and gave Luke a pleading look. “I don’t know whether the child was a boy or a girl, my lord. I don’t know anything other than what I’ve told you.”
“You’re certain of that?” Luke asked, but the defeated look on her face made him realize that she couldn’t tell him anything else.
“How is Serenity?” she asked, sounding genuinely concerned. “I never wanted her to know about this, never wanted her to have to go through this pain.”
“Don’t you think she went through pain when it happened? When you told her that her baby was dead?” Adrian asked, his tone snapping with fury.
“That wasn’t my decision,” Gemma cried hotly. “I don’t know what you want from me. My very existence depended on your mother’s charity. I couldn’t do anything to anger her.”
Luke shoved his hand through his hair in frustration. “I wish you would have come to me. You knew how much I cared for her. I would have taken care of you both.”
“I didn’t know that!” she cried fervently, and Luke had the sense she’d told herself this lie many times in order to live with what she’d done. “She was a commoner. You’re an earl. I thought she was a summer fling for you. Nothing more. I didn’t think you wanted the child. I thought you were well aware of what your mother and stepbrother were doing.”
Her words made him realize how it had looked. Everyone had thought that Serenity was just his temporary lover, someone who didn’t matter to him at all. And that was his fault. He should have proposed. He should have made his intentions known. But he’d hesitated, uncertain, if he had to admit to it, fearful of what people would think, how they’d treat her, the gossip their relationship would spur.
He sighed and stood. “I’ll make a deposit in your account this afternoon. You don’t have to worry about my mother or Roger anymore, all right? Just make sure that if you hear anything else, if either of them reaches out or you remember something, that you tell me.”
Her relief was visible, and he suddenly felt very sorry for her. She was right. She’d had no real choice but to go along with his mother’s plans, not if she had any sense of self-preservation.
Serenity had been just as helpless.
“Gemma loved you,” Adrian said quietly as they returned to their coach. “I can’t help but think she participated in this because of some twisted idea that if Serenity and your child were out of the picture, she might somehow snare you for herself.”
Luke snorted, uncomfortable with the mere thought of Gemma’s affections. But Serenity had told him the same thing, right after Gemma had arrived at the cottage. “I should have sent her away,” he said, guilt and nausea churning in his gut. “If I’d only sent Gemma away, none of this would have happened.”
“You had no idea that this would happen. You were only trying to save Serenity’s reputation,” Adrian reminded him.
“Yes, by making love to her right under Gemma’s nose.” Luke sighed and turned his gaze out the window. “I should have waited. I should never have put Serenity in that situation. I loved her enough to wait. But then she came to me one night, so gorgeous and sweet, and I… I couldn’t resist her. She was everything I’d ever wanted.”
Adrian gave a soft, sympathetic chuckle. “You’re just a man, Luke. I know you think you always have to be the one to do the right thing, to keep the rest of us in line, but you’re still just a man. You made a mistake, but you’re trying to make it right. That’s all you can do.”
After leaving Gemma’s house, Luke instructed his driver to go to his bank so he could make good on his promise to her. While there, he impulsively set up an account for Serenity as well. No matter what the future held, he wanted to ensure that she never felt helpless again. He wanted her to choose her future, but he sincerely hoped that her choice would include him.
* * *
When another invitation from Vanessa arrived, Serenity did not know whether to be thrilled or shattered. As much as she loved spending time with Adrian’s wife, she did not know if she could bear to see Gabriel again. She’d spent another sleepless night, wondering whether she should tell Luke her suspicions. She still thought he already knew and just hadn’t figured out how to tell her.
This thought troubled her as well. Did that mean he’d decided to do nothing about it? That he would just let his brother and Vanessa keep their child?
Part of her wanted to go there right now, grab that beautiful boy and run away with him. But she knew that she couldn’t do that to him. The poor boy obviously loved his new family, and she couldn’t wrench him away from a wealthy, loving home, where he’d have every opportunity, only to be on the run with him with no money and no way to support either of them.
She sighed and stared at her wan reflection in the mirror of her lavish bedroom. She’d never lived in such luxury, and it was so tempting to imagine staying here. Her pride had kept her from even considering a position as Luke’s mistress in the past, but if she could get past that, maybe she could find a little happiness. She would know that Gabriel was happy and healthy, and she might occasionally get to watch his life from afar.
That was probably the best she could ever hope for.
As she stood, she noticed a small pile of packages just inside her bedroom door. Biting her lip, she went and picked them up gingerly, carrying them to her bed. She hated that Luke kept showering her with gifts. She wanted to refuse them, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. The only two dresses she owned other than her uniforms from Lord Winters’ house were drab, to say the least. Definitely not something she could be comfortable wearing when accompanying an earl. If she wouldn’t have had so much else on her mind yesterday, she’d have been horribly embarrassed.
With a sigh, she found a beautiful day dress, this one in a deep, rich shade of purple that she instinctively knew would complement her skin. There were also a few lurid novels, which made her smile. The last package held a bank book.
She opened it to find her own name and a sum of ten thousand pounds. A note fluttered out and fell to the ground.
Dearest Serenity,
I know your first instinct will be to reject this gift, but I beg you to reconsider. It kills me to think that when you needed me most, I wasn’t there for you. I hate that you were forced to work for Roger all these years, that because I took you to my bed without the safety of marriage that you endured so much pain and suffering. I know you felt helpless, and I don’t want you to ever feel that way again. I also don’t want you to depend on me, or have to stay with me because you have nowhere else to go. I want you to have the luxury of choices, the security that only having money of your own can provide. Please don’t feel as though you don’t deserve this. You deserve so much, and I would give it all to you if I could. This money means very little to me, but I know it will mean the world to you.
Love always,
Luke
Tears burning her eyes, she sank down on the bed. She couldn’t believe his generosity. This sort of money could completely change her life. If she were frugal, it would allow her to live comfortably for the rest of her days.
For a bitter moment, she wondered if this was how much Gemma had received for telling the countess of her pregnancy and destroying her life.
Shaking the thought away, she held the book to her chest and drew in a deep, shuddering breath. Luke knew how much she craved security, and he had given it to her. Even though she’d always wanted to find that security with him, she saw that this was much better. She could make a rational decision now, not one motivated by desperation.
She sat there, lost in thought, trying to figure out how to fix everything that had gone wrong, until the lady’s maid came up to help her prepare for lunch at Vanessa’s. She found it very odd and uncomfortable to sit there like a doll while she was dressed and coiffed. But she endured it, still wondering what she should do with her newfound freedom and the knowledge that Gabriel was probably her son.
If only she knew for certain. But her gut feeling was not enough to go on. Not enough to hurt Gabriel, Vanessa, and Adrian. No, she must try to be patient and wait for Luke to find the proof he still sought. Maybe she was wrong about everything. Maybe her little girl was still out there waiting to be found, and she was so desperate that she’d imagined Gabriel’s resemblance to Luke.
At last, she arrived at Vanessa’s lovely townhome, smiling when Vanessa met her at the door herself, ushering her into a lovely formal sitting room. “I am so pleased you could come,” Vanessa murmured, after giving her a swift hug. “It is so nice to have a guest who isn’t a snooty society type.”
Serenity laughed at that, pleased that Adrian’s wife was so down to earth. “Thank you for having me. I am going crazy alone in that big house waiting for Luke to find out what happened. My imagination is going wild, as I’m sure you can imagine.”
Vanessa nodded, just as a maid entered with a tray of tea and biscuits.
They were silent as Vanessa poured and then passed her a steaming cup and a lovely china plate with an assortment of delectable-looking biscuits.
“Thank you,” Serenity said, smiling. “I’m still not used to having so much food! I fear I’ll gain a stone before the end of the month.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Vanessa assured her. “I doubt I’ll ever get used to it myself.”
This acknowledgment that they’d come from similar backgrounds soothed them both and gave them a kinship that Serenity hated to do anything to break.
Before they could continue their talk, Gabriel came dashing into the room, squealing with excitement. “Mama,” he cried. “Mama!”
Serenity’s heart clenched to hear him call another woman that. Her gaze eagerly drank him in as he ran to Vanessa’s side and began earnestly telling her that the cat in the stable had given birth to four kittens. As he described each one in great detail, she had to look away, for fear the longing and jealousy in her eyes would give her away.
After the story had been completed, Vanessa chuckled and sent him to the kitchen for some biscuits of his own. “Sorry for the interruption,” she said. “I was so impressed by the way Anne was with her children. She never had them in the nursery except for lessons. Her sitting room was always strewn with toys and filled with laughter.” Her voice broke, and she cleared her throat. “In any event, Adrian and I wish to raise Gabriel the same way.”
“That’s very admirable and exactly what I would wish for my own child,” Serenity assured her, blinking away her own tears. “I wish I could have met Anne. She sounds lovely.”
“She was,” Vanessa agreed with a sigh. “She would hate that Morgan still hasn’t retrieved Hope from the orphanage. I went to see him this morning. He seems to be doing better. He’s being wonderful with the other children, but he refuses to even speak of Hope.” She shrugged helplessly. “I’m afraid that he blames Hope somehow, for Anne’s death. I don’t know what to do.”
Serenity leaned forward and grasped her new friend’s hand. “He’s grieving, Vanessa. That child probably symbolizes the future he thought he’d have with Anne. It’s only been a week. Hopefully, he’ll come around.”
“At least she’s in good hands,” Vanessa said. “Fiona and her staff are showering that little girl with love.”
“Fiona is wonderful,” Serenity agreed with a smile. “I am very happy to have met her.”
“Perhaps you could volunteer at the orphanage,” Vanessa mused. “It might help keep you busy until you find your own child.”
“That’s a wonderful idea,” Serenity said, nodding. “I am so glad you thought of it.” At least with Fiona, she would not have to pretend. And she had so much love inside her; giving it to those unfortunate children might help ease the ache inside of her somewhat.