Chapter Four
May 1896
“Serenity,” a deep voice murmured, very close to her ear. “Wake up, angel. We’ve arrived.”
She blinked, totally disoriented as she stared at the ceiling of a small compartment. Turning her head, she found Luke gazing down at her from the bench across the aisle. He looked even more exhausted than he had before, if such a thing was possible.
Embarrassed by her previous emotional display, she scrambled to a sitting position, running her hands over her wrinkled skirts. “Are we there?” she asked, her voice scratchy and small from crying.
“Yes, we need to get off the train.” He stood and stretched wearily.
She got to her feet and followed him out of the compartment, out onto the train platform. The first thing she noticed was the scent of the sea, crisp and salty, so different from the stagnant smell of the Thames. Her eyes widened at the sight of the chalky white cliffs in the distance, and Dover Castle rising up behind them.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed.
He smiled and took her hand, leading her through the crowd. “I haven’t been here for quite some time myself. Those cliffs take my breath away every time I see them.”
She nodded wordlessly, stumbling along beside him, trying to take everything in at once. She’d never thought to get out of London, and no matter what the future held, she’d be a fool not to enjoy this little gift of travel she’d been given, no matter how it had come about.
Luke led her inside the station, speaking to someone about hiring a conveyance to take them to the docks while she pressed her face to the glass, still mesmerized by this place, which was so different from anything she’d known in her limited experience. The varied accents of people from all over the world harmonized beautifully around her.
Before she knew it, they were in a coach on their way to the docks, and the masts of towering ships rose around her like some strange forest. She continued to trail along beside Luke as they went from ship to ship, questioning whether Winters had booked passage.
As the afternoon turned into evening, Luke grew more irritable and tense with each negative response. At last, he turned to her, his blue eyes shadowed with dark circles, and sighed. “I fear we’re too late. The Anna Katherine set sail for Calais an hour before we arrived. They must have been on it.”
She stared up at him, wishing there was something she could do for him. “What do you want to do next?” she asked simply. Having started this quest with him, she was willing to do whatever it took to see it through.
“There’s not another ship out until morning,” he said, sounding as though he thought all of this was somehow his fault. “By then, they’ll have such a head start on us that we’ll never catch them.” He scrubbed his face with his hands as though fighting to stay awake. “Damnit! I can’t just chase him across Europe indefinitely. I have too many responsibilities back home.”
She said nothing, waiting for him to come to the inevitable conclusion by himself, her heart aching for him.
“I’ll hire someone to track him down,” he said at last. “I need to return to London.”
“I’m sure you’ll find her,” she said soothingly. “And I really don’t think he’ll hurt her. She seems to be the only person in the world he truly cares about.”
He nodded abruptly. “I’ll find an inn for the night. I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you are, too. Then we’ll book passage back to London in the morning.”
“All right,” she said softly, a myriad of emotions churning within her. Now that their chase had come to such an abrupt halt, the uncertainty of her future loomed before her, impossible to ignore. What would she do once they returned to London? Much as she wanted to, she couldn’t accept his offer of the cottage on his estate.
“Don’t worry,” he murmured, cupping her cheek with one warm palm. “Everything will be all right. We’ll get you sorted.”
A tentative smile wobbled on her lips. She had an earl on her side now; he’d made that clear. Perhaps she should swallow her pride and take the help he’d offered.
* * *
An hour later, they were ensconced in a two-bedroom suite at a very nice hotel, waiting for their dinner to be delivered to their small, private dining room. Luke could hardly keep his eyes open, but he’d been busy making arrangements, including sending a servant out for nightclothes and various toiletries, since he’d rushed off with no luggage and Serenity’s small bag had disheartened him. He’d also asked the girl to get them both a change of clothing for tomorrow.
Serenity still looked overwhelmed and out of sorts. She didn’t seem to know whether to fall into his arms or shut him out completely.
He sincerely hoped the odds swung in his favor, though he’d booked this suite to assuage any fears she might have had that he’d expect her to share his bed. God, how he’d love it if she did, but he had no expectations of it. No, all he had were years of dreams and fantasies.
One summer. That’s all he’d had with her, but it had been enough. Those beautiful nights in her arms had made all the women he’d had since seem naught but a pale imitation, reminding him he’d never be that happy again.
“Why don’t you go and take a hot bath?” he coaxed. “I’ll slide the toiletries and a clean nightgown inside the door as soon as they arrive.”
She gave him a scandalized look, raising her eyebrows. “You expect me to have supper with you in my nightgown?”
He lifted his hands in mock surrender. “I’ve seen you in a lot less, but if you want to cling to false modesty, be my guest.”
Embarrassment and anger danced across her expressive features, her face flaming. “I don’t even know you anymore. We’re strangers!”
That hurt, more than it probably should. If she didn’t know him, then there was a good chance that no one did, which made him incredibly lonely. He’d thought she’d lowered her guard a bit on the train, but she’d obviously put it back up, higher than ever.
“I asked for something very modest,” he assured her, not wanting to argue. “But wear whatever you wish. I only wanted you to be comfortable.”
She frowned, then bit her lip. “You’re right. I suppose you and I are beyond this sort of thing, aren’t we?” She rubbed her hand over her face. “A bath would feel lovely. Thank you.”
He nodded abruptly, a bit concerned that she’d given in so easily. As she closed the bathroom door behind her, he sighed and dropped into a chair. Now that he had nothing left to do, nothing more to arrange, and had given up on finding Roger for the time being, the extent of his exhaustion was achingly clear. The last forty-eight hours had passed in a blur, and all he wanted was to slip into a deep sleep.
Unfortunately, the sound of the water turning on in the bathroom made him imagine Serenity removing those hideous black work clothes and slipping into the tub, all soft pale skin and moon-spun hair…
He groaned, aroused by the mere thought. It had been so long…
He hadn’t been with a woman in months, having reached an age where it no longer seemed such a lark to have a fling with someone he just met, and too finicky to have an affair with any of the shallow, self-centered ladies who made up his social circle. All this time, he’d been waiting for her, he realized. His heart had never truly given up on her.
A knock on the door startled him from his reverie, and he opened it to receive the things he’d asked for. He took the bags to the table and dug through them, gathering what Serenity would need. Lavender soap, as he’d asked. He lifted it to his nose, and the scent made him dizzy. Moving to the bathroom, he tapped softly on the door. “Your things are here. May I put them inside?”
“Yes,” she replied, her voice muffled.
Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, determined not to look. He bent forward and placed the items right inside, but his damn eyes did not listen to his brain, and he caught a glimpse of her slender back, her pale hair wet upon her shoulders.
What he wouldn’t give to take the bar of lavender-scented soap and run it over her silky skin…
Swallowing dryly, he closed the door and backed away. Christ! He didn’t know how he was going to get through the rest of the evening without trying to get her in his arms again. He shook his head, knowing how dangerous that could be. She didn’t trust him, was still hurt by what his mother had done all those years ago.
No, he must tread very carefully. He couldn’t take her to his bed, not until he’d reestablished his place in her heart.
He thought of his brothers, and the happiness they’d both managed to find – though Morgan’s had been regrettably short-lived – with their beautiful wives. After he’d lost Serenity, he’d given up on ever having something like that for himself, but now it seemed within his grasp again. He couldn’t ruin it. He had to let Serenity come back to him at her own pace.
The first step was discovering what had put those shadows in her eyes.
Another knock on the door proved to be the hotel staff bringing up the sumptuous dinner he’d ordered. His stomach growled as they placed it on the table, the wonderful scents filling the air. He hadn’t eaten all day, having left before breakfast and too caught up in the chase of Roger to pause for luncheon.
After they left, he took the covers off the food, revealing two perfectly cooked beef steaks, a bowl of steaming garlic mashed potatoes, and another of green beans. A loaf of soft, warm bread, a bottle of wine, and a delectable-looking chocolate cake rounded out the meal.
“It smells delicious,” Serenity murmured from behind him.
He turned, his breath catching in his throat. Her face glowed from a fresh scrubbing, her pale hair hung damp around her shoulders, and the voluminous cotton nightdress of pale pink covered every inch of her from her throat to her toes. She looked so fresh and innocent, and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. He loved knowing that he was the only one who knew how passionate she really was. Or am I? His smile slipped. Eight years was a very long time.
“Thank goodness you’re ready,” he said, banishing the thought and moving to slide out her chair. “I was debating eating without you.”
She laughed and took her seat. “That wouldn’t have been very gentlemanly of you.”
“Well, we’ll never know if my baser needs would have won out, because here you are, rosy-cheeked and beautiful, smelling of lavender and goodness.”
She rolled her eyes, a smile lingering on her full lips. “I wouldn’t have minded if you’d started without me. I know I was in the bath for a really long time.” She blushed and looked down at her plate. “I never get the chance to simply soak like that. Thank you.”
He blinked and sat as well, realizing once again how very different their lives were. He’d never really appreciated how wonderful access to a hot bath whenever he wanted one was.
“Do you remember those wonderful dinners we used to have back in the cottage when it was just you and I and conversation flowed as easily as the wine?” he asked, deciding a change of subject was in order. He wanted desperately to remind her how good things used to be between them and convince her that they could be that way again.
She took a sip of her wine and then met his gaze. “Yes,” she murmured. “But do you have any idea how nervous I was that first night to serve an early dinner from the dredges of my cupboard?”
He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Did you know I thought you were a fairy, some sort of sprite, when I first glimpsed you through those trees? You were a revelation to me, Serenity. I never knew women like you existed. I’ve missed our conversations most of all.”
Dropping her gaze once more, she pulled her hand away and picked at her meal for a while in silence. “I miss them, too,” she admitted at last. “I’d never had a true friend until you. Not someone I could talk to like that, someone who really listened.”
“You were my only true friend, too,” he told her, wishing she hadn’t let go of his hand. He wanted to touch her, somehow reignite that intense connection they’d once had. Instead he settled for baring his soul to her, once and for all. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, angel. All these years, and my heart still belongs to you.”
She drew in a sharp breath. “You never said it, Luke. I waited so long for you to say it. If you had, perhaps I wouldn’t have believed your mother…” She trailed off and shook her head abruptly, the pain in her eyes stealing his breath. “How could you be so cruel as to tell me this now, when it’s far too late?”
“It’s not too late,” he insisted, refusing to believe it. “We’re sitting here right now, together, after all these years. Why can’t we start over? I promise I’ll do right by you this time. Please, just give me another chance.”
She bit her lip, tears spilling from her expressive green eyes, each one like acid to his soul. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Luke. I just can’t open my heart to you again. Loving you nearly killed me the last time.”
He didn’t know whether to be ecstatic that she’d admitted she’d loved him, too, or devastated that she was so determined not to give him another chance. Exhausted, he pushed his food away half-eaten and scrubbed his hand across his face, bereft. He didn’t know how to fix this. All his money and power were no match for this slip of a girl’s guarded heart.
To his great surprise, her hands suddenly closed over his shoulders, kneading gently. He hadn’t even noticed her get up, and he wondered if he’d somehow fallen asleep for a moment. His brain certainly didn’t seem to be working properly.
“You’re falling asleep in your chair, Luke,” she murmured. “Why don’t you try to rest? We can talk about this tomorrow.”
He twisted to look up her, and what he saw in her eyes took his breath away. She stood very close, and her fresh lavender scent filled his senses. Lifting a hand, he brushed his fingertips across her cheek, remembering with stunning clarity the way she’d felt in his arms. Was it just this morning?
She seemed to be remembering it, too. Instead of pulling away, she leaned a bit closer, her lips trembling.
So much remained unsaid between them, but the passion between them had never dissipated, and he was too tired to fight it. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he tugged her into his lap and lowered his mouth to hers before she could muster a protest.
Sweet.
God, she tasted like heaven. He groaned into her mouth, his hands pressing into her sweet, soft flesh as she came alive in his arms. She kissed him back, just as she had the very first time…
Serenity finally broke the kiss and sat back, staring at Luke with mingled love and dismay. It would be so easy to give in to the passion between them. This wouldn’t last, it couldn’t, but she wanted him. She wanted to make these precious moments count. Create a new memory to keep her warm on all the long, lonely nights to come.
A tremble went through him, and he stroked an errant lock of hair from her eyes tenderly. "I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. I want to make love to you, I want it desperately, but there is still so much left unsaid between us, and I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“I have enough regrets to last a lifetime,” she told him wanly. “But I’ve never regretted the time I spent with you, Luke. Nor the passion between us.”
He groaned and pressed his forehead against hers, hugging her tightly. She’d always enjoyed his hugs, the warmth and safety only he could provide. “Let’s go in the bedroom,” he said at last. “Can I hold you tonight? Just hold you while I sleep? There is so much I want to say to you, but I’ve been up for nearly two days, and right now, I just want to fall asleep with you in my arms.”
Her heart surged with affection for this gorgeous, weary man. “Yes,” she breathed, wanting to be the one to give him comfort this time. “That sounds wonderful.”
Taking her hand, he smiled and led her to the bedroom that was supposed to have been his alone, shutting the door behind him. Though not large, the room did boast a very large and comfortable-looking bed, and a flickering fire lit the hearth.
He swept the lovely blue quilt back, revealing crisp white sheets. Feeling awkward, she clambered up into the big bed, pulling the quilt up to her chin and scooting to the edge of the bed.
Chuckling, he climbed up beside her. “Come here, angel,” he whispered, his voice low and intimate. “I promise I won’t do anything but hold you.”
Gathering her courage, she shifted closer, until he put his arm around her and abruptly pulled her against him, wrapping her tightly in his embrace. She lay flush against his big body, her head nestled against his shoulder. He pressed his lips against her hair and hugged her tight, then loosened his grip.
His warmth suffused her, and she snuggled closer, remembering how much she’d always loved to sleep beside him. So many long lonely nights had passed since the last time he’d held her like this, and the thought of all that wasted time brought tears to her eyes.
“I love this,” he whispered, his lips brushing her temple in a sweet benediction. “I’ve missed you so much, Serenity. I don’t think there’s been a single day since you’ve been gone that I didn’t think about you at least once.”
“I thought about you, too,” she breathed, wishing that so many of those thoughts hadn’t been angry ones. As the day had progressed, she’d become more and more certain that he truly hadn’t had anything to do with what his mother and stepbrother had done to her. That made the time they’d spend apart even more of a tragedy.
“We’ll figure this out,” he promised. “I’ll make it right. I’m just so tired. Losing Anne, Morgan’s grief, Allison’s kidnapping, finding you… Everything is all blurred together, and I’m so afraid of making another mistake.”
Her heart bled for him. He always took so much responsibility upon himself, always thought he had to be strong for everyone else. She rubbed her hand across his broad chest, wishing she dared reach beneath his shirt and touch his bare skin. “I’m here,” she whispered. “You don’t need to worry about any of it right now. Just get some rest. We’ll talk in the morning.”
He sighed deeply, and before she could say anything else, he was snoring softly, fast asleep. She blinked against a fresh sting of tears, feeling blessed that he still trusted her enough to fall asleep so easily at her side.