Chapter Six
June 1888
Within days of her Serenity’s father’s death, a young woman named Gemma Cross arrived at the cottage. Although only a few years older than Serenity, her new chaperone had a serious, defeated air that made her seem much older. Luke had said Miss Cross was a distant cousin of his—a poor relation, Serenity gathered.
Miss Cross had been acting as a companion to Luke’s mother, the Dowager Countess of Winters, and from the moment she stepped through the front door of the humble cottage Serenity called home, she knew the other woman was here under protest.
Miss Cross raised her thin nose at her shabby surroundings, her dark eyes sharp and calculating. “Where is my room?” she asked after the introductions had been made, her tone making it clear that she didn’t expect much.
Serenity swallowed, feeling guilty that Miss Cross had been forced to leave her no-doubt palatial accommodations in London, where she’d probably been privy to parties and entertainments of all sorts, to come to this quiet little hamlet in Kent with no one but Serenity and Luke for company. “Right this way, Miss Cross,” she murmured, leading her upstairs. There were three bedrooms, and Gemma would be occupying the smallest one, though Serenity had done her best to make it welcoming.
“Thank you,” Miss Cross said stiffly, looking around at the bright red homemade quilt and fresh daisies on the nightstand. “May I have some time to freshen up from my journey?”
“Of course,” Serenity said with a nod, realizing she’d been dismissed.
Miss Cross did not come down from her room until much later that afternoon. She sat in a faded chair near the fireplace with a book, making no effort to be friendly. Serenity tried talking to her, but Miss Cross answered with monosyllables, and at last Serenity faded into silence.
For someone who had been alone nearly all her life, having someone like Miss Cross in her home made Serenity very uncomfortable. She started cooking dinner but was very aware of Miss Cross’ glowering presence in the other room.
She’d never been so glad when Luke entered the house and turned directly into the kitchen, looking tired and worn from another day at the building site. His eyes lit up when he saw Serenity, and he headed toward her, his intention to kiss her clear in his sparkling blue eyes.
Serenity frowned and gestured toward the sitting room. “Miss Cross has arrived,” she told him pointedly.
“Lucien? Is that you?” Miss Cross cried. She rushed into the kitchen, her homely, sharp-featured face glowing with pleasure.
Serenity frowned a bit at the abrupt change in Miss Cross’ demeanor, but Luke smiled and hugged his cousin, seeming to surprise her with his exuberance. “Gemma! I’m so glad you could come.”
“Thank you for inviting me,” Gemma said, flushed. “I didn’t think you even knew I existed.”
Luke grinned at her. “That’s ridiculous.”
Allowing them to catch up with each other, Serenity turned back to making dinner. Her guilt intensified at the adoration she’d seen on Miss Cross’ face. Her feelings for Luke obviously went far beyond those of a distant cousin. Serenity suspected the other woman harbored a secret love for the earl, which couldn’t help but complicate things. Gemma would undoubtedly resent Serenity even more when she realized that Luke cared for her.
During dinner, Miss Cross engaged Luke gregariously, making her taciturn arrival even more suspicious. Luke seemed a bit confused as well, though he was obviously eager to hear news of his family.
This stiff, formal meal filled with small talk made Serenity long for the time she and Luke had managed to spend together before her father’s death. Having Miss Cross here might save her reputation, but it certainly wouldn’t allow them to have any private time together. Serenity knew she should be glad for the chance to be able to stay at her home, but she would heartily miss the times she and Luke had spent laughing and talking late into the night. Not to mention the drugging kisses and increasingly bold caresses.
She caught Luke’s gaze, and immediately realized he felt the same. The look he sent her, filled with promise and affection, curled her toes, and her apprehension faded. She suddenly had no doubt that he would somehow find a way to keep the intimacy between them alive.
Miss Cross cleared her throat, sounding annoyed. The look they’d shared had obviously not gone unnoticed. “I intend to take my duties as chaperone very seriously,” she said, her dismay over what she’d realized about their relationship very clear. “I hope that nothing untoward had been going on between the two of you before I arrived.”
Serenity flushed and looked down at her plate, embarrassment and a touch of shame coursing through her. She didn’t regret the time she’d spent in Luke’s arms, but she knew that if anyone knew about it, she’d be branded a fallen woman.
“I invited you here so that not a hint of scandal would ever mar Miss Pratt’s reputation,” Luke said pointedly. “I care deeply for her, and I want to make sure she is protected from any gossip.”
Gemma flushed and nodded abruptly. “Of course, my lord,” she said stiffly, her earlier enthusiasm waning. Serenity pitied the woman, who had no doubt built some sort of fantasy that Luke had invited her here for another reason altogether.
The rest of the meal passed quietly, and then all three of them turned in for the night.
* * *
Luke laid upon the narrow bed in the cottage’s guestroom, wrestling with the idea of sending Gemma back to London. All the fun and intimacy he and Serenity had created here in the cottage had been ruined within one night by Gemma’s disapproving presence.
Of course, he couldn’t do that. Serenity’s reputation was very important to him. He would never forgive himself if she became ruined because he couldn’t keep his hands off her. She was a good girl. He had to either let her go or take her as his wife.
The thought both thrilled and terrified him. He couldn’t imagine binding his life with anyone other than her, but taking that step, taking responsibility for yet one more person, terrified him. Since she’d come into his life, he’d felt raw, open, exposed. He loved that she saw him so clearly, yet there were times when she saw too much.
He’d needed this time away from the burdens and responsibilities that came with his title. With Serenity, he’d been able to put all those things aside and simply be Luke, an ordinary man who enjoyed building things and deep conversations and kissing a beautiful girl.
If he married Serenity, he couldn’t be that man anymore. He’d have to be her husband, her provider, her protector. All the innocence and fun would no doubt disappear. He also knew how difficult it would be for her to gain acceptance in high society. She’d be mocked and looked down upon, and he couldn’t bear that for her. He wanted everyone to see her the way he saw her. Beautiful, smart, funny, compassionate. She was everything he’d never known he wanted in a woman.
The other choice, to keep her here in Kent, make an oasis of the home he was building and escape to it, to her, as often as he could, seemed much preferable. He could keep her safe and untouched by the ugliness of his world.
But how could he ask her to become his mistress? She would think he didn’t love or respect her, when the opposite was true. She would never see it as an attempt to protect her, to show her only the best of himself.
He sighed and tossed restlessly, knowing he could never do that. She deserved to be his countess, but perhaps he could drag out this time they had together without the weight of his position ruining it for as long as possible. Perhaps he would wait a year or so before proposing. He’d only known her a few months. They were young, still. They had all the time in the world to put rules and boundaries on what they felt for each other.
For now, he just wanted to be free to be himself. Free to love her.
As though his thoughts had summoned her, his door swung silently open, and Serenity stepped inside, easing it carefully shut behind her. She gave him an impish smile and put her fingertip to her lips.
He grinned and sat up in bed, achingly aware that he was nude beneath the blankets.
Her gaze settled upon his bare chest, and heat stained her delicate cheeks. “I’m sorry for intruding,” she whispered. “I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. I feel like we didn’t get a chance to be ourselves with Miss Cross there.”
He held her gaze and patted the spot beside him. “Come here,” he murmured.
She did as he’d asked, her face flushing even redder, if such a thing were possible. She sat down beside him, the bed so narrow their shoulders touched. “I’m glad you came,” he whispered. “I felt the same way. I’ve grown so fond of our talks.”
She sighed and lifted her gaze to his. “I know it’s necessary for her to be here, but I felt as though she were judging me the whole time. And it’s obvious she is in love with you. She sees me as competition for your affections, so she hates me.”
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Gemma? I’ve known her since I was a child.”
She just stared at him. “A woman knows these things.”
He grinned and put his arm around her, pressing her head against his shoulder. “Well, you needn’t worry. I only have eyes for you.”
She smiled, and he felt the movement of her mouth against his bare skin. A shiver went through him, and his arm tightened.
“Since my room lies between hers and yours, I don’t think she’ll hear us if we’re very quiet,” she whispered.
He knew she hadn’t meant her words to be suggestive, but since the moment her lips had brushed his skin, all he’d been able to think of was having more of that, more of her, than he’d ever had before.
“I will speak to Gemma. I’ll make certain she understands things.” In truth, he didn’t know what he’d say to his distant cousin, especially if she had feelings for him. But somehow he had to make certain that he and Serenity could continue to spend time together, though he had to admit this sneaking around had a thrill of its own.
He lifted his hand and cupped Serenity’s face, tilting her head so that he could gaze into her eyes. “Do you trust me?” he breathed.
She nodded, but he could feel her skittishness; she was on the verge of flight. The passion between them scared her as much as it thrilled her, and he had to be very careful not to push her too far or too fast.
“I want to touch you,” he said softly, moving his hand to toy with the top button of her very proper flannel nightgown. “I want you to touch me.”
Holding his gaze, she lifted a trembling hand to his chest, smoothing it across his heart, which she surely must feel jumping around in his chest. “You are beautiful. You feel so warm, so smooth.”
He muffled a groan against her shoulder, while his fingers fumbled with the buttons. Brushing his hand away, she unbuttoned half a dozen herself, then shrugged out of the top of her gown, leaving it pooled around her waist.
Her breasts were as lovely as he’d imagined, high and full with pink tips that begged for his touch. “You are the one who is beautiful,” he said. “You have brought nothing but beauty to my life, angel. I promise I will never betray the trust you’ve put in me.”
Lifting his hand, he gently cupped one full mound, and then he pressed his lips to hers. The instant their lips touched, passion exploded between them, and he pressed her down upon the mattress, letting his hands roam over all the secret places he’d been dying to touch. He learned her breasts with his fingertips and then his lips, reveling in the way she touched him in return, her hesitation quickly turning to boldness as she realized how much he enjoyed her tentative caress.
All the thoughts he’d had earlier about taking things slowly flew out the window when faced with her passion and acceptance. Before he even knew exactly how it happened, he found himself touching her intimately, finding her slick and ready with desire.
He paused a moment to look down into her passion-flushed face, his pulse roaring in his ears. “Let me inside of you,” he whispered. “Please, angel. I want you so much.”
She nodded jerkily, then pressed her lips against his throat. “Yes,” she breathed. “I want you, too.”
Tears of joy and relief burned his eyes as lowered himself between her pale thighs, pressing home slowly, kissing her as she tensed at the invasion.
Serenity held on to Luke’s sweat-slicked back, stunned by the feel of him, the stretching ache, then sudden pain. She cried out, but he caught the sound with his mouth, until the pain eased, and she began to relax, confused and thrilled by the strange pleasure and fullness of having him inside of her.
He broke the kiss and stared down at her, his eyes tender and concerned as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you all right?” he whispered, but his body was trembling, and she sensed how much he was holding himself back.
She nodded jerkily, unsure what else she should be doing. “I think so.”
He smiled crookedly and pressed his lips to her forehead and shifted his hips, creating a burning friction. Her eyes widened as he continued to move slowly within her, and she realized the act of penetration had not been the end of it, as she’d foolishly assumed.
As he moved within her, he whispered sweet words, kissing her again and again, until the pain disappeared, replaced by an indescribably pleasant sensation.
“You feel so good,” he gasped, quickening his pace and coaxing her to wrap her legs around his back. He angled himself differently, now stroking her in a way that made everything inside her suddenly tighten and contract, creating a wave of pleasure that made her gasp and shudder.
He groaned, seeming very pleased with that reaction, then thrust deeply once more, his big body trembling and pulsing inside her.
For long moments, they remained frozen that way, and then Luke finally eased away, collapsing on the bed beside her, one forearm covering his eyes as his broad chest rose and fell with his shattered breathing. She stared at him, taking in his gorgeous, naked, muscled form, and marveling when she saw exactly what had just been inside her.
She didn’t know exactly how to feel about what had just happened, but there was none of the guilt, regret, or embarrassment she’d imagined such a moment would bring. Though he was not her husband, and probably never would be, she couldn’t imagine sharing herself this intimately with anyone else. If there was such a thing as fate or kindred souls, she knew she’d been meant to be Luke’s.
He slowly lowered his arm and met her anxious gaze, and his slow smile put her immediately at ease, for she saw the same thoughts and emotions reflected back to her in his eyes.
“You are a miracle to me,” he said softly. “The honor you just gave me, the beauty of being with you like this… I don’t think I have the words.”
A wave of sudden disappointment filled her as she realized she wanted the words. As kind and sweet and sensual as he’d been with her, he had not yet said those three little words that would give her the security she needed about having done this with him. She thought about saying them herself, since she certainly wanted to, but the fear of confessing her love, and not having the sentiment returned, held her back.
He sighed and stretched, then pulled her up against him, pressing his lips to her hair as he hugged her tight. “Never leave me,” he whispered sleepily. “I can’t bear the thought of my life without you.”
“I won’t,” she assured him, snuggling against him, deciding that maybe he was just as afraid of speaking of love as she was. Neither one of them had much experience with that emotion, after all.
For now, she was content to enjoy the moment and push all thoughts of the future aside.