Two Weeks Later

“I’ll have a steak, medium rare. Hold the butter, no chives, does your steak come with chives?”

I hold my notepad in my palm as the middle aged man I’m waiting on finishes telling me his dinner order. Once I fill him in on the chives situation in the restaurant, he seems satisfied, and goes back to staring at his phone. I think he’s looking at Twitter, but I can’t be sure.

I head back, put his order in, and keep an eye on when my next table will be sat.

In the past two weeks, I’ve gotten a new job at a steakhouse, where the tips are about the same as my cocktailing job, and the hours are a little bit better. Hey, at least I get out before midnight in this gig. At my last job, I’d be making a killing, but most of that came from me having the twins on full display between the hours of midnight to three a.m.

I wait at the bar, watching Nate, our certified mixologist, make the double scotch on the rocks that my gentleman table ordered.

He comes up to me with a smile. Nate is good looking, twenty four, and makes a hell of an Old Fashioned. Yeah, the ladies are all over him.

“Hey there Red.” He says, calling me by the nickname I’ve garnered at the restaurant as a result of my hair. “Here’s the drink. And also, guy at the bar wants to know your name.”

He cocks his head in the direction of a man in a suit sitting on the corner of the bar opposite the drinks well.

“He does, does he? Well you tell him he’s got to try a little bit harder than that.” I say, giving Nate a smile and a dismissive wink.

He nods calmly, and puts the drink in front of me to bring to my table. “Sure thing Red. But hey, can I ask you a question? It’s a little personal.”

“Sure.” I say. I don’t know Nate that well, but he’s one of the more trustworthy people at my new job, my instinct tells me.

“Why don’t you want to talk to guys here? You’ve told us time and again how ‘single’ you are, yet you refuse to even take a guy’s name. And look, I’m not hitting on you. Let’s get that out of the way. I’m just a curious bystander.”

I tilt my head, take a breath, and half-roll my eyes at Nate. If any other guy were asking me, I’d probably get defensive. But Nate definitely isn’t hitting on me. On the contrary, he’s fighting them off himself.

“I’m just not into dating right now,” I say. “I’m enjoying my single life.”

“But isn’t that how you enjoy your single life? A little innocent flirting with a hot guy at the bar? Look, I’m not making accusations here, to be clear. I’m just a student of life, Haley. I’ve worked here for two years, and I’ve seen plenty of waitresses come and go. You’re hot—if you don’t mind me saying. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and what’s more, you’ve just got this aura about you. I can’t put my finger on it exactly. But you’re in demand. That’s for sure. I guess you’ve been working here for two weeks, and I usually have the waitresses figured out by day two. You, Haley, are a mystery.”

“Thanks.” I grin, snatching the drink from the well. I walk away without giving him an answer, even though there’s a lot of truth to his statement.

Nothing like a perceptive bartender to nail your psyche from a mile away.

“Here you are Sir, double scotch on the rocks.”

“Thanks.” he says without looking up from his phone.

I sigh as I look at the next couple who files into the restaurant. They are older, probably retired.

They reach across the booth and hold hands.

I’m mesmerized. I can’t help but wonder what they’ve been through. After the five day heavy duty romance I had with Liam, I’m torn between two polar opposite thoughts about relationships.

A big part of me feels as if all relationships are a big sham. They’re all built on false truth and false hope.

Liam showed me that, just from the fact that I was his second choice.

Maybe it’s not his fault. It could be just one hell of a coincidence that his past love was my sister.

But to look at him every day, and remember how he’d been in love with—presumably made love to—my sister, I couldn’t do it.

I head back to chat with Nate, the bartender. He’s got an examining look on his face.

“Mr. Sexy Suit at the bar just gave me his number.” He says, sliding a piece of paper across the bar to me with a wink. “You sure you don’t want to reconsider?”

I sigh and look at the man in a suit. He’s everything a normal girl in her twenties should want. He’s young, in a suit, probably has a six figure income or more. He’s handsome and, from the look of the smirk on his face, a little cocky, just like I prefer.

So why am I incredibly indifferent?

“Thanks, but no thanks, Nate.” I say.

I head over to greet the older couple. I say my spiel and they order like normal, but they also start asking me questions. “So where are you from, honey?”

“Oh I’m from here, basically. I’ve lived in New York forever.”

“Oh that’s nice!” The older woman says. “We’re from a small town on the coast. Just in the big city for the weekend.”

I sigh and smile warmly. There’s only one person I think of when the subject of “small town romances” is brought up with me at this point. And that is Liam. And the fact that we’ll never be together.

In spite of the fact that he gave me more orgasms over the course of just five days than I had the entire year before.

I shudder, because I hate thinking about it. But I’ll never get over his past deeds, it’s just the truth.

After my shift, I take the subway home late, like usual. The subways of New York is like watching a live show, every time. I see a college age couple making out, a guy juggling milk cartons and asking for donations, and a blind man walking through as well.

All in a night’s work.

When I find my apartment at one a.m., it’s still noisy outside. Someone is shouting about how ‘Martha you damn well better not drive home!’ Ugh. I don’t even want to know.

I put the lock into my key, and I notice there’s an envelope taped to my door. I grab it, and once I get inside I open it.

Dear Ms. Rosebaum,

Please be aware that we will be terminating your lease contract should we not see our rent check for $1,800 within five days. You are already past due.

Thank you,

Management

I crinkle the note in my hand. This wasn’t the news I needed right now. This, in combination with my damn student loan payments are just killing me.

Liam said it best, what was that he said to me, on the rooftop that night?

If you keep waiting for the right moment, you’ll be waiting forever.

A tear runs down my cheek. I got this new job to try and pay my bills, but I feel as though I’m running on a treadmill. If I think I’ll ever be able to follow through with my dream and start my own restaurant, I’m kidding myself. I can’t even pay my rent.

I sigh, and I’m overcome with heartache.

I do miss Liam.

No matter what his past deeds, he’s a good man. A solid man.

Very solid.

Solid body. Solid...other things.

Why did Jade have to go and ruin everything?

I take a beer from my fridge, open it up, and throw on Netflix, because Kimmy Schmidt is calling my name. It’s already past one, and since I’m an opener tomorrow I’ve got to arrive to work at ten a.m.

I pass out on the couch, my student loans, rent threat, and all of my thoughts crumpled together, my life crumbling into itself.

* * *

I startle awake in the morning, my veins ice cold at the dream I just had.

Stumbling to the kitchenette in my tiny studio apartment, I turn on the faucet for a drink of water.

Nothing comes out.

I can’t get the vivid nightmare out of my head where I was attending Jade and Liam’s wedding.

I sigh deeply, and glance at the clock on the microwave.

Eight thirty-eight. I’ve already got to start heading to work.

I take a big belly breath and exhale slowly. I’m about to blow, and not in a good way. I take out my phone and call my dad, who’s always been the one to counsel me in tough times like these.

He picks up after three rings.

“Hi Haley! You never call this early.”

“I know.” I admit. “Just wanted to say hey.”

“Okay, well, ‘hey’ yourself, sweetheart. Everything okay?”

“No.” I manage to say. “Things are very not okay at the moment.”

Even at just saying the words, I feel my gut sinking a little bit. Even so, it’s a relief to tell someone.

“Alright, well talk to me. What’s not okay?”

“I’m worried I’m never going to follow my dream. And that I’m going to be scraping for cash my entire life and never get anywhere, just going from one job to the next!”

The waterworks start. I feel bad for my dad to be taking the brunt of this.

“Honey, It’s going to be okay. I have confidence you’ll get there someday. You just have to keep your nose to the grindstone and it will work out.”

I try to take another deep belly breath, and I’m reminded that last month I had to cancel my subscription to Yoga class.

Just another nail in the coffin.

“Dad, I know. I’ve been trying. But I’ve been thinking and…I don’t like my life right now. I don’t like my routine, and I don’t like what I’ve become.”

Long pause. I can practically hear my dad thinking on the other side of the phone.

“Wow..” He finally says. “That’s a pretty big statement.”

“I know.”

“So have you thought about what you’d rather be doing?”

If I tell him that I’m literally thinking about some run down corner property I saw in Blackwell for ten grand, he’ll think I’m absolutely nuts. So I go a different route.

“Dad, why did you try so hard to stay in Boone when we were kids? You always said you could have made more money easily if you’d just up and moved us to New York a few years earlier. But you kept us there as long as you could.”

“Honey, you’re right about that. But money isn’t everything. I wanted to stick it out in the country as long as I could. I loved living in a small town, and our money went a lot farther there. Sure, eventually we had to move to the big city, and maybe, if we would have moved sooner, I would have been able to afford a house that was a little bigger or something. But in the end, I’ll always love my time I spent in the country. Why do you ask?”

I lick my lips, and look out the window of my twelfth story apartment, down at the streets of New York. It’s a beautiful city, sure, but this is one of those times I have to admit my instinct is guiding me somewhere else, if I’m listening to my gut.

“Why do I ask? Well, I have this crazy idea that—”

I cut myself off. My heart starts pounding, and I don’t want to say it. Of course, Liam will be there too if I move. But he’s got nothing to do with the fact that I’m thinking about moving.

“Thinking about what, honey? It’s okay. You can trust me.”

I take a deep breath. “I know this sounds crazy. But you know how when I was a little kid and I used to serve everyone food around the dinner table? And then how Grandmother would take me to brunch every Sunday at that diner?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“So when I was in Blackwell, I saw this property on the corner. It was this foreclosed, beautiful building. I called the real estate company up, and guess how much it cost?”

“Fifty Grand?”

“No.” I swallow. “Ten Grand. That’s it! Can you believe that! Since then, I got this idea in my head that I could…you know. I could start it up there. I’m barely even scraping by. Everything I see reminds me of my ex. So why not go?”

He sighs deeply, and waits a beat. “Haley, if that’s what you think will make you happy, I say go for it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. At some point, you’ve got to do what makes you happy, past aside. I know you’ve liked being a server for a while, but you’re in your late twenties now. It makes sense that you’d want to get a little more serious. And hey, what about Liam? So…he’s not factoring into your decision to go to Blackwell at all?”

Adrenaline pumps through me. “No,” I say staunchly. “Not at all. It’s just a coincidence. Blackwell is a small town in the middle of nowhere USA, and it’s just exactly where I need to escape to.”

“Just a coincidence.” He says, echoing my words.

“Yes. Thanks for being a non judgmental sounding board, Dad.”

“Anytime.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get some water because mine is gone.”