Amy stood beside me as my keys jingled at the door of my apartment. I heard Jessica’s quick footsteps inside as I opened the door.

“Jessica! Come here girl!” The sixty-five pound black Labrador retriever ran toward us with her tail wagging, nearly bowling me over. “Awwww. You missed me didn’t you?”

I knelt down to give Jess a proper hello as Amy stood with her arms crossed. She still had her sunglasses on, but I could tell that underneath her eyes, she was rolling them. “This is Jessica?”

“What, you don’t like her?”

She shook her head. “You let me believe the whole ride over here that you had finally gotten a girlfriend.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Aww. Are you disappointed? She’s so cute though.”

“Yes, I am disappointed.” she said. She started sniffling a little bit. “I just, I can’t believe that you would lie to me like that…”

“Oh shit,” I muttered, taken aback. I stood up. “I’m sorry, Amy. I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought I’d play a harmless prank on you.”

Amy took off her sunglasses and looked like she was about to launch into full crying mode, her face buried in her hands. I put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her but then she looked up at me and within seconds changed her frown into a giant smile.

“Gotcha.” She winked.

I removed my hand. My jaw dropped, then I laughed. “Nicely played,” I conceded.

Amy still had the ability to stay one step ahead of me, and there was no doubting she’d flustered me. Maybe it was how angelic she seemed on the outside, but I always forget what a little devil she could be when she wanted. I shook my head with a grin.

“I know. Thank you. I’ll see you at the Oscars.” She took a bow. Jessica trotted over to Amy, wagging her tail furiously. Amy obliged by scratching her head, which Jessica loved.

“My girlfriend likes you,” I joked.

She looked up, raising a brow. “Well, if you did have a girlfriend and were flirting with that woman in first class, I might have really punched you.”

I gave her a sheepish grin. “I’d let you,” I told her, honestly. “No way would I ever do that.” Amy nodded, appeased with my answer. I watched her and Jess with a smile, pleased that they liked each other. My dog was kind of picky. “I think you have her approval, so I guess I can let you stay.”

She laughed lightly then straightened up when her phone pinged. She dug it out of her purse she’d dropped on the floor, “My dad,” she said, waving it at me and moving about my place leisurely as she had a quiet but quick conversation.

“Everything okay?” I asked when she put her phone in her back pocket.

“Dad’s just making sure I landed safely,” she said, looking over her shoulder at me. I followed Amy the way Jess was following me and probably watching me just as intently I was watching Amy. She looked everywhere, lingered on this and that, taking in my place like she was committing it to memory.

At the entertainment unit, she picked up a picture frame of my family. I walked over to her, Jess at my heels. “That was right before I left for UNC,” I told her, taking the picture and putting it back.

“You look so young,” she said, softly.

I smiled, glancing at each face in the photo. Bob and Billy were grinning. Me and my mom, not so much. It was a weird picture but I didn’t have very many photographs of ‘family moments’.

“Your mom is Stefana, right?” she asked, looking up at me.

I nodded, surprised she remembered. “Yep. Bob and Billy,” I added, pointing to each person.

“You and your mom look a little grim…” she observed.

“Mom’s never been…very expressive,” I said, wondering how Amy always went to places about me and my past that I didn’t like talking about.

“You’re not close to your family,” she stated, with a slight frown. “I remember that…”

I felt a slight pang in my chest. It’d always been a touchy subject for me back then, and right now, and even right now I had trouble answering her. “Never really have been.” I paused, frowning as well. “It’s hard to explain. But you’re close with yours.”

“Hmm-hmm, especially my dad,” she said, quietly. After a second, she turned towards me, her expression considerate. “Hey. Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal.”

“Of course,” I said, shrugging. “What?”

“This is kind of random, but…I’ve always wondered,” she said, carefully. “Did you ever find your birth dad?”

That totally caught me off-guard. I rarely spoke about my father, but Amy’s honest question blindsided me for a full minute. When I spoke, my voice came out shaky. “I don’t know. Honestly, no one has ever asked me these kinds of questions. Other than you,” I said. “Truthfully, I don’t think I’d ever want to meet him, you know? It’d probably be a disappointment.”

“That’s understandable,” she returned. “And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…or pry.” She squeezed my hand briefly. “So…what now?”

I sighed, relieved she wasn’t going to further pick at that scab. “You want to take that nap?” I asked, more than happy to move off the topic of my bio-dad.

“I do, but I’m freaking hungry,” she said, looking around the rest of my apartment then at me. “Are there any places to eat in this part of town?”

I looked down at my dog, who was patiently looking between us in a way that Doña Maria used to. “So, Jessica, you ready to go get some lunch?” I asked my ‘girlfriend’. The irony of this whole thing was that my dog was the only girl I’d ever committed to.

She barked a few times and started scrambling around us. We didn’t waste any time, just leaving our suitcases by the door and headed out, the three of us. We didn’t say much as I led her to a local place for breakfast. I couldn’t stop thinking about her question about my biological dad.

The more I tried to force the thought of him out of my mind, the more it crept in. I didn’t want him in my life, I knew that much. My mother had said the man was a woman jumper, going from place to place. Apparently he had kids all over. I wanted no part in that, and I was ashamed to even think I was related to a man who did that to women. I have a lot of failings but I was responsible and honest at least.

My apartment was close to the ocean, so we padded along the marina before we reached one of my favorite spots that allowed dogs. It was also a seafood place but every restaurant in this area served some type of seafood, and I knew Amy had an allergy to it. “Don’t worry,” I assured her, opening the door for her. “I go here all the time. They know me and I’ll make sure they know to be extra careful.”

It was a seat yourself arrangement, so we went inside with Jess on the leash, and I pulled out Amy’s seat.

“Sit, mi amiga,” I said.

“Why thank you, sir,” Amy said, taking off her sunglasses. She looked toward the ocean, and got a whimsical look on her face.

“Hey. You okay?” I asked again.

She kept her eyes on the ocean, a faraway look in her eyes. “I…I don’t know. Honestly Chandler, I don’t. This is going to sound stupid if I tell you what I’m thinking about.”

“Tell me.”

The waiter interrupted us to give us his spiel in Spanish. We nodded. I wasn’t sure if Amy’s Spanish was rusty, so I confirmed her order with her. “Do you want the same thing you always used to have for breakfast? An omelet with bacon and avocado?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s fine,” she said, speaking softly. I ordered two omelets to the waiter and told him to have the cook check vehemently for seafood and no cross-contamination.

When the waiter walked away, Amy had put her sunglasses back on even though we were inside. I stared at her and waited patiently for her to fill me in on what she was thinking about. I swear I saw her sniffle a little bit, which still seemed irregular for her. I tensed up wondering what news she was going to tell me.

“Maybe my chi is a little bit off kilter right now,” she began. “I’m usually not this emotional, and for such stupid reasons.”

“What are you talking about?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Just listen,” she said. “When you pulled that chair out for me—just that simple act—I realized that in my six months of dating David, not once did he open a door or pull a chair out for me.”

“And that’s what’s making you emotional?”

She smiled at me wanly. “Just let me finish.”

“Okay.” I sat with my hands flat on the table. Jessica leaned into the side of my leg, as though in comfort and sensing my unease.

“You have to go and act like a gentleman. But not even that. You even went and remembered my seafood allergy!” She sounded amazed I’d remember but there were a lot of things about Amy I would never forget. Even when I’d tried. Details that had just stuck with me when I cycled through the thoughts of my past. She went on. “I had to remind David every single time we went out I was deathly allergic. It was like I never even registered with him. Yet you remember. From five freaking years ago.” She angled another look my way. “And you even remembered how I like my omelets.”

I smiled, leaning back in my seat. I reached down to pet Jessica, the tactile sensation of her fur soothing. “That morning we met, Maria had said they were your favorite and she’d been making them to help you feel more at home. She ended up making them all the time for us because they became my favorite too.”

She blushed a little and that made me grin.

“I guess some people are just naturally more thoughtful then others,” she murmured, off hand.

I hated that she was wearing her sunglasses and I couldn’t see her eyes, and the emotions that she’d never been able to hide from me.

“This David guy sounds like a real piece of work, if you ask me. How hard is it to remember a seafood allergy and favorite style of omelet for your own girlfriend?”

“Yeah, he is—was,” she self-corrected, “a piece of work, in the end.” There was heat in her voice and I could tell she was back to fiery instead of sad. “And I dated him for six months! So what does that make me? I must be a piece of work, too.”

I grinned slyly. “Well that’s one-hundred percent correct.”

She smiled back and shook her head at me. “Dammit Chandler. You are still the same guy, aren’t you?”

“My bad,” I apologized, adding some serious dose of seriousness as I could. “Please. Continue.”

“This is going to sound totally silly—I realize that. But you’re here and so you have to listen to me rant. But…I was thinking back through all the relationships in my life, and I’ve never had a good one. Not one. I’m great at relationships in the three to six month range, and then they go sour. But even then, I’ve never really had a great boyfriend experience.”

There were many ways I could take this but I knew Amy wasn’t shy about any topic. I had to not read into it unless she actually said the words. “You mean in general, or in bed?” I asked.

Amy didn’t disappoint. She rarely had, only when she kept rejecting me. “Both, but especially the sex,” she said, matter of fact.

I had just entered dangerous territory—sex was my favorite topic. Especially with Amy. “Uh… Never?” I paused for a second, more then dubious at that statement. “What about Scott, before you two broke up?” I asked, referring to her college boyfriend. The douchebag that had told her she sucked in bed.

Amy shook her head. “I faked it most times with him.”

I cracked up at that, pounding the table with my fist. “Poor guy.”

“No,” she corrected, scoffing. “Poor Amy’s sex life. When am I going to have a good boyfriend experience, Chandler? The full experience, in and out of bed? Is it ever going to happen for me?”

I sighed and looked off into the distance. “I don’t know…but I hope you do. Someday.”

We sat in silence for a moment, contemplating. I had another crazy idea, but I didn’t want to tell her. We’d always been attracted to each other but Amy still wasn’t a one-night stand type of girl and those were the girls I’d always liked best back in the day. Still did. My views on my life hadn’t changed a bit. In fact, they were stronger then ever. However, this connection I had with her went beyond wanting to sleep with her—I’d always felt like she accepted and understood me. There were other thoughts rolling in my head but no names for them. So I sat there grateful she’d resisted. Well, okay, only a little grateful. To imagine a world where Amy hated my guts… I could appreciate her logic all those years. I still didn’t like it, but we were here, now, together and in the city where we first met. It was, in many ways, poetic.

She scrunched her face, and finally took off her sunglasses. “Chandler…you’re a good guy.”

I held a hand up because this was the second time she’d said this and I didn’t want to disappoint her in my lack of growth. That would be self-evident soon enough. “Me, a good guy? That is very debatable. Depending on who you ask.”

She gave me a big grin that I liked seeing on her pretty face. “Okay, you’re a good lover.”

I nodded, as matter fact as she was earlier. “The best, actually.”

“Shut up, and don’t be so cocky,” she responded, just a little bit playful. “I know it was a long time ago that we lived together, and it sort of seems like a distant memory… But this morning I was thinking…why didn’t you and me ever…but I’m sure you never think twice about it anymore.” She sighed, once again looking out the window. “You’ve probably had a revolving door of women. No doubt they were all gorgeous, too, huh?” She looked back at me, an unreadable expression on her face. “You ever think about what would have happened between us if we’d just had a little more time? In some ways, I kind of regret not testing those waters. I’ve always thought you’d be attentive, make it good for both of us and at least that way, I would have had one good experience, y’know?”

My heart began to pound as I guessed what she might say next. But before she could finish her sentence, a tall, dark, Spanish woman, who I unfortunately knew, approached our table. Why was I constantly getting cockblocked when it came to Amy?

“Chandler!” she said with a heavy accent. “It’s so good to see you!”

She stood with her arms open, right next to me in a way that made it look like an extremely rude gesture if I didn’t get up to reciprocate her hug. I felt Amy’s eyes examining me closely to see how I reacted.

“N-Nina—right?” I said, nearly forgetting her name. For a second, I thought I had it wrong when I saw her expression tense a little, like I’d displeased her.

“Sí!” she said, smiling brightly. “Nina.”

“So good to see you,” I said, standing up half-heartedly from my chair. Jessica, at my feet, let out a low growl. She didn’t like it when I hugged most women. Nina smiled and gave me another hug, and pressing her enormous fake breasts into me. I felt her hands roam and had to make sure they didn’t roam too far south.

“You never called me back!” she exclaimed, a scold in her voice. “I was worried something had happened to you!” Nina turned to Amy, who she had strategically ignored seeing for the first minute or so of our encounter. She leaned across the table, and I cringed as she gave Amy a pointblank view of her cleavage.

“Nice to meet you.” She extended a hand. “I’m Nina.”

Amy flashed a brief smile and returned her handshake. “I’m Amy.”

“Amy’s a very good friend of mine,” I said. “We were just catching up.”

“Oh, well so nice to meet you,” Nina said, giving a slow, equally fake smile. It was a little calculated.

The waiter arrived with our food just then.

“Looks like it’s time for us to eat. Talk to you later, Nina!” I said the words politely but firmly. I needed to get back to what Amy was going to say next. There was no way she was just going to throw the idea of us being romantic onto the table so suddenly, was there?

“Of course,” Nina purred, her hands running up my arm. “Chandler, we must get together soon. Call me.”

“Good to see you, Nina,” I said, giving her my best non-answer.

She smiled toward us both before turning to leave. The waiter put our plates down in front of Amy and me.

“Enjoy,” he said, bowing then leaving us be. Finally.

“Sorry for the interruption,” I said, eager to get back to our conversation. I leaned forward, completely disinterested in my breakfast. “What were you saying?”

Amy’s expression had altered again. She didn’t look sad or happy anymore. She just looked dejected, and blank.

“Nothing,” she said, forking her food and looking down. “I had nothing else to say.”

It really was like nothing had changed between us in those five years. And by that, I meant that we were right back to square one. Her rejection, and not just physically, would never fully be eased from my mind. For a few weeks, I’d had a real friend. Probably the best friend I’d ever had. As it turned out, even when I didn’t sleep with a girl, I still messed up the relationship part of things.

I cut into my omelet, frustrated but not unfamiliar with this feeling. She was still the one girl who I’d stopped short of getting into bed. The one girl that I wanted to sleep with the most, had been waiting for…and here she was. A second chance? Maybe. In many ways, I knew Amy would have to make the first move because me pushing just made her retreat. She’d have to be the one okay with going to the next level when I already was and I knew I’d always be wishing.

Because reality was rarely pretty. Of all the hearts I’d broken over the years, hers was one I could never forgive myself for breaking.

The truth of the matter was that I’d never be able to be with a woman like Amy. She was far too good for me. I knew it, and so did she, deep down and that, too, was an old feeling. And a reason I kept forgetting when I looked at her, or remembered those small moments we had. Like dancing, or going to the bar and having a real conversation. The way she listened to me, and how easy she was at telling it like it is. The sensory memories of those more intimate moments between us had been seared into my brain and they were as vivid now, as they had been five years ago.

And it was all so pointless.

We ate awkwardly, in silence. The fact was that in spite of the palpable attraction there had always been between Amy and me, we both knew it was still for the best to keep each other at arm’s length.