Chapter 27
Anna
While everything was happening, with my dad here and even the conversation with Luke afterward, I had been running on a heavy dose of adrenaline, and it had kept my emotions at bay. Now that Luke was out there in the snow, doing everything he could to get away from me even though he wouldn’t have admitted it, I was alone in the cabin, and I had time to digest what had happened.
It didn’t take very long before fear and sadness took over. I got up from the couch and moved closer to the fire that was slowly dying to keep warm. I sat down on the floor in front of the fire and wrapped my arms around myself as if I could physically stop myself from falling apart.
My throat closed, a combination of fear and wanting to cry. I was terrified of what my father would do when he came back for me tomorrow morning. He was adamant about taking me home. And that meant that I would have to marry Sam. If my dad took me home, there was no way I was going to live a life free of Sam. My baby would have to look up at a horrible man as a father, and no way would that be a happy ending for either of us. The only person that would be happy would be Sam, and I hated the thought of that.
I wanted to stay here with Luke. I wanted to be with him. I had thought about running away with him, about leaving it all behind again and to keep on running. But my dad had threatened me that he would find me again, and I believed him. He wasn’t the boss of the mafia for nothing. He had gotten where he was because he knew what he was talking about, and he knew how to put his money where his mouth was. Running would be a very risky thing to do.
If my dad found us, and the chances of that were good, my dad would kill Luke. I believed him when he’d said that to me. My dad had broken a lot of promises to me as a little girl and as a teenager growing up, but he had never gone back on his word when it came down to business, and all of this—my marriage to Sam and Luke’s imminent death if I refused—was business.
Of course, thinking about running away with Luke wasn’t even a possibility anymore. The man didn’t want to be in the same cabin as me, let alone run away with me and spend the rest of our lives together. I had lied to him out of fear and selfishness, and instead of keeping him, like I had hoped to do by lying in the first place, I had lost him. When I thought about it, my heart broke. Tears rolled over my cheeks, and this time it wasn’t out of fear that I was crying.
It was despair.
I didn’t know how long Luke was outside or how long I’d sat on the floor, crying and feeling like my world had come to an end. When the door to the cabin opened and Luke stepped in, I realized it had started to grow dark. The only light in the cabin came from the few embers that were still glowing before me.
“You’re in the dark,” Luke said switching on the kitchen light so it wouldn’t be harsh in the living room. “And you’re getting cold.”
He walked to the hearth and built a new fire. I watched him move around, stacking logs and lighting firestarters. He hadn’t sounded angry when he’d spoken to me, but it wasn’t impossible to be neutral about a subject and still not be interested in being with someone anymore.
When the fire was sorted, Luke turned to me. I looked up at him, and tears rolled over my cheeks again. I was unable to stop it.
“Hey,” Luke said softly, coming closer to me. “It’s okay.”
He sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. I let him. The cold from outside still clung to his clothes but Luke and the heat that came with him was underneath, and when I breathed in, the scent of the pines, the scent of the fire and something that belonged only to Luke clung to him. God, how I would miss this smell and that only made me cry harder.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked through my tears.
“Because you mean a hell of a lot to me, Anna,” he said.
I shook my head. Not anymore, I thought.
“You will always mean a lot to me,” Luke added as if he had read my mind. “And I want the baby.”
I looked up at Luke, confused.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “I thought you didn’t want the baby. I thought you were upset that I’m pregnant.”
Luke shook his head. “I’m not upset about the baby. It’s not what we planned, but I can’t think of anything better than building a life and a family with you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Is it my dad?” I asked.
Luke nodded. “I had to wrap my mind around what I’d found out. That he’s your father. It’s not about him being a criminal, either. I can forgive that easily. But your dad had me wrapped up in a prison world much like yours for so long that I lost sight of who I was. It was the reason I ran. I ditched the concept of family to save myself, and to see him again, to realize he is your dad, was a lot for me to digest.”
“I understand that,” I said.
“But I also heard what you said when you said you didn’t want to define yourself by who he is, and I agree with you because it’s what I’ve been trying to do the past year. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am without him. I understand you a lot more than you think.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I couldn’t change who I was and who I was related to, but Luke knew that.
“I want you to know that I love you, too,” Luke said.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I had spent the greater part of the day thinking I had been a fool to fall in love with someone when that love couldn’t be returned. To hear that he loved me was unbelievable and it made me feel warm.
“I love you, and I want to be with you.”
I sighed, the happiness that had come with Luke’s confession short-lived.
“I have to leave tomorrow,” I said. “And I have to marry Sam.”
Luke shook his head. “Over my dead body,” he growled and the vehemence with which he said it was so sudden and so intense it was almost a surprise. I forgot that because he had worked for my dad, he knew Sam, as well.
“But if I don’t go, if I don’t marry Sam, my dad will kill you. You heard what he said. I can’t let you die.”
Luke shook his head. “And I can’t let you sacrifice your happiness for my life. It’s not fair. It’s one life traded for another, then.”
I nodded. I understood what he was trying to say. “I don’t see a way out,” I said. “If we run together he will hunt us down. If we stay together he will kill you. He will always find us, and he will kill you and drag me back to do what he wants me to do. There’s no way we can get out of this.”
“Watch me,” Luke said, and he had a determined look in his eye. “I will do anything to be with you and raise our child together. Do you hear me? Anything.”
I heard him, but I didn’t know what he would do that would create such a lasting impact that my father would change his mind. Sam was my dad’s right-hand man, and he was the only man that my dad trusted with his life. I wouldn’t have done the same, but my dad respected Sam.
“I’m going to level with your dad. I know who he is. I know what he wants, and I know that he will respect me standing up for myself rather than tucking my tail and running again. It was where I had been mistaken the first time.”
It all sounded very noble, but I was sacred for Luke. “What if you go to speak to my dad and then he ends up killing you?”
Luke put his finger under my chin and tipped my head up to kiss me. “I’m not that easy to kill. But in the event that does happen, I know I’ll die a happy, fulfilled man.”
The latter should have been a compliment. “You’re not making me feel any better,” I said.
Luke kissed me again. “I want to try, babes. I’ll see what we can do, okay? We can’t walk away from this without trying.”
“And what if you lose your life?”
“It seems like more of a punishment to walk away and not have you in my life.”
I shook my head again. Luke was trying to be sweet and his compliments were flattering. But I was terrified that my dad wouldn’t even hear me out, that he would be furious and kill Luke on the spot.
“I’m ready to fight for what I believe in, Anna.”
“It’s not worth your life to fight for me,” I said.
Luke shook his head. “I want you in my life, but it’s not all I’m fighting for. I was thrown into a world I wasn’t allowed out of, and the moment I left, I was painted as a traitor. I want my freedom back. I want my image back. I want to walk this earth without looking over my shoulder all the time, without wondering who I could have been if I had chosen a different path in life. I want to choose that path, now.”
“I understand all of that,” I said. “God, there have been countless nights where I wished I was someone else. I know I never chose for him to be my dad, but I wished for a different life so many times. I know what you’re going through.”
Luke ran the back of his fingers down my cheek, a caress that made me feel warm, but I was still unsure, and the caress didn’t make anything better.
I looked into his eyes. “The difference between me and you is that if I fight, you die. But if you fight? You die, too. That doesn’t seem like a good situation at all. Isn’t it easier to give up and do what he tells you?”
“If I give up, your dad would have won, and I would have lost every last part of who I am. I’m going to see this through. Come what may, I will have stayed true to who I am. He can’t ever take that away from me.”
I wondered if my dad knew that he wouldn’t be able to beat Luke, no matter what he did. He could kill Luke, and my dad would still lose. And it would reach out further than Luke and his view of the world. Because no matter what my dad did to Luke, I would always love him, and his child was still growing inside of me. And those were things my dad could never take away from us.
So in a way, we had already won. But I was terrified that if we stood up to my dad, we fought what he was trying to set in motion, we would still lose enough that the effect would be crippling.
“I’m ready to fight for you, Anna,” Luke said before he kissed me. “Because I want nothing more in this world than to be with you and raise our child together.”