Alexa

---

I watched Luke walk away, his dark hair shining in the overhead streetlights as he dodged pedestrians and then crossed the street to his SUV. I sighed to myself, feeling a tug in my chest that he was leaving and I would probably never see him again except in the Cultural or Business pages of the Times. Although he'd said he'd take me for a sail on the catamaran before he left, I didn't believe it.

It would be best for both of us not to see each other again.

I took out my cell and was just about ready to delete his contact information when I got a text from him.

LUKE: I really hate leaving you now, but I have to go to this meeting. I hope you understand. I know you probably think we should stop this now, before I go on my trip, but I want to see you again. Like, tomorrow night. Will you do dinner at my place? I want to cook for you. And other things…

And other things…

I didn't have to wonder what that meant.

I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, debating whether to answer or just delete him from my contacts and from my life entirely. I knew it would be the far better thing to do for my heart and for my sanity. I don't think I could stand to be apart from him for a year if we did decide to keep seeing each other and start a relationship. Even if he did fly me to whatever port he was in for a weekend or week when I had a holiday from college. Long distance relationships were not my cup of tea. I'd always be wondering if he was cheating on me in some port with some exotic woman and wouldn't feel sure of his commitment to me.

So, instead of answering right away, I tucked my cell into my bag and walked back to my apartment, determined to just let things die a natural death.

I got back into the apartment and found Candace sitting in her chair watching Netflix on her iMac. She had a bag of microwave popcorn and was munching away.

"You back so early?" she asked, stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"Yeah," I replied and threw my bag onto my desk. "He had a business meeting. Seems there's an issue with the deal and he's meeting with the other guys to talk over last minute strategy or something."

"That's too bad. I hope it goes through…"

"He said it might delay the deal if they had to look for another investor to make up the difference."

"What happened? Why did an investor pull out?"

I shrugged. "It's the brother of that woman his mother was trying to match him with. I guess he thought he'd be investing in his future brother-in-law and now that Luke made it clear he wasn’t going to marry Felicia, Harrison decided to pull out. At least, that's what I think happened."

"That sucks. Why do these rich people think they can control their kids that way? Like my parents would never think of saying no to a person I chose to marry, or force me to marry someone they chose for me because of wealth."

"They're old blue bloods and want to preserve their fortunes or something like that."

"I got news for them. It's the twenty-first century, yanno…"

I laughed and peered over her shoulder at the screen and saw it was Love, Actually. I'd never watched it, and was curious.

"You're watching that again? Don't you get sick of it?"

"Never. Speaking of love, what's going on with you and Mr. Big Shot?"

I sighed and flopped down on my chair. "He wants to cook me supper tomorrow night at his place. And other things…"

"Ohh, I like the other things. Lucky girl." She grinned at me lasciviously. "Supper sounds good, too. Why do you look so glum?"

"Because he's leaving on a boat in a month and will be gone for a full year, that's why."

"So?" Candy leaned forward. "Go and enjoy him while you can. Live a little. Get some, for God's sake. You need it."

"You're not the one whose heart will be broken when he leaves…"

"Don't let it get too attached. Use him for some great sex and good food and then wave goodbye happily when it’s time for him to go. Be more like a man for a change."

"You think I should?"

She leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. "Of course I do. You're not going to find a man as good looking, successful or smart as him for a long time, sister. Enjoy him while you can."

I nodded, realizing that she was right. "I guess. What's the worst that could happen? I fall in love with him and he leaves. I'll be alone. There's nothing different from how I am now – alone."

"Exactly. Plus, maybe he'll fall in love with you and decide he can't live without you. He'll invite you to come on the ship with him and the two of you will sail off into the sunset."

"Dream on," I said and laughed, a small part of me wishing that could be my future, and the big part of me kicking her in the ass for being so stupid.

"Grab your chair and sit down with me. We can watch Love, Actually and stuff ourselves full of popcorn."

"Sounds like a plan," I said and did just that.

---

Later, after the movie was over and we were done deconstructing it and raving over everything, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and remembered that I hadn't answered Luke's text.

ALEXA: Supper sounds wonderful. As do other things…

I put my cell down and began to brush my teeth and within a minute, his reply came and my cell dinged.

LUKE: I promise that you won't regret it. I'll be the consummate gentleman, cooking you a delicious meal and providing you with very enjoyable entertainment. I have a meeting all afternoon and the meeting will probably go on until seven. Then, I'll go home and shower, and pick you up at eight. How does that sound?

ALEXA: Sounds fine. See you then.

LUKE: I'm glad you didn't decide to throw me over.

ALEXA: I almost did.

LUKE: I know. You shouldn't. We should enjoy what we have while we can. Life is short. People die.

ALEXA: They do. Goodnight.

LUKE: Goodnight.

I put my cell away and finished brushing my teeth, a smile on my face. I glanced at myself in the mirror and focused on the little thrill that went through my body at the thought of the other things, very enjoyable things, that I knew we would get to tomorrow night. It had been so long since I'd had a boyfriend and had real sex. Well, Luke wasn't technically a boyfriend, but he was a lover.

I had a lover.

I smiled to myself and finished getting ready for bed. When I went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, I saw that Candace was still up, dressed in her nightgown and reading her emails, her knee bent up under her chin.

I sat on my chair beside hers.

”I have a lover," I said to her as I unscrewed the bottle and took a long drink.

She turned and glanced at me, grinning crazily.

"You do," she said and pushed me playfully. "You have a lover. It's so exciting! Finally, my girl is getting some. You deserve it."

"I do deserve it."

"After all you went through with Blaine, you deserve someone like Luke."

I nodded and of course, thoughts of Blaine ruined my good feeling about Luke. The two could not be further apart in temperament, which was probably why I was attracted to Luke.

Luke was so easy-going and laid back, despite being a very successful businessman. He could have fun and laugh, while Blaine seemed to be in a perpetual somber mood. I always thought it was because he was deep, but I realized instead that he was always on guard, looking for every slight to his ego.

He was a control freak. He had to control everything. Me, especially.

I'd been easy to control at first, because I was so in love with him and his handsome face and great body, plus what I perceived to be his deep thoughts and intelligence. When things started to sour between us, when I realized he wasn't all that deep after all, but was just quietly observing everything so he could measure how people treated him against his high standard, I started to assert my independence.

He never once hit me, although he did grab me a couple of times, held me still while he lectured me on this or that infraction I'd done against his rules. When I broke it off with him, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and it wasn't just him pleading with me, telling me he loved me. He started to stalk me and then he attacked me.

"You're mine, no matter what you do, Alexa," he said. "You can have your freedom for a while, if you want, but remember that I own you. I own a part of you that can never be owned by someone else. You can't ever really leave me completely, no matter what you do and where you go. I'll always be here," he said and pointed to my head. "And here," he said, his hand grabbing my crotch.

I thought he meant he was my first lover and that meant he owned my virginity. He saw that as ownership of a part of me. I figured he was just being weird and thought nothing of it. But I was wrong.

For the first couple of weeks after we broke up, he let me be, and I thought I was a free woman once again and glad to be free of him and his suspicious and controlling ways. But soon, I noticed he was following me. I'd catch sight of his car following mine down the main street. I'd see him enter the little café where we used to eat our lunch. He'd catch my eye and then pick up food to take out. I'd go to a party and he'd show up later, walk through the party, talk to a few people and then leave.

I couldn't fault him because it was such a small town and there were only so many places either of us could go. Besides, my places were all his places as well.

So at first, I thought it was just coincidence that we ran into each other or I saw him at places where I went.

But later, I realized he was deliberately stalking me.

One night, I took the dog for a walk and saw his car parked at the end of our street. I turned the other way and went back home.

"Why are you back so early?" my mother asked, frowning when she saw me.

"Blaine's car is parked at the end of the street," I said softly, not wanting to alarm her, but feeling nervous myself. "I'm going to take Molly out the back."

I took my dog out the back way to the alley behind our house and walked her there instead, but the alley was dark and I felt immediately creepy. Molly was used to going out before bed and I didn’t want to deny her a walk just because I was spooked by Blaine. He might have been visiting someone, after all…

As soon as Molly was done, I went back to the house and found my mother was on the phone.

"Here she is now," my mom said and handed me the phone. "It's Sheriff Dawson. Tell him about Blaine."

"Mom," I said and frowned, taking the phone and covering the receiver. "What did you do? You called the police?"

"Yes, I did. Blaine's stalking you and they need to know. Tell Sheriff Dawson what's going on."

I spent the next half hour on the phone talking to the Sheriff, who was a friend of my dad. I told him about Blaine and how I'd noticed him following me since we broke up.

"Has he said anything threatening to you? Has he actually touched you at any time?"

"No," I said, for he hadn't come within fifteen feet of me in the past month since we broke up.

"Has he contacted you on social media? Has he sent you any threatening emails or texts? Made any threatening posts on your Facebook?"

"No, he hasn't. He's just following me around. He stays far enough away, but it's scaring me."

"It's a small town, Alexa. You two are going to run into each other now and then. Are you sure it's stalking and not just accidental?"

"I'm pretty sure," I said, chewing a fingernail and feeling stupid all of a sudden.

"Pretty sure isn't good enough. I can't arrest him unless he's threatened you or touched you. There's nothing we can do except get a temporary restraining order against him, force him to stay a certain distance away. Do you want to do that?"

"I don't know," I said and turned to my mother. "He wants to know if we want to get a restraining order against Blaine."

"Yes," she said and took the phone from me, putting it on the speakerphone. "He's got to get over this and leave her alone. He's got to move on with his life. Maybe if he has a restraining order on him, he'll think twice."

We talked about the process for getting a restraining order and I promised to follow through the next day. When I hung up, I felt more unnerved because that might make him even more angry at me.

Things had gone way too far if I had to get a restraining order against Blaine.

"I'm scared," I said to my mom. "He's going to get really mad now."

She put her arms around me and squeezed me.

"I know you're scared," she said, kissing my forehead. "So am I. This is necessary to protect you. When your dad gets back from Phoenix, we'll talk about getting a better security system. You'll be going back to school soon, and he'll be as well. Maybe he'll get over this obsession with you."

I sighed and held onto my mom, hoping that would be the case, but there was a part of me that felt an increasing sense of threat from Blaine.

I hoped I was just imagining things…

I hadn't been.

Blaine found out that I talked to the Sheriff about getting a restraining order. Someone close to his family who worked at the Sheriff's office squealed and told them what we were doing.

The next day, he found me. I was afraid he'd kill me if someone hadn't come along and found us.

I'd been in the back yard, sun tanning, trying to catch a few rays before school started and I'd be back inside all day.

He showed up, coming in through the rear gate off the alley. I had my eyes closed and my earphones in when I felt the sun blocked. I opened my eyes and before I could say anything, he had his hands around my neck, his face an inch from mine.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Alexa? Getting a restraining order against me?" he hissed.

I tried to fight back, grabbing his hands, which were definitely too tight around my throat.

"Stop!" I cried out, trying to wrestle away from him. "You’re hurting me!"

"You're lucky I don't really hurt you," he said and finally let go. He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him towards the back gate. “I can’t believe you even considered getting a restraining order."

“Let go,” I said, fighting with him, hitting his arm, trying to wrest my hand out of his. He fought me, pulling me into the back alley. I saw his car was parked at the end of the alley. I knew enough that I couldn’t let him take me. Once you got in a car with an abductor, it was usually game over.

Luckily, my neighbour Mr. Scott shouted over the fence. “Hey! What are you doing?”

Blaine startled, like he was waking up from a dream. Then he looked at me, stepping closer. ”You're mine," he said and held his finger in front of my face. "You can't hide from me."

Then, he let go and I ran back to the yard, trying to catch my breath and recover.

Mr. Scott came over, his face white as a ghost.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, my legs like rubber. “I’m okay. Thanks for yelling at him.”

“He was going to abduct you. Do you want me to call the police?”

“No, I will. But thanks.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure.”

When Mr. Scott left, I went into the house to the bathroom and checked in the mirror. There were red marks around my throat where Blaine had grabbed me and my wrist was red as well. The skin was sore and I was sure there'd be a bruise the next day.

He could have abducted me and if he had, he might have killed me.

It was then I realized I wasn’t safe anymore. I’d been alone at the house. My mom was at work and my dad was still in Phoenix. Only Molly was there and she was in the house, deaf and almost blind with cataracts.

Blaine could have choked me to death and there was nothing I could have done about it. He could have hauled me into his car and there was nothing I could do about it.

He was too strong.

Thank God for Mr. Scott.

I went to the phone, my hands shaking, and called Sheriff Dawson.

"What happened?" he asked when I told him Blaine had attacked me.

I relayed everything from start to finish and he sighed audibly on the other end of the line.

"I was afraid of that," he said. "Sometimes, when women do something to fight back against an abuser, the man becomes more unreasonable, unhinged and lashes out. You're at your most vulnerable right after you break up with someone like that, and most at risk. You really shouldn't be alone if you're going to go through with this."

"I can't even be alone?" I said, feeling like I'd just made everything worse by even considering a restraining order. "What kind of life is that?"

"I'm real sorry, Alexa, but it's a fact. You and your mom better come down to the office and talk with us about what you can do. When is your dad back from Phoenix?"

"Later in the week," I replied, going around the house and locking the windows and doors.

"I'll make sure to have the boys drive by your place when they can, keep an eye out. You don't hesitate to call me if he comes back or if you see him following you."

I agreed and then we said goodbye. I sat at the island in the kitchen, the phone in my hand, and waited for my mother to come home from work, jumping at every noise and every time Molly barked.

It was a very long and nerve-wracked afternoon…

---

Now, here I was in Manhattan, far far away from all that, and I finally met someone I could imagine being with for a longer term but he was leaving. He would never be a long-term boyfriend.

I felt sad that the next couple of weeks would be all we had, and was still torn between wanting to protect myself from being hurt when he said goodbye, and not wanting to miss out on any time with him.

It was a hard choice, but I'd enjoyed him so much, that I decided that I only had one life. I didn't want to waste it always trying to protect myself from being hurt.

A broken heart meant that you loved someone once. That was better than always being alone…

---

The next day, I spent my time lounging around the apartment, watching news coverage, and reading the papers. My stomach was all butterflies as I thought about having dinner with Luke and what would happen afterward. As a result, I went around a little aroused, my body responding to memories of our time together, and looking forward to more of it later that night.

"Quit pacing like a caged lion," Candace said when I walked past her for the third time, moving from the kitchen to my desk and back because I couldn't focus and kept forgetting things. "Go out for a run or something. Do some yoga for God's sake, girl. You need to chill."

"I'm excited about tonight," I said and plopped down on my chair across from her. "Now that I've decided to live dangerously, I can't stand the wait."

"Go for a run, like I said."

"Don't want to exhaust myself, just in case we get busy," I said and wagged my eyebrows.

"In case?" she said in mock horror. "You damn well better get busy tonight or I'll kick your butt. You don’t have access to a man as fine looking as Luke and not get as busy as you possibly can. Do you hear me?"

I laughed and nodded. "Loud and clear."

---

At seven, I took a shower and got ready for my date, shaving and waxing and brushing and doing everything to make myself as desirable as possible in case – for when – we got busy later that night. When I was done, I looked in the mirror and even I had to admit I looked good, dressed in a strappy little black number that hugged my curves. I figured I had to play up my best features and make Luke glad that he invited me to his place for supper.

"How do I look?" I asked Candace, who stood beside me at the mirror in the bathroom, her critical eye giving me the once over.

"You look fabulous. He'll drool when he sees you and he'll probably want to strip off that dress and make you the main course instead of supper."

"Oh, you," I said and hip-checked her one. "That's all you can think of. You should get yourself some."

"I know, I know," she said with a laugh. "I'm working on it."

"Oh, yeah?" I said and turned to face her, wondering what she meant.

"Yeah," she said and looked all coy. "I may have met someone when I was out today at the bagel shop. He may have been smiling at me for the past few weeks when I've gone there. We may have agreed to meet for coffee there tomorrow after he’s done work."

"Oh, my God, Candace! That's great. What does he look like?"

"He looks like Thor, with shorter hair." She wagged her eyebrows and I knew what she meant. She'd been in love with the actor who played Thor for several years and was always looking to meet a guy who looked as much like him as possible.

"You go, girl," I said and playfully punched her shoulder.

"I know, right? Who would have thought the two of us nerd girls would find two hunks and both be getting some at the same time? The stars must all be aligned just right or something."

Right on cue, my cell dinged and I checked it to see if it was Luke.

LUKE: Your ride awaits, m'Lady.

"He's here," I said with a grin. "I'm off. I don't know if I'll be back or whether I'll be staying at his place tonight."

Candace gave me a little hug and smiled. "I'm a big girl. I can stay by myself."

"You won't be lonely?" I asked, feeling slightly guilty that I was leaving her alone.

"I have popcorn and the latest Thor movie on Netflix. I'm fine," she said and waved at me dismissively. "Go. Have a wonderful time."

"Okay, this is me going." I took in a deep breath and then I left the apartment, taking the stairs to the main floor.

Outside, double parked, was Luke standing beside his very expensive SUV. I smiled when our eyes met and then he opened the passenger door and I got in, excited for what the night would bring.