Alexa

---

I woke early when the sun was still just a warm glow on the horizon. Beside me, Luke lay on his stomach, a pillow over his head. His long arms were thrown up beside his head, and his body was naked, his glorious butt and legs on display for me to appreciate.

Appreciate them I did.

He clearly worked out to keep in such great shape. Plus, it looked like he'd spent time at the beach house in Westhampton because he had a decent tan everywhere except his ass and down to his mid-thigh where his swimming trunks would end.

I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom for a quick pee, seeing everything again in the early morning light.

He was so wealthy. I felt somewhat in awe of the luxury in which he lived and part of me resented it. He was born wealthy, and had lived like this his entire life. It wasn't his fault, and I didn’t blame him for it. He'd had his share of sadness and pain. Money really didn’t solve all problems, but I couldn’t help but think money made the pain of life more bearable.

I finished up in the bathroom and slipped on my bra and panties, then tiptoed to the main living area to get a drink of water. I wanted to turn on the television and watch some local news, but couldn't find the remote. I searched through the drawers in the wall unit, looking for it, but it was nowhere to be found.

I did find a few DVDs and was curious about what he watched. Some of them were recordings, and I glanced at the hallway in case he was watching, but seeing that he wasn't, I checked out the label.

Various playlists for driving – sixties music, nineties music, and some metal. Then I found one DVD that had a hand-written cover with the simple name JENNA.

He'd made a DVD of his ex. I imagined it was a video recording of one of their happier days before they split. Once more, I wondered what happened and how it all went down. How did he find out that she cheated on him? Did someone tell him? Did he walk in on them after coming home early from work one day?

I held the disc in my hand and chewed my bottom lip thoughtfully, imagining it in my mind's eye. I searched through the drawer and found a photo album. At that point, I knew I should just stop and not snoop, but I was just too damned curious.

I opened the cover carefully, glancing quickly down the hallway, but there was no sign of Luke. He must have still been asleep. Unable to resist, I flipped through the first few pages of pictures from Luke's youth – snapshots of him on a surfboard, him skateboarding with a few friends, his hair longer, his body with that leanness of youth. Some of him working on a car engine, his hands greasy.

There were a few of him when he was much younger — maybe seven or eight — standing with a dark-haired woman. His mother, no doubt. It certainly wasn't his adoptive mother. This woman had a pleasant face, pretty, actually, with a gentle smile. She had one arm around his shoulder, and the two were smiling at the camera. I felt a pang of sadness for Luke that he'd lost both parents too early. No wonder he was so close with Dana…

Then, at the back of the photo album, some loose pictures slipped out and fell onto the floor. I bent down to pick them up, examining each one to see what was the subject.

Jenna.

Long dark hair and the face of an angel. Smiling at the camera, a scarf tied around her head. She was in a convertible, her hands on the wheel.

On the back was one word. Jenna.

The woman who broke Luke's heart…

There were nearly a dozen similar pictures of Jenna, in various locations, but in all of them she was smiling at the camera like she was perfectly happy. One showed Luke and Jenna together. He pulled her closer, his arms around her and she kissed his cheek.

They seemed so happy. Why would she cheat on him?

I felt incredibly guilty snooping through his personal possessions so I hastily slipped the pictures back into the photo album and replaced it on the bottom of the drawer.

He still kept them – memories of his relationship – the woman he almost married. I knew he was still not over her. He couldn't get close to a woman, even now – almost a year later. He kept them all at arm's length and focused on his business and his plans to sail the world and then leave it for good.

A part of me wanted to cry after seeing those pictures of Luke. He seemed so easy going and carefree, but I knew that deep down, he had a lot of scars from the various pains in his childhood and youth – his father and mother dying, leaving him an orphan cared for by adoptive parents, then his fiancée cheating on him with her ex…

I went to the bedroom, giving up on the idea of watching the news, and quickly dressed. I gathered up my bag and went to the kitchen. I scrawled a hasty note on a sheet of paper from my bag.

Thanks for the great night. This has been fun, but we both know it’s going nowhere and that’s not good enough for me. Have a great life and thanks for the memories.

Then I left the apartment while the sun began to rise and walked to the nearest subway station to take a train back home.

---

When I got back home, Candace was gone, so I changed into some jeans and a hoodie and went for a walk through the streets around the apartment, picking up a coffee on my way. I still felt sad and wanted to think through everything that happened between Luke and me. I decided to walk to the Hudson to watch the seagulls fly. The sky gradually brightened and I breathed in deep the cool morning air before it warmed up.

My cell dinged and I pulled it out of my hoodie pocket to see who was texting me, wondering if it would be Luke.

To my surprise, it was Dana, his sister.

DANA: Hey, Alexa, I hope you don't mind that I'm texting you. I got your number from Luke's phone. Ha ha. I pretended I wanted to google something. Hey, I'm his twin. I consider myself partially responsible for his happiness. Speaking of which, Luke told me you left suddenly this morning and pretty much broke off your relationship. Are you okay? I know Luke really likes you and I wanted you to know there is nothing between him and Jenna anymore in case you were worried about it. Sorry to butt into your life but I know my brother. He was really upset that you left and weren't going to see him again. I hope you two can work it out. He seems to really like you.

I read her text over, surprised that she felt a need to contact me. I mused whether I should text her back, but I decided I should, just to be polite.

ALEXA: I'm fine. Luke and I aren't serious. In fact, we're pretty casual. A relationship of convenience really, and so it's not a big deal if we stop seeing each other. Seriously – I'm fine. Luke is a free man, and he has plans for the future that don't involve me. I understand that, and we had some fun together, but he's not in my future and I'm not in his. Thanks for being concerned about me but really, I'm fine.

I read over my text and then sent it, figuring that would end the whole business and I wouldn’t hear from her or Luke again.

I continued to walk along the river, feeling sad that nothing could happen between us, trying to harden my resolve. I felt so bad that I wanted to go back home and see my family, but I couldn't go back, because of Blaine. He'd find me if I showed up. In the small town where I had lived before moving to Manhattan, everyone knew everyone else's business. As soon as I drove into town, gossip would spread that I was home, and Blaine would know it. A court ordered restraining order couldn't keep him away – that much I knew for sure.

My parents often rented a vacation home on South Padre Island on the gulf coast of Texas. That was the only place I could go to meet with them and connect, given the problems that I faced when Blaine and I broke up before I came to Manhattan.

It was a time in my life I did not want to think about or revisit.

I sent my mom and dad a text, hoping I could visit them sometime in the fall during my break.

ALEXA: Hey, are you and Dad planning on going to Texas this fall for Thanksgiving? I need a break away from my studies and would love to see you.

She didn’t respond right away, so I continued to walk along the river and drink my coffee.

When my cell dinged again, I expected it was her answering, but instead, it was Dana once more.

DANA: That's strange. I know Luke really regrets that you left early. I didn't get the sense from him that the relationship was one of convenience. He contacted me to talk, so I think he really likes you. So if it was a relationship of convenience, it was on your part, not his. I know my brother. I guess it's a good thing that you left after all, if that's the way you felt about him.

She got the wrong idea entirely, of course. She was too close to Luke, and was concerned for him, but of course, it was totally a relationship of convenience. I couldn’t explain to her why and how we really met, so I was at a loss how I could explain it. I couldn't tell her the truth.

Your brother hired me thinking I was an escort that your cheating husband fucked while you were pregnant. He wanted to send a clear message to Eric that he better stop his cheating ways…

No, that most definitely wouldn't work.

I decided to text her back so she wouldn't push it any farther.

ALEXA: What I mean by convenience is that we both are really busy with our lives – Luke with with his business and me with my MA. We both understood that we would enjoy each other when we had the chance, but that there was no longer-term relationship possible because of both our plans. I'm going to move to Europe after I’ve finished my PhD and hope to join the diplomatic corps. He wants to go away for a year on his catamaran and then maybe take part in the Mars mission and eventually even leave on a one-way mission. So, we knew there was no chance that the two of us would stay together long-term. I care about him and he cares about me, but that's the extent of it. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

I put my phone in my pocket and started back to the apartment, wanting to get breakfast and try to put everything behind me. Before I reached the apartment building where Candace and I lived, my cell dinged once more.

DANA: Meet me for breakfast? I live just down the street from your apartment building.

I didn’t know what to say. She seemed to be really invested in the idea of Luke and me being together.

ALEXA: Okay. Where do you want to meet?

DANA: At The Old Mill. It has a great English breakfast. See you in ten.

I was completely surprised that she wanted to meet me, but was willing to go and talk to her. She was really sweet and I knew she had Luke's best interest at heart. I had to convince her that it really was no problem that Luke and I weren't going to see each other.

So I went to meet her.

---

The Old Mill was one of those hole in the wall restaurants that had a busy breakfast and lunch crowd and then became a local watering hole for people after work. I entered and searched around, finally seeing Dana sitting at a booth in the back. I went to her and smiled when I saw her. She seemed really pleased to see me and so honest and open about everything. I felt sick that I knew about her cheating husband and couldn’t tell her.

"Hi," she said and patted the booth beside her. "Come and sit down. They have a great British fry-up on the menu for breakfast. Eggs, beans, tomatoes, bacon, and toast. Plus, real hot tea. Usually, Eric and I come here, but I told him it was a girl's breakfast for me this week."

I slipped in beside her and picked up a menu, deciding on the same thing she ordered when the waitress came to our table.

I felt Dana's gaze on me as I stirred my tea.

"So, I heard from Luke that you left his apartment early this morning without saying goodbye. I know you must think it's strange that I contacted you, but I liked you right away as soon as we met. I feel like we could be friends. Real friends."

I smiled back at her, feeling the same way about Dana.

"I do, too."

"So, tell me why you broke it off with my brother? You're the first woman he's brought to any family function since he and Jenna split last year. That has to mean something."

I shrugged, unable to tell her the truth. "Like I said, we're both really busy and agreed to only see each other when it was convenient for us both. There were never any long-range plans for us."

"He was really upset when she showed up at the beach house. Nothing happened between them."

I shrugged. "When I saw him with Jenna, I realized that he wasn't over her yet. This morning, I found a photo album in his bottom drawer in the living room wall unit and I had this sense he's still hurt and not ready to commit again. I figured I should break it off now before we get too far in. Even if he doesn't feel something for her, he's not ready for another serious relationship and that's all I'm good at."

She shook her head. "Look, I love my brother, but between you and me, all this sail around the world and Mars mission stuff is a way to distract himself from being lonely."

"That may be, but he's not ready to become involved in a serious way again, and frankly, I'm not interested in anything less."

"I know. I don't blame you. Look," she said and leaned closer to me. "Luke was hurt by what happened, devastated for a while, but the fact that Jenna had been cheating on him for months destroyed anything he felt for her before. Seriously. He feels nothing for her any longer. He told me you must have seen her touching him, but believe me, he did not touch her. He hates her at this point."

"Honestly, it's not that. Really. It's that I realized there was no future for us and I didn't want to get hurt when he leaves for his trip."

She frowned. "You could still see each other. He told me he'd fly you to meet him any time you had a break from your classes. He's going to be even more ridiculously wealthy once the deal goes through."

I felt frustrated, unable to tell her that it was all a sham. That we were pretending and that it was because of her bastard of a husband that we met at all.

Instead, I had to make up excuses.

She told me all about Luke and Jenna, going over everything I already knew.

I shrugged, never having heard of the Marshall family before or Jenna's family. "I didn’t read the gossip pages in the paper. I had no idea who Luke was when I first met him."

"He liked that about you. He's proud of our family business, and of his own business, but he was never about the celebrity. He always wanted to do something bigger than himself." She sighed. "It was Jenna's betrayal that convinced him that he could never trust a woman to be faithful. Especially considering the one woman he thought loved him had been secretly fucking her ex for months…" She raised her eyebrows. "He was devastated, and then he was really reclusive for a couple of months, keeping his head down, working hard on the startup."

"I can't imagine finding out she cheated on him a week before the wedding."

"Jenna wanted to get married. Her ex didn't want to get married. So, she decided to start seeing Luke again. But she never stopped loving her ex, I guess. How someone could betray the person they were going to marry, I'll never know."

When she said that, I felt incredibly guilty that I knew about Eric cheating on her with the real Lexi911. It made my throat constrict, and I wished I could tell her the truth. But what good would it do? She was not far from giving birth for the first time – something she didn't think she could ever do. Finding out Eric cheated on her with an escort would only ruin what should be one of the happiest and momentous times of her life.

Then she turned to me. "What about you? Luke said you had some drama in your past around a former boyfriend?"

I smiled, but felt incredibly reluctant to talk about Blaine. "Luke told you, did he?"

"We tell each other everything."

I pushed my food around on my plate, knowing that in fact they didn't tell each other everything. "Blaine and I started dating in high school. He was a few years older than me and became really controlling once he graduated. Because he was no longer in the halls at school, I guess he couldn't be sure I was being faithful to him. Things went downhill from there and I was too in love with him to see it. What I thought was affection and attachment was really a desire to control me, it was sick instead of a sign of love. You know, the same old story…"

I didn't tell her the part about Blaine stalking me, eventually abducting me, and holding me prisoner, or of me escaping and going to the police. I didn’t mention that they arrested him and that he went to jail. Nor did I mention that he got out of jail and started stalking me again. I had to leave home and move away without telling anyone where I was going except my parents.

That part I'd rather not tell anyone. I hated even acknowledging it myself because it made me feel like such a bad judge of character. How I thought I still loved him when he started trying to control my every move. How I had been so wrong and realized it only too late.

She gave me a soft smile and then reached out to squeeze my arm. "I know that love can blind you to the flaws in your partner. Believe me, I know Eric's no saint. He's a man with flaws like every other man." She turned back to her plate of food and cut some bacon. "One thing my mother told me before she died was that if I wanted to have a happy marriage, I had to decide what to fight over and what to let slide."

I watched her for a moment, wondering if she had some inkling that Eric had cheated on her during her pregnancy. But I couldn’t imagine that a woman would look the other way if she knew her husband was cheating on her.

"How do you decide what to fight over and what to let slide?"

She took a sip of water. "I want a family. Eric's given me that. As long as he's good to me and to our child, I'll accept his faults and flaws."

"What flaws does he have, if you don’t mind me asking?"

She laughed softly. "Oh, he's a bit pompous. Well, a lot pompous, to tell the truth."

I didn't know what to say in response. He'd struck me as a bit of a snob, but he was rich, and that explained a lot.

"And, he's obsessed with appearances," she added. "He cares about labels, and good press. He's vain, always looking in the mirror and worried that he doesn’t look good from behind." She gave me this wicked grin. "I know it's true. I love him anyway. Besides, I have my flaws too. If Eric expected perfection in me, he'd be really disappointed."

I smiled at her, wishing that Eric would realize what a gem he had in Dana. "What flaws could you have?"

"Oh, believe me," she said and chewed on a piece of bacon. "I have my own faults. Both of us look the other way. That's how we stay together. I think a lot of couples expect perfection in each other. They're bound to be disappointed."

"But you wouldn't blame Luke for being upset that Jenna cheated on him with her ex?"

"Could you forgive someone for cheating?" She turned to me and looked me directly in the eye.

"No," I said. "Cheating, especially when you’re married, is the worst. I couldn't forgive it."

"Research shows that thirty percent of people cheat at some point in their relationships."

She didn't say anything else and the two of us continued to eat our breakfasts. Did she know Eric had cheated on her?

It sounded like she was willing to forgive.

"Would you forgive Eric if you found out he cheated on you?"

She continued eating, not meeting my eyes. "It would depend on the circumstances, I guess. Men can have sex without caring about the person much more easily than women. At least, none of the women I know." She shrugged. "Usually, if a woman's cheating on her husband or boyfriend, it’s because she's emotionally unhappy at home with her partner. When a man does, it means he's not getting enough sex and probably couldn't care less about the woman he's cheating with."

At that moment, it almost seemed as if she knew Eric had cheated on her after all. Maybe all this charade Luke and I had been involved in was for nothing.

"I couldn't imagine it," I said, not wanting to give anything away. "Finding out that my boyfriend or husband cheated on me."

"You have to decide what makes you happier. Being alone or being with someone."

"Being alone," I said. "I was with someone who tried to control my every move and every thought. When I escaped, I realized that I would rather be alone than be with someone who was that obsessive."

"Did he hit you?"

I shook my head. “No he choked me,” I replied quietly. "He threatened me when we broke up. I got a restraining order." I didn’t tell her the rest.

"I'm so sorry. I agree that in your case, it would be better to be alone than with someone like that."

We ate in silence for a few moments, and I thought it was one of the strangest conversations I'd ever had with someone I barely even knew. Dana was so open and so easy to talk to, it seemed almost natural for us to talk about anything, even things you would only normally talk about with your best friend.

We finished our meals and the talk turned to more mundane things like her pregnancy and plans for the baby and how she'd manage juggling work and being a new mother.

I enjoyed our talk and sharing a meal with her, regretting that we wouldn’t become more than just accidental acquaintances. She told me so much about Luke, filling in bits and details about his life before and after their parents died. It made me regret even more that he and I could never be a real couple.

"Well, I better go. I'm meeting Eric for a pre-natal class at the hospital." We stood up and grabbed our bags, then walked out into the warm morning sunshine.

She squeezed me briefly. "Don't give up on my brother. He's one of the good ones, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased."

"Thanks for breakfast," I said and waved as she walked away.

I made my way back to my apartment, my hands stuffed into my hoodie, regret filling me that Luke would soon be going and would be out of my life completely.

It seemed so unfair for us to meet the way we did – so accidentally, and then for us to enjoy each other so much to our mutual surprise.

And to have to now say goodbye.

Life wasn't fair.