Note to self: Elevator music isn’t so bad.
When I warily step onto the elevator at the hotel on Thursday night, luck is not on my side. I’m the only occupant with Drama Llama Barbie. She looks pristine in her black and white dress and her peep-toe pumps, hints of bright red nail polish from her daily pedicure poking through. Her hair is still up from tonight’s reveal show, but hers appears more natural. Like she was born with style and elegance. Her entire appearance makes her look like she stepped off the runway and decided to grace us mere mortals with her presence. Too bad she’s the Devil in disguise.
Note to self: Take the stairs. Your ass and your self-esteem will thank you.
“I don’t know how you did it again this week, but the fact that you’re still here is a poor reflection on this show. It’s supposed to be about finding the next big star. You shouldn’t even have made it out of the first round,” she says while examining her perfect French manicure.
This evening when they called my name, as the first contestant saved, was a shock–to me and a few of the other contestants. Audible gasps were heard, and while I didn’t turn around, I’m pretty sure I know where those came from. The look on Beau’s face as he looked on from his position at the table was one of pure excitement and joy. He seemed genuinely happy that I was safe for another week. Whether it’s because of my ability to perform on stage or our budding attraction towards each other, I don’t know. Though, I’m hoping it’s the former, and that the latter is just an added perk to me still being here.
“You don’t have to be jealous of me, Shawna.” I look her square in the eye and can see the moment her anger reaches boiling point. Smoke practically billows out of her ears.
“Jealous? Puh-lease! I’m not jealous of someone who’s sleeping with a coach. Not to overlook the fact that you’re sleeping with a male contestant too. I’m here fair and square because I’m the best, not because I’m a slut,” she says just before the elevator doors open, depositing us on the third floor.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not sleeping with a coach or anyone else. And as I recall, I beat you fair and square in the first round of eliminations. Which means I’m here because I’m the best. You’re here because you’re lucky.” And with that, I turn and walk towards my room.
If the daggers she’s shooting at me through her eyes could have actually killed me, I would have dropped before I even finished my little victory speech. The moment is short lived, though, as I make my way to my room. I hear the loud clank of a door behind me and finally breathe my first real deep breath since I stepped onto that elevator. When I slip inside my own room, her accusations hit me square in the chest.
Sleeping with a contestant? You’ve got to be kidding me!
If I were enjoying half the sex everyone around here thinks I’m having, I’d be in pretty good shape! Much better than the reality. Reality is that I don’t even own a BOB. When you have a toddler who sleeps in the same bedroom as you, battery operated toys aren’t exactly something you indulge in. No, when I need to scratch that itch, that’s when I find someone who isn’t looking for a relationship. The thing I’ve learned about working at Chaser’s is that there are plenty of men out there looking for a little no-strings-attached sex. Though, I rarely leave with someone from the bar. I prefer to visit an establishment a few miles away that I’m not employed by. There’s less risk of them making surprise visits while I’m on the clock.
Maybe the fact that I can’t even remember the last time I engaged in said activities is the real reason for my hostility. When I sit down and think about it–really, really think about it–I can’t even remember my last fling. Brad? Or was it Jax? Either had the same result. I met them at the uppity bar, a frequent hangout for after work executives or blue collared society, where I let them buy me a drink. That’s how it always starts, right? One drink that leads to another which leads to a few grazes with your hand or resting it on a leg. Then, you add in batted eyelashes and a few more casual touches. Finally, it’s out the door and towards the agreed upon meeting location. Most of the time, it’s at their house or apartment. Never at mine. A few have even taken me to a hotel–not the seedy kind that you pay by the hour, but definitely not the kind where the bellhop escorts you up to your room with your luggage.
Sex is fun. I’ve always enjoyed it; especially with someone I consider “my type.” Brown or dark blond hair with green eyes. A physique that doesn’t scream Curls for the Girls or Gym Selfie Taker, but does scream Gym Membership. Someone who dresses for their job and wears it comfortably whether it be at an office or out in the field somewhere. That’s why my attraction to Beau is so confusing. He’s nothing like my usual type. Except his body. His body is all hard muscle and bold lines. He screams sexuality. Sex that would be, no doubt, off the chart. Nuclear. Mind-altering. The kind that leaves destruction and a little devastation in its wake.
It’s too late to call Mom tonight, though I fire off a few text messages before heading to bed. We talked in great lengths last night after my performance with Beau. She understood my dilemma, caught between what the network wants and what I want. Ultimately, if I’m going to have a real chance at winning this thing, I know I have to play nice with the network holding the purse strings. I can’t deny them when they hold my future in their greedy little palms. All I can do is play along. And maybe enjoy the ride.
Lord knows stealing glances and touches with Beau Tanner isn’t going to be a hardship. Not one damn bit!
*****
“Two things,” Beau says from underneath that black Stetson hat. “First, I have a surprise for you, but I’ll get to that in just a few. I want to tell you what song you’re singing this week.”
“Bring it,” I tell him, bouncing in my seat. Last week, he told me he was working on something different for me.
“I know you’re not a fan of country, but I want you to give it a shot this week. I want to slow it down this week and touch on something softer for you. Have ya heard of Faith Hill?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’ve heard of her, but I don’t know much that she sings. Wait, she’s married to the hot cowboy, right?”
Beau’s eyebrow shoots upward, disappearing completely underneath that hat. “Really?”
“Yeah, well, I may not know a lot about country music, but everyone knows Tim whatever-his-name-is.”
“Whatever-his-name-is. Oh my God,” he mumbles, eyes cast downward as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Tim McGraw is the definition of country music. I grew up listenin’ to him, singin’ his songs. He’s one of the main reasons why I chose country music.”
“Well, I don’t know about all of that, but he’s one of my favorite cowboys,” I tease.
“One of your favorites?” he asks with a big smile.
“Yeah, he’s number two,” I reply without releasing the smile I’m holding in.
“Number two. Who’s number one?” he asks, inching just a little bit closer on his stool.
“Luke somebody,” I reply as straight-faced as humanly possible. Seriously, I should get an award for this performance. I’d like to thank the Academy… Never mind the fact that I don’t even really know who this Luke guy is, but everyone is always talking about him. Something about his amazing pelvic thrusts and ass wiggles.
“I quit,” Beau says dramatically as he throws his hands up in the air.
“You quit because I don’t know who Luke is or because you’re not my favorite cowboy?”
Beau walks around until he’s standing directly in front of me. When he leans forward, his scent invades my senses, teasing me in the best possible way. When he squeezes his hands on the edges of my stool, the outsides brushing against my ass, I almost melt into a warm pile of goo.
“I think you’re lying,” he whispers, his lips a breath away from my own. My breathing comes out in short little pants as I gaze into his smoldering eyes. They’re ablaze with something deep, something dark, and something very dirty.
“About what?” I finally manager to get out through the little pants I can breathe.
“About who your number one cowboy is. I don’t think Luke somebody gets you all worked up like you are right now. I think this cowboy is the only one who gets this kinda reaction from ya. And I think that I want to test that theory,” he whispers, his breath kissing my ear.
But he doesn’t test it.
Instead he pulls back and out of my personal space. I feel the void of his heat instantly and crave to plaster myself against him. Then the reality of the situation sets in. The camera hovers nearby recording our every move, our every word. Understanding sets in as to why Beau was whispering practically against my ear just moments ago.
“So, do you want to know what song?” he asks, standing his full six foot, two inch frame blocking half the light reflecting behind him.
“Yeah.”
“‘Breathe’.”
“I am breathing,” I retort.
Beau just closes his eyes and shakes his head before the laughter erupts from his gut. “No, the name of the song is ‘Breathe.’ Jesus, you are so difficult.”
“I am not. It’s not my fault I don’t know every country song sung by every country artist out there.”
“Fine, I’ll concede that point. Before we run through this, I wanted to tell ya that we’re starting duets this week. You’re paired up with Ben.”
“Ben? What are we singing?”
“I’m still working on it. You guys are scheduled for a practice tomorrow morning. I’ll have it narrowed down by then,” he says as he steps back around his music stand.
“Wait. Tomorrow? Don’t you have shows?”
“Not for a couple of weeks. I had a short break planned from the tour so I can focus on the show for a bit. I do it for each season. It helps with my concentration. If I could take the entire season of the show off from touring and give it my full attention, I would. But that don’t pay the bills or the crew and my band. So, the song. Let’s run through it a few times right now. We have a bit left before ya have to go to wardrobe.”
After listening to the music, giving me a feel for the song, Beau and I run through my latest song several times. It’s a beautiful song. To think that you can have that kind of passion and love, feel that kind of all-consuming desire for someone is a heady feeling. Not only is it a little bit of a wake-up call, but it also plants a little seed deep within my soul.
For the first time in a very long time, I start to entertain the idea of wanting that. I start to picture the something more that might be out there for me. Something for Eli and me, together. And that doesn’t scare me as much as I thought it would.
As I head back to the hotel after a long day at the studio, I run through the lyrics of the song several more times. The more I sing it, the more I can’t fight the image that accompanies it. The image of a certain tall, gorgeous cowboy. He twists me up inside and leaves me longing for more. Beau is dangerous with a capital D, and now he’s all I think about. I run through our entire morning together so many times I could play it backwards in my sleep. The song reveal. The hidden touches. The teasing. Everything he said. Then, I remember…
I didn’t even get to ask him about his surprise.
*****
“Mom, you sound like you’re in a tunnel. Why don’t you call me back?” I ask just as a knock sounds at the door. I climb off my bed and step over to the door, phone still pressed firmly against my head. When I look out, I don’t see anyone through the peephole.
“Mom, I gotta go. Someone’s knocking,” I say as I fling open the door.
To say I’m surprised is an understatement. Standing on the other side of my door is my mom and my son. I don’t even realize I’m crying as I throw my arms around them, pulling them so tightly against my chest, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to suck in air. But the reality is that I’m finally able to breathe. For the first time in weeks, I can feel like I can truly take a deep breath of sweet oxygen.
“Are you surprised?” she asks through her own tears.
“Are you kidding me? What are you doing here?”
“It’s part of your surprise,” she says as she releases her hold on Eli and leaves him tucked solely in my arms.
“What surprise?” I ask, confused.
“Beau. He had Eli and me flown in this morning,” she says with a knowing smile.
Beau did this? I can’t even believe it, yet I can completely see it. The man I’ve gotten to know these past few weeks is caring and considerate. He’s also spontaneous, apparently.
“Beau did this?” I ask, vocalizing the words in my head.
“Yep, arranged it earlier in the week. He said he knew you’d still be here after Thursday,” she says as she sets her purse down on the bed.
“He can’t do this. Everyone will read into this whole stunt, too,” I reply, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“He brought in Ben’s sister, too, Layne. We’re going with you to rehearsal today so we can see how this whole thing works. He said something about you and Ben rehearsing for your duet.”
“Wait. You talked to Beau?” I ask.
“Well, duh. Of course I talked to him.”
Eli shimmies down my lap and reaches for the remote control. After finding a channel with cartoons, I help him climb up on my bed next to me and settles in for Paw Patrol.
“That man is crazy for you, Layne. He called to find out about coming out here for a bit. He offered to pay my missed salary and all the travel expenses. I wasn’t about to let him pay for my missed time from work, but he negotiated well enough and ended up covering all of our travel expenses. He’s even upgrading our room to a suite so that you can stay with us while we’re here,” she says.
“Wow, that’s so nice of him. And he brought in Ben’s sister too?” I ask in way of seeking confirmation.
“Yep. We rode from the airport together. She’s a sweetheart. You’ll meet her shortly when we get to the studio.”
I glance down at the clock on the nightstand, absently stroking Eli’s head. Just to feel his little body against mine again leaves me settled. “We need to head out soon.”
“Yeah, he was going to surprise you at the studio, but I didn’t think this moment should have been in public and recorded. I guess they’re going to fake another reveal when we get there for the cameras.”
Great. More acting.
I gather up my bags and my son and head for the door. With Maxwell being in the bottom two on Thursday night, he was sent home from the competition, leaving Ben and myself the sole two contestants on Team Beau. It worries me a little that they’re dropping like flies on our team. Hopefully that’s a trend that doesn’t continue in the upcoming week.
When we get to the studio, I happily show Mom and Eli around. We finish our tour at our small rehearsal studio where I find a smiling Beau. He’s standing in the corner with Ben and his sister. The way her hand is casually resting on his forearm sends prickles of something through my body. Could it be jealousy? God knows that it feels like it.
“There they are,” Ben says with a huge smile. He walks over pulls me into an unexpected tight hug.
I stand so straight it’s like someone attached a rod from the back of my neck to my ankles. It doesn’t help when my shocked eyes slam into the equally shocked ones of Beau. Except there’s something more in his eyes. Anger. Jealousy. Like he wants to pull Ben off of me, rip off his arms, and beat him to death with them.
I pull myself out of Ben’s arms while Beau hovers over his shoulder looking like a bear with a thorn in his paw. “This is my mother, Grace,” I say to the three people in front of me. “And this little man is my son, Eli.”
“You have a son?” Ben asks with pure shock…and maybe horror written on his face.
I pay no attention to him because it’s Beau that I’m drawn to. He crouches down in front of Eli and offers him a warm smile. “Hey, lil’ man. My name is Beau.”
“Hi,” Eli whispers shyly as he hides most of his face behind my right leg.
“Did you like the big airplane?” he asks, still crouching and having the conversation completely with Eli.
“I got these,” he whispers quietly as he pulls a little pair of plastic wings from his shorts pocket.
“Those are cool. That means you’re an honorary pilot. Maybe someday you’ll fly planes just like that one, huh?”
Eli nods vigorously as he steps out from behind my leg.
“Do ya want to come up front with me and watch your mom?” Beau asks. Eli stares up at him with big, wide, trusting eyes before he places his small hand inside of Beau’s much bigger one.
Before they can make their way up front, Eli points to Beau’s hat. “I like your hat.”
“This ol’ thing?” Beau reaches up and removes his hat, placing it on my son’s head. It’s huge and swallows Eli’s head whole, but the smile he gives me when he turns around is enough to melt the glaciers in Antarctica. Instantly a lump the size of a tennis ball lodges in my throat causing me to choke on unspoken emotions. “Come on, Eli. I have a special spot up front for ya.”
I watch helplessly as Beau leads my son by the hand up to the front of the room. He picks him up and places him on his stool, tipping the hat back so that he can see his eyes. The smile that Eli gives him mirrors the one I see on Beau’s handsome face. The entire exchange pulls at my heartstrings, exposing my heart piece by agonizing piece. Something unravels in my chest. Something that resembles longing.
“This is my sister, Sara,” Ben says, breaking the Beau spell I’m under.
“Oh, hi, Sara. I’m Layne,” I reply, expending my hand to the petite brunette.
“Oh, I’ve heard all about you,” she replies with a meaningful smile. Something tells me that it has something to do with Ben’s crush.
“Let’s go ahead and get started,” Beau says.
Mom and Sara walk over to the stools along the far wall and get comfortable to view today’s rehearsals. Their eyes continually connect with the camera floating around the room. I’ve become so used to their tag-alongs that I don’t even know they’re there anymore. For someone on the outside who’s not used to the invasion, I can see where it can be distracting and uncomfortable.
“You guys are the last duet of Wednesday night’s show. I’ve considered several different songs and finally settled on one that I think will balance both of your ranges and your styles. So, for this week, you guys are singin’ Lady Antibellum’s ‘Just A Kiss’,” Beau says, staring straight at me–hell, straight to my soul–as he speaks.
Memories of our shared kisses flood my mind. The images flash on repeat and I can practically feel his lips touching mine all over again. I try to shake off the images, but looking up at Beau doesn’t help. The look in his eyes tells me all I need to know. I touch my tingling lips and know that he’s reliving the same moments I am. From several feet away, I can feel his touch.
“This is the perfect song for me and Layne,” Ben says cheerfully next to me.
And just like that…moment shattered.
“Let’s run through it a few times before I add the music. Layne, I know you’re probably not familiar with this song, so don’t hesitate to ask any questions ya may have,” Beau says.
Over the next hour, we run through the song several times. The words are beautiful. It’s a song about longing for that one perfect kiss. Nothing more. Just a kiss to signify the start of a budding relationship. The underlying meaning behind this song doesn’t go unnoticed by me. Neither do the smoldering looks Beau throws my way when everyone else’s eyes are elsewhere.
Eli was superb during rehearsal. Beau let him push the buttons on the mp3 player when we added the music. I can tell by the bright smile on his face that he felt like such a big helper and part of the rehearsal. Of course, wearing Beau’s hat the entire rehearsal only helped cement the fact that he was top dog for the day.
“So, we’re all goin’ to dinner tonight,” Beau says at the end of practice. “There’s an excellent hibachi grill not too far from the hotel that I thought would be great. They have a kids menu,” he says and looks directly at me. “I checked.”
My knees turn to jelly and my heart does this crazy schoolgirl flutter. This man is making it impossible to continue to resist him day in and day out. It’s getting harder not to lean in and kiss him. Contract and show be damned.
“I’ll meet y’all at the hotel. Say six o’clock?”
We all agree and head towards the waiting van. Ben and Sara chat animatedly the entire trip, making us laugh with their sibling banter. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about Beau. I know. Nothing new, right?
I just hope I can keep it together long enough to get through this show. Hell, I’d be happy to just get through this night.
*****
“You look beautiful,” Beau whispers in my ear as we’re led towards a grill at the far end of the restaurant. The entire place is buzzing with energy. I’ve only ever been to a hibachi grill one other time and I left with my cheeks hurting from laughter and stuffed to the gills.
“Thank you,” I whisper back as I let Eli pull me towards our spot.
“I’m in da middle,” he exclaims as he reaches for Beau for help onto his chair.
Fortunately, I’m saved from having to sit by Ben, who was hovering closely, when my mom grabs the empty seat next to me. Beau sits on the other side of Eli leaving Sara to his left and Ben on the other side of her.
Sara instantly strikes up a conversation with Beau, which haggles my annoyance. I try not to let it show, but when Beau catches my eye and raises his eyebrow in question, a faint blush creeps up my neck.
We each place our order with the waiter. Mom and I chose the chicken and shrimp with fried vegetables and rice while I ordered chicken and lo mein noodles for Eli. Beau chose the steak and shrimp with veggies and rice, and Sara and Ben each stuck with the salmon and shrimp.
The mood is light as we enjoy our pre-dinner cocktails. I catch Ben watching me over the shoulders of Sara and Beau, but try not to let it get to me. Beau casually rests his arm on the back of Eli’s chair, which leaves his arm hanging right by my shoulder. Occasionally, I feel the slightest touch of his finger against my bare skin. Each graze is like a bolt of lightning straight to the apex of my legs. God, what I wouldn’t give to feel those hands on me in other places.
When our chef comes out, he instantly makes sure the grill is clean. He starts to set out his supplies, spreads the oil down on the grill top, and grabs his spatulas.
“Watch this, buddy,” Beau says to Eli who is watching wide-eyed for the show to start.
“Lean back, Eli,” I tell him as I pull his chair back a little from the table. When they light the oil on fire, flames shoot up, dancing high above the top of the grill. It’s amazing to watch, but could definitely sear the hair off your arms or eyebrows if you’re not careful.
Note to self: Eyebrow-less is NOT the look I’m going for tonight.
There’s not much opportunity to visit while the chef is cooking. He flips his spatulas around, spinning them and catching them like some oriental version of the movie “Cocktail.” He even tries tossing cooked pieces of chicken from his utensils into Beau and Ben’s mouths. It takes several tries, but Beau finally catches a piece of meat in his mouth. Eli cheers loudly and seems pleased when Beau offers him a friendly, happy smile.
“So, Beau, did I hear you’re dating Penelope Shaw?” Sara asks, resting her hand on his forearm again.
“Um, no. I’m not,” he replies with that country drawl so prominent.
“Oh, I thought I read somewhere that you were. My mistake,” she says, batting her eyelashes just a little bit more.
“Nope. I was seen in public with her a few weeks ago at a meeting of mutual friends, and ya know how the media is. Seen in public means ya must be gettin’ hitched,” he says with the shake of his head.
He’s hatless tonight, which is a completely different way to view Beau. I’ve seen him take off his hat several times and run his long, lean fingers through those dark locks, but tonight the only indication of the cowboy underneath is the boots on his feet. His hair is styled nicely with no sign of hat-head, which tells me he must have showered before tonight’s dinner. Beau in the shower: God, talk about a mental image I’ll happily carry with me for the rest of the night!
“So you’re not seeing anyone?” she asks with a blindingly bright eager smile.
“Nope, but I’m not really lookin’ either.”
“Yeah, but sometimes those are the best relationships. The ones you weren’t looking for when they find you,” my mom adds to the conversation, drawing everyone’s attention to the woman over my shoulder.
“That’s absolutely true,” Beau says. When I look back at him, those gray eyes are focused exclusively on me. My heart rate spikes and my palms start to feel a little damp. I’m sure my breathing looks similar to that of a poodle in heat.
The moment we share is broken when Sara grabs his arm and pulls him closer. Beau’s a great sport, not wanting to be rude to the overzealous woman, but doesn’t exactly respond to her advances either. Not that I blame her at all! If I was single (which I am) and not under contractual obligations (we all know the answer to that one), then I’d probably throw myself at the hottie in the seat next to me too!
“I’d love to see LA while I’m here. Are you familiar with it, Beau?” Sara asks not-so-subtly. Again, touching his arm.
“Only a handful of places and landmarks. When I’m here, I just don’t have time to sightsee,” Beau says. “But they have tours, I’m told, that you can take and see all the Stars’ homes and stuff. You should check into one,” he adds politely. Denied. Something about that makes me smile internally.
“Yes, well, maybe I will,” she replies with a small smile.
After dinner, we head back to the hotel. Beau is still with us, riding shotgun in the network van that we’re using for this evening. I’m not sure how he arrived at the restaurant, but apparently it wasn’t in his own vehicle. Knowing the network, he either has his own driver or his own car to use.
“Beau, wanna see my Legos?” Eli asks with wide, innocent eyes.
“I’d love to, buddy,” he replies, throwing him an award-winning smile that makes my belly flip-flop.
“You can help me build a house. I wike to build houses,” Eli adds.
The air crackles as we make our way to the bank of elevators. Eli has Beau’s full attention as they discuss different things you can make with Legos. Eli has those larger blocks that he loves to build things with. He’s too little for the tiny Legos right now, but if his love for building things continues, I can see many Lego purchases in my future.
As we step off the elevator on the top floor, I follow my mom towards our suite. We had moved all of my belongings up here earlier in the day before rehearsal. Eli and I are set up in the larger of the two rooms while Mom happily chose the smaller room. The view from the main seating area is stunning. You can see the mountains majestically rising in the background, dotted with million dollar mountainside homes that all look like they could tumble down the mountain if someone so much as sneezes.
“Beau, can I get you something to drink?” my mom offers from the small kitchen.
“I’m good, thank you.”
I grab a bottle of water from the fridge as Beau sits in the middle of the floor and prepares to build a house with building blocks with my three-year-old. The sound of their laughter echoes off the walls in the kitchen, but it’s the unsaid words from my mom that are the loudest.
“What?” I ask.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
“That you have feelings for him,” she says matter-of-factly.
“Mom, don’t go there. You know that I can’t afford to develop feelings for him. Nothing can happen between us right now. Even after the show, it’s not likely that anything will develop.”
“What if something has already developed? I know you, Layne. I know how you guard your heart. I know how you protect yourself from men for fear that they’ll hurt and disappoint you. Well, not all men are like Colton. Some are actually good, decent men. Your father was a great man who loved fiercely and loyally. He was taken from us too soon and I live with that loss every day. But, you can’t be afraid to try, Layne. You can’t be afraid to give your heart to someone. Because someday, someone isn’t going to give it back. Someday, they’re going to keep it and give you theirs in return. Someday, all of the tears and the hurt will just go away because someone takes it all away. They will make you forget because they love you so fiercely that you have no other choice but to love them back. Live for that moment, Layne. When you find it, hang onto it.”
I blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay. I can’t cry now. Beau is not twenty feet away, playing with my son in the other room. Yet, her words strike me so deeply that I can’t help but to let one fall.
I’ve watched my mom mourn the loss of my dad every day. She gets by, coping in her own way, but she has never been the same since the day we laid him in the ground.
“What about you?” I choke out.
“What about me? I had the perfect life for a while with your father and you. I miss him every day. But lately I’ve been trying to enjoy life again. I realized not that long ago that I can enjoy life, the company of a man, and still always love your father. He’ll always be in my heart, even if my heart is leading me towards someone else. That’s the circle of life, Layne.”
“Wait. Towards another man? What are you talking about?”
“Well,” she says, shifting uncomfortably. “What if I told you I had a date not that long ago and that I’ve been meeting a new friend for lunch over the past several weeks?”
“I would be happy for you. Who is it?”
“Umm…Lee.”
“Lee!? From Chaser’s, Lee?” Suddenly things start to click into place.
“Yes, Lee from Chaser’s. He’s been divorced for a while now and we’ve been enjoying each other’s company.”
“I’m happy for you, Mom,” I tell her honestly as I walk across the room and pull her into a hug.
“Yes, well, it’s still new. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but I enjoy spending time with him nonetheless.”
“He has always seemed like a nice man. Though, if he hurts you, I’m going to have to maim him,” I tell her resulting in a laugh.
“Excuse me, ladies, but I’m supposed to grab ya and show ya our newest creation,” Beau says uncomfortably from the doorway.
I quickly step away from my mom, wipe away the rogue tear, and follow him into the living room where Eli has their tower proudly on display.
“It’s awesome, Eli,” I tell my son.
“Thanks, Mommy. Beau helped make it tall! It’s the tallest tower ever!”
“It sure is,” I tell him, bending down and kissing him on the crown of the head.
“Eli, why don’t you come with me? It’s time to take a bath, and Mommy can visit with Beau before he heads out,” my mom says.
“I can do it, Mom,” I retort.
“I know you can, but I don’t mind doing it tonight,” she says with a wink before scooting Eli off to the guest bedroom.
We stand in awkward silence for a few moments before Beau says, “Wanna step out onto the balcony?”
“Sure,” I reply, following him towards the sliding glass door.
Outside, the air is cool, but not enough to require a jacket. Night is falling and the roadways are littered with headlights. The sound of traffic is constant. That’s something I’ve noticed about LA. Even in the dead of night, you can always hear traffic. It’s like the city is always in motion.
A chill settles over me as we both look out over the city. I can feel his body heat next to me, and it warms me clear down to my toes.
“Are you cold?” Beau asks, taking note of my goose bumps.
“Not really,” I reply honestly. I just leave out the part about my goose bumps being caused by his mere presence.
Before I even know what’s happening, Beau pulls me against his warmth, wrapping his arms securely around me. “I had a good time tonight,” he mumbles against the top of my head.
“Me too.” Honestly, I did.
“So, I take it ya liked my surprise?”
“Yours was the best I’ve had in a long time,” I tell him.
“Are we still talkin’ about the surprise?” he asks with just hint of that cockiness that I’ve become accustomed to.
I laugh before replying, “Yes. What did you think I was talking about?”
Beau looks down at me, causing my neck to crane upward to meet his eyes. “This,” he says moments before his warm, lush lips meet mine. I shiver as heat floods my body, sending waves of anticipation coursing through my blood stream.
The kiss starts out slow, but it doesn’t take long before our need for each other starts to rear its head. With one swift swipe of his tongue against the seam of my lips, I’m opening up and granting him access. His tongue is everywhere. The way it strokes my own sends my entire world spinning. I grab tightly to the back of his black t-shirt, holding on for dear life. God, can this man kiss.
I barely register movement until his hands dip underneath the back of my shirt. His touch almost burns me as his hot, calloused fingers graze the sensitive skin of my lower back. My moan is swallowed by his mouth and by the night.
Suddenly, there are too many clothes. The barriers between us are too great, restricting and confining. I snake my leg up and around his strong leg. I can feel his hardened length pressed against my stomach, begging to be released, to be touched. I grind myself against him, rubbing and trying to relieve the pressure between my legs. Pressure that Beau created. Pressure that only Beau can release.
But before it can go any further, Beau starts to pull away. I whimper as I try to pull him snugly against me, but he resists. He stands directly in front of me, my leg still wrapped firmly around his waist with our hands locked on each other’s bodies. But the distance is there. It takes everything I have to not attack those lips again as I attempt to wrangle in my breathing.
“I can’t let this happen, Layne. Fuck, as much as I want it to, I can’t do this here. I can’t risk someone findin’ out. They’d send you home and your time on the show would be over. Besides the fact that you deserve to be here, deserve a shot at winnin’ this whole thing, I can’t risk sendin’ ya home early. You not being here every day would kill me. Not seeing you, not stealin’ touches and glances, it would slowly kill me inside. You’ve become the very air that I need.” His hands make their way up to my face. His eyes are full of lust and desire, but something else, too. Affection. Suddenly, I feel like I’m the most cherished person in the world.
His confession does so much to my already overheated body. Happiness that he cares enough for me to not risk my future, not risk my chance on this show. Joy that he feels something for me that seems to be so much more than a quick roll in the sack. Excitement that I can bring this man to his knees. The feelings I’ve warned myself against are already there. They’re alive, deep and true. I care more for this man than I’ve allowed myself to care for any other in four years. In fact, he’s quickly becoming the only man I’ve ever truly cared for. Everyone before him fades away in comparison.
“I know you’re right, but I can’t seem to make myself pull away from you,” I whisper.
The light in his eyes is enough to brighten up the darkest nights. “I feel the same way,” he says before placing another gentle kiss on my sensitive lips. “For tonight, I need to walk away. But please know that even through I’m walking away, it isn’t for lack of want. I want to stay here with you so damn bad I’m afraid I might explode,” he says, giving a little head nod to his southern region.
I chuckle. “I want you to stay, too.”
“I promise, sweetheart, that very, very soon, I will finish this kiss. I will make you scream my name so many times that it’ll be the only name you ever remember. I will be inside of you so long that you won’t be able to remember what it feels like without me there.”
Good God, if that doesn’t make me almost orgasm right then and there.
“That song you’re singing next week with Ben? That song is for me. Not him. Me. When ya sing those words, know that it’s my kiss on your lips. Remember that it’s my kiss that longs to taste ya,” he whispers before placing another soft kiss on my lips.
Later that night, I struggle to sleep. I toss and turn for hours on end, praying for the quiet to swallow me whole. As much as I try, though, I can’t sleep. I can’t stop remembering that kiss. I can’t stop replaying his words. For the first time in years, I don’t want to stop. I want to explore this attraction. I want to follow it wherever it may lead. I want to finish what we started. Sleep may never come tonight. Instead, I’ll let the silence surround me, lost in my own thoughts and desires.
And wonder if maybe, somewhere out there, he’s lying awake and thinking of me too.