Chapter Twenty-Seven
Abby
I had no idea the human body could shed so many tears.
Which is funny considering six months ago, I watched my sister Meghan’s world shatter around her as she lost her fiancé, Josh. Those tears never seem to dry. Those tears were constant, day and night, and I almost feel guilty comparing my misery and heartache to something as monumental as losing the love of your life.
Levi wasn’t that for me.
He proved it by using me as a pawn in some sick and twisted game of chess. Well, checkmate, Levi. You win.
My mind keeps trying to figure out why. Why did he search me out on that stupid dating site? Why did he befriend me and carry on as if he had no clue who I was for a month? Why would he take me out on dates and make love to me with his stupid magic penis? Okay, no it’s not magic, but it is pretty fabulous. And most importantly, why would he lie about all of the above?
My heart and my head are doing battle. My heart tells me to talk to him, that there’s more to it than a juvenile game of cat and mouse. My heart tells me my Levi would never intentionally hurt me the way he has. My heart tells me that love can overcome anything, even when the one your heart is calling for betrays you.
My head, on the other hand, tells me to rid the world of the no-good, too handsome, lying, cheating bastard. Okay, yes, my head might be caught up in a bit of melodrama, but whatever. He didn’t cheat. At least, I don’t think so.
See? My head is in a funky place right now. I need to take some time, think about what I really want out of this relationship, and talk to him. Of course, if he doesn’t really want a real relationship, then what I want doesn’t matter, does it?
Stupid head.
I need my space. As much as I love spending time with my dad and grandparents, they’re hovering as if I’m about to go postal any moment and start picking people off with a sniper rifle from the clock tower. And our town doesn’t even have a clock tower.
That’s why I’m loading up my car to head back to my place. As soon as my bag was packed, I sent Lexi a text message, asking if the coast was clear. I know she was there earlier today. I know she talked to him. She never once pushed me, but just kept saying that when I was ready, I really needed to speak with him.
Maybe it’s not as bad as I think? First off, Levi wouldn’t still be breathing if Lexi got a hold of him. The fact that she talked to him, and didn’t rip off his balls like she said she was going to, is telling in itself.
Yeah, there’s only one way to find out what has really been going on, but today is not going to be that day. Right now, I just want to curl up on my couch, watching mindless, boring television, and get bloated eating too much Rocky Road ice cream. Maybe eat raw cookie dough for good measure.
“You know, I could go over and speak to the young man, if you’d like,” Grandpa says from my doorway.
Glancing at the aged man who acts like he isn’t a day over thirty, I can’t help but smile. “Oh, and how do you know it’s a young man?”
He enters my bedroom and takes a seat on my bed. “Well, beside the fact that your grandmother came to bed last night cursing like a sailor on a three-day bender at a whore house about the stupidity of the male species? I might be old, sweetheart, but my eyesight is fantastic. It’s Levi, right?”
Unable to speak, I nod my head.
“Well, that boy has always been a little slow on the upswing, sugar. Even when he was younger, he was impulsive and reckless. Scared the bejesus out of all of us a few too many times,” Grandpa says with a fond smile. “But he’s always loved you, even if he didn’t realize it until recently.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I ask curiously with a humorless laugh. It’s not likely Levi called up my grandpa and told him all about his feelings for his granddaughter or anything.
“Anyone in a five mile radius can see it, sweetie. Everyone but you.” I start to deny, shaking my head frantically, when he cuts me off. “No, don’t even try to deny it. We’ve all known for a while, but apparently, you’re a little slow too. Maybe that’s what makes you two perfect for each other,” he adds with a chuckle.
“Can I ask you something?” He nods as I take a seat beside him. “What would you do if Grandma lied to you?”
“Without knowing the circumstances, that’s hard to say. I guess if it was something she felt like she was protecting me from, then I’d forgive. I love your grandma more than anything, so it would have to be pretty bad for me to walk away. When we married, I vowed to love and protect her, and because of those vows, I’d like to think I’d do everything within my power to make our marriage work, and that includes forgiveness.”
“I wish it were just a simple decision,” I tell him.
“The things worth fighting for rarely are. Listen, I don’t know what Levi did, but I know you’ll weigh all of your options and make the right decisions where he’s concerned. Just make sure they’re not rash ones. Hear him out and then make your choice. Okay?”
“Okay,” I tell my grandpa, wrapping my arms around his frail shoulders and holding on tight.
“And if you need help burying the body, you call us. Your grandmother and I are pros at establishing alibis when the time calls for one,” he says with a straight face. At first, I laugh, but I’m suddenly not so sure he’s joking.
With a warm, comforting hug and my bag in hand, he walks me down the stairs–okay, I might help him more than he helps me, even though he’s still amazingly agile for a man his age.
The August sun is still shining high in the sky, even for late afternoon. After my dad throws my bag back into the trunk, I head out and make the short trip back to my apartment. I just pray Levi’s on duty tonight so that I don’t risk running into him. I’m not sure I’m strong enough not to throw my arms around him and beg him to love me.
Love me the way I love him.
* * *
My pulse hammers in my throat as I walk down the corridor. I want to glance over my shoulder at the wooden door across the hall, but keep my focus straight ahead. My movements are almost sluggish as I stick my key in the knob and give it a twist. Sighing deeply and allowing my eyes to close briefly, the quiet of the hallway surrounds me, choking what little life remains.
I’m not sure which hurts more: the fact that he abided by my wishes and left me alone, or the fact that he didn’t.
Stepping inside, I gently close and lock my door. There’s no movement, barely any noise from within my space except the ticking of the clock and the sporadic drip from the kitchen sink. Dropping my bag on the floor beside the door, I step further into my kitchen, and that’s when I see it: a potted deep purple orchid.
My favorite.
Stepping up to the flowering plant, I can’t help but bend down and inhale deeply. It’s so fragrant and exotic, and brings an instant smile to my face.
He remembered.
A big part of me wants to run across the hall, throw my arms around him, and vow to forgive him for everything he’s ever done and probably will do in the future. But I keep myself rooted in place. My grandpa’s right. I need to spend some time alone, thinking about what I want from our relationship and where I see it heading. I need to make sure I know what I want with my life first, then I can take the next step; hopefully, with Levi. Next up would be speaking to him and hearing him out.
It’s an easy enough plan; let’s just see if I can hold to it.
Retrieving my bag, I head to my bedroom to unpack and start a load of laundry. Stepping into my bedroom, I’m shocked and amazed by the sight. My bedroom is covered in roses. Vases everywhere. On my dresser, on my nightstands, against the walls. The bedspread and floor are covered in dark red petals.
With wobbly legs, I walk over to my pillow where a rectangular envelope sits, perched up by a single red rose. My hands shake as I pull the small postcard-sized card from within. It’s hard to read, but not because of his horrible chicken scratch handwriting. No, it’s difficult to see through the tears clouding my eyes.
My sweetest Abby,
There’s a rose here for every time I’ve thought of you since last night. A petal for every minute my heart beat for only you. Take the time you need, but know that I am thinking of you, my arms ready to hold you, my lips ready to kiss you, my heart ready to be given to you.
I’m yours.
Always have been. Always will be.
Levi
I burst into tears once more, those big body-shaking sobs that turn even the hardest woman into a little girl.
I’m so confused and angry and sad and happy. How can a man who played a lowdown dirty trick on his best friend write such sweet words that melt my heart until it’s a puddle at my feet?
Because he’s not that kinda man, stupid.
I know that, in my heart of hearts, Levi didn’t mean to hurt me. He couldn’t. Not the man who cried with me when I broke my arm in seventh grade, helped pull the rocks from my knees when I wrecked my bike at ten years old, and beat the shit out of Joel Harper for calling me a nerd senior year of high school.
My Levi isn’t cruel and wouldn’t do the things my head is accusing him of. There’s more to the story; there has to be. Fate isn’t harsh enough to make me fall in love with my best friend only for him to be the monster he has always protected me from.
With a new sense of purpose, I’m determined to find out why he lied to me. Heading into my office, I fire up my computer. It takes way too long. My anxiety is high as I bounce both legs in anticipation and impatience. As soon as the home screen is up, I log on to PerfectDate.com and reactivate my account. Everything is basically as I left it (of course it is, no one could contact you, dummy).
I find my message thread with SimpleMan easily, mostly because it’s one of the only ones there. The final message I sent, accompanied by the photo, stares back at me from the screen.
AngelEyes: I never expected that the one person to hurt me this badly would be you.
Typing a new response, I click send before I can talk myself out of it.
AngelEyes: I don’t know why you did what you did, but I want to know. No, I need to know. I don’t believe you did it to hurt me, even though that’s where my mind originally went. That’s on me, and for that, I’m sorry.
The message bubbles don’t appear, but I guess they wouldn’t if he is at work. I wait a few more minutes, but still don’t get a reply. And I’m sure he’s not trolling the dating site, especially after I deactivated my page the moment I ousted him via the dating website.
Or could he be?
No. No, Abby, don’t go there. He wouldn’t have bought your sister out of roses if he was still manwhoring his way through Jupiter Bay and the western half of Virginia.
Deciding to shut down my computer without checking email, I grab my phone and download the app. Why I never did this before is beyond me? I’ve never really been big on using my cell phone for anything other than calling and texting. I don’t have game apps or social media on my phone that I obsess over all day long, so it’s not like my first thought was to download the PerfectDate.com app and turn on the notifications.
Yes! Turn on the notifications!
When it’s all set up (and I check my messages four different times just to make sure I didn’t miss anything), my stomach growls angrily, reminding me that I haven’t eaten much today at all. Grandma made breakfast, but I chose to drink an extra cup of coffee instead of having French toast with fresh maple syrup. Yeah, that hurt. It’s usually my fave, but with my guts all distorted like a game of Twister, I didn’t have much of an appetite.
Opening my fridge, I’m reminded once again of the man who lives across the hall. There’s not much inside the refrigerator that could constitute food, but what I do find warms my heart. Homemade mac and cheese with three kinds of cheese.
Another of my favorites.
Smiling, I take the clear plastic container from the fridge and head towards the microwave, sniffing the ooey, gooey cheesy goodness as I go. After sixty seconds, I stir the spiral noodles (because spiral noodles are way better than boring ol’ elbow macaroni noodles), and stick it back in for another minute. When the timer sounds, the perfect comfort food is ready.
Instead of eating at my table, I take the bowl, a bottle of water, and the bag of fresh cornbread muffins I found on the counter (thanks, Levi) into the living room and get cozy on the couch. It’s a quiet evening with nothing on TV, but even if I had found something worth watching, I’m not sure it would have held my attention.
A door closing in the hallway has me jumping off the couch. I wonder if it’s Levi? I mean, I suppose it could be my neighbor, Linkin, but I usually don’t hear his door as notably as I do Levi’s. Of course, it could be me just wanting it to be Levi.
Sighing, I return to my seat and take a deep breath. If it is him, I don’t need to storm the castle like some crazy ex-girlfriend, you know? We have a lot of issues to work out before I just fly across the hall and climb him like a tree. Jump him like a pro basketball player. Ride him like a cowboy. You get my point, right?
Now do you see why I’m so confused? I hate him, I want him. I push him away, then want to be wrapped in his arms.
But the thing is, I don’t hate him. Not even a little. What I feel is so completely the opposite of hate, that I can’t picture my life without him.
So it’s time to get my shit together, figure out if I can trust him with my heart, and lay it on the line.