20
By the next morning, Jess was in full-on flip-the-hell-out mode. It was one thing to be stuck in a cabin with a hot guy, but staying the night was something wildly different.
It meant a relationship, a future. Maybe even marriage.
Jessica tried to calm her wildly beating heart as she lay next to Matt, who was still asleep and breathing deeply, his arm flung over her.
Jessica could feel the beads of sweat gathering on her forehead. She had to get out, and she had to get out now. His breathing was heavy, so Jess was pretty sure he was still in a deep sleep. If she was careful, she could slip out without waking him.
But even as she slipped quietly out the door, she realized that she might not be able to undo what was about to happen.
. . . .
After Jess left, she was in a fog, and all she could think about was seeing a friendly face. She steered her car to Maggie’s house, realizing that she might either still be asleep, or if she was really lucky, she might be awake and getting ready to take Charlotte’s 6:30 am spin class.
And in the event Maggie wasn’t alone, she sent her a quick text asking if she could drop by.
Maggie’s response was, Did you already screw things up with Matt?
Her friend did, indeed, know her well.
Jess parked on the street and walked up to the front door. Before she could even knock, Maggie threw the door open. As expected, she was wearing her spin gear.
“What the bloody hell have you done?” Maggie’s hands were on her hips, and she gave Jessica a look that almost knocked her on her butt. “And for the record, you look like hell.”
Jessica realized she probably hadn’t combed her hair, so it was still messy from…well…hot sex with Matt.
“It’s cold out here. Can I come in?” Jess asked meekly.
Without saying a word, Maggie stepped back and flung her arm out, encouraging her friend to come in.
Jessica walked past her like a puppy that had made an accident in the house. Her head was down, her purse clutched in her hand, and then she started to shake and then cry.
“I-I just can’t do it….”
Maggie walked over to her, and pulled her in for a hug. “Tell me what happened…”
“I love him, Mags. I love this man more than I thought I could ever love a man, way, way more than I loved…” she stopped before she finished, but they both knew who she meant.
“Come on. Let’s sit down, and I’ll make you some coffee.” Maggie released her hug and stepped back.
“I don’t want to make you late for your spin class.”
Maggie waved away her protests. “It’s fine, they can do without me this one day. I’ll take two classes tomorrow.” She winked, and walked toward the kitchen.
As she began filling the pot with water, and adding coffee, Jessica slid onto one of the barstools surrounding Maggie’s high counter.
“What did he say when you left?” Maggie asked, and when Jessica looked away, she gasped.
“Oh, dear God, please tell me you at least told him goodbye.”
Jessica shook her head while tears streaked down her face, and her nose started to run.
Maggie slammed a coffee mug on the counter, and Jessica jumped.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
Jessica nodded.
“Then you know I say this with the utmost love and friendship. You’re being a jackass.”
“I-I was thinking of sending him a text.”
That earned her an eye roll. “Well, isn’t that romantic? And you will do no such thing. Stop being a chickenshit and get back over there. Have a cup of coffee, especially now I’ve made it and missed spin class, but first text him, tell him you’re sorry you panicked, but you’re coming back over.”
When Jessica didn’t move, Maggie sighed. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m terrified,” she said, slumping.
The rich smell of percolating coffee rose accompanied Maggie around the counter to sit next to her friend.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” she sniffed, “I mean I didn’t expect to be so…so terrified…but I can’t, I can’t do this.”
“Maybe in time,” Maggie tried to sound reassuring, but she could see her friend shaking.
“I’m over Will. I mean, he’s so in my past. It’s just this big, black fear that I felt when I was with Matt.” Jessica pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I mean, when we were in the cabin, it was, I don’t know, survival or something, but then we were together last night, and it felt so…so good, and so terrifying.” Jessica bit her bottom lip to keep from crying again.
“Give it time,” Maggie whispered. “This is your first real relationship since Will.”
Jessica shook her head. “I can’t. I know I can’t. I’m a wreck.”
Maggie got up to fill their mugs with coffee. “Text him. Now. Regardless of your issues, Jess, he’s a good man and he deserves the truth, from you. Now. Then you’ll finish your coffee, comb your hair, and drive back there and talk to him.”
Jessica nodded and pulled out her phone.
I’m sorry I left. Let’s talk. I’ll be back there shortly.
There was no response to her text, but when she finished her coffee, she got back in her car and drove to Matt’s anyway.