11
Though Jessica was light, it took every ounce of his strength to carry her up the incline through the driving wind and snow to reach the cabin. By the time he got there, he was exhausted, his legs and lungs burning from the cold. He knew he needed to get her inside, and quickly. He could feel her breathing, but it was ragged at best.
Without setting her down, he nudged open the door he’d already managed to unlock. The cabin was sparse but clean. Luckily, he’d been right. It was a hunter’s cabin, with one room, one single bed, a fireplace, and a small kitchen area. He carried her to the narrow, bare bed and set her down.
“Jessica,” he said, raising his voice. “I need you to sit up and stay awake. Can you do that? I’m going out again to get firewood.”
She was still weak, but being out of the raging storm seemed to have helped her. The cabin was cold, but at least they weren’t battling the high, below-freezing winds and chilling snow.
Matt shrugged off his ruck and went right to work, keeping a watchful eye on Jessica. Having a fire was the first order of business. He’d spotted a small shed attached to the house, and if they were lucky, it would have some dry firewood and some kindling.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, pulling the ski mask over his face again.
He walked out the front door and followed the narrow porch surrounding the cabin to a low shed. The door was tightly shut, but not locked. He was surprised to find that someone had taken great care to cover the firewood with plastic to further protect it from the elements. He grabbed as many logs as his arms could carry and walked them back inside the cabin. He rushed back out to gather the dry pine needles he’d spotted on the floor of the shed to use for kindling.
When he checked Jessica each time, she was still awake, still sitting on the bed, and still shivering from the intense cold they’d experienced.
“This will take a second,” Matt tugged open this rucksack and pulled some magnesium fire starter he’d brought, along with metal matches, both of which had often come in handy during cold nights in the desert.
He arranged the kindling in the large fireplace, and it lit almost immediately. He let it catch for a minute, and then began adding logs, one at a time.
“Come here,” Matt said, in a tone Jessica suspected would get instant obedience from the men under his command. “Come sit by the fire while I check to see if they left any blankets.” Jessica got up, though still shaky, and walked over to the fire while Matt checked the only closet in the cabin.
“Found them!” He held up three blankets, which smelled musty, like they hadn’t been washed in a while, but they would have to do.
“Now get undressed,” he ordered while unzipping his pants.
She blinked. “Wait, what?” She watched him pull his boots off and step out of his pants, exposing black boxer briefs. She felt a brush creep onto her cheeks.
“Clothes, off! But keep your bra and panties on if you insist,” he added with a small smile. “The rest is soaked through, and you’ll never warm up if you stay dressed. Hypothermia can kill, so let’s prevent it.”
Jessica watched him pull his sweater over his head. Now down to a long-sleeved T-shirt and underwear, he looked at her and frowned, “Well?”
“Fine. I just, it’s weird…”
“For Christ’s sake,” he sputtered, and then hauled her to her feet. He yanked down the zipper of her soaked jacket open and flung it off her.
“Pants, now!” he ordered, and she reluctantly began unzipping her jeans.
“Faster, damn it! Jessica, this is serious.” Without waiting, he yanked her jeans down. He’d forgotten about the boots.
“Hang onto me,” He bent down, and she placed a hand on his back while he pulled off the boots and three pair of socks. There was ice and snow in the boots, so it was probably a good thing he got them off her when he did.
She was standing in front of him with just her sweater and panties on, shivering.
“Your sweater, Jessica. Come on, all of it.” He yanked his final piece of clothing off, leaving him standing in front of her only in his briefs.
“Then what?” Still somewhat reluctant, and trying not to stare at his perfect chest, she pulled the sweater off. Thankfully she was wearing her favorite pink bra, but it was also soaking wet.
He pointed at the bra. “I recommend you take that off, too. I had no idea you were so shy, Jessica.”
He winked, then walked over to the bed, pulling the thin mattress off and setting it in front of the fire.
When he noticed she was still wearing her bra, he shook his head, clearly stifling a chuckle.
“Now come here.” He got down on the floor, right in front of the fire, and pointed to the mattress. “And lie on this. We need to be skin to skin.”
Holy fuck! What?!
Since she lived in Upstate New York, she wasn’t a complete idiot when it came to surviving in dangerously cold weather. Still, seeing Matt standing there in all his masculine glory did something to her. Wide shoulders. Hard chest. Mouthwatering abs. The combination made her lady parts quiver.
This is Matt! she kept reminding herself.
She took a deep breath and laid down on the mattress. As soon as she did, he curled around her, his body hard and warm against hers. The fire raged in front of them, and he covered them both with the blankets.
She had her back to him, and she could feel his chest pressing into her shoulders and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close.
“There, see? That’s not so bad, is it?” His voice was soft, and it sent a shiver of something down her spine. “Now turn and face me,” he whispered into her ear. Jessica sucked in a breath and, as she prepared to turn, she unclasped her bra, leaned a bit forward, and he nudged the straps down her shoulders. She slipped it off and let it drop beside the mattress.
Quietly, and this time without pushback, she turned to face him to see he was smiling.
“It’s just,” she sputtered, “It’s been a long time since I’ve been this close to a man. I mean…naked, I mean…not naked, I mean this isn’t…” he pressed a finger to her lips.
“Jessica, this is about survival, nothing more. Now come here.” As the words settled on her, a tiny prick of disappointment pierced her heart. He pulled her closer, her breasts pressing into his chest, his legs tangled around hers. Her head pressed into his shoulder, and he held her tight while they both warmed up.
“I was so scared,” she said in a whisper so faint, he probably couldn’t hear her. She cleared her throat and raised her voice. “When you were gone so long, I thought…”
He leaned his head back to look at her, “You thought what?” he asked.
“I was scared I’d never see you again.” She let out the words on a sigh, and he pulled her close again.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” he said, and as he did, he adjusted his position. Being so close to her was doing things to him, things it would better if she didn’t see—or feel. He forced himself to concentrate on something else, on the next things he needed to do to keep them safe.
While the fire crackled behind them, he calculated that if they used the wood sparingly, they’d have enough for one more day and quite possibly into the second night. He was eternally grateful to whoever had left this cabin so well-stocked. There were even a few cans of food in the pantry, and a bottle of whiskey that was more than half full.
“I should check my phone,” Jessica said suddenly, pulling him out of his survival thoughts.
“No, you’ll stay here till we’re thoroughly warmed up. Besides, your phone isn’t working, remember?”
She let out a sigh, “What the hell am I going to tell my New York buyer?”
“That you were caught in a snowstorm and barely survived. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged you along with this.”
“Then you’d be all alone somewhere out in this snowstorm. I’m very glad I’m here. I don’t know what I would have done if you…” he stopped right there. He was semi-naked, in front of a roaring fire, the two of them alone, and he needed to keep his wits about him.
“I’m sorry you’ll miss your meetings, Jessica. I don’t mean to downplay it.”
“I know,” she said softly, her head resting on his chest. “I love my work, sometimes maybe too much.”
“What do you mean?”
She thought about his question. What did she mean? Well, for starters she had been dealt a hard knock, maybe one of the hardest. Being deserted on your wedding day wasn’t something a person just gets over. Through that terrible experience, she’d adopted a healthy dose of cynicism
“I-I retreat into it, I guess. It’s a good escape for me.”
“From what?” his voice was soft and deep, and caring, and the feel of it vibrating in his chest, and against hers, gave her all kinds of shivers.
The good kind.
“From life, I guess.”
This time he didn’t reply, but shifted again, and cursed his body for responding to her.
“It’s clearly been hard for you. I’m sorry about that.” He pushed himself back to look at her, her warm blue eyes gazing up at him. God, what that did to his heart, and other things…
Jessica shrugged. “It’s been a long time. But, enough about me. Tell me more about you and your life in Afghanistan.” She knew she was pushing him because she wanted to know. She had always had a feeling it had been very bad at times, and she hoped talking about it would help him.
“There’s not much else to tell.” He looked away. It was still hard to talk about. Not the general, day-to-day stuff, but the things he saw. The children starving, the parents, most of them good people, still trying to provide a life for their families. The shattering sound a bomb made when it hit a building. Then there was the screaming. There was always screaming. Sometimes he’d wake up from a dream hearing the screams echo through his head. Seeing the blood, the loss.
Fuck, he needed a drink.
“I’ll be right back.” He got up, keeping his back to her so she wouldn’t that he was semi-erect. He wasn’t sure what he’d do when he had to turn around again.
“I need a drink. You?” He glanced over his shoulder.
She nodded.
“You always avoid questions about Afghanistan,” she said quietly. “It must be awful.”
Matt yanked the cupboard open and pulled out the whiskey bottle. Grabbing two glasses, he wiped them out with his T-shirt and splashed the brown liquid in them. He took a slug from his glass, and poured more.
“It is,” he said simply, while he filled his glass, maybe more than he should. But the whiskey would take the edge off any remaining chill, and also help with where this conversation was clearly going.
Matt didn’t like to talk about himself, ever. It wasn’t that he was insanely modest. He just didn’t think his life was that interesting. Besides, talking about being in the Middle East brought it all back.
Therapists would argue that talking about it helped, but Matt never found it to be true. If she kept asking him about it, he’d have nightmares tonight for sure, and since they were clearly going to share these small quarters, he want her to hear him wake up screaming and start the conversation all over again.
Before he turned back to her, he glanced down. There was nothing like thinking about his experiences in Afghanistan to get rid of an inconvenient erection.
“Here.” He held a glass out to her, and she took it. As she sat up, the blanket drifted down, and he could see her body again, all porcelain skin, delectable curves, and gorgeous.
Jessica took a sip and made a face.
“Not used to drinking whiskey, I gather?” He gave her a half smile, and she shook her head.
“No, but it feels good going down.” She took another sip and looked toward the window, which was covered halfway up with snow.
“We’re going to be here awhile.” She nodded to the window, and he turned to look. “I hope there’s something to eat here.”
“I have MREs in my ruck.” He took another slug of the whiskey, and then added, “Meals ready to eat.”
“I know,” she gave a small laugh. “I could go for a steak right now. Got one of those lying around?”
Matt shook his head. “Stroganoff, I think, and maybe something with chicken. There’s also canned stuff here. But since there’s no power, we’ll either have to eat it cold, or do it the pioneer way.” nodded toward the fire. “Speaking of, let me add another log.”
“Matt, are you dating anyone?” Fuck. Where did that question come from? It must be the whiskey on an empty stomach. Also, it’s hard not to notice what a perfect ass he has.
He turned around from the fire. “When would I have time?”
She shrugged, “I just find it hard to believe that a guy who looks…” Wait, where the hell am I going with this? “Um, well, is not bad-looking...I mean, is single.”
He sat next to her. “I could ask the same of you. Why no guy in your life?”
Jessica took a bigger sip of the whiskey. “I’ve had dates,” she offered weakly. “But there’s so much to do with the shop and the designs.”
“That’s an excuse, and you know it.”
She just shrugged. “You’re probably right, but honestly, I’m kind of over it all. The love, dating, marriage thing. It’s just, well, not for me.”
Matt frowned and touched her arm. “Jesus, Jessica, you’re too young to be this jaded. What the hell happened to you?”
He should just knock himself upside the head so he’d be out cold and couldn’t shove his foot any farther into his mouth. He knew better than anyone else what happened to her, but since they always stayed away from the topic of dating in their email exchanges while he was deployed, he never had a full sense of how much she’d been rocked to her core.
When she didn’t respond to his question, he said, “I’m sorry, I know what happened. I just figured that by now you would have moved on.”
“I have. I mean, I’m over it, it’s just….” She took another drink, “I never want to get married.” The words, once out of her mouth, sat between them.
“Why? I mean, don’t you want a family and children?”
Jessica pulled the blanket up around her and gazed at the fire. “I just don’t think it’s for me.”
Matt touched her arm again. “Not for you? My God, you should be with someone who loves you. No, scratch that, someone who adores you. And as a mother, you’d be so amazing. Don’t deny yourself that, just because my brother…”
She turned suddenly, feeling a whiskey-induced desire to bare her soul. “It’s not about your brother, Matt. It’s just…” She took a deep, shaky breath, and she was back there again, on that day and she was alone. William was gone, but, even harder for her to face—her best friend had left. Matt was gone too, and she was left with no one.
Yes, she still had her friends, and they rallied around and supported her generously. But they weren’t enough.
“You left.” Her voice was shaky and low. And angry—yes, that too. Even after all this time, she wasn’t ready to relinquish her anger. “Why did you leave? I’ve asked you about it before, and I always get some semi-evasive answer.”
Matt lifted his glass again and almost took a sip before he saw it was empty. He shook his head like a wet dog. The last thing he needed to be was drunk. But he wanted—no, needed—another glass. He got up, walked to the counter, and brought the bottle back to the bed. He splashed a small amount into his glass, but when he offered to fill Jessica’s, she declined.
“I want an answer.” She didn’t smile, just looked at him, her steely blue eyes relentless and penetrating.
“I just needed to go. The Army needed me.”
“You could have waited another day.”
“What did it matter, Jessica? You had tons of friends to help you through. You didn’t need me.”
What the hell? Is Jess crying?
“I did need you.” Her voice shook again. “I needed you so much, and you just left.”
Matt looked over at her and then away, “I had to.” he took a small sip and then set down his glass. He licked his lips. “I had to.” He said again.
Now she was crying, the tears spilled out of her eyes, her pain visible, like it had happened yesterday, “Why?”
He reached up and wiped a tear. “God, Jessica, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“But you did. You hurt me.” She sniffed, and he pulled his head back slightly.
“I had to, because I was in love with you, and it was just self-preservation.” He hadn’t intended to tell her, not ever, and especially not now, but there it was, out in the open. Jessica furrowed her brow and sat back a bit.
Of course, he thought, she’s never felt the same way toward me.
“But you never said anything.”
“You were in love with my brother. What the hell was I supposed to say?”
“Do you still love me?”
Oh, hells bells, what the hell do I have to lose at this point?
“Yes.” And then, without a second thought, he leaned into her, and when he did, she didn’t back away. His lips touched hers, and they were as soft and as sweet as he’d always imagined they would be.
“Jessica, I’ve loved you since the day we met.” He whispered into her mouth, and then his arms were around her, and she slipped hers around him, too, pulling him closer. He was a little surprised she didn’t back away.
He kissed her until they both ran out of air, and then dived in again, his tongue dancing with hers while their kiss deepened, and he could feel himself getting hard.
Rock hard. Her hands stroked his back, and then they moved to his front, and he thought, now she’ll push me away. But she didn’t. Instead her long fingers moved to his face, then threaded through his hair. She made soft sound of arousal in her throat, and if he hadn’t already been hard at just the sight of her, that would have done it.
Matt pushed her back onto the mattress, and they continued their long, hot, wet kiss. She moaned against his mouth, and then did something that almost made his hard-on break through the fabric of his briefs. She sucked on his tongue, taking it into her mouth.
He let his hands wander all over her body now, reveling in the softness of her, and felt her nipples, hard now, pressing right into his chest.
He lifted his head. “Jess, we should stop.”
He was out of breath, like he’d been running.
She looked at him, her eyes wanting him, begging for him.
In response to his offer to stop, reached under the blanket and pulled off her panties. Then, in a ceremonious gesture, flung them across the room, after which she laid back, took one of his hands, and placed it on her nipple.
“No, let’s not,” she whispered.
“This will change everything.”
“I hope so.”
He lowered his mouth to her nipple, licking it, and then sucking. He pressed himself into her, no longer trying to hide how hard he was, how desperately he wanted her. He sucked one nipple, then the other, and finally circled them with his tongue.
Then he kissed his way down her body and past her belly button, and then down to discover a sweetness he had never experienced before in his life. His tongue slipped down farther, and then teased her. Jessica moaned when he slipped his tongue inside and licked her, bringing her near to climax.
“Oh, God,” she breathed, gripping his hair and moving her legs farther apart so he could go deeper.
“I want you…please, now…”
He moved up her body, still wearing his boxer briefs, but she could feel him, so hard, pressing against her thigh.
“I need to see you,” she said, kissing him, and tasting herself on his lips.
Sitting up, she pulled his briefs down till he sprang free, and he lay back so she could see every inch of him…and, God, what inches they were! So beautiful, and so hard.
She wrapped her lips around him and sucked, and he moaned. When she took him all into her mouth, she thought he might explode right then and there. Suddenly he lifted her up, and put her back on the mattress.
“God, I love you so much, Jess.” He gazed at her body for a moment before he hovered over her. She spread her legs for him, and he moved inside her, slowly, gently, until every inch of him was clasped within the her warm wet walls. He lifted her hips off the mattress and, kissing her soft mouth, he began pumping into her.
She pushed her hips against him, too, loving the feel of him filling her up. Feeling his penis hard and thick inside her, stroking for a release.
His body was hard against hers, her breasts pillowing him, her body tangled with his. She kissed him, this man, this friend of her heart.
She could hear herself whispering his name, and she was close, so close. He gripped her hips hard, and shifted her, changing the angle so he could go even deeper, and that’s when she burst into a thousand pieces.
He was right behind her.