Chapter 7

PRESENT DAY

 

I catch my father unpacking alone in the bedroom he’ll be sharing with Gwen. He’s pulling out a pair of boxer shorts and whistling to himself.

When is the last time I’ve heard him whistle like that? When is the last time I’ve seen him smile that wide? Especially while unpacking underwear. Some of his hair even seems to be growing back.

He looks up at the sound of my footsteps and his smile falters. I don’t take it personally. He knows why I’m here. His smile shrinks further when I shut the door behind me.

“What the hell, Dad?” I snap at him, forgetting my age-old rule about never cussing in front of my parents. If there’s ever a time to cuss, it’s now, damn it.

“I didn’t know,” he murmurs.

“No kidding.” I take a deep breath, trying to control my anger. I don’t want to yell at my elderly father, especially when he looks the happiest he’s been since Mom died. “How could you not know?”

“Well, she told me she had a son named Noah,” he says. “But… I didn’t realize he was that Noah. Noah Walsh isn’t an uncommon name. It’s not like he’s called… Benedict Cumberbatch.”

I wring my hands together. “Did Gwen know?”

Dad shakes his head. “No, she didn’t. When I talked about you, I always called you Bee or just said ‘my daughter.’ She never put it together until… well, apparently Noah told her while we were on our way here.”

I bow my head and rub my temples. “This is really awkward.”

He shrugs helplessly. “I know, Bee. I’m sorry. I would never have brought you here if I realized…” He sinks down on the bed. “But we’re here now, and I think you should make the best of it. Gwen promised me Noah is fine with the whole thing.”

Fine with the whole thing. Right. Aside from despising me with every fiber of his being, he’s totally fine with it.

“Obviously, he’s doing really well for himself,” my father points out. “He’s very successful. He’s got an apartment up in the city, and this cabin down here, and he’s a doctor like he wanted to be, so…”

“Yeah,” I mumble, looking away. I wanted Noah to be successful. I wanted him to have everything he ever dreamed of. But for some reason, now that I’m faced with it, it stings.

His brows knit together. “Bee, if you feel like you need to go back, I’ll make something up to Gwen. Do what you need to do.”

I look at my father’s face. It’s been less than ten years since Mom died, but Dad looks at least two decades older. I forget how hard it’s been on him. He deserves happiness. I don’t want to mess anything up for him by throwing a tantrum over something that happened a long time ago.

Noah says he’s willing to try to put this behind him. I guess I’ll stay.

_____

 

Lily spends some time in the living room playing with her new Barbie doll while I hide in my room. I get my sketch pad out from my bag and attempt to draw a picture of the cabin from memory. I want to go out and take a look to see what details I’m missing, but I don’t dare leave the room. I don’t want to risk another confrontation with Noah.

A couple of hours later, Lily bounces into our bedroom, clutching her new Barbie doll. It has blond hair and an impossibly skinny waist. I’ve shied away from buying Lily too many Barbie dolls because they’re expensive and also because I feel like it would be nice for her to have a doll that looked more like a real woman. Of course, now there are all these dolls from other television shows like Monster High that look just look Barbies. I mean, it’s not like I’m overweight or anything—being destitute is a great diet. But it would be anatomically impossible for me to have a figure like this doll that Lily is fawning over.

At least, I think she’s fawning over the Barbie. Then I discover it’s not Barbie she’s fallen in love with.

“Noah is going to cook us dinner tonight,” Lily informs me.

“Oh, is he?”

“Uh huh.” Lily nods excitedly. “He said he’s going to make stuff on a grill. Like with a big fire.”

“Ooh,” I say. I wonder how old Lily will be before she can recognize my phony enthusiasm. I hope it doesn’t happen until her artwork gets a lot better.

“He went out this morning and bought lots of hot dogs because Grandpa said I like hot dogs.”

“That’s nice of him.”

“And he said he’s going to take us to a movie this week! Maybe Dogcat!”

I grit my teeth. “We already saw Dogcat.” We saw it, it’s done, and we never have to see it again. Never.

“Oh.” Lily’s excitement seems dampened.

“Maybe he can take us to another movie?”

“Okay!” Lily agrees, and before I can stop her, she runs out to find Noah, who is apparently her new hero. Lord knows, she doesn’t have a father to be her hero.

A minute later, Lily bursts back into the room breathlessly. “He says he’ll take us to see anything we want.”

Despite everything, I feel a rush of affection toward Noah for being so kind to my daughter.

“Also,” Lily adds, “he’s going to take us out on his boat and we’re going to catch fish!”

I imagine being stuck out in the middle of the lake with Noah on a tiny boat while we wait hours for fish to nibble on our bait. Lovely.

“I like Noah,” Lily says, her little face beaming.

“I can tell,” I say. I grin at her. “Do you think he’s handsome, Lil?”

She giggles and hides her face in her hands. “Mayyyyybe. A little.”

I can’t exactly blame her. I was certain if I ran into Noah by now, he’d have been long since snatched up.

“Is he married, Mommy?” she asks me.

“I don’t think so.”

“How come?”

I shrug. “I guess he hasn’t met the right woman yet.”

Lily nods solemnly. “Do you think he’s looking for a woman to marry?”

“I…” I really don’t want to have this conversation with my child. And I really hope Noah isn’t able to hear us. “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t want to get married.”

 She thinks about this a minute. “I think he should get married,” she decides. “He’d be a good husband.”

I swallow. “You might be right.”

I look down at my sketch pad, at the likeness of the cabin. I’ll focus on my art this week. Try not to think too much about the past. I can’t change it, after all.

“Mommy?” Lily says.  

God, I can’t talk about Noah anymore. “Uh huh?”

“Why is there a chair in the bathtub?”

I look up at Lily’s wide blue eyes. “A chair?”

She nods. “When I went to the bathroom, there was a white chair! In the bathtub! And a bar sticking out of the wall!”

I bite my lip. “I don’t know, sweetie. You’ll have to ask Noah.”

I don’t dare tell Lily that I know the answer to her question.