Kate ignored the happy faces of tourists and locals she seemed to be surrounded by as she made her way through Times Square. She’d been surprised when Ben had called her at work, and had only answered it thinking it was Lisa.

He’d accidentally taken Lisa’s mobile phone, hence the mix- up, and as much as she wanted not to see him, she’d relented. His voice had been so sad and forlorn and unlike his usual happy self.

She’d been avoiding him since they’d kissed. The kiss had been great and she’d wanted more, but then he’d pulled back and she’d remembered he had a girlfriend. A serious one. One he was hoping to marry.

Any more kisses were out of the question. She decided to meet up with him so she could end it now. They were getting involved and she couldn’t allow that to happen.

In heels, she made her way to the small bar she’d accidentally found a few years back. Despite being near Times Square, it was frequented by locals rather than tourists and she loved the old-world charm of the place. Meeting Ben there with the noise of revellers meant no romance and no accidental kissing.

Walking in, her gaze was drawn to the tall guy standing at the bar, chatting amicably with the bartender. For a moment, she watched him relay a story and the relaxed features of his body and face. Ben always had the knack of making friends easily, unlike her who could count the number of friends she had on one hand.

A smile tugged at her lips as she watched the barman laugh at whatever Ben was saying, and they shared a chuckle over the shared story.

Drawing in a deep breath, she walked into the warmth of the small establishment and sidled up to him. “Hi Ben,” she said.

A genuine smile on his lips made her tummy melt. “Hi,” he said, before leaning to brush his lips against her cheek.

As much as she hated it, she found herself snatching a lungful of air and enjoying the lemony scent of his aftershave.

“Thanks for coming,” he said, assisting her in removing her coat. “I didn’t have anywhere to go and got bored walking around like a forlorn tourist.”

“Glad I could relieve your boredom,” she said, not sure why he’d invited her and if the invitation was complimentary or not.

Taking her elbow, he guided her to a booth in the corner. “Promise me you won’t laugh?”

She felt her brow crinkle with interest. “Promise.”

“I should never have agreed to stay with Lisa and Gabe. They’re newly married, and you know what that means.”

“You’d better enlighten me.”

“If I’m not careful, I’ll be watching live porn in the apartment.”

She snorted with laughter. “Sorry, that was very un-ladylike.”

Ben continued. “I’m expecting dinner, and they’re having sex. Seriously. They want me to work and help their charity they should feed me first, and then have sex.” His voice was gruff, but the cheeky sparkle in his eye told her he was jesting.

“You can have dinner here,” she said, “Their food is excellent.”

“Sorry, food’s not kosher but they have beer, and I’ll stick to that.” He lifted his bottle, saluted her and then had a long swig.

“Are you drunk?”

“No, but I think I want to be after watching Lisa make out with Gabe in front of me.” He shuddered. “I need somewhere else to live,” he sighed. “What can I get you to drink?”

Kate almost blurted out that he could stay with her, on her sofa but that was wrong on so many levels. “I’m sorry about bringing you to a place where you can’t eat. I didn’t think,” she said, as guilt ate into her belly.

Despite the ease of eating kosher in New York, she hadn’t bothered to maintain her Jewish traditions while living here. The only thing she did was light candles every Sabbath. Apart from that, her colleagues would’ve been surprised to learn she was Jewish, because she kept that side of it hidden.

“This is my second beer. I’ll get you a drink and then we’ll go somewhere else and get something to eat.” He paused and said, “If that’s okay with you.”

Of course it was. She had an empty apartment waiting for her and the only one who was interested in her there was Humphrey. Her cat. She’d left him food, and the lights were automated. He’d be fine.

Despite her reluctance to see him again, she wanted to stay and spend time with Ben. She’d rather stick chopsticks in her eyes than be honest, but she realised she was lonely. Attending the wedding and spending time with Lisa’s family had driven a hole into her heart. There was a gaping emptiness of need and acceptance waiting to be filled.

He ordered her a glass of her favourite dry, red wine, and they sat opposite each other in the booth. “I’m sorry if I upset you with the kiss.”

She thanked the barman for the wine and she fiddled with the glass as she contemplated what to say. An urge wanted to throw the wine at him but she took a sip instead. “The kiss didn’t offend me,” she said in a tight voice. “But knowing you kissed me when you have a girlfriend in Melbourne did.” She took another sip of her wine and added, “I don’t like cheaters, so I’ve stayed away from you. I only answered the phone because I thought it was Lisa.”

* * *

Ben’s shoulder’s slumped and he sat in his seat looking at Kate, debating whether to tell her the truth. He was always honest but the fake fiancé seemed to be a handy option in keeping them apart. He’d totally forgotten about the supposed girlfriend he’d created when he’d kissed Kate.

He wasn’t a cheater, wasn’t the type.

Should he maintain the façade, using it to protect his heart? Probably. But she’d be annoyed that he’d lied to her. Gosh, what a mess. He’d been so angry at the wedding, wanting to lash out at her. But then they’d talked and he’d seen a side of her that he didn’t know.

She’d opened her heart to him and he needed to do the same. He took her hand and, using his thumb, massaged the soft skin on her wrist. “I’m sorry. There is no girlfriend. I said it at the wedding because I was confused and frustrated at seeing you again.”

Her jaw dropped. “Why would you pretend to have someone special in your life? You told me that you wanted to marry her.” He could see the tightness around her mouth and angry lines formed across her forehead.

“I said I was sorry.”

“And that’s supposed to make things right?” she tossed at him.

“We have a past, but we don’t have a future. Maybe we can be friends, maybe we can’t. I don’t know if I can just be friends with you,” he said honestly. “I was in love with you, can we just be friends? I’d like to think so but I don’t know.”

“I’m confused,” she said with a sigh.

“The issues we had all those years ago are still there. They can’t be resolved.” His heart quickened as he spoke. “We either part on good terms, have an affair or spend the next couple of months as friends.”

He watched her eyes darken with surprise as he spoke so openly. This time there would be no secrets between them.

“You want an affair?” she asked with surprise as two deep lines appeared between her brow.

He shrugged. “Why not? Everyone is having great sex, why not me?”

She chuckled. “You’re lucky I didn’t spit a mouthful of wine on you after that comment.”

He continued to trace lazy circles with his finger on her skin. “To be honest I’m worried about returning to Melbourne with a damaged heart.”

“Those are strong words,” she said removing her hand from his.

“When we kissed, it reminded me of how good we used to be,” he added quietly.

Her eyebrow lifted. “You’re putting your heart on your sleeve.”

“I know. But with you, I think it’s better to be honest. It’s the only way we can have a future, even if it’s only as friends. Hearing about your home life reminded me why you left and your need to get away.”

He watched a flicker of emotions soften her face and she pressed her lips together as though to prevent herself from crying. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I know I’ve said it, but I really mean it. I did love you. How could I not? You made me feel special every day. You wrote me notes, stole kisses from me behind the toilet block, and included me in all your family events.” She stopped and drained her wine. “I miss that.”

His brow lifted. “The kisses?”

“I miss having Shabbat and being around a table filled with family and friends.”

His brow furrowed, interested to know more. “What about your dad?”

“He lives in California. He has his own family, his own obligations.” She took a deep breath. “He’s been really good in helping me get a good education, but that’s really it. I was a duty to him. We exchange the occasional email or phone call, but what he was willing to give me was a chance to start afresh here. I have two passports, Australia and American, and I’m grateful for that.”

“You’re really alone, aren’t you?” His heart ached for the girl who’d grown up and pushed everyone away in her need for personal development.

She sat straight in her seat. Her back ramrod straight. “I got what I wanted. A career and an opportunity to become the strong woman I am.”

“But, at what cost?” he choked out. “You’re on your own.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being alone,” she said. Straightening her shoulders, she continued, “Not all of us are destined to have happy families. This is what I wanted.” She pointed to the table. “I work in a prestigious firm and can afford to buy whatever I want.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” he clarified.

“We’re different and it was probably best.”

He reached out to her. “Don’t say it. For me, it wasn’t the best, but I’m glad everything worked out for you.”

Ben finished his beer, ordered another for him and a wine for Kate.

Taking her hand, he spoke with earnestness. “We can’t just have an affair and then go our separate ways. And if we’re friends, I’ll be fighting all the reasons why we shouldn’t have an affair.”

“I feel like you’re mucking me around,” she added stiffly.

“I know and I’m sorry. I rang you because I was lonely but I also wanted to see you,” he confessed in a low voice. “Forgive me?”

“Of course.” She added with sincerity. “I should go.” She wiggled her bottom across the seat, to get out of the booth. “Good bye, Ben.”

“You don’t have to go, at least let me take you out for dinner.”

“No. I-I, I just can’t.”

He got out of his seat and stood in front of her. “This was not what I planned when I called you this afternoon.”

“I know. But I don’t want to hurt you again, so let’s just leave it and part on good terms.” She put out her hand, as though to shake it and Ben scowled. He had no intention of shaking her hand.

Instead, he clasped the back of her neck and drew her close. He caught the surprise in her eyes but she didn’t push at his chest. He took that as a good sign and drew her close. Then he brushed his lips against hers once, twice and then kissed her. A goodbye kiss. A kiss that could have held promise but wasn’t going to.

He drew back, already missing the warmth of her.

“Why did you kiss me?” she asked, her voice all breathless.

“Because you’re a good kisser and I’m certainly not going to shake your hand like an attorney.”

Her fingers touched her own lips, and he was surprised to see the slight shake of her hand. It didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, he felt even worse.

“Goodbye, Ben,” she leaned across, brushed her lips against his, before gathering her coat and purse. And just like that, she walked out of his life for a second time. And just like the first time, it hurt.