Chapter 21
Fooling her father wouldn’t be an easy task. A setback Kate had quickly recognized upon rejoining him at the table the prior evening. Even Blackthorn’s extensive attempt at being convincing hadn’t truly pacified the man.
When Blackthorn had taken his leave, Father’s countenance had remained cast in skepticism. As a result, today Kate found herself being escorted through Hyde Park by Blackthorn, trying not to gnash her teeth in frustration.
“If you don’t wish to eat porridge the rest of your life, I suggest you relax your jaw,” Blackthorn chuckled at her side.
He was entirely too chipper this morning. Which only dropped Kate’s already bad mood a few notches lower.
“Easy for you to say. It isn’t your future holding by a thread.”
He released the reins from one hand to give her clenched fist a solid squeeze. “You are not alone, Kate. I will not abandon you to the wolves. Certainly not to your father. Once you are ready to announce your decision, I’ll still stand by you.”
She swiveled on the seat and faced him. “Even when I’d essentially be abandoning you?”
His hand returned to the reins as he navigated around a parked carriage. “I already told you not to worry about me. Perhaps it is time for me to seize a less ridged life and embrace the comforting arms sure to be sent my way.” Free of the waiting conveyance, he sent Kate a sly wink over his shoulder. “Besides, we haven’t officially declared our intentions. Breaking our courtship might cause a ripple. Not a typhoon.”
A typhoon would be tame compared to her father’s rage at her throwing away a perfectly good duke.
“Does this mean you’ve decided?” he asked as he gave Lord Livermore a regal nod.
Curious ears abounded in the park, and though fairly certain no one could hear their conversation, she whispered, “I have.”
Silence encased Blackthorn’s carriage, leaving only the creak of the wheels mixed with the heavy trod of the horse’s hooves.
“And?” Blackthorn finally prompted.
“I’m choosing me.”
His full grin was impossible to miss, even with him facing forward. “Though it leaves me without a wife, I’m pleased. You deserve to be happy, Kate, and if I’m unable to render you so, you are making the right decision.”
Wish I could feel as confident. She sighed.
“When are you going to inform your lucky gent you are a free woman?”
Speaking of Jackson to Blackthorn kicked up anxious flutters in her stomach. Surely no man wanted details on the man his once-intended was abandoning him for.
He turned toward her, an arched brow daring her to tell him what he wanted to know.
“I’m not so sure my gent will think he is so lucky.” She hated how unclear she was of Jackson’s feelings. After all, his hands had roamed every inch of her body—and more. What if he didn’t share her affections and she was reduced to being another wicked woman doomed to live out her days alone?
As if he had become her new favorite lady confidante, Blackthorn spoke openly. “I don’t see how he wouldn’t. You are quite the catch. I should know, I’d caught you for a short time.”
Her heart clenched. “He isn’t exactly in the market for a wife. In fact, I’d say he isn’t looking to tie himself to one at all.”
Blackthorn tugged on the reins, causing the horses to misstep. Quickly he loosened his hold until they regained a rhythmic pace. “Katherine Braxton, are you saying this man will not marry you? Please don’t tell me I’m enabling you to run off and live in sin.”
She snorted at the affront pouring from him. The duke was content being her savior until her virtue was in danger. Little did he know he attempted to stop the rain after it drenched the ground.
“Rest assured, I have no plan to live in sin. I’m just not overly confident in him returning my affections.”
Blackthorn regarded her skeptically, brows drawn. “Give me your promise.”
Unable to hold in a smile, Kate anticipated the moment this man fell in love. As adamant as he was about not marrying for the sentiment, she knew otherwise. He was too willing to see to her happiness to ignore his own.
With an affectionate pat on his arm, she replied, “I promise.”
“Does he know you love him?”
Kate stilled at the sudden question. “I never told you I love him.” It seemed odd discussing her feelings for Jackson without revealing them to the man himself.
Blackthorn’s deep laugh turned a few heads in their direction. “Kate, you are breaking an engagement to a duke—a handsome one at that.” He winked at her. “Nothing short of love would entice you to do so.”
Her mouth hung open and Blackthorn’s mirth grew louder. “I’m teasing you.” He sobered. “Your determination to defy your father convinced me. He is a formidable man. Not even I wish to upset him. Besides—and forgive me for waxing poetic—your emotions shine in your eyes. Just speaking of your bloke sends shivers of light through them. I’ve spent countless hours in your presence and never have you looked at me like that.”
Kate absorbed his words. Why not shout her love for Jackson? He already owned her heart.
Ready to take the plunge and admit it aloud for the first time, Kate opened her mouth . . .
And just as quickly slammed it shut at the sight which met her shocked gaze.
~ ~ ~
Jackson had no shiny new answers. He was still in England, enamored with a woman he couldn’t have, and—if one queried his father—more or less betrothed to the woman sitting beside him as they rolled through Hyde Park.
Spending last evening with Lady Betsey hadn’t magically helped her produce a personality. It also hadn’t manufactured an escape plan for their outing today. In the end, he decided to work it in his favor. If his father thought Jackson was softening his stance on marriage, the old man would be too occupied trying to procure a daughter-in-law to prevent Jackson from partnering with Willie.
Not even the demure, well-dressed lady at his side could shove Kate from his mind. She made him feel more alive than he had in a long time. The same feeling stepping foot on Willie’s ship had once evoked.
Intent on keeping his thoughts on track, he turned to Lady Betsey. “Are you enjoying London?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he cringed. He was becoming the very thing he hated. A boring, titled Englishman, only without an actual title. He had no desire to discuss the weather or the season. To be honest, he didn’t much care if his well-bred companion enjoyed the city.
Not unless that lady was Kate.
Damn it! Why couldn’t he be free of her? The lament locked him in place. Did he want to forget the feel of her smooth skin beneath his hands? Or the look of rapture on her beautiful face as his desire fueled her pleasure?
The answer was immediate. Never.
“Yes, I am.”
The quietly given reply yanked Jackson’s mind from where it shouldn’t have wandered, and returned it to the lady at his side. Well, it wasn’t Lady Betsey’s fault he had no wish to be in her company.
Determined to do better, he looked at her, really looked at her, and saw her for what she was . . . a young woman adrift in a world crammed with more obstacles than the darkest night in the thickest forest. Probably a pawn in her father’s game to marry her off, similar to his dilemma. Would it vex him badly to be an enjoyable escort for the duration of their ride through the park?
Find your manners, idiot, he chastised himself.
“What is your favorite place to visit?” He formed a pleasant, inquiring expression.
Quiet for so long, he thought she wouldn’t answer. Finally, she spoke softly. “My favorite is the British Museum.”
“You enjoy art?”
Her voice became quite animated. “Sculptures, actually. The way the hard stone takes shape, yet one can almost feel the softness of the subject depicted.”
Lady Betsey continued with her art lesson but Jackson ceased hearing her. In fact, everything ceased to exist except for the warm chocolate eyes locked on him from across the way.
Kate. Always Kate.
He didn’t like what he saw. Her hooded eyes appeared sad, lacking their usual fire. As they flickered to his left, he understood why.
She’d misinterpreted him being with Lady Betsey. He gave his head a short shake, hoping she’d understand his meaning. He would never court another. For him there was no woman besides her.
As Kate’s expression grew darker, he knew she hadn’t comprehended. He wanted to shout that she was wrong. He tensed to rise, desperate to yell the words.
Then he noticed her companion.
Blackthorn.
Kate remained pledged to someone else. Someone who could give her the life she deserved.
And she didn’t end her betrothal to the duke, even after giving herself to me.
Jackson’s thoughts turned stormy, no longer desiring to ride through Hyde Park without a care in the world. The storm raging within him had extinguished any kindness he felt toward Lady Betsey.
He needed to get away before he did something foolish, such as declaring himself to Kate as her future husband looked on, mocking him.
Jackson interrupted Lady Betsey’s sonorous dialogue. “My apologies, there is something I must attend to. I will return you home.”
If the abrupt end to their outing offended her, he hadn’t a notion, since his eyes held Kate’s gaze. Hers, miserable. His, without a doubt, turbulent.
What gave her the right to be sad? She was marrying a duke. Her life was set. Since his newfound lack of enthusiasm to depart with Willie, his future was anything but settled.
Nan’s story had given him nothing, for Lady Katherine Baxton would not be his soul mate.
Intent on departing, Jackson forced his attention forward. Resolutely, he navigated through the slow-moving carriages until—inevitably—his curricle came alongside Blackthorn’s.
Don’t look. Whatever you do, don’t look.
He looked.
And cursed himself. Without the distance, he realized her eyes weren’t sad, but pained. Even if he could proclaim, right then and there, Lady Betsey meant nothing to him, that he wanted Kate, it would serve no purpose. Too much stood between them.
Mainly, the man sitting beside her.
Yet he silently pleaded for her to forgive him. To believe in him and everything they’d shared. For her to know it had been true. And, though the realization stabbed him in the heart, everlasting.
Even if their futures didn’t align, he wanted her to know the truth.