Chapter 9
“Kate, please accept my apologies for not accompanying you to Lady Laura’s party yesterday,” Blackthorn stated in his typical forthright manner as he sat across from her in her family’s morning room.
Where she normally would have let such a comment pass with a murmured word of comfort, a jesting retort came to mind.
To her dismay, she quickly identified the origins of her need for a witty reply; the very man she fought to keep out of the conversation. Jackson might appreciate such a rejoinder but she doubted Blackthorn would find the humor.
Kate worded her reply as would befit a future duchess. “You have nothing to apologize for. Helena practically dragged me out of the house. You couldn’t have known.”
“Still, I’ve neglected you. So much demands my attention at the moment,” he continued.
Blackthorn’s ambition was one of things Kate admired about him. He wasn’t a man to sit idle and let his title work for him.
“Honestly, think nothing of it. I had a wonderful time.” Guilt ate at Kate as the simple words fell far short of explaining how her time had been spent yesterday. While alone, her deceit had been terrible. Sitting across from Blackthorn, as he asked for her forgiveness, felt suffocating.
She searched his classical features for a spark of . . . something, the unknown facet Jackson possessed that caused her to act unlike herself. If only she could transfer the excitement Jackson incited to Blackthorn. Her life would be so much simpler.
What am I thinking? Jackson would never be a factor in her life. She had two more outings to endure and then he would return her ring. And be out of her hair, the very thing she’d wanted since they’d first met.
So why did the thought cause her chest to ache?
“Are you well?” Blackthorn’s question interrupted her musings.
“Er . . . yes, why would you ask?” The words stumbled out most improperly.
As he studied her, she fought against shying from his attention. “You don’t seem yourself today. Is it my request to delay the notice of our betrothal? I swear it is not because I don’t wish to have you as my duchess. I’m simply in the middle of an important investment and don’t wish for my impending nuptials to intercede. If it unsettles you though, I will have the announcement placed in tomorrow’s paper.”
More than guilt burrowed through Kate. Brought about by responsibility or not, here sat a remarkable man who wanted to spend his life with her. Why couldn’t she silence the voice whispering it wasn’t enough?
Discounting what some hidden place inside her desired, she would marry Blackthorn. He was her duty. Her future. Nothing and no one would take away her chance at being a proper daughter and succeeding as her sisters had.
“Don’t be silly. There is no harm in delaying the announcement.” She forced a smile to add believability to her words.
Even with the door sitting open to preserve her reputation, she felt uneasy when he took her hand. An act that should be expected from the man she was about to marry.
“You, my dear, are too good to me. I don’t deserve you.”
Jackson, his kiss, their morning together, flashed through her mind and she wanted to cry out to Blackthorn he was wrong. It was she who didn’t deserve him.
Remaining silent took effort. I will do better. Going forward, there would be no more improper behavior. No weakness enticing her to follow her wayward thoughts. She’d accepted Blackthorn’s proposal and she owed it to him and her father to follow through.
“I need to depart but I shall return to escort you to the Knightwood ball.” Blackthorn patted her hand briefly, the most affection he’d ever bestowed, and she couldn’t stop thinking of how Jackson would have embraced her—and most likely kissed her—upon taking his leave.
Stop it. Blackthorn was not Jackson and she needed to stop finding fault with her betrothed because of it. Jackson shouldn’t even be on her mind. Besides, even if she so desired, he’d never receive her father’s approval.
She stood as Blackthorn did and followed him to the door to exchange farewells. Leaving Kate with one thought—
How am I going to manage two more meetings with Jackson without betraying Blackthorn?
~ ~ ~
Kate didn’t have to wait until the next day to test her new resolve against Jackson. As Blackthorn led her into the Knightwoods’ ballroom, she picked out Jackson’s tall frame and dark head from the crowd with no prompting. How had she floundered through half the season without ever meeting Jackson but now, with her future looming, she couldn’t finish a day without him befuddling her life?
She forced her attention to the other guests. Maybe if she ignored him he would cease to exist.
“Would you care for a refreshment?” Blackthorn inquired over the roar of the music and guests.
They’d arrived with her father but he’d no qualms about abandoning her to Blackthorn’s care. If her mother ever frequented London, Kate supposed the role of chaperone would have fallen on her. As it was, her father’s skills at the position were lacking. Probably another reason he’d seized Blackthorn’s request for her hand. It relieved him of any further responsibility to her.
She shook her head. “Perhaps later.”
“May I tempt you into a dance, then?”
She knew his devoted thoughtfulness stemmed from his attempt to atone for his presumed lack of attention yesterday. While a consummate suitor, he’d never clung so tightly to her side before. If her sisters were in attendance, he’d usually release her to their company soon after arrival, reappearing every so often for his assigned dances. Not relying on his title for his success, Blackthorn used social engagements to create further connections.
As Kate stood by his side, she couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes on her. A very specific set of eyes coming from the same direction where she’d espied Jackson. She ordered herself not to look over her shoulder and thus confirm her suspicions. Resolute, she turned to Blackthorn. “I would love to dance.”
As the prior dance was concluding, they didn’t need to wait. To her dismay, it was a waltz. She normally enjoyed the dance. Now, to her utter frustration, the thought of Blackthorn’s arm around her as Jackson looked on caused her stomach to tighten.
Such a reaction was the opposite of what it should be. Kate struggled to right her feelings as, unaware of the war battling inside her, Blackthorn pulled her into position and led her through the steps. Her mind focused on everything but where her feet needed to go, causing her to tread on Blackthorn’s toes more than once. Ever kind, it took the third misstep for him to comment.
“You lack your usual grace tonight.” His voice held an affectionate chuckle. “Am I too much for your senses?”
She used his lighthearted joke to restore her better judgement. “I daresay there are plenty of women here who would stumble in your ducal presence.”
He continued to hold her at a respectful distance. “Is my title all to recommend me?”
His tone remained light and Kate couldn’t tell if it hid a serious question. Raising her head, she smiled. “Your passably attractive features might produce a faint or two. At the very least, light vapors.”
His laugh warmed her and eased her worry. She let the feeling drift over her and, despite her wayward heart, embraced her budding friendship with the man who would one day be the father of her children.
Now if only she could engage her heart as well.