Stephanie

 

I sat around drinking beer with my girls and planning for the future for a few hours. Even with Val there, things almost felt normal again, like they were going on the right track. I hadn’t heard anything about the cops so far that day, and as far as I knew, the weapons deal was still on for Saturday. That was only a few days away, and I was already worried about it.

 

“We’re going to have to do some planning when we come into more weapons,” I said sharply, pointing to a map of LA that was tacked on the wall. It was decorated with swirls of highlighter and pen, courtesy of me and Val back when we were planning the original Succubi territory. Now we took up almost half of the map; there was a wide blue swath that belonged to Jungle’s Thorns, and I had my sights on capturing all of it. “This is going to be dangerous,” I said. “People aren’t going to trust us at first, and we’re going to have some trouble selling. We have to make new clients, and we have to make them believe that we know exactly what we’re doing.”

 

“We’ll just send you, Stephy,” Alexa said with a grin. “You always look like you know what you’re talking about.”

 

I rolled my eyes as the others laughed. This was the most upbeat around the girls that I’d felt in ages, especially in light of what had happened to Jessica. Since then, everything had been mostly quiet. We’d all been focused on our next goal, even though we were obviously still at odds.

 

“I do a good job pretending sometimes,” I said with a smirk. “But it’s really important that we throw all of our effort into this. If we’re going to bring down the biggest MC around, it’s going to take a lot of energy and a lot of money. We have to be prepared to show the Russians what we’re made of, and that we’re just as tough as the boys.”

 

Alexa looked away. For a moment I’d forgotten that her boyfriend, Kyle, was a member of Jungle’s Thorns. I half expected her to raise her voice and argue with me on the point but she didn’t say anything, instead looking moodily away into the distance.

 

“Yeah,” Jessica cheered. The other girls clapped and whistled. “We’re going to murder those shitlords!”

 

“Yeah!” Tara cheered.

 

“Be quiet,” I said sharply. “We still need to figure out how we’re going to take over their territory with minimal disruption in service and payment. We need to make these buyers respect us.”

 

“So find out who the buyers are,” Alexa said in the same moody voice. “I can ask Cal about it sometime.”

 

I shook my head. “He’d get suspicious,” I replied, but Alexa was already dialing her phone and holding it up to her ear. “Wait,” I said sharply.

 

Alexa frowned. She put the phone down in her lap. “It went right to voicemail,” she said dismally. “It never does that. He always picks up.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Are you a Succubus or not?” I shot at her. “You can’t be so mopey over a guy like this! It’s pathetic!”

 

Alexa glared at me. “Just because you haven’t gotten laid in years doesn’t mean you need to treat us the same way,” she said sharply. “Lay off, Stephy.”

 

“It’s not about that,” I protested. “It’s about respecting yourself so men won’t walk all over you. This is why you joined a female MC, remember? You said you were sick of men dictating all the rules.”

 

Alexa licked her lips. “That was before I met Kyle,” she said haughtily. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. “He’s calling me back,” she said excitedly. I sighed as she picked up the phone and answered with a, “Hello, boo!”

 

“Fucking pathetic,” I mumbled under my breath as I turned to face Jessica. “How are you feeling about this? You think we can handle all the new business?”

 

Jessica nodded. I could have hugged her. “I trust you,” she said softly. “Besides, I think the revenue will really increase our tracks around town,” she added. “You’ll figure out a way to make it work for us. I think we can even take on some new girls, too, even if they’re just prospects.”

 

I nodded. “We can have them do some of the ground work,” I mused. Having new blood for the club was going to be important if we were going to try to sell all of the weapons on our own. Normally, I wouldn’t trust newcomers to do that but right now I had a feeling it was going to be a real trial by fire. After all, we had a lot of ground to cover and these girls were going to have hustle like champions in order to really get anything done. Selling guns wasn’t easy, especially if the buyer didn’t know us. And we’d have more hardware than we could handle, especially at first. If Jungle’s Thorns really controlled that huge part of the map, I knew we were going to be in deep shit if we couldn’t find the right buyers.

 

“You’ll get it done,” Jessica said confidently. She leaned in. “You have a much better head for these things than a lot of the girls do, Steph. You know that, and you know you’re right.”

 

Something about the way she was speaking was making my belly twitch. “Are you saying you don’t want revenge after all?” I looked at Jessica. “After what happened to you?”

 

Jessica bit her lip. “Of course I want revenge,” she said in a low voice. “But sometimes I don’t think the cops will bring me justice. Have you seen what happens to rapists?” She sniffed loudly. “They barely serve any time at all, Steph. Most of them don’t even have probation. This country hates women. We have to take justice into our own hands, and I think you had the smarter idea.” She reached out and touched my arm. Even though I felt a little angry with her for not speaking up before now, I appreciated the support. “I’m sorry I went against you. You were totally in the right and Val was wrong. I don’t want the cops to tear this MC apart, Stephy.”

 

I swallowed hard and stood up. “Thanks,” I muttered. In the corner, Alexa was crying and hunched over her phone. Great. Just when one problem got solved, another was right there to take its place.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jessica stood up with me and walked over to Alexa. Alexa glared at me with angry eyes, her forehead creased and her lips were wet with tears and saliva.

 

“Kyle’s gone!” Alexa wailed loudly. She pointed to the phone in her lap. “He got kidnapped or some shit! The leader of the MC fucking offered him up as bait!”

 

“What?” I frowned at her. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Alexa wiped her snotty nose on the back of her hand and shook her head bitterly. “Apparently the Russians showed up because someone told them the Jungle’s Thorns guys wouldn’t be at the meeting point on Saturday. And they tried to take another guy but Isaac, that bastard, stepped in and told them to take Kyle!” She looked at me with frustration and anger on her pretty face. “And now I don’t know what to do! They could kill him, Steph!”

 

I swallowed hard. “This is bad, yeah,” I said. “But they had their reasons, I’m sure. Look, you’ve told me so many times that Kyle is a great guy and that he’s a good mechanic. What if they just wanted to work off some of their debt?”

 

Alexa pouted. “I think it’s more likely that they just sent the new guy,” she replied angrily. “I want to kill him, that Isaac asshole,” she added through clenched teeth. “If my boyfriend comes away from this hurt at all, he’s going down!”

 

Jessica stared. “This is bad,” she breathed. “This is worse than I thought.”

 

“Look,” I said sharply. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves here, okay? There isn’t anything we can do right now. Val is meeting up with the Russians later, and I’m going with her.”

 

Alexa shook her head. “You don’t care about Kyle,” she said dismissively. A tear rolled down her cheek and she didn’t bother trying to wipe it away. “You don’t give a shit, Stephy. All you care about is yourself.”

 

“That’s not true!” I protested loudly. “This whole thing is happening in the first place because of Jessica! We have to be careful, Alexa. It’s not like we can just storm in someplace and demand what we want. If we don’t plan these things out, they’re going to blow up in our faces.”

 

“So you’re telling me that when you meet up with the Russians, you’re not even going to ask about Kyle,” Alexa said flatly. “Because you’re too focused on whatever this other goal is to even care!”

 

I sighed and ran a hand through my dark hair. “This is fucked up, okay? I acknowledge that. They shouldn’t have taken Kyle, and I don’t know who tipped them off about Saturday. Hell, I’m guessing that came as quite a shock to the Jungle’s Thorns, too,” I added, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at my girls defiantly. “These guys aren’t impenetrable, Alexa.”

 

Alexa stood up and shook her hair, walking away in a huff before I could say anything else. When she’d left the room, the tension was palpable.

 

Val looked over at me from the bar. “So, you’re coming with me later?” She raised her eyebrows. “That should be a real hoot.”

 

I nodded grimly. “I have to take care of this,” I said. “It’s my responsibility, whether or not I agree with what you’re doing. You know that.”

 

Val raised her eyebrows at me and smirked. “Nice of you to admit that, Stephy,” she said. “The other girls and I wanna see some real change around here, and that’s a way to do that.”

 

I bit my lip. “We’re starting, at least,” I said smugly. Inside, anger roiled and rocked my stomach. I hated this. It took all the fun out of running an MC, took all the fun out of living the outlaw life. We were so caught up in blood feuds that we were forgetting all of the things that had really brought us together, like independence. After all, this was the complete opposite of that. If we spent all of our time fighting against another MC, that was going to drain our energy, our resources, and our livelihoods.

 

Sometimes I just wanted a “normal” life. I tried to think about how things would be if I was a normal woman in her mid-twenties. Would I still be thinking about blood and revenge all the time? Or would I go to happy hours with coworkers and talk about meaningless bullshit? One of the reasons I'd always wanted to lead an MC was because I didn't like the looks of normal life. After all, my parents were pretty damn normal and they didn't seem much happier than anyone else. I'd never wanted a regular life. I'd never wanted to go to college or to have a job that made me wear tights and heels every day. I'd never cared about that shit. I didn't want to pay taxes or have kids. I just wanted to make my living off the land, the way everyone did in this country before the population grew out of control.

 

But now I wasn’t so sure. Suddenly, it seemed like leading an MC was partially the reason why I was having so much trouble ensuring my own happiness. If I couldn’t take care of my girls and give them everything they’d ever wanted, then I was failing. Then I was doing a bad job. I probably didn’t even deserve to be president, at least in the eyes of Val. Well, she’d have her turn. But for right now, the Succubi were still mine and I was going to do everything I could to make sure they’d stay that way.

 

“She’s really upset,” Jessica said. She touched my arm. “Do you know that Alexa hasn’t ever had a boyfriend before?” She looked into my eyes. “This is a big deal for her; she doesn’t know how to relax and calm down.”

 

I bit my lip and shook my head. “It isn’t about that,” I said, feeling exasperated. “Get me another beer and we’ll talk about it.” Jessica obediently ran off in the direction of the bar and came back with two frosty bottles in her hand. We clinked and drank in silence for a few seconds.

 

“So, what’s it about, then?” Jessica looked up at me. “You don’t think Kyle’s the one who….” Her voice trailed off nervously. “You know, who…attacked me,” she finished, blushing beet red and hiding her face under her bangs. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s hard for me to talk about it.”

 

I shrugged and took another long pull of beer. “Alexa doesn’t get it,” I said. “When you’re in a club like this, this is where your values and your loyalty lie. Don’t you understand that? She can’t be loyal to the Succubi if she’s dating someone in Jungle’s Thorns,” I said irritably, drinking the rest of my beer in one swallow. “She’s going to be torn and that’s going to be bad news for both sides. I should have just kicked her out when I first found out that they were dating.”

 

Jessica frowned. “But some of us are going to wind up getting married or at least having boyfriends,” she said. “I mean; we can’t stay single forever.”

 

“But you can’t go with the enemy, either,” I practically exploded. “What don’t you fucking understand about that?”

 

Jessica furrowed her brow. “You don’t have to be such a bitch about it,” she said. “I get it, Alexa was dumb. But what if I fall in love with someone and then he turns out to be in another MC?”

 

“You leave the Succubi,” I said sharply. “You can’t split your loyalty like that. It’ll ruin both clubs, it’ll tear them down until we have no more room for fighting. This is already causing so much tension, I can’t believe it. I couldn’t believe how Val just tried to start an uprising against me,” I muttered. “And yet somehow, this is all my fault because I’m the president!”

 

Jessica stared at me. “I wish things weren’t like this,” she said sadly, wiping her mouth. “I hate fighting with everyone. I wish it had never happened.”

 

“Me, too,” I muttered. Jessica got up and walked away. I stared at my feet, at the concrete floor, at anything other than the girls. I was so angry and sick of this bullshit. Every time I started to feel better, it flew back up in my face like something horrible that I couldn’t ever run away from. Even worse, I did feel responsible. I didn’t feel like I was to blame for Jessica’s assault, but ever since I’d run into Isaac again, I couldn’t get my complicated feelings for him in check. It was like he was always there, lurking and threatening to expose me as someone other than who I pretended to be. Part of me was worried that he’d figure out my true identity. The other part of me almost wanted him to.

 

I threw my bottle in the trash and got ready to go out with Val. She was meeting the Russians outside of the city, in the same location where Jungle’s Thorns would be doing the gun sale on Saturday. I pulled on a pair of my favorite leather chaps and paired them with a black jacket and a hat that concealed most of my hair. I knew that Val and I always made a pair riding together—my petite stature next to her muscular body. This was one time where we really couldn’t afford to have anyone look at us.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Val walked up and glanced down at me with the same smug look she’d had on her face ever since we’d voted on the cops. My stomach churned with anger and anxiety.

 

“Ready as ever,” I mumbled. “Come on.”

 

Val and I were silent as we mounted our bikes and backed off the Succubi’ property. The night was dark and there were no stars in the skies; clouds rumbled overhead as we made our way through the blinding, humid blackness.

 

“It’s gonna be a rough night,” Val said. She smiled in the dark and I saw her white teeth glistening. “You up for this?”

 

I frowned and growled. “Why the fuck wouldn’t I be up for this?” I snarled loudly. “You know I want revenge.”

 

Val actually laughed. “Why don’t you go see about Kyle?” she asked in a mocking tone. I had to fight the urge to punch her again. It seemed that maybe our fight hadn’t actually solved anything. I decided that when this was all over, Val and I wouldn’t be friends again. I’d try to kick her out of the club and regain control, but it was looking like it was going to be a hell of a fight.

 

“I’m coming with you,” I growled loudly. “I need to see these Russian fucks and know they’re serious.”

 

Val gunned her bike into gear and led the way out of the parking lot. In irritation, I sped up and overtook her path. The president always rode first; it was part of our MC code. But trying to ride in front of me was just one more way that Val wanted to humiliate me. Seething, I sped forward and raced down the dark road.

 

I couldn’t stop thinking about Isaac. His name and Kyle’s kept swirling through my mind. I remembered the way I’d treated Alexa and a little bubble of guilt rose through my body. What if I was no different? What if I was just like her? I realized that I’d been ready to throw Val under the bus just because of how Isaac had reacted to the story of Jessica’s assault. If I stormed in and then backed down because of whatever stupid loyalty I still felt towards Isaac, then I wasn’t a good leader.

 

By the time we got to the middle of the desert, it was dark. Val pulled up beside me. “Listen,” she said in a low voice. “I know we’ve had our problems lately, Stephy. And I don’t wanna fight anymore. But you gotta let me down this on my own.” She flexed her hands and cracked her knuckles. “I have a plan, you know.”

 

I let out a deep sigh. “Are you trying to fuck me over again? Or do you really have a plan?”

 

Val’s eyes flashed anger in the darkness but a dark laugh bubbled up from her throat. “I have a real plan,” she said. “Just watch.”

 

I stayed by the bikes and watched as Val swaggered over to the Russians. There were three of them there. I didn’t recognize any of the Jungle’s Thorns guys and took that to mean they’d left Kyle behind. A ripple of discontent went through me. Would he be okay? And why did I even care?

 

“Hi, boys,” Val greeted the men. She sat down on the ground in front of them and stared. “I heard y’all are having a little conference on Saturday.”

 

The biggest of the men laughed. “I’m Sergey,” he said. “Where did you get our information from?”

 

Val shrugged in the moonlight. The men were obviously taken with her; they couldn’t drag their faces away from her muscular body. She stretched like a cat and yawned. “I heard it from a little bird,” she said softly. “A little bird named Jungle’s Thorns.”

 

Sergey laughed. “And you think you can harm those big bad bikers?” He leaned down in Val’s face. “Those men would eat you for lunch, sweetheart,” he said in a thick Russian accent. “And we don’t do business with pussy.”

 

I cringed at the use of the crude word but Val sat up, her back straight as a ramrod. “I don’t talk to men who treat me like a pussy,” Val said smugly. “So you better talk to me as a woman, or I’ll make sure Jungle’s Thorns dies before they pay you what they owe.”

 

Sergey’s eyes bulged. Inside, I cheered for Val. My mouth was dry and my heart was clanging in my chest as I watched her. Part of me wondered if the men knew I was there. The other part of me didn’t care; they were ruthless scum just like the Jungle’s Thorns guys and it didn’t matter whose loyalties we played to.

 

“The woman, she has spirit,” another one of the Russian guys said under his breath. Sergey chuckled and stepped forward.

 

“So, you want to show me how seriously you take this?”

 

I could only watch as Val crawled over to Sergey and wrapped her muscular, sinewy arms around his waist. Sergey looked down with a grin on his face as Val unfastened the snap of his jeans and tugged them down, exposing his sharp hipbones. Leaning forward, Val licked at the skin until Sergey threw his head back and rolled his eyes into his head.

 

“That’s good,” Sergey muttered. He reached down and tangled his hand in Val’s shiny hair. “Keep going.”

 

Val scooted closer and pulled Sergey’s pants all the way down. Watching her work, I couldn’t help but get a little turned on. It was all too easy to imagine that I was the one kneeling in front of Sergey, holding his cock in my hand and breathing on it. Val pulled Sergey’s hard erection from his boxers and lowered her mouth to it. She blew on him softly and then began pumping his cock up and down until Sergey was moaning with pleasure. I watched carefully as Val licked the hard tip of his cock, closing her eyes and humming as she took the first few inches into her mouth.

 

“Oh yeah,” one of the other Russians cried loudly. “This is awesome!”

 

“Shut up,” Sergey said in a lazy voice. “More,” he commanded Val. Sergey jerked his hips forward, shoving his cock all the way down Val’s throat. She masterfully moved her hand up and down the shaft, all while sucking like a pro. As Val moved her body up and down in time with Sergey’s thrusts, Sergey reached down and began to fondle Val’s breasts through her shirt. She moaned loudly.

 

“Guys,” Sergey said. “You have to try this. She’s amazing.” He glanced down at Val with passion in his eyes. She bobbed her head up and down on his cock, eagerly sucking and wrapping her free arm around his waist to pull him close. One of the other men shoved his hand down his own pants and started to jack off as he watched. I felt the area between my legs grow moist and damp. Stop it, you fucking sicko, I thought to myself. You’re watching your best friend give some stranger head. This isn’t hot, it’s creepy! But I couldn’t turn the delicious sensations in my body off. The more Val pleasured Sergey, the more I thought about Isaac and the way I’d used to pleasure him.

 

“Candace,” Isaac groaned loudly. His hands tangled in my hair and yanked my scalp until it was almost painful. “Candace, don’t stop!”

 

I was on my knees, kneeling on the ground and sucking Isaac’s cock. His jeans were around his ankles and my hands were cupping his balls and stroking his shaft as masterfully as I could manage. In my mouth, his rock-hard erection was pulsing and twitching with pleasure. I closed my eyes, savoring the salty, musky taste of Isaac’s skin. I wanted to bury my face in his crotch and inhale, to keep that smell with me forever. It was the smell of lust, the smell of Isaac’s own desire for me.

 

“Oh, Candace,” Isaac moaned, louder than ever before. Pleasure and greed shot through me and I continued sucking as hard as I could. “I’m gonna come! Don’t stop!”

 

I grabbed onto Isaac and pulled him close, putting my lips over my teeth and sucking until I thought I’d bruise the surface of his tender cock. As he began to spasm and twitch, I swallowed his cock into my throat and moaned softly, hoping the vibrations would please Isaac even further. My knees ached from the ground but I didn’t care; I was pleasing my man, and I wouldn’t stop until he was finished.

 

As Isaac grunted and thrust his hips against my face, I felt the hot cum begin to trickle and spew from the tip of his cock. It gushed against my throat in sticky ropes and I swallowed it all, savoring the taste of him. Isaac always tasted perfect: salty and a little sweet, not too bitter. I loved doing anything I could to please him, and sucking him off was no exception.

 

When I opened my eyes, my hands were in my panties and I was moaning softly. My clit was hard and swollen and my hand was almost numb from rubbing myself so intently. Val was on her knees in front of one of the other guys. Sergey was standing there with a dazed look on his face, rubbing his crotch. His jeans were back up and he was glancing down at Val with less interest than before.

 

Val finished; the other guy moaned loudly and stepped back. Val leaned over and spat a mouthful of cum on the ground.

 

“I’m ready to go,” she said softly, in the same flirtatious voice as before. “And you know I’ll be here on Saturday, ready to waste those Jungle’s Thorns assholes.”

 

Sergey laughed, throwing his head back. “You get ’em, Thorn. We’ll be here.”

 

Val smiled and turned her back, walking towards me. Quickly, I wiped my hand off on my jeans.

 

“That went well,” Val said as she climbed on her bike. “You see how easy those men are to manipulate?”

 

I shrugged. I didn’t necessarily approve of what Val had done. When I got into the MC game, I didn’t like the idea that women were responsible for sex. No, I wanted things to be even and on the same playing field as they were with me. I wanted our currency to be just that: money. I didn’t want to get a reputation for what Val had just done.

 

“That could have been handled in another way,” I said sharply, forgetting how much it had turned me on. Already, Isaac and his hard cock were shoved out of my mind. These days, it felt like my heart and my brain were at war. And sometimes I didn’t think they’d ever be reconciled again.

 

“It was something,” Val said with a smirk. “You just don’t wanna take my advice, Stephy. But sometimes you gotta get down and dirty with those men. That’s the only way they’d ever respect me.”

 

I frowned. “I don’t think respect is the right word. We need to know that we can trust them. I don’t give a shit about respect unless it’s coming from my girls.”

 

Val laughed again. “And they didn’t say a goddamn word about Kyle, either. I knew you were hoping to hear something. What are you gonna tell Alexa?”

 

I revved my bike into gear and pulled the helmet over my head. “I’m gonna tell her that he’s gonna be fine,” I said smoothly. “Because that’s the truth, and you know it. They won’t hurt him, not when all that cash is riding on the line.”

 

“And there’s one more thing,” Val countered. “Just how are we supposed to get our hands on those guns? If the Jungle’s Thorns assholes show up with the cash, how do I know the Russians won’t just fuck us over?”

 

I stared at her. “This is exactly what I was talking about when you wanted to get the cops involved,” I said slowly. “I told you, there are gonna be some huge logistical issues that we need to work out. And you didn’t listen, Val. You were fucking convinced that you knew the answer to everything.”

 

Val sneered at me. “You’re a bitch,” she said softly. “I don’t know why anyone listens to you. You can’t even figure out the rest of the goddamn plan!”

 

She sped off before I could reply. I had half a mind to pull the gun out of my waistband and shoot her in the back but I managed to somehow breathe and talk myself out of it. Val was right, though; I’d had no real sense of what this plan would do to my girls. And now we were almost about to go at it with no sense of what was right and what was wrong. Maybe the cops would ruin everything. Maybe the Russians would smell a rat and not even show up, in which case I’d have two angry parties coming at me. Isaac would want me dead for the betrayal and Alexa would want me dead for letting her precious Kyle get in the way.

 

I swallowed hard. This wasn’t good. I had to go see Isaac or shit was going to get even worse.