She steps tentatively toward me. “Are you okay?” she asks as she looks at my puffy eyes.
I nod even though I’m not anywhere in the ballpark of okay. “How, uh...how much of that did you hear?”
She doesn’t bother to beat around the bush. “All of it.”
I draw in a deep breath, unsure where we go from here.
“You’re in love with Mark?” she asks.
My cheeks heat as shame fills me, but I nod.
“What about Brian?”
I shrug. “I love him, too.”
“But you want to be with Mark.”
“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want to be with me.”
She turns toward the counter and slams her hands down. It startles me. “Dammit, Reese! Of course he does. Are you blind?”
“What?”
“I’ve never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you.”
“Brian?”
“No!” she yells, then lowers her voice. “Mark.”
“How does he look at me?”
“The same way you look at him. Like you two have goddamn hearts in your fucking eyes.”
She’s pissed. I don’t know her well enough to know if she’s always this passionate, but she’s intense and a little intimidating.
“Then why did he just end things with me over the phone?”
She shakes her head and looks at me in the reflection of the mirror. “Because he’s a fucking idiot.”
I raise both brows.
“I was with him last night.” Her words hit me straight in the gut. I bend forward to lean on the counter because I suddenly feel sucker punched. Did she meet him before or after his mouth was all over some other woman? Does she even know what happened? “I met him at Sevens. We drank a lot of whiskey and he told me how he feels about you.”
“And how is that?”
“He’s in love with you, Reese. He’s never been in love before, and he’s terrified he’s going to hurt you in all this.” She rolls her eyes. “He’s bracing for impact by fucking it up before he even actually has you.”
“Then why’d you ask Brian and me when we’re getting married?”
She shrugs. “Just testing the waters. Brian’s a game player. Mark isn’t. Mark puts everyone else first before himself. Because Brian’s the youngest, he always gets whatever he wants. He’s a spoiled brat who skates by on charm and a smile.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“That’s not something I can tell you. All I can do is talk to you from the perspective of someone who knows them both pretty well.”
“Do you think Brian loves me?”
“Brian loves himself first. I love the kid, and I don’t mean to speak badly of him, but I guarantee you he’s still hung up on his ex.”
“Kendra?” I ask.
She looks surprised that I know the name. She nods. “We should get back out there to him.”
“Mark wanted me to be there for Brian, to hold off on ending things with him.”
“Mark’s an idiot. Who the hell does that shit? It’s his way of trying to be selfless, but I think it’s straight up dumb.”
I don’t have anything to say to that because she’s right.
“Do you want to end things with Brian?” she asks.
I lift a shoulder and stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t even recognize the girl staring back at me. I’m not the same Reese I used to know. “I’m not sure. I thought I did, then Mark told me we were over.”
“So Brian’s the consolation prize?”
“It sounds so cold when you say it that way. He’s more than that.”
“You’re the only one who can decide which one you want to be with. Whatever you do, please just decide. Don’t fuck around with them. They may be Beavis and Butt-head to me, they may be a pair of idiots, but I love those stupid idiots and I don’t want to see either of them suffering.”
I throw my arms around Lizzie. “Thank you.”
She hugs me back. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You were here for me when my world started to fall apart.”
* * *
“Code Blue, room seven twenty-one. Code Blue, room seven twenty-one.”
Brian’s hand that was resting possessively on my leg moves as he pushes to a stand. “Seven twenty-one?” he asks. “Did she say seven twenty-one?”
Lizzie looks terrified as she nods.
“That’s Pops’ room,” he says. He walks over to his sister and takes her hand in his. I stand on his other side, and the three of us form a little prayer circle as we all bow our heads and think our own thoughts to ourselves. Diane and Paul are in the room with Gram and Pops, and Mark still isn’t here. If Pops is going into cardiac arrest, Mark needs to be here. If he missed his chance to say goodbye because he couldn’t stand to be around Brian and me, I’ll never forgive myself.
I pray for wisdom for the doctors and strength for Pops and for each member of the Fox family. I can only hope that he pulls through this and that Mark has enough time to send pictures of his completed Lego sets to his grandfather.
I pray that I can stick my own feelings in a box for tonight and be whatever Brian needs me to be.
“What’s going on?” Mark’s velvet voice breaks into my prayer.
When I open my eyes and they land on him, I feel a wave of pain course through me, yet that pain is edged with relief that he’s here. He made it. No matter how broken my heart is because of what he did last night, he needs to be here with his family tonight.
He’s avoiding eye contact with me, and he looks physically spent with dark shadows lining those green eyes and a thicker stubble than he usually sports. His hair is a mess and his shirt has a small rip near the shoulder. But he still looks like heaven.
He looks like the man I love...the man I can’t have.
“Code Blue in Pops’ room,” Brian says quietly.
“Fuck,” Mark mutters. He steps between Lizzie and me and takes our hands in his. Whatever happened last night, whether those pictures were taken before or after he talked to Lizzie, none of it matters right now. He needs to know that I’m here for him, so I squeeze his warm hand in mine. Relief floods through me when he squeezes back.
Diane and Paul emerge from the hallway. Diane’s eyes are red, and Paul looks worried. They step into our circle. Diane steps between Brian and Lizzie, and Paul steps between Mark and me. I keep my eyes focused on the ground. This moment isn’t about Mark and me or Brian and me. This is about harnessing all our positive thoughts together.
Gram comes out a few minutes later. “He made it through,” she says quietly, then she claps a hand over her mouth and starts to cry in earnest. Diane moves over to hug her mother, and Mark strides over to her next. I hang back, still holding Brian’s hand in mine.
A doctor comes out to tell us that Pops probably doesn’t have much time left. He urges everyone to say what they need to say to him. I glance over at Mark, who looks forlorn. I want to run to him, to comfort him. He needs me, but I’m stuck by Brian’s side—Brian, the man who hasn’t let go of my hand. Lizzie’s there by Mark’s side, rubbing his arm in some small attempt to help him feel better when she’s suffering the same sense of loss.
He takes Gram’s hand in his and heads back with her. Lizzie walks over toward the window and pulls out her phone. Diane and Paul follow Mark and Gram, and Brian and I are alone in the waiting room.
“You want to go back there?” I ask.
“Let them have a few minutes. I don’t want to hover.”
“It’s okay to go back there,” I say. “The doctor said—”
He cuts me off. “I don’t care what the doctor said, okay? I’m not ready.”
I nod. “Sorry,” I say softly. I hold his hand a little more tightly in mine. Brian has always been so strong, so powerful. It’s clear to see he’s lashing out now because of fear, and I’ll take the brunt of it if I have to.
Eventually Paul comes to get us. “It’s time to say goodbye,” he says softly.