My sister surprises me with a text announcing a surprise visit—a visit that isn’t all that much of a surprise considering we talked about her coming to see me when I was in Phoenix.
Rachel: Decided to drive up for the weekend. If you’re busy I can get a hotel.
I’m thrilled my sister is on her way to visit. I need someone to talk to about the absolute mess I’ve suddenly made of my life, and I didn’t get the chance to talk to her when I stopped home a few days ago.
To be fair, though, I hadn’t slept with Mark for the second time at that point, either. Everything’s become so much messier in such a short amount of time.
I’ve spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts over the past couple days. Brian has been putting in a lot of time at the office with some new accounts he acquired, so we’ve barely seen each other since he got back from Houston. Jill’s been holing herself up with work, and when she’s not there, she’s with Becker. I can’t help but feel like she’s been avoiding me since my confession. She was cheated on not all that long ago, and I’m sure what I’ve done brings up painful memories for her. Tess is out of town, so I’m sitting idly at my house, staring at the television that isn’t even turned on, trying to process what in the fuck I did a few nights ago.
I haven’t heard from Mark. I’m torn on how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m relieved. It’s giving me a chance to put what we did behind us. On the other hand, I’m curious. Did he get what he wanted? Is that why I haven’t heard from him? Or is he off tending to his career?
My sister doesn’t know Brian, has no idea I slept with our rock star idol, and she has a good head on her shoulders. She’s in a solid relationship with Ben, and I admire that about her. She may be younger than me, but she certainly has her shit together much more than I do.
The second her text comes, I feel a sudden sense of relief. She’s family. She’ll be able to provide me with some perspective and she’ll be on my side because that’s what sisters do.
Me: I’m never too busy for you and of course you can stay with me.
Rachel: Should be there in five hours or so.
Me: Don’t text and drive!
She doesn’t reply, so I assume she took my advice.
I text Brian next.
Me: My sister is driving up right now. Want to do dinner with her?
His response takes some time, but I assume it’s because he’s at work.
Brian: I need to move a few things around, but I can make it work. I’ll have Kelsey make reservations. Anywhere special?
Me: You pick.
Brian: For three?
Me: Make it for four in case her boyfriend comes.
My phone rings a few minutes later, and Brian’s name flashes across my screen.
“Seafood okay?” he asks after I answer.
“Fine,” I say. I slept with your brother.
It’s always on the tip of my tongue, but I can never bring myself to say the words. I’m glad he’s been so busy at work. It’s given me a little time away from him, time to miss him and realize how much I love him, that I might've made a horrible mistake.
But then I think of the two nights I shared with Mark, and I can’t honestly call either of them a mistake. Something that deep can’t be a mistake.
“We have an eight o’clock reservation at the Wynn. I called to see if you checked your passport yet.”
I pick up the passport and stare at the date as I cradle my phone between my ear and my shoulder. It doesn’t expire for another year. “It’s valid. But I don’t know, Brian. It’s getting close to school starting back up again. I have a lot of planning to do, and our back to school week for teachers is coming up quickly.”
I planned on going with him. I keep telling myself that I just don’t want to go this close to school getting back in session. Besides, sitting on a plane for half a day to get to a location where I won’t get to see the person I’m traveling to see since he’ll be working all day doesn’t sound like the best use of my time.
“I want you there with me,” he says with persistence.
“When are you leaving?” I toss the passport on my dresser.
“Next Thursday.”
“How long will you be gone?” I twist a lock of hair around my finger.
“I’m guessing ten days. Possibly longer.”
“Will you be working the whole time?”
“A lot of it.”
“Is Kelsey going?” I have no right to feel jealous of his secretary. None. I gave up that right when I slept with his brother.
But I still don’t trust her.
He sighs. “Yes.” He sounds annoyed by my question.
“Okay,” I finally say, convincing myself it’s the right thing to do.
“Okay—as in you’ll come?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“It’s a long way to travel only to have you working the whole time. Plus, I have work I need to do before school starts.”
“Work on the plane. You can do tours and sightsee. Frankfurt has lots of culture.”
“You’re right.” I force some excitement into my voice. “It’ll be fun.”
“It will. I’ll have Sunday off, so we’ll at least have a day off to explore together.”
I hear the doorbell and pad barefoot through the house to answer it. “That’ll be f—”
I open the door as I talk and my sentence ends when I see who’s standing on the other side. As soon as I think I’ve figured it all out, I’m thrown for another loop.
I clear my throat. “Can I call you back?” My eyes are on the man at the door as I speak into the phone.
“That’s okay. I need to get back to work.”
“See you tonight.” I end the call without tearing my eyes from Mark. Four days felt like a lifetime now that he’s standing in front of me again, but I hold onto all the reasons why he’s bad for me as I stare at him. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes are shadowed and his stubble is scruffy. He looks dark and dangerous standing on my porch in jeans and a black shirt. I catch a whiff of his sandalwood scent on a gentle breeze, and it takes me immediately back to his bed...to Brian’s bed. I rub at my nose to force the scent away.
“I had to see you.” His eyes are forlorn and he’s almost convincing me. But I can’t—I can’t do this to Brian. Not again. I won’t.
“Why?” I whisper. Heat stings behind my eyes.
“Because I had to go to LA for the past few days and I think I might be in—” The jarring ring of my cell phone interrupts him. We both look at the device in my palm. I glance at the screen. “Ignore it.”
“It’s your brother.” I accept the call and look back at Mark. Pain is evident in those green depths—pain because I took the call or because it’s his brother calling me or because I’m not inviting him into my home. “Hello?”
“Sorry for calling right back, but I just realized I have a meeting at six. Is it okay if we meet at the restaurant?”
“You could’ve texted.”
“I know. I just wanted to hear your voice again.”
A part of me melts at that, just as it should. The other part of me stands torn as I stare at the man on my front porch. “Sure. That’s fine.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“You too.” The “L” word feels strange on my tongue in front of Mark, so I don’t say it. I hang up and turn away from the door. Mark steps through it and shuts it behind him.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I say. I keep my body turned away from him and my eyes off him. “I need you to just leave me alone.”
“I need that, too. God, do I need that.” His voice is edged with sincerity and pain. “Believe me.”
“Why haven’t you been in touch?” I ask, still facing away from him. I realize my words might give him the hope he’s seeking, but they’re out before I can stop them, and my voice comes out as much more of a challenge than I intend it to.
“I didn’t want our first contact to be a fucking text message.” He moves in behind me and digs his fingers into my hips. He lowers his voice to a whisper, his breath warm against my ear, and my body tingles with need for him as butterflies race around my stomach. “I needed to tell you in person that you’re my every waking thought. You’re the air I breathe. You’re somehow in my blood, a venom infecting my body.” He leans down from my ear and presses a soft kiss to my neck, and I stiffen despite the tumultuous shudders racing through my spine. “I can’t stay away.”
“Mark, you can’t say those things to me.” I force the weariness into my tone. I won’t give into him. I’ll stand strong for Brian. He’s my choice. “I’m with your brother.”
“Leave him. Be with me.”
I spin around to face him, and I force myself back a step so his skilled and talented hands aren’t heating my body any longer. So his lips aren’t within range of my skin. “So you can win some game between the two of you?”
He shakes his head, his eyes full of regret. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“It’s about not allowing potentially the best thing that could ever happen get away.”
“I already told you. I can’t do this.” I’m trying for a firm disposition, but I feel my strength slipping away under Mark’s scrutinizing gaze. “I’m going to Germany with Brian next week.” My voice is flat and devoid of emotion.
“Don’t go. Stay with me.” His eyes are pleading with me, and I have to fight against him with everything inside me. “Give me a shot to win you over.”
My heart slices in two as I say the words I’m supposed to say. “It’s not about winning or losing, Mark. It’s about doing what’s right.”
“Staying with my brother is what’s right?”
“I don’t know, but seeing you when he’s not around certainly isn’t.”
He closes the small gap between us and places his hands back on my hips. “What about the other night?” His voice is low and sultry, reminiscent of my favorite Vail ballad, and I nearly give into him.
I close my eyes, intent on fighting this—fighting him. Intent on being faithful to Brian. My boyfriend. Because that’s what he deserves...what we deserve.
“You can’t tell me that wasn’t all sorts of right.” His voice is full of the same desperation I feel in my heart.
I push his hands from my body and twist out of his grasp. “You’re right. I can’t say that.”
“It was right AF.”
I almost feel a smile tug at my lips—that he can so easily lighten this heavy mood with just one phrase. I don’t allow the smile to form, though. I stand firm in my decision to be with Brian. “It can’t happen again. I need you to go.”
“I’m not going to give up on you. On us.”
“Why not?” The agony in my own voice surprises me.
“Because this shit doesn’t happen to me. Not after one night, not after two. I’ve never had feelings afterward or wanted to see someone again. I’ve never felt like nothing else matters except you and me. I know you feel it, too. ”
I don’t answer, and he takes a step away from me and toward my door. He sets his hand on the knob and then turns back to me. “My grandfather taught me to go after what I want. To stop at nothing to get what I deserve. He’s right, you know. I deserve happiness. I might’ve fucked up every good thing I had in the past, I might be fucking up my relationship with my brother, but I won’t fuck this up.”
With that, he opens the door and leaves.
No kiss. No hug. No final, longing gaze. Just a warning that he won’t stop pursuing me, and I hate the traitorous corner of my heart that quakes with happiness.