Jax nursed a beer in the Black Legion clubhouse. Music mingled along with the sound of pool cues smacking into balls. He waited for Eric to show his face as the long day started to turn to night. Would there be a price to pay? Probably. He still didn’t have the bread to show for any efforts, but he had put the fear of god into the loser. And Lena…
She was so close but so far. He reflected on the endless nights at the creek. They used to talk through the shadows, and when Lena’s voice was spent, she snuggled against the grass and pillowed her head under her hands. Jax liked to watch her sleep, to see her dreaming. Was he part of it? Did she picture him at her side behind her soft eyelids? He could only hope and stroke her hair. She always looked like an angel, and he wanted her to stay like that forever so he could just drink in the feel of her, the sight of her. But dreams had a way of breaking, and Lena would always stretch her arms over her head as she awoke.
And she would smile.
You’re still here.
I can’t leave you.
He had held her and dared to bring his lips to her brow and pressed her closer. As much as he wanted her, it was going to be on her say so. The thought of forcing her made him sick. And it was enough to just feel her body in his arms.
“Yo, Jax!”
Turning away from his beer, Jax saw Eric moving closer as a cigarette dangled from his lips.
“You gonna chew me out now or what?” Jax asked as he finished his drink and signaled to Artie’s old lady in a tight yellow halter for a fresh round.
“No way,” Eric said as he assumed the stool at his side. Pushing a bill into the girl’s ample cleavage, he smiled and took another drag.
“Maybe you didn’t get the money,” he said. “But you made a stand. That has to feel kind of good, right?”
Jax tried to nod, but he just waited for his refill and sucked it down as soon as the foam frothed over the edge of the mug. He started chugging his fresh beer, and when he set the glass aside and asked for another Eric ordered the girl back and forced Jax’s face to his.
“Let it feel good,” he said. “Maybe it hurts to see her in the all out. But better to know what you’re up against, right?”
Somehow he nodded, but there was nothing but a rock in his soul as he made the move. He had always told himself that Lena ran because she was scared. Was it of him? Did it have to do with something or someone else? He choked back the bitterness of her departure and started to resign himself to the fact that she was moving on. Jax tried to follow a similar path. But staying in Deerfield meant memories of her around every corner. The creek was precious, but there were the times when she’d been on his bike as they raced away from the traffic, leaving school and every other kind of pain aside. Lena clung to him as he swerved towards a side road and drove his body like an expert over the dirt. Jax would turn his head over his shoulder and tell her that he’d never let her fall.
I get that.
And Lena’s voice would trail off as she pushed her palms to the air and let the wind fall across her form. Jax would slow up and try to find her hand. And their fingers would meet as she stayed perched behind his back.
Make me fly, Jax.
He could never deny her anything. All she had to do was ask. And he brought her hand to his chest as he hit the clutch harder and accelerated his speed. Lena laughed into his hair as he kept rising towards the horizon, and he dared to glance over his shoulder.
I’ve got you. Trust me.
Lena had laughed and said she believed in him. When they finally slowed to a stop, he had been quick to leap off his bike and wind his hands around her waist. He had her. And she could always trust him.
“Maybe…if I’d only kissed her…”
Eric laughed at the comment and slapped Jax on his back. “Even the best piece of tail ain’t worth all this what if,” he said. “And nothing trumps club politics. You know that, right?”
Jax looked into his eyes and swallowed back the bile building in his throat as he narrowed his gaze and licked his lips. “Guess I learned from the best,” Jax grunted.
Eric started to seethe, and Jax made no move to dodge what had to be an impending blow. He just waited with clenched fists and let the beer sour in his empty stomach as the buzz rushed towards his brain and caused the room to spin.
“Something you want to say here?” Eric asked.
Where was his mother? Why had she really left?
“No,” Jax said. “Guess if anyone knows what it is to be let down, you could tell me a thing or two.”
Eric’s jaw fixed in place, and Jax waited for him to spin the story in his favor when his stepfather just playfully punched his cheek.
“Common ground could be good for business,” Eric said. “Hey, Mandy!”
The girl in yellow shot to attention and moved to refill is glass. Jax shuffled in his seat as the froth started to foam, and as soon as she set the glass down, Jax moved to sip when Eric gripped his arm.
“Keep kicking them back,” Eric suggested. “Anything to stop the pain, right?”
Part of him wanted to keep his mind clear. Maybe he could still make his way back to Sully’s house and plead his case. But was there really a point? Lena had made her mind clear, and he retreated into his mug as Eric tousled his hair.
“You’ll get over it,” Eric promised. “One pussy is as good as another.”
To him, Lena was always more than that. But he choked her image down along with the beer. Better to push her down and never think of---
“Oh yeah!” Mitch cried from the other side of the room. “Blondie would have been mine in like two shakes. Now that she’s home, looking forward to getting a fair shot at her cunt.”
Jax tossed his mug aside and ignored the sound of the shatter as he stepped over the shards and hurried toward the pool table. “Don’t you even think about it!” Unleashed, with no one holding him back, Jax grabbed his neck and forced Mitch’s body into the green felt. Crawling up on the table, Jax held him in place and started throwing fists as he spat into Mitch’s yes. “You touch her, and I will fucking kill you!”
Mitch lifted his fist, but Jax blocked the blow and kept pummeling his chest. He could hear the room and the club starting to close around him when Eric ordered the boys back. Seeing his chance, with no barriers blocking his way, Jax kept throttling him, when Mitch took hold of his hand.
“She ain’t worth it, kid! Don’t you like fucking see that now?”
Jax brushed him off and brought his fist to his jaw. Mitch moaned as he fell of the pool table.
“Leave it, Jax,” Artie said as he tried to take him by the arm. “Maybe…maybe another beer?”
“Not yet!”
Picking up a cue, Jax twirled it over his head and started to crush the end into his sides. He felt nothing but a cold kind of satisfaction as Mitch groaned at the force of each impact and tried to scramble away. Jax allowed him the idea that he was on the verge of escape, but as soon as Mitch managed to move a few inches through discarded peanut shells, Jax forgot that this was a kind of brother and moved to strike again. Lena’s smile, the one he couldn’t help but remember, even though he tried to force the image from his mind, flashed before his eyes. Maybe something in her had shifted, but she still deserved better than a forced fucking when she was still unspoiled and so sweet. Did she have someone else? Someone far away from home? Jax choked on the idea, but even if he were out of the running, there was still no way in hell he would hand her over to the likes of Mitch.
“You will not touch her!” Jax screamed. “She’s not for you!”
Bringing the pool cue down again and again, Jax felt Mitch squirming underneath him, and he resumed bashing his head in, wanting nothing more than to kill any man that looked at Lena sideways. Let her push him back with both hands; he would still fight for her and he was ready to land the fatal blow when a soft, familiar voice hit his ears.