She had gone back to the creek. Needing to see it just one more time, wanting nothing more than to hold the place in her mind as it had always been, Lena crept past her uncle’s sleeping form and raced towards the water. No way he was coming back now. She would have to live on the memory and imagine what might have been.
But now he was back.
Lena’s heart turned to ice as soon as she saw the truth in his eyes. Silent or not, it was still her secret to tell, and now Eric had even taken that from her.
“Son of a bitch!” Pushing Jax away, she fell to her knees and hugged her body close. Shaking around the memory, she felt his hand on her back and curled deeper into the grass as his voice hit her ear.
“Why didn’t you come to me?” he pleaded. “I would have helped you. I never would have let it go that far.”
Lena peered up at him through her fallen hair and sadly shook her head. “Had to help my uncle,” she confessed. “Someone has to have his back, too.”
Jax clenched his fists and sighed heavily as he sat at her side. His hand was nearly at her face when she looked away and bit down on her lip.
“It happened,” she said softly. “And I can’t change it.”
He kept his hands to himself as he curled his fist into the dirt, his voice thick as he struggled to speak. “Tell me,” he started. “I need to know all of it.”
“You need to?” A cold laugh passed through her lips, and Lena turned her eyes towards the sky. “It’s my shame,” she said. “Don’t you think that I wanted to tell you? To tell someone? But I couldn’t!” Jax worked to gather her in his arms when she slapped him away and burst into tears. “I had to live through it once,” she confessed. “And that was more than enough.” Her shoulders heaved, and she started to lose herself in the vile memory as Jax gently pressed his fingers under her chin and eased her eyes to his.
“I get it,” he said. “Is it enough to just say that I’m sorry? For all of it?”
Lena caught her breath and gazed into his green eyes. After it happened, and in every moment since, she had wanted only one thing. And now he was here, touching her and smiling sweetly. “You don’t have to,” she whispered. “I know you would have stopped it if you could of. But I just…”
Jax tentatively took her into his arms and kept his eyes on hers. In that instant, he was back to being the boy she’d known for so long, loved for even longer, and the lure of his hard shoulder was so inviting she couldn’t resist the urge to fall into him as he wrapped his arm around her back.
“I just wish you had been straight with me, Lena.”
She smiled at the sound of his name passing though her lips, and she cuddled close to his chest. The smell of his sweat mingling with the leather on his back brought her back to a simpler place and time. Maybe it hadn’t happened at all. Maybe the last year was something out of a nightmare, and this was the sweet awakening so long denied.
“Come here,” he whispered. “Just let me hold you.”
Lena bunched his tee between her fingers, her ear at his heart as it beat beneath her. His hands were slight and slow as he winded his fingers through her hair and moved down her back. Holding him this close, Lena was suddenly struck by the time that had passed between them, so many moments wasted, so many things unsaid. Even if she couldn’t bring herself to talk about the darkest days gone by, she was beyond curious as she met his eyes and dared to touch his cheek. “What happened to you?” she pleaded. “You were so rough with my uncle.”
“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry about that. But Eric turned me all around.”
“Sort of his specialty, right?” she asked sadly.
They nodded into each other’s eyes, and Jax grazed his fingers against her skin as he smiled softly. “Let’s not bring him here,” Jax said. “He’s taken too much from us already. And this is our place.”
“Still?” she asked. “I mean did you come here without me?”
“You were nowhere to be found,” he admitted. “So yeah. Came and hoped that you might show. Maybe I even dipped my toes in the water or whatever.”
Sitting up as she kept her hand in his, Lena’s eyes traveled down the length of his leg, and her fingers started towards his boot as she sighed.
“Want to do that now?” she asked. “Bet it would feel good after the way that you roared over here.”
Jax nodded, and Lena didn’t need another cue as she worked her fingers around the laces. Pulling the leather from his feet, she stripped away his socks and massaged the calloused surface. But even in his hardness, there was suddenly no fear that he would use his strength to cause her further harm. So despite Eric’s best efforts, he was still every inch her hero, and Lena eased his feet into the water and quickly pushed her toes under the ripples to get closer to his side. Her hand was light in his as their toes swam in the space of the creek, and she kept her eyes on their mingling flesh as she spoke softly.
“Feel good?” she asked.
“Hell of a lot better now that you’re back.” Jax tensed, and Lena met his eyes as he cupped her chin in his hands and brought his lips to her ear. “Are you back?” he asked.
“Made good on the debt, didn’t I? Sort of put my studies on hold.”
“That’s not what I mean, Lena.” Jax found her eyes and started to kiss her when nothing but his breath hit her lips. She sighed at the feel of the warmth surrounding her, and Jax clasped her closer. “I mean are you back with me?”
Lena studied his face and smiled at the sweetness poking through his stare. He started to turn her to her side when she leapt for the water and captured some of the stream in her hands. Pouring it over her head, she swore she saw his mask falling away, and as he savored the shower and smiled into her eyes, the boy she had known best and loved more was right there under her eyes.
“I never wanted to leave you,” she said. “I wanted you then. And I want you now.” She hugged him hard and started to kiss his neck.
Jax’s body mirrored her movements, and he tightened under her arms. “Is this okay?” he asked, his eyes suddenly wide as he relinquished his hold.
“Jax, why---?”
“Because if it’s too much,” he murmured. “If it hurts you in any way, then I don’t want to.”
“Stop.” Pressing her finger to his lips, she kissed his hair and rested her head to his neck as his hands reached the hem of the skirt. Still he hesitated, and Lena had to bring her mouth to his in protest. Kissing him quickly, she felt his smile under her lips, and she placed her hand on his chest. “It won’t hurt at all if it’s you,” she promised. “You, Jax…”
Craving his kiss, she moved to his lap and sighed at the feel of his mouth on hers. She started to dive deeper when he pushed back and caressed her hair. “I missed you so much,” he said. “And I didn’t understand…”
“I wanted you to be the first,” Lena confessed. “My first.” Always in her dreams there was a chance of that, of hiding the darkness away so that she could forget and move past it. “But I’m damaged goods now.” She turned her head away as she confessed, but Jax’s hand refused to let her leave his stare, and he sighed into her cheek.
“Not to me,” he said. “Never to me.”
Lena’s heart filled with hope as he lowered her body to the ground and hovered over her, his hand sweet and light against her hair as he spoke softly. “What that was, what he did to you, that was a crime against everything.”
“Was it?” she asked.
“Lena…” Jax’s kiss swirled against her mouth, and she started to grab his neck when he pushed back. Her heart caught in her throat at the sight of his eyes brimming with tears, and Jax lay at her side, his head pillowed in her chest as he sighed. “I can give it back to you,” he said. “That first taste”
Could he? Could he really do that and more? The idea of her soul wiped clean of the sin caused heart to flutter in her chest, and she started to kiss him again when the recollection of the darkest night slammed into her soul.
“You can’t do that,” she whimpered. “There’s no way that---”
“Give me a chance, Lena,” he purred. “It can be like it was, like it should have been.”
Desperate to see if he could work his magic one more time, hoping that he would make good on his word, Lena rested against the grass and let his hands linger up his legs. His touch was light against her thighs, and she shuddered at the feel of his hand dotting her skin. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she turned to the smell of the grass as Jax reached up her sides. His hand stopped short of her breasts, and she met his gaze again and smiled up as she helped his fingers towards the desired destination.
“Then please show me,” she begged. “Make me forget, Jax. Make me know something else.”
“Something better?” he asked.
“It would be that with you. Please.”
Expecting him to claim her now beside the creek, Jax just stroked her cheeks, his fingers lost in her golden locks as he leaned towards her face and met her mouth. “You sure it’s what you want?” he asked.
“It’s what I need. What I’ve needed for so long. I’m here, Jax. Help me. Help me be someone else.”
Propping his body up on his elbow, Jax traced the line of her lips with a soft hand. Lena’s eyes fluttered under his touch, and she peered into his eyes as his stare penetrated her soul.
“But I don’t want anyone else,” he said. “Only you.”
Her lips parted with the sound of the smallest sigh, and his kiss was light as he winded his fingers through her hair. She was ready to vanish into the space of his lips when he suddenly drew back and cupped her chin in his hands. “It’s always been you,” he swore. “Let me show you how much I need you.” Jax paused in his pursuit, appearing to wait for some kind of response. But Lena could do nothing except shift her head forward in a small nod. Still, she took his hand in hers and held it tighter, her fingers curling up his wrist as his head fell to her neck.
“So it’s yes,” he said.
“It’s always been yes,” she finally managed. “Make it like my first time, Jax.”
His body lifted from hers, but his lips pressed close to her mouth as she drank in the warmth of his kiss. Moving his fingers down her back, Lena moaned at the feel of his touch as he drew unseen circles through the fabric of her blouse. Her mind reeled at the sensation of him making his mark, branding her without any pain or burn. It wasn’t enough to completely eradicate the memory of other hands, harder hands, that took no time to be anything close to gentle. Having carried the pain upon her skin for weeks, having buried it in the deepest recesses of her heart until this precise moment, Lena sighed as he drew his fingers under her blouse and towards her sides. Jax’s stroke was light and sweet as massaged her quivering flesh, and he started to pull away when he sensed the trembles cascading across her skin.
“Are you okay?” he whispered, his hands at her waist as his stroke came to a swift stop.
“Yes,” she murmured as she lightly nodded her head. “Why did you stop?”
“Last thing I want it to hurt you,” he promised. “If I thought I was doing anything that---”
“You’ve never hurt me,” Lena said. “Well not really.”
Falling to her side, he stared intently into her watering eyes. “What about at the clubhouse?” he reminded her. “The things that I said.”
Quick to assuage his distress, Lena took his chin in her hands. “What about when I called you his son?” she countered, hating the fact that she even had to think of Eric Stiles with Jax in her arms, now that the one thing that she dreamed of from almost the first moment that she had laid eyes on him was here and now and so close to coming to pass.
“Enough about him,” Jax gently ordered. “What’s past is dead and done. Move forward. With me.”
Lena chuckled softly as she rested her cheek to his taut shoulder. “But I thought we were trying to turn back the clock,” she weakly joked.
“My Lena, you have no idea how many times that thought has crossed my mind when it comes to you.”
Finding his mouth again, Lena whimpered as his tongue twirled around hers, and his fingers grazed her cheeks as she unintelligibly moaned for more. But, again, he stopped even as he kept her calming body in his arms.
“Jax, what is it?”
“Then why are you crying?” he asked in a desperate voice.
“I---”
“You say I’m not hurting you, but then why?”
She shushed him with a soft finger to his mouth and snuggled closer to his side. Her eyes blinked back brimming pools, but she was sure to flash him the brightest smile she could manage “Because this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time,” she confessed. “Maybe even ever.”
Jax’s own eyes started to sparkle, and Lena peered at him without another word as he eased her body back to the grass and studied her prone frame.
“I’m going to show you how it would have been,” he promised, his tone husky as he brought her hand to his mouth and laid a soft kiss on her wrist. “If it had been me.”
“It is you,” she said. “If you keep saying it, I’ll believe you.”
“Believe this, Lena.”
Her palms flattened into the grass, and Lena watched with wanting, watering eyes as pulled his jacket away and revealed his muscled arms, glistening and seeming to pulse under the silver light of the rising moon. Stripping his tee from his chest and flinging it aside, Lena whined as a sharp of tug caught hold and pulled at her buzzing pussy. She never dreamed she could feel this with a man so close, but there was no fear as moved toward her. She raised her hand to his tight flesh, and Jax hesitated until he saw her lick her parched lips.
“Let me touch you,” she pleaded.
With a smile, Jax brought her fingers to the precipice of his pecs. Beyond the smoothness of his tight flesh, Lena reveled at the feel of his beating heart.
“You feel that?” he asked with a seductive smile.
“How could I not, Jax?”
“All for you,” he assured her. “And only for you.”
She started to stretch forward when he gently pushed her back the blades.
“Let me do this right,” he said. “I’ll take my time.”
Don’t take too long. I’ve been waiting for so long.
Jax’s fingers moved about the buttons of her blouse, and she held perfectly still as his careful hands peeled the garment from her body. As soon as he unfurled her breasts, he rested his head in her soft mounds. His breath passed through his lips in a small, sweet stream, and Lena shuddered as he wrapped his lips around her hard nipples. Her head began to spin as the sky seemed to burst into stars over her head, and she reached for his neck as his kiss traveled up her neck and settled on her cheek.
“What?” she whispered as he suddenly stopped.
“It’s just that you’re here,” he moaned. “That you’re real.”
“I get that. All this time, and I never stopped thinking about you.”
His eyes grew brighter, and Jax worked his way down her legs. As soon as she was bare under his eyes, Jax sighed heavily. His hand came to rest on her middle, and he circled her naval with his tongue before gazing into her face again. “My God, I always knew you were beautiful. But this is like everything.”
Lena blushed and started to turn her head away when he brought her eyes back to his and kissed her nose. “I feel beautiful,” she said. “Especially when you look at me.”
His hands shifted to his belt, and as Lena basked in the warmth pouring through her veins and swirling around her heart, she met his touch and sat up slowly. “Let me,” she begged. “Let me show you how I always wanted to take you.”
Jax offered no objection as she return his favor and unwrapped his body into full view. Drinking in the lean lines of his long legs, she spied his cock poised and prime. Daring to touch it, she stroked his length and heard him moan as she moved to her knees and twisted her arms around his broad back.
“Like this?” he asked as his cock pushed against her thigh. If he wanted to, he could push her back to the earth and, in spite of everything, she was ready to open her legs and give herself to him body and soul without any hint of horror. Jax brushed his fingers through her hair, his hand stopping on her ass. Even there, his caress was tender, and Lena knew this was how it always should have been. His lust would wait until she said the word. And the moment was now.
“I’m ready, Jax,” she said.
He claimed her mouth and pulled her closer to his chest. Lena’s fingers traveled down his arms, and as soon as their fingers entwined, she returned to the grass. A soft breeze whispered through the trees as the creek babbled nearby, but she was nothing but warm as he slipped inside her. Arching her body to meet more of him, all of him, her pussy felt sanctified as he gave her more of the moment to know how he would feel, how it should feel to have a man inside her.
Twisting her head against the ground, she shot him a bold smile and clutched his hands to her breasts. “Touch me here,” she pleaded, “I want to feel you everywhere.”
Obliging without another word, he kneaded her breasts, his kiss back at her breasts as he started to pulse between her legs. At the first thrust, the strength of his cock caused her to gasp. He started to speak, no doubt to ask her if she were still okay, if she were still ready. And Lena answered him with a new kiss, and his second thrust came quicker. Her pussy burned around his body, and she tightened her muscles to feel every inch of his firm flesh.
“I want to feel you,” he moaned. “Forever.”
“Let’s just start with this night. We have so many to make up for, Jax.”
Grasping her sides, Jax lifted her body closer to his. Rocking against her hips, Lena held her breath and arched her body in perfect rhythm with his moves as he fondled her breasts, his kiss always returning to her lips.
“What happens now?” she asked as he fell to her back and he brushed the fallen hair from her eyes.
“I make you mine,” he purred. “And no one else ever touches you again.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Then you’ll love this.” Holding her in place, no trace of his hands doing anything against her will, Lena moaned as he pushed inside her, his cock stretching towards her soul as her pussy seemed to cry her approval, her desire to know him better. Her hands were at his back as she delighted in the feel of his body brimming against hers, and as their lips met again, she started to speak into his mouth when Jax’s thrusts grew harder. Lena’s eyes started to roll back her in head, but Jax kept her in his line of sight as he shook his head.
“Don’t look away from me,” he begged. “I need your eyes, my Lena. Please stay with me.”
Contented and even thrilled to honor his request, Lena stayed in his stare and bit down on her lip. Panting into her flushed face, she kissed him again, her focus never wavering as she saw a stray tear trickle down his cheek.
“Tell me that’s because you’re finally happy now, too?” she pleaded.
“I always was with you.”
He released inside her, and her moan hit the night air, as she had no choice but to look away. She felt faint under the force of his lust, and he held her tight before she could swoon. His muscles calmed her, claimed her, and her head came to rest on his shoulder as his embrace tightened. As he settled inside her and came to a stop, Lena continued to relish his presence as he spooned her in his arms. Their bodies mingled against the grass and, as she struggled to meet his eyes again, she thought she saw a pair of stray headlights moving though the crook of his arm. The idea that someone might stop and see them caused her to tremble, but Jax’s kiss brought her back to no other world but the green of his eyes, and she smiled when she felt his hand running down her arms.
“First time,” he murmured. “Our first time. It’s the only one that counts.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Now everything is as it should be.”
Their limbs still entangled, Lena whimpered when he slipped out of her body. But his hands were still everywhere, stroking her sides and fondling her back as his lips dotted her hair and met her eyes.
“I’m glad I came home,” Lena said. “That’s what you feel like, Jax, like every bad thing melting me away.”
“And they won’t come back,” he said as he kissed her again, and she rested her head on his shoulder. Lena stroked his hair and kissed his arms before meeting his gaze again.
“I believe you,” Lena said. “I always believed you.”
“And I always loved…”
Lena started up as his voice caught in his throat, and her heart swelled as he blushed under the light of the moon and tried to bite the words back. Staring down at him, she wondered if truly meant it. Or was he just high on the feel of taking her for his own?
“You don’t have to say it,” she murmured. “I don’t need to---”
“But I do.” Clasping her face in his hands, Lena had no way and no hope to turn away as he lightly kissed her lips and spoke softly. “I loved you when you were a little thing with skinny legs and those crazy pigtails.”
She had to laugh. “You actually remember those?”
“Of course I do,” he continued. “I loved you when you let me stand by your side and keep you safe.” His voice cracked around the last word, and Lena was quick to touch his cheek and assure him that Eric’s actions were not his fault.
“Just keep saying it,” she said. “I like hearing it.”
Jax folded her close to his chest, and she craned her neck to meet every bit of green that was his eyes.
“I loved you every day that you were gone. And I love you right now like I’ve never loved any other thing in my entire life.”
Lena smiled through her tears as she cradled his chin kissed his cheek.
“I don’t if I can top that,” she admitted. “Always knew that you were sweet. But this is---”
“Just say it, too,” he said. “Tell me that you feel it, too.”
He didn’t have to ask. The words had been buried in her soul for so long. And now, now with the chance to give them voice, her heart hesitated, terrified at the idea that he still might be a mirage capable of disintegrating into dust if she blinked too hard. But even as her eyelids fluttered, Jax stayed at her side, and Lena found the courage to speak. “I love you, too, Jax. I’ve always loved you.”