Chapter 37

Darcy

While it’s good to get off the compound, I hate this bone-deep fear that invades my body almost as soon as we turn onto the interstate. Today Hyde’s driving me to the hospital, and then to the occupational therapist the fire service uses. I’d been excited making my plans, nervous about leaving my place of safety, but knowing I need to get back out into the world.

After the therapist I’ll go to the fire house and see if any of my crew are around. I miss their company and the camaraderie that comes with being part of a team. Last night I was thrilled with the thought of seeing them again, but now that I’m actually doing this, I’m starting to regret the arrangements I had made. I hadn’t realised going back into Tucson would affect me so much.

My palms are sweaty, and every time the vehicle stops at a light or a junction, I anxiously look around, unable to forget how Pete ran Truck off the road. He could try something like that again, incapacitate Hyde and then take me. In broad daylight? Don’t be stupid. But all the rationalisation in the world doesn’t calm me. Last time he just watched for the fire crews to get back, then it was easy for him to follow me. This time he couldn’t possibly know when I’d be leaving the compound. He could have found out about the appointments I’ve got set up. He could be waiting in the hospital, or OT’s office.

“Hyde, will you come in with me?” I ask, my voice unsteady.

“Peg’s told me not to leave you alone.” Hyde’s comforting voice calms me a fraction, but not much.

“Thank you, I’m…”

“You’re scared. We all get that. Fuckin’ cops still haven’t made a move on Mercer.” Hyde pauses as he concentrates on getting into the right lane. “But don’t worry, Darcy, I’m not going to let him, or anyone for that matter, get close to you.”

I bite my fingernails, a habit I thought I’d grown out of years ago, but today I can’t help it. I’ve faced fires, run into burning buildings, but never have I felt such soul-destroying fear like this.

Despite my concerns, we get to the hospital without problem, and the doctor is pleased with my physical progress, issuing instructions to continue to take it easy for another couple of weeks. The confirmation that I’m healing well only serves to increase my anxiety. How much longer will Peg be happy to wait? I can’t put him off forever, but I can’t even bear to have him kiss me. While he says he understands, I know it hurts him when I keep pushing him away.

If Pete was locked up, maybe I’d be able to start moving on and begin taking my life back. But knowing he’s walking around a free man, nothing can convince me he won’t pounce again and this time, finish the job. He told me he was a hunter and I’m his prey.

My next appointment, and I talk to the occupational therapist about returning to work, which obviously won’t be very soon. I miss being active and working with my crew. That again isn’t helping my sanity. Pete’s taken so much away from me. I hate him. I wish I could kill him myself.

Back in the car, I give voice to my thoughts, the words coming out. “I wish he was dead.”

Hyde throws a sharp look at me, his eyes full of compassion. “I’m sure you do.”

Another short drive, then we’re walking into the fire station, and I feel useless all over again. I wanted to see the people I work with, but as Truck approaches with a huge grin on his face, I can’t help but wish I was working alongside him.

“Hey, stranger. How you doing?” As he talks to me, Truck exchanges chin lifts with Hyde.

“Flash!” Now Captain Slade’s appeared, and he’s walking alongside Bat Chief Leadson. “How are you doing? Got a moment to chat?”

I leave Hyde talking to Truck and follow them into the break room where I update them on my physical condition and apologise for leaving them short. It doesn’t help that someone’s been transferred in from another crew to take my place. That’s my job he’s doing. I don’t miss the glances they exchange with each other, and hate that I’m appearing weak in front of them. I knew this would happen. I absently nod as the bat chief leaves, knowing I’d been right and that they see me differently after what I’ve been through. A woman too weak to fight for herself. My self-pity brings a tear to my eye, and as I wipe it away, Slade gives me a hug.

A. Hug. To comfort a weak woman. I cringe, immediately making him back off.

Hammer comes in, and his sharp and trained eyes must read the situation. Instead of asking me the same questions everyone else has, he tells me about the call-outs they’ve been dispatched to. Making me laugh as he tells me about the man who’d threw out his back and got stuck in a car in a compromising position. It had been the woman’s car, and how she’d explain to her husband why the roof had to be cut off he didn’t know. As we throw around possible plausible excuses, the tears in my eyes are finally from amusement, not sorrow.

And then there’s a call from dispatch, and they have to go out. Hyde stands beside me, interested in how quickly they get their kit together, on the engine, and go.

“Fuck, I only thought it happened like that on films and TV.”

“No. It’s real life. A second wasted could mean a person’s life.” My eyes follow the truck until it’s out of sight, and I sigh with envy and regret.

“They didn’t even know what they were going out for.” Hyde seems impressed.

“They’ll get briefed in the truck.”

I’m still looking after it longingly, Hyde tries to comfort me. “You’ll be back soon.”

But will I be the same?

When I return to the compound, Peg’s waiting for me, and there’s a look of relief on his face that he’s not quite able to hide. After having one of those strange man to man silent conversations over my head, he takes a look at my face then leads me up to the suite. I shake my head as he indicates the bedroom. I’m tired, but I don’t want to rest. Don’t want these thoughts to keep going around and around my head. I just want everything to stop, to go back to the woman I was before I ever met Pete.

As my thoughts accelerate and start racing through my brain, I feel tears rise, and all of a sudden, I’m swamped with emotion. Pushing past Peg, I go into what he’s turned into the living room, and throw myself on a couch, beating my hands against the cushions.

Suddenly there’s warm hands stroking my back, and a voice murmuring in my ear. “It’s alright, it’s going to be alright. I’m here. I’m never going to let anything happen to you.”

I turn my head to face him, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “I can’t go on like this, Peg. I can’t cope with the feeling he’s going to get me again, however much you try to protect me. And I hate feeling like this. He’s taken so much away. I want to hold you, to love you. But when you’re near me, all I can see is him. When you touch me, I want to push you away, as my skin starts to crawl as my brain thinks it’s him. When am I ever going to be normal again, Peg? Will I ever get there?”

“All I want to do is hold you, tell you everything’s going to be fine. But fuck, babe, I don’t know what to do or say. And I’m scared of doing or sayin’ the wrong thing.”

“It’s so fucking unfair. I want to kill him myself. Want to make him suffer for what he’s done to me.” I’m wailing but can’t help it.

Peg stands, his eyes never leaving me. He runs his hands through his hair, considering me carefully. “You want I should take him out? Would that really make you happy, knowin’ he was dead? And that I did it? Fuck, Darcy, I’d do anything for you. And it’s not like I haven’t done it before, never tried to hide that. But, babe, could you live with that knowledge?”

I shake my head. Put like that, I don’t know. What if Peg gets caught? What I couldn’t live with is knowing he was locked away because of what Pete had done to me. One more thing that bastard would have taken away.

Rolling his head back on his shoulders, Peg pauses, his eyes on the ceiling for a moment, then he looks down and steps toward me. Gesturing with his hands, I translate he wants me to move over and give him some space to sit down. When he does, he bends his good leg and rests his knee on the couch, turning to face me.

“I’m going to tell you club business, because I think you need to know. It’s makin’ you crazy not knowin’ if anything’s being done. Assure you, babe. We’re not sitting on our asses.” He gives me an intense look. “Anything I say stays here in this room.”

As he regards me intently, I nod, curiosity piquing.

“If Pete goes to prison, he won’t be comin’ out.”

“Huh. He could get a light sentence…”

“Listen to me. He won’t be comin’ out.” The forceful stare he gives me allows me to interpret his meaning.

“Oh.” I purse my lips. “Even if he is arrested, if he gets the same judge, and uses that clever lawyer, he might not even go inside.”

Peg sighs and doesn’t seem comfortable. “We’ve got a plan. Mouse’s diggin’ turned some stuff up. Mercer Senior has the judge and a senior cop in his pocket. And that’s who we’re going after.”

“The judge?”

A mirthless laugh. “No, Mercer, Pete’s father.” A pause, as though he’s struggling with telling me stuff usually not shared outside of the brothers. A quick nod, as though he’s sealing his resolve, then he starts with the serious stuff. “Okay, here it is. Mercer cons people into signing loan agreements with a hidden clause that can be invoked any time. Allows him to charge interest at well over a thousand percent.”

Wow. “That’s a huge amount.”

“He also flags them up as a credit risk, and they can’t get a loan anywhere else. That’s what happened to Cherry Orchard, the witness who came forward for Pete. Her father had taken out a loan with him, and Mercer threatened to raise the rates. Mouse has done his magic and got the flags removed, and Cherry’s father got a new loan and will be able to pay off the one with Mercer’s bank. When he does so, Cherry is willin’ to change her story.”

“And tell the police all about them?” That would get rid of both Mercers.

Peg sighs. “Maybe. But there’s nothing in writing. A verbal suggestion from Pete Mercer to Cherry.” Peg’s eyes stare off into the distance for a moment. “Orchard was furious when he found out, but has agreed not to approach Mercer Senior for now, to give us time to dig up more dirt. And at least he can breathe easy knowin’ there’s no longer a threat being held over his, or his daughter’s head.”

Suddenly my hand goes over my mouth. “Pete will be furious. He might hurt Cherry…”

Peg’s attention is firmly on me again. “Don’t you think we’ve thought of that? That’s why we’re holding back on Cherry changin’ her story. If we wrap this up ourselves, she won’t get into trouble for lyin’ to the police. For now, Pete doesn’t know anything about it.”

Now I’m curious. “How are you going to wrap this up?”

“We’ve taken out a loan.”

“You?” I can’t for the life of me see how that’s going to help.

“Yeah, well, the club. It was too easy. We think Mercer might have use of some of what he thinks are services the club offers. In fact, it’s moving faster than we hoped. Prez has been invited to the golf club he goes to. It was phrased as some new customer welcome bullshit, but I figure Drummer’s going to be given a choice. Pay extortionate interest or do the work Mercer wants.”

“But you’ve only just taken out the loan. You could simply repay it.”

“Mouse has fixed it so it looks like we’ve already spent the money.”

“But isn’t it risky? If Drummer goes to meet him and is threatened, it’s only his word against his, surely?”

“Drummer’s going in with a wire. Everything Mercer says will be recorded. And that’s the info we can take to the police. Anyone awarded a loan from Mercer’s bank will be suspect. Cherry will testify, and Pete will be up in front of an independent judge. There’ll be no chance for him then.”

Suddenly something hits me. “Pete… He mentioned I’d mucked up his plans, that I never took him to meet my family. Is that anything to do with this?” Perhaps if I can find some explanation for his behaviour, it would all make sense. I could never understand why Pete had targeted me in the first place.

“Your dad owns a pharmaceutical company, doesn’t he?”

I give a half-hearted smile. “Mouse checked me out.”

Peg doesn’t bother to confirm or deny it. “An in with that sort of business might open up opportunities for Mercer.”

“You mean drugs.” Vehemently I shake my head. “My father would never agree to anything like that.”

“With ruination hanging over his head? Or is he so straight he’d prefer to lose his company? His livelihood? His house? No one knows what they’d do until they were tested.”

Who am I to say? I might have lived with him for the first eighteen years of my life, but I don’t know my father at all. Or my mother, come to that.

“Do you really think your plan will work and solve everything?” I stand and walk over to the balcony door, seeing, but not taking in the fabulous view.

“It will solve it in that Pete’s not walkin’ around anymore and won’t be able to hurt you.” I hear footsteps behind, then Peg’s slowly turning me around to face him. “What I can’t guarantee it will settle, is how you’re feelin’ in there.” His thumb gently soothes across my forehead.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit.

Again, his grey eyes regard me intently. “I want you to go to counsellin’.”

Make me go through my ordeal again? Explain it to another person? Bring my weakness out into the open? “Talking to someone wouldn’t do any good.”

He bobs his head up and down. “Yes, it will. Look, Slick’s spoken to Jayden and Ella, and they’re both happy to talk to you. If you can get Jayden on her own without Paladin that is.”

“Why Ella and Jayden?”

“Ella was gang raped, and Jayden was groomed and forced to provide sexual services to men.”

Once again, my hand covers my mouth. “But Jayden’s so young!” She’s such a sweet girl, I can’t bear the thought anything like that happened to her.

“At the time she was only fourteen.” Peg’s lips purse.

I can’t believe it. Ella’s always happy and smiling, and Jayden’s just like any teenage girl. “But they’re so strong. You wouldn’t know anything had happened to them.”

“They went to counsellin’, babe. And Slick says it helped. Let’s give it a try for you, okay?”

I think for a moment. If counselling helped them, should I try it? Rather than talking about it, I’d much rather forget. Yeah, and you’re doing a fantastic job on that. Nightmares every night reliving what Pete did.

Peg waits patiently while I have my internal battle. I make a decision after a few moments. “Okay,” I say softly.

“Okay? I’ll set it up? Find out who Ella recommends?”

“On one condition.” When he raises that quizzical brow I continue, “That you take me, Peg. Hyde did what he could to make me feel safe, but I’ll be happier if you’re there.” I tug on the edges of his cut. “My very own sergeant-at-arms to protect me. You wouldn’t let Pete get anywhere close.”

“Too fuckin’ right.”