Sad music soothes me on the train ride to my father’s house. I know Elliot might be there for this dinner my father and his mother had invited us to. I couldn’t say no to my father though, I’ve never turned him down when I was invited to anything. I’m the first on the train to see my father when it comes to anything he wants, needs, or desires. So if Elliot is there I’ll play cordial, but that’s all. I’m not going to listen to what he might have to say or if he asks to spend time with me. That’s not how this is going to work. I’m starting to rebuild my life and letting him back in just to hurt me in the end, is not something I’m prepared for, and neither is being a stepparent. I’m young. With dreams and ambitions.
Arriving with the Uber, Violin case in one hand, pulling the suitcase with the other, I’m walking straight into my father’s house – he always leaves the door unlocked – and notice no one is home. Screaming his name throughout the house, I take my luggage into my old bedroom and place the violin case on the bed.
“You bring that violin everywhere you go?” he scares me nearly half to death.
“Yes,” I leap into a hug, “I’ve missed you, daddy.”
“Missed you too, I just got back from Janine’s.”
“Oh,” I smile as I unpack my violin.
“Actually, Elliot just arrived, if you want to go over there and see him. I actually assumed the two of you would be coming in together,” and that’s when I realize, I should probably tell him everything.
“Daddy, I need to talk to you before we have dinner with the Harpers,” I dread the words coming out of my mouth, “Elliot and I broke up,” I sigh with pain I still feel about this breakup.
“Broken up?” he sits on the bed next to me with listening ears.
“Yeah, broken up,” tears start to form, “before you ask, I broke up with him.”
He leans in to pull me into a hug, “It looks like it wasn’t an easy decision considering the tears,” he states the obvious.
“I found out he’s having a kid with another woman,” I wipe the tears.
“What? Who? Janine never mentioned it.”
“She probably had no idea. I found out by accident. I was going over to see him and saw the two kissing in the hallway. He claims they weren’t kissing, she kissed him, but who knows if that’s even true if he couldn’t bother telling me she was pregnant.”
“Do you know her?”
“No, someone he supposedly went to college with, I have no idea.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I just wanted you to know, so later when we sit around, it won’t be awkward.”
“I understand. Will you feel up to it? We can cancel or reschedule and spend some time alone,” he offers.
“No, I have to be an adult about this. Apparently, you and Janine are pretty serious,” I shoulder bump him.
“We are,” he grins.
“I’m happy to see you happy, daddy,” I kiss his cheek.
“I’ve gone back to the doctor,” he worries me now.
“And?”
“I’m healthier than I have ever been,” he grins.
“Look at that, all it took was a pretty woman to fill your heart again,” I wink.
It doesn’t bother me Janine makes him happy. It doesn’t bother me Janine is the mother of my ex. None of it bothers me. Why? Because my father is happy. And for the past twenty years, that’s all I’ve ever asked for, for him to be happy. He just refused to love anyone but my mother. He felt he would be replacing her, but I never could imagine him doing so. It just took the right woman. And if Janine is the right woman, that makes me smile with glee, no matter the circumstances with her son.
“Can I play you a song now?” Knowing my father can never go without hearing me play when I come to visit.
“Of course, I’m all ears.”
“Would you mind if we went outside, the acoustics for this song are so much better outside,” I grab my violin as he follows me down the stairs and out to the back deck.
Lindsey Stirling has always been my muse, my inspiration, my will to be as strong as her. Playing the violin to any song she releases, I feel empowered, I feel like the world never exists around me. I fade away into the music. And my father can tell every time I play a song by her. And as I play away with my hips grooving to my own sound, I see the joy in his eyes as he never veers away from me.
“Love’s just a feeling,” I say the name of the song as I see my father play on his phone adding the song straight to his Spotify playlist.
“Love it!”
“I’m still practicing it, I’m sure you heard some of the hiccups.
“You practice some more and I’ll finish the salad I’m bringing for dinner later,” he kisses my cheek disappearing back into the house as I continue to play over and over.