My legs ache from the hours spent on the floor today. The beat of the song vibrates through me as I watch the routine Ryder has worked out for them. The song itself is one of my favorites, and I wonder if he chose it because of that.

All the years I’ve known him, he was always considerate and now as I watch him help one of the little girls to get her steps, my heart swells with pride at the man before me. Over the past few weeks, he’s given me whiplash with his back and forth, but here, right in this moment, he’s my Ryder. The boy I fell for.

The kids are overly excited. Watching Ryder with them makes me smile. It’s been so long since I saw him laugh, that as he leans in and whispers something in a little girl’s ear and she starts giggling, it warms my heart.

After I left him last night, I went home to cry. I haven’t done that in years, not since the day he left. But today, there’s something about him that seems to have shifted. As if there’s more of the old Ryder inside his eyes.

I enjoy the moment. Just looking at him. Seeing the boy who walked out so many years ago and broke my heart, I smile because even though it hurt, he’s back. And if it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to make him see that he is worthy of having happiness in his life, even if he doesn’t choose me.

I’ve always been afraid. Scared he would come home with another girl on his arm, someone smarter than me, prettier, or just someone who wasn’t me. But he didn’t, and that gives me hope that perhaps my love for him was strong enough to bring him home to me.

There’s no clue as to what he feels for me anymore. Yes, when I was far too young, he cared for me. But that was a long time ago. Now I may just be the little sister of his best friend, but when Ryder’s gaze falls on me, I’m sure there’s much more to it.

More emotion.

More secrets hidden in those depths.

And most of all, I can see he still cares.

“That’s it for today, kiddos.” He smiles, receiving a loud Ahhhhh in response. He’s a natural with them, and they love him. As much as he taught and danced with them, though, I notice the way he took it easy on his moves. From what I remembered, Ryder was always the one to go overboard, enjoying himself to the music, this was very different. And I noticed it in the warehouse as well.

He makes his way over to me as soon as we’re alone, settling on the small footstool opposite me. His top is cut out beneath the arms, showing off his toned, cut torso. Deep golden skin greets me as he moves and I can’t help taking in the colorful patterns and drawings on his arms.

His ink has always been my weakness. The piercings in his nipples were always intriguing because ever since I saw them, I wanted to flick my tongue over them to see how sensitive each one was.

“You okay?” His voice cuts through the dirty thoughts, causing me to blush. The heat on my cheeks gives away my embarrassment.

“Yeah, you looked good with them,” I tell him, meeting his gaze, trying to find where he goes to when we’re alone.

The tension in his shoulders tells me something is coming. And I’m not sure I’m ready for it just yet. I don’t think I’ll ever be prepared.

“Are you leaving after this?” I question, wanting to get it out before he tells me goodbye, before he takes my heart and breaks it again.

Ryder stares at me for a moment before he looks away. He doesn’t respond, and the silence is heavy in the room after all the noise and laughter from just moments ago. The music is no longer playing, and all I can hear are his deep breaths.

“Look, you don’t have to stay. I just—”

“There’s something I need to tell you, to show you,” he finally says, snapping his dark stare to mine. They flit left to right, as if he’s trying to see into my heart, searching for my soul that’s buried so deep in the rubble of our past. All the pain he left me with is still there, a site of destruction where my love for him still fights every day.

“Then show me, Ryder. Give me something,” I finally beg. All my life I’ve been stubborn, closing myself to emotion, but Ryder was the only one who managed to break through my high teenage walls, find my young, innocent heart, and fill it with the first love I’d ever known. But he also took that love and walked out.

He shifts on the chair. Leaning in closer, he murmurs, “Come to my place.”

“What?”

“What I have to tell you and show you, I’d rather do it in private. It’s not easy for me to talk about.” The anguish on his face, in his expression, tells me this isn’t some booty call. There’s something dark in his eyes, and my heart aches at what I’m about to learn about the first boy I’d ever loved, the only boy I’ll ever love.