On Tuesday, Liz and I cool off in the shade, sipping iced tea and eating lunch. “Where were you all weekend anyway?” Liz asks me, forking a bite of her salad into her mouth. “I texted you Friday, we all went over to the Watering Hole and lit up the dance floor, Blackwell style. We could have used your moves out there.”

“I do have some awesome moves,” I nod as I bite into my quesadilla.

The Blackwell University café is mostly empty during the summer, but they keep it open for lunch for the benefit of the summer school students and a few odd professors doing research. Being that Liz and I are both small town girls, we appreciate the lack of a huge crowd, unlike it usually is at this place during the other semesters.

Liz takes off her ridiculously large sunglasses so I can see her eyes. “You didn’t answer my question though, where were you?”

I swallow. “Oh I just crashed at my parents’ place a couple of nights. Didn’t feel well.”

“Yeah? You couldn’t pick up the phone? Send me a text? Is there not cell phone service at your parents’ house?”

I do my best to hold back a sly smile. Liz is my best friend and she’ll be my roommate my entire senior year. If I set a precedent right now of keeping secrets from her, it’s going to be a long one. On the other hand, there’s no way I can tell her about Professor Hanks. She’d flip.

“Sorry,” I say. “I just needed to disconnect for a weekend.”

She squints, unconvinced. “Something’s up with you lately, Rose. I can’t put my finger on it. But you’ve been acting different for the last few weeks.”

“Different in what way?”

“The way you’ve been carrying yourself. You just seem confident. Way more sure of yourself, and you’ve been dressing sexier.”

“It’s summer,” I retort. “It’s so hot, I’ve got to dress down so I don’t melt.”

“I mean it’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong. I just have a feeling like you’re keeping something from me.”

“What? Keeping something from you? No,” I say as I shovel the last of the quesadilla into my mouth.

I swear, I only gave one BJ to Professor Hanks under his desk. It’s not like we’ve made sex in his office a regular after class occurrence or anything.

A tingly wave of desire flows over me just thinking about how he bent me over his desk this morning. My gaze drifts off to the tree behind Liz on the Blackwell U quad. I really want to just drop this conversation thread.

“What are you thinking about?” Liz leans in.

I clear my throat. “Nothing.”

The corners of Liz’s lips curve upward a little, and she shakes her head slightly. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Something’s up.”

I shrug. “I’m just not sure what you’re talking about.”

Liz frowns, but changes the subject finally. As she talks about her most recent change in major, I hear her but I'm not listening. I'm thinking about something Cole said this weekend.

Don’t let anyone judge you, Rose. My God, I mean, you’re perfect. The guy who ends up with you will be so lucky, they’ll feel like they hit the lottery.

* * *

Back in my dorm room, I throw my backpack full of books down below my desk and collapse on my bed.

The temperature has been rising today and it feels nice to lay in the AC.

I'm exhausted, not only from the heat but also from my conversation with Liz.

I hate lying. I detest it. Yet here I am, running a covert operation to hook up with the hottest professor who has ever graced the halls of Blackwell.

My phone lights up with a text. My heart starts to beat when I see it’s him.

Professor Hanks is labeled in my phone as “Lizzie.” If anyone asks, I’d just tell them the number is one of Liz’s alternate numbers.

When I see what Cole has texted me, my jaw drops and a wave of goosebumps roll over me from head to toe.

It’s nothing crazy creative. Just a post-workout selfie. He’s even cut himself off at the chin so I can barely tell it’s him.

The thing about hooking up with a twenty-eight year old when everyone around you is dating twenty-one and twenty-two year olds is clearly emphasized in the picture. Cole is a grown man with grown man muscles. And he’s left me a nice sampling of his bulge that is clearly visible below his boxer briefs. I text him back.

Rose: You’re dirty

Cole: Very Dirty

Rose: I’m dirtier though

Cole: Prove it

If this is a dirty picture game, I’m gonna win it.

I take off my dress, press my breasts together and take a picture that shows only my cleavage, chin, and tongue out.

Cole: Marry me

Rose: Shut up

Cole: You’re wet aren’t you

Rose: Maybe. I think I need a cold shower

Cole: I want to join you

Rose: I’m in my dorm room. You can’t come here

Cole: Why not?

I swallow. Technically, there isn’t anyone here right now. Still, if Cole comes in here, someone’s bound to come in.

Rose: You know why. Don’t come

Cole: You are going to get yourself in trouble. Telling me what to do. That’s not how this works

Rose: It’s for your own good. You know that

Cole: I’ll be the judge of that

Rose: I’m showering. Here’s one more

I snap a picture of myself, on my knees, hair in front of my face so that I’m almost indistinguishable. Unless someone knows full well what my tits look like.

Cole: You’re in trouble, Little Rose

I take a deep breath, then toss my phone onto the bed, grab a towel, and head to the community shower. On my way in, I flash a smile at a sophomore girl who is sitting in the lounge reading a book.

“Hi Maddy,” I say.

“Hey Rose!” she smiles back enthusiastically. “I’m just reading about homeopathic oils. Did you know there are hardly any studies done on Lavender? But anecdotally, women swear it makes men ravenously attracted to them.”

“Really?” I pause. “Sounds weird.”

“It’s not. You just take a drop, and bam. They are all over you. According to this article I just read.”

I give her a funny look. I love Maddy, but she’s more celibate than I am. Well, until recently, that is. I would hardly consider her an authority on the subject of attracting men. But I play nice. Plus, what do I know, maybe she has a point?

“Did you take some today?”

“Every day,” she winks. “I like to stay fresh, just in case an opportunity comes up.”

I giggle. Where I’ve always been self conscious for being maybe a little too voluptuous, Maddy is the opposite end of the spectrum. She’s rail thin. “Can I try some?”

“Sure,” she answers, and then dabs a drop into a glass of water. I chug it down.

I shrug and wonder if the thing will have any effect as I head into the communal shower.

I throw my towel over the rack, finish taking off my bra and short shorts, and turn the water on. I can’t tell if the lavender is making me different, but I make a mental note to write today down in my ideas/experiment book to see if this afternoon goes any more quickly than usual.

It is cold at first when I jump in, but I like it. Plus, I do literally need a cold shower today. I’m hot and bothered from Cole, the weather outside is steamy, and the cool water running over my hair and face gives me a nice adrenaline rush.

Once my body adjusts to the slightly cold temperature, I turn the heat up just slightly and it feels so comfortable.

I take a deep breath, opting to just let the water run over me, enjoying the refreshing feeling. None of my roommates get my cold water ritual. And it’s sort of symbolic of the way I am, come to think of it. I like jumping off the deep end right into something crazy--I don’t like to just ease my way into things.

You know, like when I beg my sexy professor to be the one to take my virginity.

I wonder if I am crazy for going about things the way I did. My secret is so dark I can’t even tell my best friend. If my mother found out? She’d freak. She might disown me. Surely, everyone would blame Cole for “taking advantage” of a younger woman and a student, but what would happen when the world found out it was all my idea, nothing to do with him?

I don’t regret it. And I’ve still got more to learn. Sometimes, I feel like Cole is even going a little too easy on me. Like he’s holding back something. Maybe he thinks I am too delicate? His delicate Little Rose? I want him to feel comfortable exploring his dark side with me.

I clear my throat and decide it’s time to soap up. Why do I always have my most philosophical thoughts in the shower, though? I wish I had a waterproof journal. God I’m so damn weird. How could anyone truly love me if they knew the real me? Thinking about waterproof journals. It’s sad, but I’ll probably never get to share some of these thoughts with another person. This is all in my head.

I sigh deeply as I shampoo and rinse. When I’m almost done, I feel like singing, so I do. For some reason, I think of Cole. And how much I like him, more than like, I want him. Can even picture a future with him, as crazy as that is. Hell, of course I want those genes of his. Let’s be real. But he’d never settle down with a small town, simple girl like me. I just know it. He’d get bored and move on.

Not that it matters though, he’s got me wet just considering how I’d feel pushed up against the shower wall from behind as he presses his hard body into me and splits me with his cock while talking dirty.

I groan a little bit, and resist the urge to rub one out in the shower. But he’ll always be a part of me, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll remember me.

So I sing in the best Mariah Carey voice I can muster:

You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you, indefinitely

Boy don't you know you can't escape me

Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

I finish rinsing off and I decide to extend my shower session for another few minutes.

“Encore!” I say to no one. The communal shower is totally empty. Why not stay and play? Plus, it’s not like I have a packed schedule this afternoon.

I know that you'll be back boy

When your days and your nights get a little bit colder

I’m singing into the wall at the top of my lungs when I feel hands wrap around my tits, the flesh of another warm body pressing into my back.

I try to shriek at the top of my lungs, but a hand covers my mouth and the sound is muted. My heart starts to beat like crazy.

I whip my body around with wide eyes and see Cole fucking Hanks.

“Holy fucking shit Cole!” I gasp. “How’d you get in here?”

“You kidding? I just walked in.”

“Maddy didn’t see you on the way in?”

“Who’s Maddy?”

“One of my suitemates,” I say, still breathing hard.

“I just waltzed in,” he says. “I didn’t see a soul.”

“I just don’t want to get caught,” I whimper. Cole wraps a hand around my hip and dips it lower, running it on the outside of my slit. “Oh, God.”

“You’re wet. Is that from the shower water, or something else?” I grind my ass against Cole’s cock, as the enormous thing throbs against me.

“Shower,” I mutter. He kisses the back of my neck and tingles run from my spine on down to my toes.

Cole runs his fingers just inside me, then brings his fingers up and dips them into his mouth.

“Liar. That’s not fucking water.”

“Yes it is,” I protest.

“Rose,” he growls, and spins my body around, grabs both of my hands above my head and forces my back against the tile wall of the shower. “You just lied again. You know your pussy is wet, and you know why.”

I swallow. “Fine. I was thinking about doing the same thing that you did in the office when I walked in on you, I didn’t though.”

“Why didn’t you do it?” he asks. His tone is slightly accusatory as he leans his hard abs and chest into me, running all of his body parts over mine as the water runs over him now. I would say he’s dry humping me, but we’re wet.

“I don’t know,” I say, and look down.

“Look me in the eye,” he commands, and I bring myself to stare at his long eyelashes and the deep pupils behind me. He holds me still for a moment and eye fucks me from three inches away. “You understand you are mine now, Rose, don’t you?”

My mouth is dry for some reason, so I don’t say anything. He narrows his eyes with intense focus.

When a moment passes and I still don’t reply, he clenches his jaw. “Let me put it another way for you then. When your pussy gets wet, who does it get wet for?”

I clench my teeth and watch him furtively. “You,” I finally admit.

“That’s right, Rose, and don’t you forget it.”

He pushes his body into mine, smashing me into the tile as our tongues collide ferociously. This isn’t the first time we’ve fucked, but this time it is different. There is a noticeable tension between us that I can’t put my finger on.

He growls and puts his hand on my hair, shielding the back of my head from the hard tile.

“I’m so fucking hard, Rose.” His voice is a throaty whisper as he nibbles my ear. “And it’s all your fucking fault, do you understand?”

“Yes,” I murmur. “All my fault.”

“I’m glad you get it. Now turn around and face the wall.”

I turn, put my palms flat on the tile, and look over my shoulder at Cole. His eyes are feverish. He leans in, strokes my hair over my ear, and kisses me tenderly.

I close my eyes and moan as he pushes his way inside, filling me up with his hard cock. He eases back and forth, his girth rubbing back and forth on my clit.

He pulls his head away from mine, then brushes past my cheek with his hand, sliding it down my back before he lands it on my ass.

“Fuck, I love this ass,” he whispers. He grabs hold of my hair and pulls it back, forcing me to turn my head slightly to face him. “You have no idea how Goddamn hot you look right now, ass out, palms against the wall. Fucking gorgeous. You just have no idea, do you Rose?”

“No,” I admit, “I don’t.”

He smiles, still thrusting into me slowly. “Good girl. I like it when you tell the truth. And now I’m going to tell you the truth.”

“What truth?”

“The truth about how I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re going to be walking like an Ariana Grande song. Side to Side.”

“Ruin me,” I mewl.

I clench my pussy around Cole as he slams into me. With every slap of his hips against me he grinds deeper inside, and I lose myself in him. Some of the hot shower water splashes off Cole and onto me.

I see stars as his cock plunges into me over and over, hear the wet slaps of the skin on skin as I hold my ground against him. He slaps my ass and I cry out as I buck against him. He bends forward and massages my tits.

“Where do you want me to come?” he asks.

“Inside,” I mutter. “Oh my God. Cole, I’m gonna come…”

“Yes you are, Little Rose. Do it now. Come all over me.”

I come with a cry and a shudder, my toes curling into the wet tile. He’s not long after me, digging his fingers into my ass and hips.

When it’s all over, he pulls out with a pop. We rinse off in the shower together. He gives me a few tender kisses.

“Cole,” I say softly.

“Yes?” he asks, his fingers running over my shoulders.

I take a deep breath, but say nothing for a moment. “Can you pass the soap?”

He gives me a funny look, but passes it to me.

I want to ask him if we will always have to stay a secret.

But I already know the answer to that.

I’ll always just be his dirty little secret.