My eyes trace over the perfection of her face as she sleeps next to me on the couch. Her dark pink lips are full and relaxed as if she’s waiting for me to claim them. Goddamn, I want to claim them. I want to claim her - every fucking inch of her as mine. I want to tell the whole world to step the fuck back from my girl, but I know I lost my chance long ago. Everything happens for a reason and as much as I still love her, I know she’s better off without me. What kind of future can I offer her? Training would always come first and what woman wants to be second right out of the gate?

We never should have had sex the other night. I’m such a weak bastard when it comes to Ray and I’ve missed her so much more than I even acknowledge to myself. It’s easier to pretend she’s nothing to me. Admitting how deep my feelings run makes me weak. It makes me lose my focus on what’s important to me right now. Fighting. Fighting. Fighting. It’s my top priority and it needs to stay that way. But, now that my dick’s been inside her and it was even better than I remembered, it’s difficult to think of keeping distance between us. All I want is to spend every moment I can in her company and to bury myself in her body every night.

My eyes flick up to the large black clock on the wall and notice it’s after midnight. She’s been asleep for well over an hour with no sign of waking up. Rising to my feet, I shut the television off with the remote and set it down on the wooden coffee table. I move in front of Ray’s sleeping form and lift her into my arms. She’s light and relaxed as I carry her to my bedroom. Gently placing her down on the sheet, my hands brace themselves on the mattress on either side of her as I brush a gentle kiss on her brow and then another on her hair. “I wish you could be mine, Ray. This time, I’d never let you go,” I whisper into the silence of my room and straighten up to my full height. Placing my hands on my hips, I rake my teeth over my lip as I look down at her bathed in the moonlight coming through my window. I’ve waited so long to see her here in my bed. She should have been here every night for the past four years. If I was a better man, I would have fought for us and she’d be mine now. I’m not a better man, though.

I should sleep on the couch. Spending the night in the same bed will only complicate things for me.

When she first began working at the gym I was careful to keep my distance and avoid the temptation she presents. But now, only a few weeks later, boundaries are being obliterated daily. Soon there will be none remaining between us, a scenario that isn’t good for either of us. My life works better as a solo gig and she’s had so much upheaval in such a short time already. Graduating, moving back home, getting a new job, these are substantial life changes on their own. Add them all together and throw me into the mix and it’s a recipe for an unavoidable disaster. I love her. I’m going to do right by her; just like I did back then. She can never realize how deeply I care. As far as she knows, this thing between us is just sex.

Climbing in next to her is a surreal experience. When I put her to bed ten minutes ago, I immediately locked up, sent her mom a quick text that she was staying with a friend and turned out all the lights. I showered at the gym so the only thing left for me to do was brush my teeth. I stripped my clothes off except for my black boxer briefs and slipped between the cool sheets. Wrapping an arm around Ray, I press against her back and bury my nose in her hair. For the first time in four years I’m at peace. No thinking about regrets, or what might’ve been - no worry about my upcoming fight or self-doubt creeping in. I quickly drift off to sleep, my body curled around hers. This is how it was always meant to be.

Reagan pushing her ass back into my cock isn’t easy to resist. Burying my face in her hair, I mumble sleepily, “You need to stop, Ray or do something about the problem you’ve created.”

She rolls over in my arms and pushes me to my back. Climbing between my legs she leans down and presses a string of hot, wet kisses across my chest and down my stomach. She tugs my boxer briefs down my hips and thighs until I can kick them off. Hot, wet lips and a tongue working my cock wakes me up the rest of the way. My fingers wind in her hair while my brain catches up to what’s happening. Having her here, lips wrapped around my length, is like a dream. My lids slowly raise while I watch in amazed silence as Reagan’s fingers close tightly around the base of my dick, and her mouth swallows me down. I groan and bury my fingers in her long silk like tresses. She moves up and down, her hand echoing the motion and I clench my teeth. Nothing has ever felt as good as her mouth does right now, the pleasure is so extreme it’s borderline painful. Her mouth is exquisite torture.

“Fuck, Ray. Your mouth is incredible,” I groan. She sucks harder and my eyes roll into the back of my head. My hips thrust to match her rhythm and it’s only a minute more before she has me on the verge of exploding. “I’m...going to...come,” the cadence of my words is uneven to my own ears. She doesn’t relent. She sucks harder, bobbing up and down my cock faster, increasing the pace until I thrust inside her mouth one final time. I paint the back of her throat with my orgasm then settle into my pillow. “Ray,” I say groaning her name. I caress her cheek with my fingertips. “I missed you.” Oh shit. “I missed your mouth,” I add, lessening the impact of what I mistakenly revealed. She jerks her head away from my hand and I know my words have hurt her. I wrap an arm around her and pull her to my chest. She resists at first. “Ray, stop fighting me,” I order. “Let’s get some sleep while we can. The morning will be here before we know it.” And I never want you to leave.

* * *

When fighting is your career of choice, you eat as healthy as you can, especially the weeks leading up to the fight. Living on my own, I’ve had to learn to fend for myself. Hell, I’ve had to do that for most of my life. My dad wasn’t much of a cook or anything else worthwhile for that matter. He saved his best for his bottle. She was the love of his life. He kept a roof over my head, but aside from that his drunk ass was mostly a waste of space in our house. Maybe he wasn’t always so damaged. All I know, is my earliest memories are of him with an ever-present glass of amber liquid in his hand and mood swings that would turn on a dime. One moment he’d be laughing and the next I’d be getting cuffed upside the head for something he did, but was too drunk to recall.

Deftly flipping the omelet in the pan, I grab a plate and butter the toasted whole grain oat bread. Pouring a glass of skim milk for myself and a glass of orange juice for Ray, I place them on the table.

I’m back at the stove slipping the finished omelet out of the pan and onto a plate when I feel eyes on me. After all my years of training martial arts I’ve learned to use all my senses. It’s a skill that’s not just useful in the octagon. Glancing over my shoulder I find Reagan standing there looking unsure. I turn around and smile wide. “Good morning. How did you sleep?” I ask, studying her from the top of her blonde head to the tips of her lime green toe nails. Her arms are crossed over her chest, reticence radiating from her every pore. I close the distance between us, knowing she needs me to show her there’s no reason to make things weird. Folding her in my arms, I kiss the top of her freshly brushed hair. Her arms slide from their crossed position to slip around my waist.

“Why didn’t you wake me up to go home last night?” she asks, her voice muffled against the wife beater I’m wearing.

“You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t have the heart to disturb you.” Liar.

I didn’t want you to go home.

I don’t ever want you to leave me again.

The past four years have been empty without you.

I miss you.

I miss everything about us.

The list could go on and on, but what good would that do either one of us? She can never know how I truly feel and that only leaves me with two options. One, I can stay away from her and forget she exists. Or, two, I can pretend sleeping with her is all I want. Pretending she doesn’t exist is impossible. Option two it is.

“Did my phone ring at all?” she asks stepping back from my embrace.

“No, I sent your mom a text that you were spending the night at a friend’s. I didn’t want your parents to worry.”

She smiles. “Thank you. You don’t know how much you just saved my ass. I’d never hear the end of that one. Adult or not, there are rules to living at their house.”

“Have a seat. I made you breakfast.” I pull a chair out from the table and as she sits I place the plate with the eggs and toast in front of her. I spin around to grab the orange juice from the counter.

“Can I have a fork? Or am I supposed to eat with my fingers?” she questions, her tone teasing.

“Sorry,” I reply flustered. “I don’t usually make breakfast for other people.”

She cocks an eyebrow at me, her expression skeptical.

“What?” I question, raising an eyebrow right back at her.

“You don’t let your overnight guests have breakfast, before you send them on their way?”

I sigh loudly. “What overnight guests?”

Taking a bite of her toast, she glances in my direction while chewing. “I get it. You kick them out right after you have your way with them.”

I chuckle. “I hate to tell you how neglected my dick has been recently.”

She snorts, rolling her eyes so hard it looks painful. “Tell me another tale.”

“I’m not kidding. I don’t have a lot of sex, especially before a fight.” I hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting me. “I know you think I’m bullshitting, but I’m really not.”

She chews on her bottom lip, fighting the smile she’s trying to hold in.

I grin at her and take the seat to her left at the end of the table. Picking up my fork I take a bite of my omelet and enjoy the gorgeous view she presents as I chew.

We each focus on our meal. The silence is comfortable, not awkward.

Swallowing down the final sip of milk, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and glance at Ray. “I have five reasons why I avoid sex for the months leading up to a fight. Do you want to hear?”

“I do,” she tells me, then forks another bite of eggs between her lips.

Raising my thumb, I begin. “One, it depletes your energy and leaves you tired.” My index finger lifts. “Two, it weakens your legs. Three, it decreases aggression.” My middle finger ticks off the next point. “Four,” my ring finger goes up, “it weakens your need to dominate, and five,” I hold my open hand up, wiggling all of my fingers, “it reduces testosterone.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Wow, that’s kind of ridiculous.”

“How do you figure?” I ask, placing my forearms on the table and leaning toward her.

“I guess you could avoid sex the day of the fight, but how is having sex a month from a fight going to weaken your legs? Are you going to lose because we had sex three weeks out from yours?”

I scowl so hard my eyebrows meet in the middle of my forehead. “Don’t ever say that word in my company.”

“What? Lose?” she questions.

“Yes,” I blow out a large exhale. “I just told you not to say that word. I’m serious; don’t jinx me.”

“Okay, okay. It won’t happen again. I just lost my head for a second,” she says.

My eyes flash to meet hers. I find her hazel ones full of mischief. It’s great to see her laughing, even if it’s at my expense.

“It’s more complicated than just saying it weakens my legs. It takes away competitive motivation.” Placing my hand on the back of her chair I lean toward her. “Hear me out. There are experts on spiritualism who say ejaculation drains your body of ‘chi,’ which in laymen’s terms is your inner energy.” Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “besides, abstaining builds up your mental character.”

“Wow, you’re really serious about this,” she says, carefully watching me.

Nodding, I say, “completely.”

“I guess I better keep my distance from you then. I don’t want to be a chi thief. I already stole some last night,” she deadpans.

I laugh. “There are ways around it. I can still make you come over and over.” My hand slides from the back of the chair to her shoulder. My fingers tangle in the long, soft strands of her hair lying there. “That won’t deplete my chi.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

She laughs. “I’ve always been a big fan of loopholes.”