“I’ll see you later at the gym,” Noah says, leaning over to kiss me on the forehead. He rubs his palm along my upper arm. “Drive safe.”

Smiling, I nod. “I will. I’m going to check out some apartments with Moira now. Wish me luck.”

He frowns briefly, then flashes me a quick grin. “Good luck. I’m sure your parents don’t want you to move out.”

“I’m sure they don’t, but I value my sanity too much to stay there any longer. I can feel it slipping away a little more each day.” I exhale a large sigh. “I just wish there was more available in my price range. Everything’s so expensive around here.”

“I have an extra bedroom,” he says, unexpectedly.

My eyes flick up scrutinizing his face. Is he serious? He appears to be. “I don’t want to kill your bachelor lifestyle.”

“What bachelor lifestyle? I just got through telling you I don’t have one.” He raises and lowers his shoulders in a shrug.

I chew on my bottom lip, our gazes locked. Staring into his icy green eyes, I want to say yes. Yes, I’ll move in. Yes, to anything he wants of me. He’s dangerous. When I’m with him all my common sense flees. “Can I think about it?” I ask, forcing myself to be cautious.

“Of course. It’s not a now or never thing. Take your time. It would be nice to have a friend here with me, though.”

A friend. Yep, that’s me. “Have a good day at the gym. I’ll see you later.” I give him a little wave of my fingers and then climb in my car. His hand on my door prevents me from closing it. I glance at him.

“I had fun with you this morning,” he says, reaching in to caress my cheek with his other hand.

My eyes go wide with surprise. He’s so back and forth with his comments. He has me feeling completely confused and off balance about where I stand with him. One minute we’re friends and the next he’s touching me like we’re so much more - as if the last four years never happened.

I nod. “Me too.” Starting my car, I hope he gets the hint that I want to get some distance between us. He steps back, shuts the door and aims a sexy wink my way.

* * *

“This is depressing,” I tell Moira, blowing my hair out of my face. “I’ll be thirty before I can afford to get my own place.”

She smiles and pats my hand. “Come on, it’s not that bad. Maybe we need to broaden our search.” She raises an eyebrow questioningly at me.

“I know we should, but I don’t want to. You know how bad traffic is trying to get into the city. I don’t want my drive to work to take an hour.” My lips close around the straw and I take a sip of the ice-cold coke.

“Okay, then we keep looking. Maybe we should see if we can find someone who’s looking for a roommate. You might find some college students renting a two or three bedroom that you can go in with.” She pops a whole chicken nugget in her mouth, chewing like a chipmunk with full cheeks.

I glance away before I laugh and focus on my golden French fries. These bad boys never disappoint. Who says food isn’t therapy? It sure feels like it is right now. If I wasn’t sitting here chowing down on a cheeseburger and fries I’d be much more stressed about my living situation.

“Funny that you mentioned finding a roommate.” Shoot. I know Moira is going to freak out at what I’m about to tell her. “Noah asked me if I wanted his extra bedroom.”

“No way,” she yells. I grimace at the volume her voice reaches inside the vehicle.

“He was just trying to be nice. I’m going to say no.”

“Wait a minute. When did he ask you and why am I just hearing about this now?” She stares at me through narrowed eyes.

“He asked me this morning.” I try to be nonchalant about it.

Her eyes get big. “Ooh, did you stay over at his place last night?”

“Maybe.”

“Reagan Collins, I’m your best friend. Since when do you keep things from me?”

I run my hand over my forehead and smooth my hair back. “I don’t...but, I’m still trying to deal with being around him again. And now that we had sex it…”

“You had sex?” Moira interrupts with a shriek.

“Um, yeah. Didn’t I tell you?” Shit. Me and my big mouth. I inhale, close my eyes for a moment to prepare myself and then I fill her in on the basic details of what went down.

“Wow. I didn’t think you had it in you.” She smirks. “No pun intended. I know you had it in you,” she laughs. “I really didn’t think you’d go there. I know I suggested it at the party, but I didn’t think you’d follow through.” She places her empty chicken nuggets box in the bag. “Maybe you should move in with him. Then you can really crush him when you end things.”

The ringing of her phone prevents me from telling her I’ve decided not to get back at him. I don’t want to break Noah’s heart. I’m only spending time with him because I want to - I enjoy being with him. Besides, the jury's still out on if he has a heart.

* * *

“Come in,” I yell, not taking my eyes off the screen where I’m placing an order for supplies we’re running short on. I smell Noah, but don’t look up as my fingers fly over the keys. “Hey, sorry about that.” My eyes raise to find him standing in front of my desk. His jeans hang low on his hips, his black t-shirt is stained with wood shavings and dust from his day job. “I wanted to finish before I got distracted.” And as usual just looking at him is distracting. He looks sexy in his dirty work clothes. Especially after not seeing him since Saturday morning.

He grins at me and I notice one of his hands is behind his back. “How’s your day going?”

Shrugging, I say, “meh, it’s okay for a Monday. I’ve had better and I’ve had worse.”

“Maybe, this will help improve it,” he says, revealing the strawberry shake he had hidden behind his back.

I can’t contain the smile that breaks free. “Thank you. How sweet. This will definitely improve my day.”

He hands it over and our fingertips graze reminding me what his fighter’s hands feel like stroking over my body. My lips close around the straw and I gulp down the freezing cold treat.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“I’m out of here early, but I don’t have any concrete plans.”

“How about you come over my house and I’ll grill us some steaks?”

I fight my instinct to answer with a resounding yes. Is this a good idea? Probably not.

“What if I throw in some potatoes too?”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?” I ask, jokingly.

“Bring your bathing suit and you can try out my hot tub.” He smirks. “Actually, don’t bring your bathing suit. You won’t need it.”

I’d be lying if I said his words didn’t affect me. How am I supposed to resist him grilling me dinner and seeing him half naked and wet? “Sounds good. What time do you want me to come over?”

“I’ll see you at eight.”

* * *

After a quick shower and a fresh change of clothes I was ready to head to Noah’s. I made sure to call Moira and let her know that I’m supposed to be with her tonight. It’s ridiculous that I’m a college graduate and still must fill my parents in on where I’ll be.

Raising my hand to knock on Noah’s side door, it opens before I have a chance. He stands there, a smile on his face, wearing board shorts and a wife beater. “Hey, come on in.” He steps back and ushers me in. “I was just about to throw the steaks on the grill.”

I follow behind him as we walk through his living room and pass on into the kitchen. His house isn’t large, but it looks like it was newly renovated. I was so nervous last night I didn’t really pay attention. The hardwood floors are shiny and scratch free and the kitchen is state of the art. Granite surfaces wrap around the room and the maple cabinets look brand new.

He picks up a large platter and a fork, before heading toward the sliding glass door on the back wall. I follow him outside, stepping onto a long, deep back patio. The brick pavers span the entire length of the house and the side deck has stairs leading down to it.

“Did you build this?” I spy the hot tub on the right back corner and my stomach flips nervously. I hope we get to try it out.

“Yeah, I did. Nick and Griff helped. It took us a couple of weekends and only cost me a few cases of beer for labor.”

“It’s beautiful back here - so peaceful. It’s like we’re not even in the city anymore.” I sigh, staring out into his back yard.

“It’s not the biggest piece of property, but the trees are great,” he says. “Have a seat.” He gestures to a table and chairs. I watch him as he opens the cover and uses the fork to place the thick steaks on the grill. The sizzle as they hit the scorching hot metal has my mouth watering.

“Did you purchase this house recently?”

His shoulders tense enough for me to notice. He places the empty platter and fork down on the side of the grill before turning around. He closes the distance between us and takes the seat to the left of me at the end of the table. “I grew up in this house. It’s the only place I’ve ever lived.”

I don’t say anything, hoping he’ll continue to shed a little light on his mysterious past. He’s never shared any details before now. His fingers nervously play with a lone black pebble on the glass table top. The edges look smooth as if they’ve been worn away with time. The flat shape is perfect for skimming along the surface of a lake.

“My father died when I was only eighteen and he left this place to me. He didn’t do much right as a father, but he did make sure I’d still have a roof over my head once he passed.” He continues to focus on the rock, now shuffling it from hand to hand like a baseball. “I never brought you here because I was ashamed of where I came from,” he says, his voice now hoarse. He glances up at me, his chin tucked to his chest. “I’m sorry I kept so much of my life from you.” Pain and regret pour from his eyes as I stare into them.

My hand slides over; my fingers caress the back of his hand. “It’s okay. It’s all in the past, Noah.”

“My father was an alcoholic and not the happy drunk kind. He was mean and hateful and drank himself to death.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “I never wanted you to know.” He shakes his head. “I knew I didn’t deserve you, Ray. How could a guy like me ever be good enough for you?”

“Is that why you broke up with me?” I ask, my voice quivering with emotion.

“Not entirely.”

“Do I get to know the reason you broke my heart?” My eyes fill with tears. The puzzle of his actions is finally revealing itself. Piece by piece I’m beginning to see the entire picture and I’m realizing Noah’s own insecurities played a big part in the demise of our relationship.

“Ray, what does it matter? Is it going to change the fact that I did break it? I never should have asked you out in the first place.”

“Fuck you, Noah. You did ask me out and you made me fall in love with you. There were two of us in that relationship.”

A jaw in his muscle flexes with tension. His fingers are still occupied with the pebble as he spins it around over and over on the glass surface.

I turn my head from him and fight to blink back tears. I don’t want him to see me cry.

“I didn’t want to hold you back, Ray.” His voice is whisper soft.

My head snaps around. “What did you say?”

He raises his eyes to meet mine. “I didn’t want to hold you back,” he repeats, louder.

“Noah, why would being with you hold me back? Did someone tell you that?”

“I wanted you to make the most of college and do everything you wanted. I didn’t want you worrying about me and if I’d be upset with you for having fun. I wanted you to live, Ray. I wanted you to get out there and experience life.”

“Are you sure you weren’t just looking for an excuse to cut me loose? Was I too clingy - too young?”

“Ray,” he says, placing his hand over mine. “You were too perfect. I loved you so much and it scared the fuck out of me. I still love you. I never stopped.”

“You love me?”

He nods. “I’ve loved you every second of every day since our first date. There hasn’t been a single moment when my heart hasn’t beat for you, Ray. Even when I’m not consciously thinking about you - I’m thinking about you.”

I turn my hand over under his. Our palms touch and then our fingers slot together in a firm grip. Tingles move through my body all the way to my toes. The connection between us will always be there. It’s forever. I love Noah. I never stopped. As much as my brain tells me to hate him, I’ll never find a way to get him out of my heart.