Chapter Sixteen

Back when he was in high school, Pete had gone through a brief phase when he’d wanted to be a lawyer. The truth of the matter was that he had a massive crush on the guy playing the badass attorney in the drama club’s spring production of “Death in the Crime Lab.” It didn’t last long after he actually started delving into legal textbooks.

Now, though, he was starting to wish he’d put some more effort into it. Maybe he’d understand why every single government-funded meeting office needed to have the same motivational posters hanging in the same arrangement on the walls, and where those posters came from. He’d never actually seen one in a store.

“Yes, yes, we’ve all seen those statistics.” The Computer Science professor was a clean-cut gentleman with a full head of snow white hair to make up for the false teeth. “But the reality is, our paper use isn’t making a damn bit of difference in the large scale of things…”

“It’s not about the numbers, Gary,” said Lorraine, the Biology Chair. “It’s about making a change in the culture of our community.”

“We already have a culture of panicking whenever some talking head mentions the environment!” Gary crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “I’d have to up-end my entire system of grading and giving exams…”

“Which, may I remind you,” Lorraine said, “You already should have done by the ASPA deadline last December…”

“All right, all right,” Dean Felzer said. “As much as I appreciate the spirit of academic debate, I don’t think this is a productive argument to have.”

“Begging the question of why it was posed as an argument in the first place,” Gary said. “Fine. I accede to the will of my superiors.”

Pete got through these meetings by smiling faintly and staring at the air in front of him. So far, it had worked.

“All in favor of the paperless campus resolution, say aye,” Dean Felzer said.

A chorus of bored, disinterested, and, in Gary’s case, pointedly annoyed “ayes” rose up from the professors gathered around the meeting table. Dean Felzer rubbed his temple and jotted something down on his notepad.

“In that case,” he said, “the meeting is adjourned. I wish you and your students the best of luck with the rest of midterms, and I will email you about our next staff meeting.”

The staff’s response to “meeting adjourned” was like one of those time lapse videos of a mountainside coming back to life after a winter. The sick became well; the old became young again; even the lightbulbs seemed to get brighter. Pete had to refrain from whistling a happy tune as he got his laptop put…

“Ah. Professor Miller.” Dean Felzer was staring at him with a thin smile on his face. “Come walk with me a second. I’ve been meaning to have a little chat.”

“Oh, sure,” Pete said. He glanced around the room to see if any of the other professors had a suspicion what the ‘chat’ was going to be about. Fortunately—or was it—his colleagues were packing up and leaving the room with a speed that put Pete’s geology students to shame.

Pete stayed cool—at least, he thought he was staying cool—as he got all his stuff put in his satchel. He followed the Dean out to the hallway and walked beside him toward the east wing.

“I love this time of year,” Dean Felzer said. “Don’t you? I never actually wind up spending time outdoors in the summer months.”

“Yeah,” Pete said. “The heat really takes it out of you.”

“You used to work for the Forest Service, right?” Dean Felzer said. “Fire watch or something?”

“I was a firewatcher for a few seasons, yeah,” Pete said. “Here and there.”

“You know, I have a real admiration for people who are cut out for that kind of life,” Dean Felzer said. “It’s just so difficult to find truly independent workers anymore.”

“Ha. Well.” Pete knew how nervous his laugh sounded. “Good to see someone who thinks highly of the Forest Service around these parts.”

Dean Felzer’s smile widened into a rictus that didn’t look nearly as pleasant. “Yes, well.” He raised his eyebrows. “I may as well cut to the chase.”

Pete’s heart picked up its pace. “The chase?” he said. Why was he still trying to feign innocence?

“I got a visit the other day from one of our local sheriff’s deputies,” Dean Felzer said. “A member of a team dedicated to, ah, organized crime in our area.”

“Organized crime?” Pete said. “In a town like this?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Dean Felzer said. “Our area has had a problem with violent drug trafficking rings for decades.” He squinted at Pete, tilting his head a little bit. “Are you at all familiar with the situation?”

Pete couldn’t meet Dean Felzer’s eyes. “Uhm.” He swallowed. “I’ve met some folks who are a little rough around the edges…”

“Your student Seth Novak, for example.” Dean Felzer’s expression had gone from quizzical to very, very pointed.

“Um, sure,” Pete said. “I’ve run into him around town quite a bit. I think he goes to the same tattoo parlor…”

“Yes, the sheriff’s deputy showed me numerous photos of the two of you socializing at the tattoo parlor,” Dean Felzer said. “And at the local meeting spot for the Double Eagle gang. And picking Mr. Novak up in your vehicle and driving him to God knows where in another county.”

“Oh, that fishing trip?” Pete forced his most pathetic laugh yet. “Yeah, his sister was supposed to give him a ride to the reservoir,” he said. “Fell through at the last minute, but I guess if the family’s into some shady…”

“Pete, we take sexual harassment very seriously at this college,” Dean Felzer said. “Now, it is not...against school policy for you to casually associate with known criminals.” He stopped and turned to face Pete with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “However, I was very disturbed to learn that your relationship with Mr. Novak is apparently far beyond casual association.”

It was all Pete could do to keep from choking on his own excuses. His mouth refused to form coherent words for a little bit there. “Sir, I…”

“Now, I understand you’re both consenting adults here, and from what I’ve pulled of Mr. Novak’s class records he seems to be pulling his own weight with his grades,” Dean Felzer said. “And, to be honest, in a different era, or with a different fellow, this...Well.” He cleared his throat. “My point is that I don’t think you’re, well, victimizing Mr. Novak here.”

Pete nodded. “I think this is all a big misunder…”

“Misunderstanding or not, Professor Miller, you are a publicly-visible employee of a publicly-visible institution.” Dean Felzer shook his head. “Whatever it is you’re doing with Mr. Novak; the sheriff’s department has come to the conclusion that the two of you are romantically involved. I am only going to have this conversation with you once. Do you understand?”

Pete nodded again, this time more enthusiastically. “Yes, sir,” he said. “I hope we can clear this situation up and move forward.”

“I’m glad you agree with me,” Dean Felzer said. “I am not in a position to give you multiple warnings about this topic.”

Without another word, Dean Felzer turned around and strode toward the doors at the end of the east wing. Pete watched him walk away, his heart sinking in his chest as if it were Seth himself disappearing out into the campus garden.

***

It was not yet so late in the year that the hummingbirds abandoned the area. They dive-bombed the porch table and shrieked at each other as they fought for space at the feeder high overhead.

“So he laughs…” Pete had to duck out of the way of a tiny, feathery buzz bomb without spilling his pint. “Oof...so he laughs it off like he’s just giving me shit, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” Jeff said. “I’m sure that was really, really effective at convincing him you were just casual fuckbuddies while you were driving him to go see his brother’s newborn baby.”

“Yeah, it was...it was a little intense,” Pete said. “I don’t know what he’s been fighting with his family about, but the tension in that room was fucking bizarre.”

“God, I can’t imagine what that family would ever fight about,” Brian said. “They’re all so nice and well-adjusted…”

“Whatever they’re fighting about, it’s bugging the hell out of Seth,” Pete said. “So I figure he’s just, you know, a little stressed because of that and the wedding and the baby…”

“Not the crime?” Brian said.

“See, I think that’s what’s really going on,” Pete said. “He says he feels like his family’s moving on without him, and I feel like...you know.” He shook his head. “They seem to be in a pretty, uh, wheelchair inaccessible business.”

“And he’s just not getting better?” Jeff said.

“I mean, he’s back on the walker, more or less,” Pete said. “He’s also been able to cut back on his painkillers again, but…” he sighed and took a swig of his beer.

“He’s lucky he can do what he can,” Jeff said. “I went to high school with a guy who had a spinal column injury, and that is no joke.”

“I just don’t think it’s gonna be enough for him,” Pete said. “His brothers are everything to him, and it’s just killing him not being able to pull his weight.”

“So his family’s fighting and he may or may not be on the outs because he’s not getting better,” Jeff said. “That is definitely not what you called us about.”

“Although it is so entertaining watching you act like this is supposed to be casual,” Brian said. “I’m having a good time. Are you having a good time?”

“I’m freaking out,” Pete said.

Jeff raised his glass to Pete. “It’s because you’re in love.”

“No, it’s because the Dean of the College [dean of students would not be meeting with professors to discuss policy] took me aside today and told me the sheriff informed him that we’re romantically involved.” The air quotes around “romantically involved” didn’t make the situation any funnier to Pete, but Jeff and Brian burst out laughing.

“Holy shit,” Brian said. “Okay. Okay, I’m glad I sat through the soap opera.”

“The cops are watching you fuck?” Jeff said. “Oh, my God. Ohhhh, my God.”

“They’re not watching us fuck!” Pete said. “God! You don’t even know if we’re…”

“If you’re not already having sex with this guy, you should be,” Brian said. “You’re both emotionally invested at this point, and, you know, he’s hot.”

Pete glared at his friends over the top of his beer glass. “Whatever,” he said. “I’m just trying to be a decent human being to this guy. If stuff happens, you know, it happens.”

“So stuff has happened is what you’re saying here,” Jeff said. “And you want stuff to keep happening, but you’re now afraid of getting fired and/or arrested…”

“Firested,” Brian said, holding up a finger.

“Excellent. Ten out of ten.” Jeff clinked his glass to Brian’s.

“Thank you, kind sir.” Brian turned back to Pete. “He’s right, isn’t he?”

Pete’s mouth hung open for a second. Finally, he sighed and threw his free hand in the air.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s...why I called you guys.”

“Yeah, I can’t get into any of my dad’s records,” Brian said. “So if that was your plan…”

“God, no,” Pete said. “I’m in enough potential trouble as it is. I…” He swallowed. Why was this so hard to say?

Jeff set his beer down so he could hold both hands out to Pete like he was ready to catch a basketball.

Pete took a deep breath. “I need...I need your help breaking it off with him.”

***

It had never occurred to Pete, in all the years he’d been jealous of other people’s cooking, that a single onion and some butter in a pan could make a house smell so good. This was witchcraft.

“Is this good for stirring?” he said.

“Oh, yeah,” Seth said. He was cutting up some peppers with a big chef’s knife, using Pete’s computer desk for a countertop. “I like to let ‘em sit in there for a few minutes, get some brown on the bottom and then shuffle ‘em around a little.”

“Cool.” Pete set the spatula across the top of the pan and turned around. “Umm, the oven’s about at the right temperature.”

“So, what you’re gonna wanna do,” Seth said, “is take the Dutch oven out of there and put it on, uh...you got a towel or something around here?”

“I should.” Pete opened a few drawers and had no luck. “Hold on, I have some clean laundry in my bedroom.”

As he passed by Seth, Seth grabbed his arm. “Hey,” he said.

“Yeah?” Pete gave to the pressure of Seth’s hand on his shirt collar.

Seth said nothing, just pulled him down and kissed him slowly and gently.

This was it. This was his chance, the perfect time to pull away, stand up, and explain that Pete had to get out of this situation. For Pete’s benefit, for Seth’s benefit, for the college’s benefit, and for the family’s benefit. This was fun, this was exciting, but both of them were too old and too involved in their own drama to continue doing this.

That was all Pete needed to say. Instead, he kissed Seth back until they both needed to catch their breath. Then he said, “Did...did you really mean what you said on the way to your brother’s house?”

“What, about being in love with you?” Seth smiled and ran a hand down Pete’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Pete said.

“I did,” Seth said. “I’m pretty sure this is what being in love feels like.”

Pete didn’t know what this felt like. It felt like lighting a fuse; it felt like watching your ship drift away from your lifeboat; it felt like jumping out of a plane and hoping your parachute worked.

“Yeah,” Pete said. “This has gotta be love.”