One of the nicest things about living in the countryside is that we live in villages. And each village has a pub and someone who'll drive you home if you get too pissed to walk or drive safely.

After I drop Camille off, I park my car at my cottage and walk to the Rose and Crown. I can't wait for a nice pulled pint and a plate of real food, and not the salad and grilled chicken they served at the dinner tonight. I'm not surprised to see Louis already there when I walk in. I let the smells of yeasty, musty upholstery wash over me and bask in the uniquely concentrated time warp that exists in English pubs. We used to come here together before he left to pursue his career in set design. Now that he's in Paris, these visits are rare and precious. He waves me over and pulls the stool out as I approach.

"You look like you've just marched in the Battle of the Bulge. What the hell's the matter?" He shouts in my ear.

"You don't want to know and you wouldn't understand. You've had nothing but good luck with women," I say glumly and signal to Ryan the barkeep to give me my regular.

"Hey gov. Haven't seen you in a while. Welcome home." He says as he drops my pint of the ice cold, frothy topped answer to all my problems in front of me.

"Traveling, working but it's good to be home." Villages are like large families. Most people are born, raised and die in their village and the pub is the center of the community. I glance around, "Where are your mates? Simon, and what's the other one's name, Dave?"

"Dean. They're coming. They had children to tuck in and women who needed some attention before they could tramp down to join us."

"Where's Camille?" He asks and when my only response is to take a huge gulp of beer, he bursts out laughing.

"Listen, she seems nice, but it's so obvious you're not into her. And seriously, she's so obviously a title hunter it's a little embarrassing. I think Freya's quest to see you married is misguided."

"Do you? What? You think I'm not the marrying type?"

"Of course, you are. More than I am, even. If I hadn't met Cara, no way would I be letting myself be frogmarched up the aisle." He rubs his hands together and licks his lips in anticipation, completely belying his statement.

It's my turn to laugh.

"Yeah, that woman is forcing you up the aisle." I scoff and laugh at him. "You're running so fast to the altar that she's struggling to keep up with you."

He shrugs and grins like an idiot

"Yeah, I can't wait to marry her. I almost lost her, Harry. I fucked up so badly at one point that she left me and I had to move heaven and earth to get her back. From the first time I kissed her, I knew she was going to wreck me."

"Oh great, is he waxing poetic over Cara again?" Simon's voice interrupts us.

"Does he ever stop?" I joke and clap him on the back.

"Oh, shut up, you two. Dean, you understand, don't you?" He turns to the blond, very tall man whose face I've seen on magazines I subscribe to regularly. He's Mr. GQ, literally.

"Oh, do I ever. I'm not the least bit ashamed of the fact that I'm crazy about my woman and if she hadn't practically pushed me out of the door tonight, I'd be with her instead of you guys."

I roll my eyes. "Great, I'm surrounded by love sick losers. Simon, please chime in to complete the trio." The three of them laugh and I can't control the spurt of envy that wells up in my gut. I want that. The woman I want it with is a deceitful shrew who is with someone else. I know how to pick them.

I look past him, “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s passed out in his room. He’s in his last year of grad school and he’s been working hard.” His voice is tinged with pride.

The two stragglers order their beers and I pull my phone out to check my email quickly. Louis plucks it from my fingers and drops it in his pocket. "Not tonight. Dairy stocks aren't going to plummet if you look away from your phone for a few hours."

"I just need to check on a shipment we're expecting tomorrow." I protest.

"No mate, you don't. What you need to do is drink that pint and then order another one. If Dean, Simon and I can neglect our work for an evening, then so can you." He says pointedly. "Ryan bring us another round and let's chase those with some shots of whisky."

"Damn, Louis - take it easy, tomorrow’s got an early start.” I say to him.

"Well then we better get to drinking.”

* * *

"You guys,” Simon exclaims, “we should hook Harry up with Lilly."

“Keep walking, it’s fucking freezing,” Louis says when Simon slows down.

We stumble up the road towards the house. We're all drunk enough to think walking home in this freezing cold is a good idea, and sober enough to actually to do it.

"Isn't she here with someone?" I ask grateful they brought this up because it saved me outing myself.

"Who, Aiden?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, him, " I return and try to keep the jealousy that's eating me alive out of my voice.

"No, he's just a friend from college, at least according to Milly. He lives in Wales with his girlfriend. He's just down for the weekend to see Lilly and keep her company during the wedding."

Relief, washes over me, loosening the knot in my stomach and the ache in my chest that I hadn't let myself acknowledge. And then, it’s back again.

"Let's do it. She's beautiful. Those sisters won the genetic lottery, man." Simon says again.

"Well, that would be a great idea except...I don't know man. She's nearly impossible to get to know," Dean says.

I almost say, “tell me about it.” But I catch myself. "How so?" I ask casually, but I shove my hands deeper into my pockets to keep myself from shaking Dean when he takes more than a few minutes to respond.

"Well... Even though she’s not around, they all rely on her to be the one who holds it together. Sort of the binding of a book, invisible but vital,” Dean mutters and then laughs to himself like he's impressed by his own joke.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Louis asks before I can.

Simon chimes in, “He means that she's always there for everyone. Like when the family is flipping out because something crazy is going down, she stays calm and she holds their hands while they freak out and then is ready with a smile when they are. Addie says she feels like she doesn't really know Lilly. At least not the way she knows Milly, but it's almost as if Lilly wants it that way."

“She's a total mystery. Milly said something happened and none of them know what. They always spent Christmas in Maryland. Her mother invited all of the people who didn't have families locally and weren't able to go home to join them. It was a tradition. And then one year Lilly left without saying goodbye and didn't come home for five years. She refused to say why. But she’s had “plans” every Christmas since. These planned family vacations are the only time they see her.” He shrugs and the dismissiveness way they’re all talking about this pisses me off.

"And none of them have bothered to ask her what the hell happened? Seems a little callous." I ask, my shock showing.

"You don't know the family's history, man." Simon's voice tinged with a defensive tone. "The last couple of years have been a rollercoaster. Addie said Lilly always seemed fine, but Addie wasn't home much either so, I don't think she thought much of Lilly ghosting."

"She didn't think much of her sister's sudden refusal to come home? And I know some of their history, thanks.” I say and rush on before they can ask me how. “Most of it had to do with their dad being gone. But their mom was around, what did she do?"

"Harry. Relax.” Simon puts his hands up as if to ward of an attack.

“I’m relaxed,” I snap.

“Yeah, you look really relaxed.” Louis, punches me lightly in the arm,“You don’t even know her.”

“He’s been staring at her like he knows her.” Simon mutters.

“Fuck off. I have not.” I growl him.

“Fellas, lay off,” Dean interjects. "We’ve all had too much to drink and I’m not up for breaking up any fights.”

“Who’s fighting?” Louis, hooks an arm around Simon’s neck and gives him a mock jab in the gut.

They laugh and I join in. But, really my outburst pisses me off. I’m agitated as fuck. I don’t know what to do about Lilly. I can’t ignore it though. She apologized tonight and I could hear the real regret in her voice.

Dean pats me on the shoulder as we all start walking again. We fall into a companionable silence and Simon and Louis outpace us, and soon Dean and I are walking alone.

The sounds of the country keep up company. I listen to the chirping of the chickadee, each inhale is heavy with the aroma of tree sap, aspen and poplar leaves. The crunch of the dense but light layer of snow crunching under our feet.

"She did a number on you, huh?" He says empathetically.

"Who?" I stop and look at him. Did he guess about me and Lilly?

“Is it the girl you were with tonight?” His breath comes out in huge white puffs and the dark, moonless night creates a stark contrast.

“God, no. I regret inviting her.” I shake my head vehemently. And just to be absolutely clear, I say it again. “It’s not her.”

"Oh, shit. That's the worst.” He groans. “Well, take it from a man who wasted more years than I care to think about away from the woman I knew was meant for me.” He sighs loudly, as if the memory still makes him hurt. “Go after her." He says solemnly.

I don't say anything, but let what he said roll around in my head. I would if I knew how. She’s clearly as drawn to me as I am to her. She was obviously miserable tonight. But she’s put obstacles in our path at every turn. She’s lied, pretended, evaded. I should want nothing to do with her. But I’ve seen beneath that veneer. I know the woman she was in Ghana, after that night on the beach, is who she really is. For some reason she doesn’t see herself that way anymore. I want to know why.

Dammit!

I feel like I was losing my fucking mind. I’ve always been so focused on my business, my legacy, my role in the family – there hadn’t been room for anything else. But now, Lilly has come and pushed all that aside and she is all I can think of.

If I wasn’t a rational person, I would honestly think she was a witch who had put a curse on me. I know it isn’t possible, but I swear to God, that’s exactly what it feels like. And now she’s here. We have the motherfucking miracle of second chances.

This is fate showing off. Telling me, “Don’t believe in me, huh? Well, let me show you what I can do.”

Dean bursts our laughing. “Damn, you’re talking fate?” I didn’t even realize I’d been speaking out loud.

“I don’t think there’s anything funny about this situation,” I say indignantly. His laugh deepens and I just stare at him.

“I’m asking for help. You and Milly are so in sync you practically breathe in time to each other. Has it always been that way?”

Dean, laughs at me. He also gives me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"Man, Milly was married. In the middle of a divorce, but still married. It wouldn’t have mattered if I'd found her happily married, I would have found a way to get her to leave him.”

I give a sideways, incredulous look. "Easy to say when you didn't have to."

"It's not easy to say. I respect the institution of marriage. But I would have done anything to win her back. We’d never stopped loving each other." He says with a voice full of nostalgia.

"Well, I didn't get to that point with her and now it's probably too late." I say, loathing my self pity.

"Maybe. But, you don’t have the kinds of hurdles I did. You’ve got to get over your pride and be honest with her. Lay your shit bare. There’s not room for that in relationships. Pretending means there’s a lack of trust. Your partner should be your home. The place you feel good in your skin. If it’s not, then move on. But if it is, if she makes you think about your life differently, makes you want more, makes you feel like more…then go after it. "

I groan and he pats my shoulder again. “If you even think she might be the one, it'll be worth it, even if it doesn't work out."

I shove his hand off in disgust. I shake my head as continue walking. I shoot him a sideways glance. "That's terrible advice. How the fuck are you so successful?”

He laughs, loud and long, throwing his head back as he stopped to grab his knees. He’s laughing is ass off at me.

“What the fuck’s so funny?” I yell at him and he looks up at me.

"You are. You’re an idiot. No wonder you’re in this mess.” He straightens at the end of that string of insults and starts walking again. “Business and love aren't the same.” He shakes his head, as if he’s having a great memory. “For love," he pauses dramatically, searching the sky as if it holds the words he needs "For the love of that woman who's sleeping in my bed right now? Who I'm going to ask to marry tomorrow night? I'd risk everything. There isn't anything I wouldn't do." I am thunderstruck by envy.

I stuff my hands in my pockets, shielding them from the cold. It was a stupid idea to walk home in this cold.

I blow out puffs of air as I walk. The cold air sobering me, the quiet making it really easy to think. And I tell Dean, something I probably wouldn’t have if I’d not been half out of my mind with frustration.

"I've never been able to say that about anyone. But there’s something between us. This woman…even now when things are messed up, she’s who I want to talk to. Who I want to be with this. I've never felt this way before. I gesture to the acres of land that stretch around us, " All of this is mine. But no one ever asked me if I wanted it. I've spent my whole life knowing what my duty is. And that's fine. I love this land, I love my family. I was born first, and it's a privilege. But fuck, to just have one thing that I choose for myself. For no other reason than it's what I want, that feels like the stuff of folk lore. I want that so badly. I want her."

Who am I? I don’t recognize the man who’d say these things.

Dean doesn't say anything, and when I look at him, I find him walking with his head thrown back, as if the stars are guiding his steps. Then, he regards me thoughtfully. A big smile on his face.

"You should go after her, man. That's not something that you should walk away from. Especially if you've lived more than thirty years and haven't ever felt like this. If she feels the same way man, grab hold and don't let go. But, first you got to get it together. That woman you’re here with is acting like she expects you to propose any minute. Get rid of her.”

And then he turns his head back up the sky. We walk the rest of the way in silence.

This man, known for his ruthlessness on behalf of his clients is talking like he's a member of the Shakespeare in Love cast.

I roll my eyes, pull my coat tighter and replay our conversation. Something more than her father's disappearance has kept her from home. She's hiding something. Running from something, but I can see it in her eyes. She wants to let it go. She wants to live her life. She just has to know it's possible. She needs me to show her. And after the wedding, I will.