"Oh. My. God." Addie squeals at me before she races across the bedroom to tackle hug me to the bed.

"I'm so fucking happy for you, Lilly. This is amazing. You and Harry! Yussssss!" She screams as she holds on to me. Her joy is contagious and so welcome. I was nervous about telling them about us, and I’m elated that she's elated. I was worried that they'd ask questions or be doubtful. I return her hug, enjoying this time with her so much. Simon had to go back to London a few days ago and Addie's been so clingy. I've drawn the line at her sleeping in my room. The nights are all Harry and I have had this week.

"I've been dying to tell you all week. But right after the wedding, Milly and Dean had their big news, and Camille was still here. But, I'm so glad I can talk about it now."

She pushes out of my embrace and sit up to look down at me. Her eyes wide with excitement, her grin is huge. "Ohmigod, are you going to move here? Oh, Lilly, say you're moving here. I'm desperate to have family close by. We could see each other on the weekends or whenever. The train from London is only a couple hours." She lets go of me and flops back on the bed staring at the top of ceiling of my bed's canopy. A huge smile on her face, her eyes dancing and I can practically hear her mind racing. I laugh and lay down next to her then she springs back up.

“Fucking hell, Lilly. You’re going to be a Countess.” She squeals, her eyes wide with wonder and I can see the wheels spinning in her overactive imagination.

"Woah, kimosabe, don't get ahead of yourself. It's so new-- but Ad, Gah! I've never felt this way before. I'm falling so hard." I admit on a dreamy groan.

When Addie doesn't say anything, I look at her and find her staring at me in wonder.

"What?" I ask through a nervous chuckle. "Do you think...it's too soon? Do you think maybe he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Oh, Lilly. No." She says, sitting up and grasping my hand. "How could he not feel the same way? You're the most remarkable woman. Beautiful, and smart and brave." She says, her eyes warm, but a little sad, too. "It's just that...you're confiding in me." She whispers, her eyes filling with tears.

I stare at my little sister, her golden eyes the twins of my own, hold so much pain and hope. A fog clears, a realization dawns and a new guilt blooms as she continues to tell me what’s in her heart.

"You've never confided in me. I thought maybe…you didn't trust me. Or you thought I was too young. I..." she shakes her head as if to clear it. "You're so strong Lil. So stoic. You never cry. You're never upset. But I've known that something was wrong. I didn't know how to ask because you never show it. But you stopped coming home. You stopped laughing. You stopped dancing whenever you heard music. And you stopped talking to me, at least not the way we used to." This all rushes out like she's been holding onto it and can't stand for another minute.

"Oh, Addie, I'm...sorry." I whisper hoping she can hear the sincerity and depth of my regret. "I'm not strong. I'm not brave. I cry all the time. And I know I should have talked to you, but I couldn't." I confess, praying that she will understand. That she'll forgive me.

"But why? What did we do?" She asks without udgment - just genuine curiosity in her voice.

"It wasn't you....it was me. So much changed. So much...and I didn't know how to handle it. And none of you seemed to care."

"Lilly, you're the center of us. When dad left, we survived it because you held us together. You made us laugh. You refused to join in our wallowing. But then, you just disappeared and yes, you pretend, but Lilly, I saw you...when you thought no one was looking and I knew something terrible had happened."

"Then why didn't you fucking ask me." I snap violently and suddenly, surprising myself and Addie. She pales, her eyes widen as she looks at me. "If you knew something was so terribly wrong, why didn't you just ask me?" My shoulders rise with the question.

Her hand trembles as she runs it through her hair, tucking it behind her ear and balling it into a fist at her throat. "I was afraid. I thought you didn't want me to know. I..."

"You didn't want to know. Your own life was hard enough, and you didn't want to know." I say, clasping my hands together.

I watch resignation settle on her like a cloak.

"Will you tell me now? What happened? Please. I want to know. I want to be here for you Lilly. I'm sorry that you didn't know that. I'm sorry that I took you for granted. I'm sorry that I leaned on you so much, but never once offered myself for you to lean on. I'm here for you and I want to know."

And so, I tell her. Not everything, because there are some things that only belong to me. That I have a right to guard in my heart. But, I tell her as much as I told Harry. And my baby sister, whose diapers I changed and who's first steps I remember vividly holds me in her arms, strokes my head and promises to keep my confidences.

* * *

That night, when Harry comes to my room and crawls in bed with me, he wraps his strong arms around and me pulls me flush against him. He starts stroking my back, long, languid touches that warm me to the core.

I rest my head on his chest and can feel the strong, steady beat of his heart against my ear. I inhale and let the smell of his soap, the fabric softener on his shirt fill my lungs. I burrow into him, seeking comfort and intimacy. They are two things I've willfully denied myself for so long and now, I don't know how I survived without them.

We've only had a total of one month together and yet, I know that this man is best thing to ever happen to me. He looked at me -- saw all of me and wanted more. I know how lucky I am to have found him.

"Hey. How was your day?" He asks me after a few minutes. His rich baritone still resonant despite his whisper.

"Fine. I've managed to lose my phone. And… I told Addie." I murmur into his t-shirt like both pieces of news have equal weight. His hands halt their caress for just a minute and despite the bittersweet feelings the memory of that conversation conjures, I smile to myself when I feel his surprise.

"How did that go?" He resumes his ministrations, his hands drift up to neck and he slides his fingers into my hair, his hands cradling my head.

"It was so great,” I sigh happily. “I didn’t realize how much I've pushed them away. I also know that I've been angrier at them than I've let myself admit. We've let each other down, my family and I..." I trail off, not sure what else to say.

"Families do that. Loving someone doesn't stop us from being human and fucking up. Especially when we're afraid."

"How come you're so wise?" I ask and then I lift my head so that I can kiss the spot my ear has been resting it.

"I'm not wise baby. I've just been there. My parents...they love us. They're wonderful people, but they weren't around a lot. Freya, Louis and I, we've had the best of everything. But we were also alone a lot. And since I've been old enough to remember I've known that a lot of things in my life were predetermined. I didn't have the choices my siblings did. I still don't. I'm the oldest son of my parents. I mean, I could say fuck it and run off and live my life. Louis would inherit the Earldom, my titles."

I still. It's the first time I've heard him say anything like that. "I didn't realize you felt like that."

"I do." He says wistfully, "But, I have a responsibility to something greater than myself. So, I'm doing what I can to honor it. To make sure the people who rely on the estate for their own livelihoods feel heard. To diversify, modernize, expand and grow. I can't change that my family owns all of this land. But I don't take any of it for granted and I don't resent it. At least not anymore. When Zara died I realized how much I'd resented all of it. That resentment trapped me, I did my duty and nothing more. And because my parents had no clue who I am, at least not really, they didn't know that it was killing me inside."

I kiss his chin, "Oh, Harry. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. What happened to her was a tragedy and how I wish I'd had the courage to tell the truth then. I'm not saying she wouldn't have died, but at least it would have allowed her to live honestly."

He exhales, a weary, weighted sound.

"Harry, you're making so many assumptions. We're all only responsible for ourselves. She could have said, ”I wouldn’t want to marry a man I don't love.” She made choices, too. And Harry, just because she was cheating on you doesn't mean she didn't love you."

He laugh is full of self-deprecation. "No, trust me. She couldn't have loved me. She didn't even know me. I didn't know her. Yes, she wanted to be a Countess. But a lot of the women in our world do. It doesn't mean what it used to. But it still ensures social standing, if the estate is well managed - and ours is- it can also mean wealth. She did what was expected of her and would have married me happily. And she would continue fucking William. And I wouldn't have known. Because I didn't want to know. I just wanted do what was expected of me. I didn't think I could have more."

"So, when she died you realized?" I ask, hesitantly, not wanting to put words in his mouth.

He hums and squeezes me planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"Well...not because she died, but because when she did, I had no choice but to see the truth of my life. I couldn't pretend anymore. And really, that's all we do when we lie or hide. We're pretending...because the truth is inside of you, living and feasting on your fear, anxieties, your imagination. And no matter how hard you try, it will force its way out. But that's the only way to regain your power over it. I'm not saying it's easy. Lil...I didn't find the courage to tell my parents how I felt until I got back from Ghana."

"How'd you do it?" I ask him, feeling the increased intensity of his heart beat.

"Well, when I got back, I was so fucking angry. Livid. At you.” I wince at the honesty in his voice.

“But you'd given me a taste of something I knew I wanted more of. My mother was plotting to set me up again. Someone who she'd said reminded her of Zara. I exploded. She knew what Zara had done, and I couldn't understand why she would want that for me again."

His burst of laughter is completely unexpected and I stiffen in confusion.

"Sorry, it’s just...you should have seen her face. She said she thought it was all I wanted because I never asked for more. I never complained. I never demanded that they do anything differently."

He clucks his tongue, "You know… they're not mind readers. We expect our parents to have this super power. To know what we want because they're our parents. They're just human beings trying to muddle their way through, too. And once I'd said it out-loud, that I wanted a woman who challenged me. Who didn't care for or need my title. Hell, who as wary of the title as I was...she was taken aback."

"What did she say?" I prompt when he stops talking.

"Oh, just that they wanted me to be happy. The Earldom is going to be mine one day. The only expectation they have of me is that I take care of it. Respect it. But my mother reminded me she and my father weren't set up. They fell in love. Forty years ago, that wasn't done and they met with a lot of resistance.”

"You're lucky." I say wistfully, a pang of envy that I feel ashamed of radiates in my breast.

"Give them a chance. They've let you down. They should have pushed until you told them. But, forgive them for it. And think about the energy you brought to the table."

"I know." I admit, in safety of his arms, under this judgment free scrutiny, I can be honest. I swallow hard against the ball of doubt and anxiety that's already building at the thought of telling my mother the awful truth.

"Thank you, Harry."

"You're welcome," he returns quickly, "But for what?"

"For everything. I don't know why you pushed, what you saw in me. But I'm so grateful." I pull back to look at him. The room is dark, the moon's soft glow lets me see the shadows and contours of his face well enough to know where to put my mouth.

I kiss him, softly. I savor the way my heart swells when he kisses me back. The reverence in it is heady.

"This is happening." I whisper when we break our kiss, my fingers stroke his jaw and I tangle my legs in his.

"Oh, yes. It's happening. And Lilly, I'll fight for it. I'll fight for you." His arms tighten around me. The smile on my face is so broad that my cheeks hurt. My heart clenches, but in pure ecstasy. I can't believe any of this is happening to me.

"Me, too. I'm so happy that it scares me. Nothing has ever been easy. Nothing has ever fit me like it was made for me - but you do. This place does. I love it here. It's so beautiful and everything here has a story to tell. I feel at home." My voice is full of all the dreamy excitement I feel.

"I've never done this before, I might fuck up. But know that I want it, badly. More than I've ever wanted anything." His hands skim my sides, brushing the curve of my breast. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him so he's laying on top of me.

"And yes, I pushed you because I knew that you were special." He kisses me, trails kisses down my neck, across my shoulders and back again.

"Happy you did?" I tease.

"So, fucking happy." He says lazily, and I laugh.

"I love the sound of your laugh."

He slides down my body pressing hot, fervent kisses to my sternum, my ribs, the underside of my breast. I shiver, his mouth makes me crazy. The more of I have it, the more I crave it. I can't believe he's mine.

I sigh and stroke his hair and marvel at my fingers get lost in thick curls.

"I love your hair." I murmur.

"Do you?" He chuckles softly in between his soft nips at my body. "I love your hair. You have so much of it."

"It grows really fast, I cut it all off a year ago. Dyed it blond."

He stops and raises up and stares down at me.

"Pictures. Or didn't happen."

"I have a few. But it wasn't me. I started growing it back after the first time I cut it."

"I bet it’s sexy as hell." He grips the edge of my nightshirt and before I even realize his intent it's over my head.

"Your pussy's bare. Completely." His voice is thick with his desire.

“Mmmmhmmm,” I say languidly.

"Why?" He says as he traces a finger over the lips of my pussy and I relax again, my hips rock a little, trying to get his fingers to slide down and in.

"I…I usually keep it like this. I just hadn't had a chance to visit my lady before I went to Ghana...so you got the beaver edition." I laugh

He laughs quietly. "As long as it's yours, I don't really care. But I do like this. Your skin is so soft." He slides down so he's lying in between my legs, his hands grasp my hips and his mouth presses against me. "Yes. This smell is my kryptonite. It's all you." He takes a long, luxurious lick and streak of heat it sends through makes my whole-body buck.

"Oh yeah,” he sighs and his breath teases all of the sensitive nerve endings in the cradle of my hips. “I could eat you every day, all day and I wouldn't ever get enough." His tongue dips, skimming my clit before he blows cool air over it.

"Ah. Oh my God." I gasp, my finger searching for purchase, finding it the folds of the comforter that covers my bed.

What Harry does with his mouth, I can't describe. I only know that it feels like I'm being turned inside out in the most pleasurable way.

"God, I can't wait to fuck you." He says when he slips two of his big, work roughened fingers inside of me.

"I don't know what I want more. To fuck you or eat you." He murmurs as he pulls at the hood of my clit and oh so gently sucks the sensitive bud into his mouth. I whimper, the pressure, the pleasure almost too much to bear.

"Oh, God. Harry, please. Just hurry."

"Your wish is my life’s mission." And then we're done talking.

Harry eats me with a vigor that makes me come hard and deep. He rolls a condom on and enters me with one hard thrust and curls my toes, arches my back and drags a loud groan from me.

"Dammit, fuck, yes" He mutters and there's not a hair on my body that's not standing on end, each hard thrust of his hips sends shockwaves of pleasure coursing through me.

I cling to him, because he's my life line. He brought everything I thought I'd never have again back. And I love him for it.

As my orgasm builds and our bodies move in a rhythm as old as time, but also as new as the feelings that have grown between us. My mind completely succumbs to the battle cry of my heart. "I won't ever let you go. I don't ever want to lose this." My vow leaves me in a sob, but one of release and exaltation.

“Me neither." Harry says, kissing me, licking the drops of sweat that cling to my temple.

Those words hang between us and our lips come back together. His tongue slides past mine and I try to reach for it. We prod and parry and feast on each other.

“I keep thinking that this can’t get better. But it does, every time.” He leans down to kiss me. His hair, sweaty and drooping over his eyes, brushes my forehead and I put a hand up to push it back. His eyes are fervent and bright as he talks to me.

“You. Not the sex. Everyday teaches me something new about you. And everyday, is better than the one before it.”

My heart is caught in my throat. I can’t believe any of this happening to me. This beautiful, generous, honorable man is looking at me like he’s never seen anything more beautiful than me.

“This is perfect" I whisper and stare into his molten chocolate eyes and see a bottomless well of happy endings.

This is what happens when souls that are meant for each other collide. They create something new. Something that no one has ever had before. It’s unpredictable, with a will of its own. It refuses to be mastered or tamed.

Harry’s eyes flutter and his head rolls back a little and I know he’s starting to come.

He drops his body onto mine, burying his face in my neck and thrusting hard and deep. “Stay with me. Don’t go back.” He breathes into my neck and my heart gallops.

I whisper, “Yes,” and feel like I'm flying.

He rolls us, so I’m on top of him.

"You're more beautiful than anyone has the right to be." He murmurs, his hands coming up to brush my hair off my shoulders. "I want to watch you come."

Palms on his chest, I set my pace and I make love to this man who has transformed my world.

When we're sated and sweaty, we fall asleep in a tangle of exhausted bodies.

Later on, when my world has burned down around me, I’ll remember this night and wish, we’d stay awake. I’d lament that I hadn’t found the courage to tell him everything before it was too late.