Lily
“Like bloody limpet over there will allow you to go to Amsterdam,” Bec grumbled as she flicked a glance at Harrison who was sat by the bar watching us but giving us privacy while nursing an orange juice.
“Well it’s Hayley’s hen night, that’s what girl groups do!” I argued but knew she was right.
“With Poirot tagging along? He’s so imposing and boring, he’d have us all tucked up in bed by nine o’clock!” Kit moaned.
“I’m sure he can hold his own. He was slaughtered last night but still managed to climb the stairs, shower and find the right bedroom,” I revealed with a giggle, remembering how I’d found Harrison clung to the bannister at 3am. His body was swaying precariously before he’d stumbled into his bedroom and closed the door, oblivious to my presence. My mind filled with the images of his naked backside, the sight of him in the dim light making my heartbeat quicken. I’d hung back, so he hadn’t known I was spying on him, but I’d also been thoroughly disappointed when he didn’t turn entirely round. Although, his tight butt cheeks were enough for me to slither back into bed and masturbate over.
“Another?”
I blinked, Kit’s voice dissolving the divine image in my head, and then quirked an eyebrow at her in utter disbelief as she held the top of the wine bottle over my empty glass. “Seriously, you need to ask?”
She shrugged and poured right to the top of my glass with crisp Chardonnay. Then, after refilling Bec’s glass, she pushed back her chair and went to the bar to order another bottle.
“So, how you doing?” Bec asked, taking a sip and searching my eyes.
“I’m okay, although I never realised how much I would miss performing.”
“It’s in your blood, it’s bound to.”
“It’s not exactly in my blood, Bec. My biological parents maybe couldn’t sing for their lives.”
“Well, no, but you’ve been brought up with music, with a beat that has buried itself inside you. If not in your blood, then in your soul.”
True. I’d grown up with so much love and attention from my parents, and each of their crazy friends. I had so many memories of my dad singing to Mum, and vice versa, their love open and fierce. I’d had a fantastic childhood, with incredible opportunities, and I couldn’t love Jax and Eve Cooper any more than what I did.
“So, back to the drawing board,” Kit said as she placed the new bottle of wine in the centre of the table and sat back down. “If your man won’t allow Amsterdam, where…”
I zoned out when my attention was drawn to Harrison. He was chatting with a blond woman, her long flowing hair cascading in silky waves down her back. Her long legs made me envious, and the enormous heels she stood on undoubtedly made her a stuntwoman.
When Harrison said something, she tipped her head back; even her laughter was perfection. His smile on her summoned the monstrosity that lived inside me to rear its ugly head. I didn’t want to feel it, I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Yet, the more I watched them interact, the more my veins vibrated with anger and resentment.
A dark cloud drifted into my mood and bitterness slithered under my skin. I wanted to physically hurt, turn the focus away from the thoughts and bitter feelings that were blackening me from the inside. I needed the delicious bite of pain to engulf the unbearable feeling of worthlessness, the suffering of my body easier to contend with than the torture I felt in my heart right then.
Admittedly, I felt something for Harrison that I hadn’t ever expected. He got on my god damn tits with his overbearing personality and his barked orders. But - and this was a massive unexpected but, subconsciously I knew I goaded him to have the beast that hid in him show its beautiful self. It turned me on. Yes, there it was, complete honesty with myself. It sickened me to acknowledge that his dominance made me flush with heat, hungry for his control over me. I didn’t understand how I could possibly feel like that after what happened to me, but not perceiving something didn’t make it untrue.
Rage erred on the edge of fury when the woman wrote something on a piece of paper and Harrison took it from her.
“Huh?” Kit queried when I mumbled ‘bitch’ under my breath.
I hadn’t realised I’d said it out loud. However, when Harrison slid the paper into his pocket, the rage slipped away and hurt crept in.
“Babe?” Bec looked at me with a puzzled expression, her eyes shifting between Harrison and me.
Shaking my head, I hated the feel of heat on my cheeks and trying to hide it I picked up a menu and wafted my face with it. “Don’t think that curry agreed with me, girls.”
“You look a bit flush,” Kit remarked with a worried frown.
“I’m gonna call it a night.”
“You should. Go get some rest. And don’t forget to run Amsterdam past Sherlock Holmes.”
I nodded, and when I stood up, Harrison was suddenly behind me, pulling out my chair for me.
“You okay, Lily? You look a bit flushed.”
“I’m fine.”
He flinched at the anger in my voice but didn’t comment on it. “You’re still on antibiotics, you probably shouldn’t be drinking on them.”
“Yes, Dr fucking Cole.”
“Okay,” he growled quietly That heated stare that always turned me on, once again made my thighs tremble. “Not quite sure what the fuck has twisted your knickers but I’m positive it isn’t on me this time!” His voice was so gravelly, so rich with authority, that I had to sink my teeth into my lip to stop the moan from escaping.
“Don’t think the wine agreed with you either,” Kit stated, her curious gaze on me making me blush harder.
Biting back the retort that was on the tip of my tongue, I shook my head and tried to disperse my foul mood as I stormed from the pub with a seething Harrison hot on my tail.
“What the fuck is wrong now?” he barked as we climbed into his car.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired.”
“Hmm.”
We didn’t speak again, the short car journey to Harrison’s house sucking at the breath in my lungs until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew what I needed, my whole body knew what it needed, but it was going to be hard. Sharing a bathroom in someone else’s house was hard in itself, but when you needed to cut it was downright challenging.
The burn started in my blood and rushed over the top of my head, the feeling making me turn to the window to hide the wince from Harrison. My vision swam and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. The bile that suddenly surged made my throat ache when I fought to swallow back the contents of my stomach.
“Lily?”
It wasn’t until Harrison directed my face to look at him with a soft touch on my chin that I realised we were already sat outside his house, the engine off and the brightness of his driveway lamps filling the car with a soft orange glow
My hands trembled and I fought to speak. Worry swamped his eyes, and opening his door, he quickly climbed from the car and hurried to open my door.
His strong arms lifted me and he carried me into the house with an ease that frankly terrified me.
“It’s okay,” he spoke gently as he lowered me onto the sofa. “You’re just having a panic attack. Breathe in through your nose and slowly out of your mouth. Concentrate religiously on each breath.”
He sat on the floor in front of me, holding my juddering hands as he gently tried to comfort me.
Slowly, my body took control back, and my mind settled down. My shaking hands continued to shake, although I wasn’t sure if that was because Harrison still had them firmly clasped in his as he rhythmically stroked his thumb over my knuckles.
“All clear?” he asked with a soft smile.
“Aye, aye, Cap’n,” I answered, returning his smile.
I couldn’t move my gaze from his eyes, the vivid blue storm that continually danced there now almost overcome by the gentle reprieve of summer rain. I always said that Harrison was closed off, never one to show his feelings. Except, right then, in his eyes, he showed me all of him.
His thumb disappeared from my hand and rose to my face as, tenderly, he lightly ran it over my cheekbone. “I’m going to kiss you now, Lily Cooper,” he whispered.
My breath caught, and unable to answer, I merely nodded.
The feel of his mouth on mine massacred every thought of pain, defeated every ounce of the need for the blade. I just wanted him, his kiss, his touch, his every thought. His lips on mine was the only thing that could fill my lungs with air. Only his touch could drive blood into my heart and make it beat. I needed each one like they were the only way I could ever survive. I had never needed anything more.
I gasped when suddenly he broke away, leaving me breathless and stunned.
“I can’t!” He stood staring at me as though I’d smacked him. His eyes were full of fear, and now it was his hands that trembled.
As I opened my mouth to ask what the hell was going on, he marched from the room. It wasn’t until I heard the engine of his car fire up that I realised, for the first time, Harrison had left me alone. In more ways than one.