Lily
“Do you ever think about finding your birth parents?” Bec asked me as she took a sip of her latte.
I looked around the small café. It was quiet, the thick layer of snow that had blanketed the city during the night keeping the frequent coffee drinkers away. “Sometimes,” I answered honestly. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea. And I’m sure it would hurt Mum and Dad.”
“Why do you say that?” Kit queried.
“Well, they’re my parents. They always have been and always will be. I just think it would worry them. They’ve been through enough with my shit, and hopefully, now they can sit back and stop worrying. There’s no point creating drama when there is no need for it.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it drama, Lil.” Hayley shrugged, and when she looked at me with concern in her eyes, I smiled, showing I was okay. I couldn’t expect them to understand my feelings, but they took my opinion.
“So, you ready for this weekend?” Kit asked, bringing the subject around to the upcoming Quantum gig.
Nodding eagerly, I grinned. “So much. It seems ages since we performed. I need the adrenaline that comes with it. That or a stick of dynamite up my arse. Don’t know what’s up with me lately, but I’m just exhausted.”
“You’ve had a lot on, Lil,” Bec expressed with a smile. We were back to our easy friendship after she apologised and hugged me to near death experience. “And I know that something is bothering you, but until you open up to your besties, then we can’t help you.”
I swallowed back the ache that came with her words. Six days since I had last seen Harrison, and I hated how much I missed him. I didn’t want to miss him. I had thought I’d be able to have sex with him, get it out of my system and then leave it there. No such bloody luck. The emotion that had come over me afterwards had near destroyed me. I couldn’t allow him to see how much I’d fallen for him, and when I had felt the threat of tears, I upped and left him.
I groaned inwardly, remembering the way he’d just stared at me when I’d hurriedly yanked on my clothes and left like my arse was on fire. He hadn’t even caught the same plane as me back the next day. Liam had notified me that Harrison had already taken on a new contract and had flown back to England in the night.
Biting the bullet, I looked at my friends and grimaced. “I, well, I kinda slept with Harrison.”
Three pairs of eyes widened on me; it was amusing to look at their shocked faces.
“Well, fuck me!” Bec exclaimed with the widest grin I had ever seen. “Good girl!”
I huffed loudly when Bec, Hayley and Kit all high-fived each other. “Grow up,” I mumbled, but couldn’t hold back the grin either.
“Well?” Kit asked, scuttling her chair closer to mine.
“Well what?”
“Well, you dumb broad, was it good?”
My grin stretched wider. “Amazing!”
Bec squealed and I swore I saw a tear glistening on her eyelashes. “So, are you two a thing now?”
The ache was back. Not meeting their gazes, I took a sip of my raspberry tea and shook my head. “No. It was just sex, Bec.”
Silence descended, and I concentrated on every swallow of tea. The hot liquid did nothing to warm the chill that had developed inside me since Harrison had walked out of my life. I knew he couldn’t offer me anything, I wasn’t foolish. I just had to learn to let go now. However, words were always easier than actions.
“So, you haven’t seen him since?” Hayley asked.
“No. Like I said, it was just sex. I just needed to find out what I was missing, and I trust Harrison. I just look at it as another service he offered me.”
Kit spat out the mouthful of coffee she’d just gulped at. “Bloody hell, you make him sound like a gigolo.”
“He got paid enough,” I uttered bitterly. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. I have an interview with the guys for a morning TV program.”
“Oh, to be rich and famous,” Hayley said when I reached down to give her a hug.
“Hey, it’s not all money and music, hun. Bloody gruelling, especially with me feeling a little rundown.”
“If you don’t start to feel better soon, get yourself to the docs,” Bec insisted. She scowled when I rolled my eyes and hugged her.
“Yes, Mum.”
“Love ya’, hun,” Kit said as she kissed me goodbye.
Sliding into my coat, I picked up my bag and headed for the door. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my gloves with one hand as I went to open the door with the other. My heart jumped when the door opened before me, and Harrison stumbled to a stop in front of me.
“Lily.”
Hearing my name in his rough voice made my belly flip-flop once again. For a long moment, I could only stand and gawp in stunned silence as I drank in his handsome features. Forcing my mouth to move, I suddenly developed a speech impediment and stuttered out his name. “Harr...rrison.” Coughing to hide my embarrassment, I forced a smile. “Harrison. Good to see you. How are you? You okay? How funny that we frequent the same coffee house. I hear you’ve got a new client…”
My awkward rambling finally halted when I saw Harrison’s daughter staring up at me with wide eyes.
“Hello, Philly.”
My heart swelled inside my chest when I saw the mirror image of Harrison’s smile looking back at me from her pretty face.
It was clear she was a little star-struck, and I smiled back. “I must say you look much better than the last time I saw you. Are you feeling better now?”
Her brows pulled together as though she was concentrating hard on my face, but leaving my question unanswered, she looked up at Harrison.
The swell in my heart became painful when his hands started moving, and he spoke to his daughter in sign language. Phillipa Cole was deaf.
“Lily asked if you’re feeling better,” Harrison mouthed slowly as his hands simultaneously spoke the same words.
Pinching Philly’s chin, I turned her to face me. Crouching before her, I allowed my hands to talk for me. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, little lady. And I have to say, I’m a little in love with Trotters,” I signed.
The most incredible beam covered her face. “Daddy keeps threatening to make bacon sandwiches with Trotters when I’ve been naughty,” she signed back.
I scowled playfully up at Harrison who was staring at me in astonishment, and then I faced Philly once again. “Then we’ll make rugs for the fireplace out of your daddy because he’s a grumpy bear.”
She nodded and giggled.
“Your daddy tells me you’re a Quantum Rock fan.” Her head bobbed up and down eagerly. “Well, we’re performing this weekend at the arena. If it’s okay with your mummy and daddy, I would love it if you could come.”
Excitement beamed back at me and she looked hopefully up at Harrison.
He smiled and pinched her cheek. “Sure.”
“Thank you. Thank you,” Philly signed rapidly to me.
“My pleasure, little lady.”
Taking my hand in hers, she drew a love heart over my palm. I copied her sweet gesture with a replicate heart on her palm.
“Thank you,” Harrison said with a soft smile. His gaze on me was just as tender, and my chest ached. I wanted to reach out and touch his smile, feel his lips on my fingers. Instead, I forced myself to nod.
“No problem. If you bring her to the rear entrance, she can watch from backstage. It’s safer there, and the guys will just love her.”
“We’ll see you then, Lily. And thank you again, not just for the invitation but for making Philly’s day. Especially signing with her. She loves to just watch your band perform on the TV. She says she feels your music in her soul, even if she can’t hear it. If I’m honest, I think she’s a little in awe of you.”
I couldn’t move. My heart ached for Philly, and right at that moment, I wished for nothing more than to allow a little deaf girl the joy of hearing the beat in her ears and not just her soul.
Harrison gazed at me, more than aware of the sadness that tightened my chest. I wanted to stare into his eyes forever. I always got lost in the swirl of blue, the demons inside me preening their selves in his gaze. Visions of our bodies locked together assaulted me, and I bit my lip, my quickening heartbeat making me slightly dizzy.
“All clear, Lily?” Harrison whispered as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.
The breath my lungs expelled came out as a long sigh, and I nodded jerkily. “Aye, aye, Cap’n.”
Giving me him one last smile, I compelled my legs to move and carry me away from him.
Again.