“What are we supposed to do with this guy?”

I hummed, breaking out of my reverie, to look at Samantha, a coworker and someone I called a friend. We were both stuck at reception, though it was the middle of the day and no one had come so far. Only one of us needed to be there when it was so slow, and it didn’t have to be me, but the reception was far from where Jerrik was staying, and I needed the space from him.

“Haven’t you been listening?” she said, frowning at me when she noticed my confused expression.

I gave her a sheepish smile. “Ah, I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about some stuff, and it’s had me a bit preoccupied. I’m sorry.”

Her eyebrows arched. “Is it a problem I can help you with? I don’t mind lending a hand, you know.”

My smile was easier this time, more comfortable. Samantha didn’t know much about my background. As much as I liked her, I just couldn’t risk letting her in the know. But the little I did talk to her about made me feel better. She was the one to tell me the rumors about Jerrik coming to the retreat.

“I know, and thanks,” I said gratefully. “But it’s fine. I should put it out of my mind, anyway.”

There was no point in thinking too much about Jerrik, after all. He was just a guest at the retreat. A few weeks and he would be gone.

“So, what were you talking about before?” I asked quickly, partly to divert her attention, but also because I did feel bad about not listening to her.

“I was talking about that guy that came here almost a week ago. He’s someone famous, right? He's such an ass to everybody; I swear they’re ready to boot him out of camp. Or, well, the retreat.”

I froze where I was leaning against the counter, then slowly moved until I was standing straight.

“I thought he started going to his sessions though,” I muttered numbly.

Samantha shrugged. “Well, he did for a couple of days, and I don’t know what happened between yesterday and this morning, but he’s sure as hell grumpy. I don’t know what he’s so mad about, but he’s a special client, you know? So we’re supposed to take care of him, only none of the staff can stand him right now, so…”

Shit.

That was probably my fault, and now I regretted going to see him at all. I’d thought about our kiss, yes, but I still thought it shouldn’t have happened. Hell, part of my contract included policies against fraternizing with clients. Not that it didn’t happen, but as long as you didn’t go around advertising it, and no harm came of it, you were in the clear.

But it wasn’t like I wanted to have anything to do with him, right? Even after that kiss…

“How many times did someone get sent to his room?”

“I don’t know, several. But he missed his session anyway, and everyone is booked for the rest of the day.” She shrugged. “Let’s hope for better tomorrow.”

Why do I think that’s hopeless!

The next day, I got up early, even though it was my day off. I didn’t think I could have gone back to sleep and rested. My mind kept going back to Jerrik and what had happened between us since he arrived.

Yeah, he was, in a low key way, ruining my life, but he was probably forced to come here to stop him from ruining his own life. And it wasn’t like I hated him, so… I planned to go and see him, and at least try to get him to go for his session today.

I showered and dressed in casual clothes, pulling on a sundress over my undies because of the heat, and heading out to get something to eat. When I couldn’t hold myself back anymore, I left to go looking for Jerrik. It was too early for him to have a session scheduled, but I didn’t want anyone seeing me there anyway.

When I got to his door, I paused to take in a deep breath, then knocked.

“It’s me, Sharon,” I called out as an afterthought before he started to curse me out.

I waited for a few moments, wondering if he was still asleep. I thought to leave and come back later if I could, but just when I’d turned away, the door opened and the man himself stood there.

He looked terrible. There were dark bags under his eyes, which were red, his clothes looked like he’d slept in them and there was a very obvious stain on the tank top he was wearing. Even worse was the smell, like he’d doused himself in alcohol.

“Jerrik,” I said, breathless with shock. “What the hell happened to you?”

I thought it was pretty apt because it looked like he’d immersed himself in his hell. Somehow, I didn’t think just my avoiding him could have caused all this.

“Hey, Sharon,” he said, almost sounding disinterested, ignoring my question. He frowned slightly. “Where were you the past couple days?”

I squirmed a little, not wanting to admit that I’d tried to hide from him. Though I hadn’t exactly been trying yesterday.

“I do work here, Jerrik. It’s not like I’m a guest and can come and go as I please,” I said, my voice low, apologetic. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come to meet you before.”

He sighed and moved to lean against the doorjamb, folding his arms across his chest as his frown deepened.

“So what are you doing here now, Sharon?”

There was an edge of sarcasm to his tone, and I decided to ignore that, as he’d ignored me. Instead, I took a step closer to him and noticed him tense, though he looked like he was trying too hard to pretend nonchalance.

“Jerrik, what’s wrong?”

We stood there, staring at each other silently for a while. Neither of us spoke, and I refused to be the first one to cave. Lucky for me, he relaxed his stance and sighed, his eyes sliding away before he met my gaze again, the bleakness in his eyes enough to make my heart ache.

“Sorry,” he said slowly, and I was surprised he even bothered to apologize. “It’s just the date isn’t good for me. If you’re here to tell me I have to go somewhere, can you please just leave me alone?”

I frowned. “What’s wrong with the date?”

He looked away again and took a deep breath. I also thought his eyes looked suspiciously shiny before he blinked and turned back to me, composed.

“It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death, Sharon. You have to understand why I’d rather be alone for a few days, right?”

Oh. I felt guilt stab at my chest and wanted to smack myself. Yeah, I knew about his family, I just didn’t pay attention to the date. It happened after I left, but we came from a pretty small town; someone heard and let me know.

But I couldn’t just leave him now knowing what day it was.

“Would you like to do something with me today?” I asked abruptly.

He frowned. “Like what?” he asked, wary.

“Just… I’m not working on the clock right now, and I’m sure you don’t have anyone else who knows about your mom, right?”

Silence met my question, and it was a good enough answer. No wonder he was going through a rough patch. He was trying to do everything alone. I wondered if it was just how his lifestyle was, or if he didn’t think he could trust the people around him with the real Jerrik.

“I thought we could light a candle together, for your mom. Would you mind?” If he didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t force him, of course.

He was still for a few moments, considering me before he slowly nodded.

“Fine,” he murmured. “I just need to shower and change. Can you wait for me here a bit, or would you like to come in?”

I hesitated, before slowly shaking my head. “No, I think it would be best if I just waited for you. Would twenty minutes be enough for you? I need to do something and then I’ll be right back.”

“All right,” he said simply.

I’d expected an argument. He went back inside, and I turned and rushed back to my room.

I had an idea of where I wanted us to go for the day and, hopefully, he would like it. I rummaged through my things, hoping I had candles. I could always buy some, but it would require a detour. I took a few more things, made sure I had my purse with my phone and cash in it. We’d have to get something to eat outside the retreat because I wasn’t waiting around for breakfast.

With a shawl pulled over my shoulders and everything else packed in my bag, I went back to meet him. I ended up back at his door to find him waiting for me. I gave him a small smile and waved with my hand for him to follow me.

“Come on. I have a car.”

“Are we allowed to leave here, anyway? I never asked.”

I shot him a look. “It’s not a prison, you know. Of course, you’re allowed to leave. I don’t always spend my days off here, you know.”

“And where exactly are we going?”

“I’m taking you to the coast. It’s a bit of a drive, but it would be perfect if you’d like some alone time. It’s a great spot, but unless it’s summer, it’s empty most days.”

He looked at me, curious. “It’s not that cold now though.”

I shrugged. “It’s not, but people are too busy to be hanging out on the beach, I guess. I go there all the time, and I’ve only come across other people maybe three times.”

We made it to my car and got in, and I threw my stuff in the back before I turned on the car and started the long drive. I turned on the radio, keeping the volume reasonable but not inviting conversation. He wasn’t in the mood to talk anyway, so it worked out just fine for the both of us.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable though, quite the opposite. I naturally loved silence, and he seemed lost in his thoughts. He was probably thinking about home and his family, and my heart went out to him.

When we were close enough, I found somewhere to park, then got out of the car with my things and waited for Jerrik to do the same.

“Can I take off my shoes?”

I pursed my lips but nodded. I glanced at his feet and noticed he was wearing boots. It would be annoying if sand got in them.

“You can if you want. Sorry, I should have told you we were coming to the beach.”

“It’s fine.”

He leaned against the car as he pulled off his boots, then socks, and left both in the car. I was wearing flip flops, so I was fine. I locked the door, and we walked the short distance to the beach. I felt a breeze go through my hair and sighed.

“Do you still want to light a candle? I don’t think we can with this breeze.” And after I’d bothered to bring the damn candle and lighter along.

He sent me a small smile. “It’s fine; it doesn’t have to be a candle.” He glanced down with a slight wince, before crouching down. I watched, surprised, as he picked up a clump of sandy mud between his hands. “This will be more than enough for me.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “Mud, Jerrik? Really.”

He grinned. “Yeah, I’m gonna throw it in the sea. It doesn’t have to make sense, but it’s what I want to do. Is that okay?”

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of touching mud, but I crouched down to get some of my own. I grimaced at the feeling of it getting under my nails, but we headed for the water. I looked to him for direction as we stopped at the edge of the water. He pressed the mud into a ball, reared back and threw it into the water. I was impressed by how far it got. I still had no idea what we were doing, but I set down my bag a little back on the sand where it wasn’t wet and threw the mud in my hands.

The distance it cleared wasn’t even half of his, and I scowled at him as he laughed. I took off my flip flops and walked a little into the water, before crouching down, being careful not to get the edge of my dress wet, and washed my hands in the salty water, removing the mud under my nails. Jerrik did the same before we moved back to the beach and just stood watching the water, the silence between us again comfortable.

“I hope this at least makes you feel better,” I said after a while, turning to look at him.

He hummed, looking off into the horizon, before turning to me with a small smile. “It does,” he said earnestly. “You have no idea just how much.”

“Just by throwing mud into the sea?” I joked.

“It’s more than that. It would take too long to explain, but… you could say that… it liberated me, in its way. Thanks, Sharon, for bringing me here.”

The smile he leveled at me was the most genuine I’d seen from him so far. I couldn’t look away. A minute passed, and the smile fell from his face, but he didn’t look away, either. Instead, he stepped closer to me and raised one of his hands to my cheek.

I knew it was coming, I could have seen it from a mile away, but I couldn’t—and didn’t want to— move as he leaned down to kiss me.