I could have been doing something more important instead of being dragged to rehab like a naughty teenager. The car came to a stop, and I stubbornly kept my eyes closed and arms folded over my chest, ear buds blasting music in my ears. I knew what I needed and it was to be left alone. There was stillness, then a hand yanked my ear buds, and I looked up at the culprit with a scowl. He just rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give me that look, Jerrik. You’re doing this.” His voice was grim and unyielding.

“I’d rather not,” I muttered, not moving, but he heard anyway and gave me an exasperated look.

“Look, kid. I’m your agent and you’ve been the hand that feeds me, but enough is enough. The label’s about to kick you out. This was the only way that I could save you. Otherwise, not only would you be out of a job, so would I. You know the drill.”

I jumped out of the car before he said another word. He was making my hangover even worse. I wanted to tell him where to take his speech and his rehab, but he was right and I knew it. Tom had been sticking up for me for the last few months, but it was clear that my voice was dying and so was my career.

“Why, of all places, do I need to be here? I’m sure there are plenty of other places I could have gone to, right? Some place less rural.” I looked around doubtfully; I didn’t like what I saw.

I didn’t even care that I was whining. I felt I was justified. Of all places, a retreat out in the middle of nowhere on a reclusive mountain was the last place I thought they’d send me. I’d imagined some fancy hotel, maybe near a beach. But a few seconds under the burning sun, a glance around at the arid land, and I wanted to run far, far away.

“The whole thing is already paid for, so complain all you want, but you’re not getting out of this without getting dropped from the label. Maybe if you’d listened when I was telling you this retreat needed to happen, then you might have had a better pick.” Tom, my agent, was rubbing his big belly, the one that I’d been feeding for the last five years, and now he was talking to me as if I was some kind of jock. He was the one who should be kissing my ass and begging me to go to this retreat, otherwise he would have to go on a diet. Then again so would I, one that didn’t involve drugs and alcohol, the two things that I could do with right now.

“Dammit,” I cursed as I kicked at a stray rock with boots that I’d bought on a binge. I had no idea how much I paid for them but it was probably way too much, kickass or not.

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be on a retreat at all. When he’d brought it up, I thought he was joking. There was no way they could just drop me, Tom or the label. I was a big enough name to believe that, but they proved me wrong and now here I was.

“There aren’t that many people here. Of all places, did you have to send me to the middle of nowhere? I’m going to be so damned bored around here. I can’t even see any women around…”

Tom sighed, as if he’d had enough of my constant complaining. “You’re a grown ass man, not a peacock,” Tom drawled, and even with his back to me, I knew he was rolling his eyes. “Can you at least act like one for once? So what if you don’t have women fawning over you for a few weeks?”

“I’m twenty-five, a man and a fucking rock star. What do you expect?”

He stopped abruptly, and I almost walked into his back. When he turned around to give me a raised eyebrow, I was scowling.

“You are not here for sex. That is the last thing you need right now. Tiffany was the best thing that could have happened to you. She was trying to get you on the straight and narrow and you had to go and cheat on her.”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “Yeah, but she knew what I was like. She knew that if I got the taste for a lady then I had to keep going back for more.”

He was shaking his head with an almost sympathetic look on his face. “Are you sure that you weren’t taking drugs on the way here? For crying out loud, Jerrik. Tiffany put up with your shit, day in and day out. You cheated on her once. She forgave you. You got drunk. She sobered you up. She was all smiles in front of the camera. Why she loved your ass? No one knows.” Shit, he was sounding like a broken record, one that I didn’t feel like listening to right now. “You just kept pushing her and when she found you in bed with not only one fan but two, well, she left your ass. If you weren’t such an asset, I would have dumped your ass too.”

“You’re leaving me here, aren’t you?” I growled and ignored his diatribe.

“For your own good though.” He paused, but at my stubborn expression—because I couldn’t see how this was for me—he sighed. “Look, kid. You have a shitty attitude. You’ve been in this business for five years. You’re only twenty-five, but even that young, with the way you’re going, you’ll burn out quickly in this industry, acting the way you do, treating people the way you do. Acting shitty to people makes you a shitty person, and while there are people that could keep all the fame even with the attitude, I hate to break it to you, but you are nowhere near that big yet.”

I growled at that last bit. He didn’t have to tell me that. I knew I wasn’t quite that big yet, but I had enough of a following to be proud. After all, going from a nobody to being known by more than a million people was a big enough feat for me.

“What does it matter if you people get what you want? Quality music that sells. It’s not like I haven’t delivered that, right? It’s my only job, so why can’t I live my life the way I want, huh?”

He sighed, looking exasperated.

“That it isn’t the way this works. Rock stars behaving badly are a thing of the past. Not your generation. Now the fans want rock stars to appear dirty, but they don’t want to hear of them lying drunk on the street, passed out, in a hospital due to a possible overdose and their girlfriend, who the fans loved, leaving them and vocally saying the reason why she’s leaving. Shit, that kind of stuff hurts your image. It doesn’t matter if you sing the greatest rock song of all time. No one’s going to listen to it on the radio or watch you on YouTube, because they’re going to associate your name, voice and everything with a washed up loser.”

“What the fuck, Tom? That’s a bit strong.”

“Listen and hear me well,” he said, looking like he was about to talk down to a little kid. “You can’t sink any lower. If you do, then you won’t even be able to buy a bottle of Coke, let alone drugs to snort up your nose. Very few people ever survive that and come out of it without taking quite a few hits. You got lucky, a poor kid that managed to make it big on his first try, but you’re letting the fame get to your head. People are cruel. If the public decides to, they could drop you fast and pick a new favorite to fawn over. Hell, you’re lucky you lasted five years.”

I rolled my eyes. Right, as if I hadn’t worked my ass off to get to where I was. I felt I deserved to act how I pleased, but everyone else seemed to have a different idea.

He scowled at me. “No, kid. I’m serious. I still remember what you were like when you were brand new. I don’t know what happened to turn you into this, but it needs to stop. I’m not the only one hoping this retreat will get you back to what you used to be, make you remember that kid that came out of nowhere and impressed a bunch of bigwigs to get himself signed.”

With that, he turned and marched away, and I slowly followed because I had to.

I sneered at Tom’s back, then looked around. I was going to stay at a yoga retreat, something I found ridiculous because I didn’t give a damn about yoga. I didn’t understand why it had to be up on a mountain, with dirt and patches of grass on the ground here and there, and a bunch of trees in the distance. There were scattered buildings of different shapes and sizes, all done in creams and browns. Most people would probably find it soothing to be away from city noise, but I loved the distractions that came with living in the city. As far as I was concerned, this was a personal hell that I was being subjected to.

Then I saw a group of women walking in our direction, and I arched an eyebrow. Well, the stay might not be all that bad. At least the place wasn’t deserted, and these ladies didn’t look half bad. A couple of them glanced our way and did double takes, alerting the rest of the group to stare.

I grinned, more to myself than for their benefit. I was well built, with dirty blond hair and tattoos that were showcased by my low neck, loose tank top. I was used to getting looks from women, and I slid easily into the familiar role.

“Hey there, ladies,” I called as they grew nearer. “I don’t suppose any of you would be willing to show the new guy around for a few hours?” And preferably end up in bed for several more?

A lot of my fun would be cut down thanks to me being here, but I intended to make the most of it and what better way. Maybe, with the right company, I would feel less trapped on this retreat. A few in the group responded with flirtatious smiles that had my interest growing.

“We’d love to if you can find us later,” one of them nearly purred.

I hummed. “I like the sound of that.”

I didn’t even realize I’d slowed until Tom cleared his throat, loudly and obviously, and I was tempted to scowl at him again. Instead, I sent a wink to the group of ladies.

“I’ll find you all later,” I promised to a round of giggles. Then I went after Tom feeling much better about my stay there.

That was until we made it to reception to check me in, and I spotted the last person I would have expected to see at a place like this. Even after having been away from my home town for five years, I would have recognized her anywhere, like I still remember most of the people from my old, small town. Their faces run through my head like a hurricane every time I sit down to write lyrics. They are the reason that I’m so famous, the ones that stood and watched me destroy my life. I remember all of them, even if none of them recognized me.

Sharon was someone I knew, though not well, from back home. I don’t know when she left, I didn’t keep in touch with anyone back there, but her being there couldn’t mean anything good for me.

In a flash, it all came running through my mind the moment I saw her. Usually, it happens when I shut my eyes and focus or I need to write a new song and I need inspiration. My darkness helps me focus on the madness of my past, the shit that makes me snort, makes me drink and makes me want to revel in the pain.

Sharon saw me as I started to think about the real reason that I was here. I drank for a reason, took drugs to ease the pain. It was as if the moment she saw me, I was reliving my nightmare with my eyes wide open.

My feet moved without my permission, stumbling back, only for a hand on my shoulder to stall me. I looked away from Sharon to Tom, who was staring at me with a hard gaze, enough to make me flinch.

“Don’t you even dare, Jerrik. You stay here, and you go through the damn program, or you might as well say goodbye to the record label.”

Like I needed him to remind me. He had spent most of the car journey doing that and from the moment we hit the retreat he’d been telling me about my life and the reason that we were here today. No good reason, because, right now, everything in my life was shit, just like it used to be in the past.