elanie

 

 

 

 

He’s scruffy. Like usual. And his jeans are fitted. Also like usual. His eyes are desperate, and his lips are gorgeous, and he’s carrying a bag that smells like Thai food. I want to kiss him hard, now.

But I’m not that easy.

Molly is, though. She meows as she approaches Jake, purring louder than she ever has before.

“Hey. Looks like you’re healing really well.” His voice is gentle as he bends down to pet her.

“Come in.” I step aside so he can enter, and I watch him take in the apartment, feeling proud of it. My very own first place.

“This is nice.” His smile is warm. “Can I put this in the kitchen?” He’s uncharacteristically shy, asking permission this way.

“Of course. Come on. It’s not like it’s hard to find. There’s basically three rooms: living room, kitchen, bedroom. Oh, and a bathroom of course.” I head to the kitchen, assuming he’s following. I want to look at him, but I’m trying to play it cool. Like he did for the past few weeks.

He sets the food on the little table by the back door and stands, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He’s staring at his boots, but finally he looks up at me.

“Hi.” His voice is quiet.

I tilt my head and try to suppress the smile that’s threatening to spread across my face. “Hi,” I repeat.

“I’m sorry, Melanie. I, um, wasn’t sure…”

“What?” Coldness seeps into my soul, all the warmth I’d been starting to feel chased out by the iciness of his doubt.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“What a fucking line.” I roll my eyes and turn, stalking into the living room.

“It’s not a line.” He’s behind me, and when I sit on the couch, he paces in front of me.

“It’s not you, it’s me. Or, wait, maybe You deserve better. That’s a good one.”

“Melanie…”

But I’m not done. “I got one, and this one really applies. I don’t want to hold you back. Is that the right one, Jake?” I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window.

“That last one. Yeah.” He gives a half-laugh.

I look at him sharply. “Seriously? That’s what you came here to tell me?”

“God, no, Melanie. I came to see if you’d take me back. I thought I was holding you back. I was worried about you living your life with nothing to stop you. I wanted you to be free, to make whatever choices were the best for you and your future.”

“See, and that’s the problem, isn’t it? You’ve always thought you had to take care of me. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you I’m not a kid.”

“You’re not. And I was wrong. I’m trying to tell you I was wrong.” He sits on the couch, turning his body so he’s facing me. “Look. How are you going to, I don’t know, have illegal drinking parties with your college friends if you’re dating a cop?” He lifts a corner of his mouth up in a grin.

This time I can’t help smiling back, even though it’s a tiny smile.

“You’re supposed to be trying to sneak into bars with your buddies and staying up all night studying and, I don’t know, doing typical college things.” He takes one of my hands and holds it in both of his, rubbing his thumb over my palm gently.

“Except my life till now hasn’t exactly been typical. And I don’t think it ever will be,” I whisper.

“No.” His fingers gently lift my chin so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “Your life isn’t going to be typical, Melanie. It’s going to be absolutely extraordinary. Like you.”

His lips are so gentle on mine, like he’s asking permission. I give it to him, biting his lower lip so he growls, a low and predatory sound.

“I love you.” His throaty words vibrate against my skin. “I’m sorry I have been a total and complete asshole for the past few weeks. You deserve better.”

“See. I knew it!” I joke. “That’s a total breakup line.”

He throws his head back and laughs. “Except I don’t want to break up. I want us to be together, Melanie. I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ll keep saying it until you take me back.”

I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’ll take you back.”

“I have to warn you, though.” His face gets serious, a frown dragging down his lips.

“What, Jake?” My pulse kicks up. I don’t want bad news.

“My mom? She’s going to think you’re way too skinny. And she’s going to be dropping food off for you all the time. And inviting you over for dinner, where she’ll insist that you have second servings of everything, especially dessert. And her boyfriend? He’s this old hipster who writes poetry and, after a glass of wine, likes to recite it as entertainment. Are you sure you’re up for all that?” He’s grinning, and his fingers whisper along my cheek.

His mother. His family. This is real. “Yeah,” I say. “I’m up for all that. As long as I can meet your grandma, the one who listens to Station Gray.”

“Definitely.” He laughs. “What else are you up for?” His lips are on my neck, gently biting the delicate skin.

I gasp. “Um…” It’s hard to speak with his tongue tracing its way down to my shoulder. I push him so he’s sitting back on the couch and straddle him, feeling his hardness immediately. “I can tell what you’re up for, though,” I whisper, smiling as I kiss his lips.

He growls out a laugh. “I want you now, right here on the couch. And in your bedroom. Then in the shower would probably be a good idea. But maybe I should feed you first. I brought Thai food.”

“Yes,” I answer. “All of that. Let’s do it all.”

I can’t speak anymore because his kisses leave me breathless. Sun is streaming in through the window, Jake is here with me, there’s food in the kitchen, and I know, with a sudden and fierce certainty, that I can do whatever I want.

My world, which used to seem bleak and small and dark, is open wide in front of me.

~~~~

Later, after we have sex on the couch, quietly because the curtains are sheer and it was daytime, and in bed then in the shower, we eat room-temperature take-out at the small kitchen table.

“Do you need to, like, go to work tonight or anything?” I ask.

“Day off,” he says. “We’ll figure it all out. Our schedules and everything.”

“Yeah. So. You can stay for awhile, if you want. Or go home. Or whatever.” I’m suddenly shy, unsure of how to navigate our new relationship in this new place.

“You think I’m going to fuck you, eat your food, and take off?” He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks.

I shrug, but I can’t help smiling back.

“We have an entire city I need to show you,” he says. “Let’s start now.”

“Yeah!” I can’t wait to go new places with someone, to discover all the amazing things Chicago has to offer. “Where are you going to take me?”

“I don’t know yet. Come on.” He grabs my hand and pulls me up.

I grab my bag and keys and phone and we’re out the door. We get in his car, and I don’t ask where we’re going. I don’t need to. I trust him, and I can’t remember the last time I really trusted someone.

He puts his hand, big and warm, on my leg while he drives, and I shut my eyes for a moment, relaxing in the bliss of everything that’s happened today.

“Don’t.” His voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t close your eyes, Melanie. This city is yours now. You’ve got to see it. I’m going to take you down Lake Shore Drive.”

We’re driving, buildings on one side, the lake, so huge I can’t see across, on the other. Boats dot the water, and though it’s early evening bikers and joggers make their way along the lakefront path. The city sparkles, and my soul does too. I lower my window to feel the wind on my face, cool and alive and filled with promise.

 

THE END