ake

 

 

 

 

“Dude.” James looks up as I enter the station a few mornings later. “You gotta go out with me tonight.”

“It’s too early for you to be asking me out,” I grumble, heading to the kitchenette for some crappy coffee.

James follows me. “No. Check this out. So I met this girl on Date & Fate. And she’s agreed to go out with me. But only on a double date with her friend. You know, in case I’m some weirdo or something.”

“You are. And what the fuck’s Date & Fate?”

“It’s an online dating site. How is it possible you’re single and don’t know about Date & Fate?”

“Cause I don’t need a fucking website to get laid.” I pour some coffee into a World’s Best Dad mug that’s next to the sink and lean against the counter.

“What’s going on?” My uncle plops himself into a chair next to the tiny table and looks at the two of us. “Who’s getting laid?”

James speaks up. “Me, if Jake helps me out. Come on, man. The friend’s pretty. My date sent me a photo.”

“Eh, I don’t know.” I sip the watery coffee.

“What, you dating someone? He doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he?” James looks at my uncle.

“No. He doesn’t.” My uncle gives me a sharp look.

My stomach clenches. Does he know something?

“I think it would be a good idea for him to go on that, uh, double date tonight. Right, Jake?” He’s still staring at me like he knows way more than he’s letting on.

“Whatever,” I say. I have absolutely no interest in going, but I can’t say no right here, right now. Not with Uncle Mike looking at me like that. “What time? Where we going?”

“Dude, thank you. You won’t regret this. She said she wants to hang out local, so we’re going to Lucy’s tonight.”

“That place is rank.” I pour the remainder of my coffee into the sink, swish some water around in it, and set the mug in the drying rack.

“Yeah, but your date? She’s blonde. And cute. You like blondes, right?”

“Sure.” I head out of the break room and back to my desk without looking back at either James or my uncle. I have absolutely no interest in going on this stupid fucking double date. I have no interested in whatever girl James’ date is setting me up with.

Panic overcomes me for a moment as I realize the only girl I want to be with is Melanie. Fucking eighteen-year-old high school student Melanie. Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t stop thinking about how gorgeous she looked at the bar a few nights ago, and about how she fell asleep on the ride back. Her skin was pale in the moonlight, her breathing even and soft, and I wanted to keep going, just to let her rest.

At my desk, I wish I could call Melanie or text her. I have her number; I have files on all the kids in the drug class. But we’ve never officially exchanged numbers, which is kind of weird considering the relationship that’s developed between us.

I want to know what she’s doing, though. I want to know for sure that she’s at school. I want to know what she’s wearing, and whether or not she has anything to eat for lunch, or if she’s working at the shit shop after school today. I imagine her wearing the T-shirt I got her at Velvet and smile to myself.

I pick up my phone and dial the Columbus High number. When the secretary picks up I ask for Principal Evans. She’s not in, but I leave a message to have her call me back.

When I hang up, I jump when my uncle, right behind me, speaks.

“Principal Evans?” he asks.

Swearing inwardly, I turn to him. “Yeah.”

“Checking up on the Cannon girl?”

“Yup.”

“That better be all you’re doing.” He rubs his balding head and points a finger at me.

I glance to the side, making sure James isn’t around to hear this conversation. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“And still I’m worried.”

I toss the pencil on the desk. “You don’t need to be.”

He shrugs. “I’m an old man. And I haven’t been a fucking cop for thirty-five years without developing keen instincts. And my instincts, Jake, tell me you’re on the verge of getting yourself in trouble. Don’t.”

“I’m not.”

“Good.” He stares at me for a few seconds longer before standing and heading out into the reception area to shoot the shit with the receptionist. “I love you, kid,” he says, turning back to me.

“Love you too, man.” And I do. But I don’t love the way he knows what I’ve been up to. I don’t like that at all.

“Hey.” His voice is softer. “I talked to your mom last night. She misses you. Wonders when you’re coming back.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Jake. Why haven’t you called her?”

“I, uh, been busy.” It’s a shit excuse. But I don’t have a real one.

“Bullshit.” Mike always calls me out. “You’re avoiding her. And she’s been through enough. When your dad died, she was destroyed, Jake. You know that. You were around. So now, why are you begrudging her the opportunity to be happy?”

“I’m not.” But the thought of her new friend, the guy she hasn’t even officially called her boyfriend yet, makes me want to punch something. And the thought of my father, bleeding out on that dirty floor in that crumbling apartment building, makes me want to cry. It’s my fault. Even if everyone else says it’s not, I can’t stop going back, replaying the scene over and over and over again, changing the details until we both walk out whole.

“Can’t stay here forever.” Mike looks at me with one eyebrow raised. “I love having you here, but you know you can’t run away from shit. It’ll always be there. You need to deal with it.”

“What, you a fucking psychologist now too?” I force a grin at him.

“No. I’m your goddamn uncle. And I’m looking out for you.” There’s love in his eyes as he says it, but warning too. Warning I’m pretty positive I’m not going to fucking heed.

~~~~

I head over to Lucy’s, not at all excited about the night. I’m going for two reasons. One, so my uncle gets off my case. And two, to help out James. From what he says, it’s been awhile since he’s gotten some, and if going on this double date is the only way he can take a girl out, I can suffer a few hours for him.

I haven’t been to Lucy’s since the night I met Melanie. Aria. It occurs to me how different things would be if I hadn’t gone there that night. If I hadn’t taken her home, she’d just have been some random girl in the class I’m teaching. A random girl I’d probably have checked out—I’m a guy and she’s hot—but never given a serious thought.

Like last time, the bar is dim and cloudy. Smoking’s not allowed indoors, but for some reason there’s still a thickness to the air. James and two women are already there, and I head to the table where they’re sitting.

“Yo, Jake!” James gets up and gives me a man hug, hitting my back firmly a few times before turning back to the girls. They’re both pretty, one a brunette and one a blonde, who’s my date for the evening. She’s got short hair cut into a sharp bob, and her face is narrow, giving her a mean look, but her smile is genuine.

James introduces us, and I sit down next to Mona, the blonde. James has already ordered a pitcher, so I fill my cheap plastic cup with slightly warm beer and drink some down.

“So,” Mona says, “you two are cops?”

“Yup.” James smiles, a proud look on his face. I need to let him know he’s trying too hard already, but I guess I’ll let him figure it out for himself.

“That’s really cool.” James’ date smiles at him.

“And cops are pretty hot!” says Mona, laughing and nudging my arm with hers.

Jesus. Another time, another situation, I’d be all over this. All over her. I can tell already she wants to have fun, and normally I’d be up for that too. But ever since—well, ever since Melanie, if I’m being honest—I haven’t so much as thought about other girls. And having one right next to me doesn’t change that at all.

“What do you two do?” I ask, trying to move away from Mona as surreptitiously as possible.

“I’m an account manager at a bank. She’s a teacher. Third grade. We’ve been best friends since high school.” Mona downs her beer, then refills her cup.

I sip my drink, wincing at how warm and verging on flat it is. I smile as James and his date scoot their chairs back from the table a little to quietly talk together. It’s good to see him having some luck. Of course, that leaves me to make small talk with Mona.

“You’re single, right?” she asks, putting a hand on my leg.

“Uh, yeah.”

“OK. It’s just that…” She sighs and purses her lips, tilting her head and examining my face.

“Just that what?”

A shrug of her shoulders. “You don’t seem single.”

“What does that mean?” I swallow some more shitty beer and set my cup on the sticky table.

“You’ve got that, I don’t know, preoccupied thing going on that guys who aren’t really interested have.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to keep my tone light, but I’m annoyed by this conversation. Honestly, I’d probably be annoyed with any conversation tonight, but this one is especially irritating.

“Well, either guys are interested. Or they’re taken. Or they wish they were taken, but not by me.” She squeezes my quad, then lets go and smiles at me. “So which is it?”

“Are those the only options?” I force a laugh. “Look, I said I’m single. And I don’t know yet if I’m interested. We just met.”

She frowns. “I think you know. I think people know.”

“Know what?” I run my hand though my hair and glance at the door, as if I could will Melanie to walk through it right now. Not that I could do anything if she did. James is here. And Melanie shouldn’t set foot anywhere near this place ever again. Still…

“Know if you’re interested. I think it takes only a second, and if there’s an attraction, you’ll feel it immediately.” She snaps her fingers.

“So you’ve never met someone and after a while realized how attractive he was?” I ask. “It’s either all or nothing the instant you see someone?”

“Pretty much. Like you.” She scoots a little closer to me. “When you walked in and James said you were my date, I knew immediately.”

Shit.

“I know,” she continues, “that you’re the kind of guy who I’d be very, very interested in spending time with. And I could tell that you’d be able to fuck me like I deserve to be fucked.” Her fingers massage my knee, then travel up the inside of my thigh.

My hand lands on top of hers, stopping the progression. “Look, Mona,” I begin. But she cuts me off.

“I’m attractive but you’re not interested. Right?” She leans closer. “Or technically you’re single, but you’re kind of sort of seeing someone? Something like that?” Her hand is still on my thigh, and my hand is on top of hers.

“I don’t… yeah. Something like that.”

“You know what?” She leans closer, her face up against mine. Her breath smells like beer and mint. “It’s your loss, Jake. I was thinking of getting my knees dirty tonight.”

Seriously? Is she seriously saying these things to me? It’s tempting. I won’t lie. We could probably go in the bathroom right now and she’d get me off, and after that we could come back into the bar and order another pitcher. Maybe it would even be cold this time.

My cock’s twitching, but not because of Mona. It’s because I’m thinking of Melanie, kneeling on the floor of the library classroom, asking me if she was doing it right. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Yo, Beck. Let’s get another pitcher.” James gestures at me with his head, and gratefully I follow him up to the bar.

“How’s it going with Mona, man?” he asks, raising an eyebrow and grinning at me.

“How’s it going with, uh…” I can’t remember the other girl’s name.

“Fucking great, man. We’ve, you know, got a lot in common.”

I pat him on the back. “That’s good to hear.”

“What about you?” he asks again after telling the grizzly bartender we need a refill.

I shrug. “She’s… I don’t know, dude. She’s nice. I’m just not…”

“Don’t fuck this up for me.” James puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me squarely in the face. “Just pretend you’re having a good time, all right? Cause if your date wants to leave, mine will go with her. Just give me another fucking hour. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah. Fine. I can hang out for another hour.” I don’t want to, but James is so desperate. I glance over at our table, where the two girls are sitting close and talking. I wonder if Mona’s telling her friend what an asshole I am. Except for messing things up for James, I honestly don’t care. And I’m certain she can find any number of other guys who’d kill for a night with her. I’m just not one of them.