CHAPTER NINETEEN
Cat
HIS HAND IN my hair hurt, but that was nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
I looked up into Smoke’s beautiful face and saw my own agony reflected in his gaze along with the rage I’d seen as he’d launched himself at Justin.
That rage was mine, too, because I knew what had changed. Why he’d wanted this relationship to be permanent only to change his mind a couple of hours later.
Beating Justin up had brought back old memories. Memories of his father’s death and his own role in that. And sure, that was hard. It wouldn’t ever go away. But surely he knew what happened all those years ago didn’t define him? That it didn’t change my feelings about him?
He couldn’t leave me. He couldn’t alter our friendship forever, tell me I was his, promise me he’d always be there, only to walk away.
He couldn’t make me fall in love with him, give me everything I’d ever wanted, only to take it all away.
I knew what he was going to do because I knew him. I could read it in those searing dark eyes as he bent me back over his arm, winding my hair around his wrist, making my scalp prickle with pain.
‘You’re going to try and distance me, aren’t you?’ The words were shaky and rough as he lifted his hand to the front of my blouse. ‘You’re going to try and show me exactly how bad you are for me. How much you could hurt me.’
He said nothing, his mouth closing on my throat, his teeth grazing my skin.
I trembled. Then trembled harder as he simply tore my blouse straight down the middle, the fabric sagging open.
‘You’re forgetting something,’ I went on, my voice getting ragged as he nipped at my throat. ‘I know you, Dane Kingsolver. I’ve known you since you were seven years old. And you’ve never once, not in twenty-odd years, ever been bad for me.’
Again he didn’t reply, grabbing the delicate lace of my bra and jerking hard.
My bra ripped apart, and then his big, hot palm was cupping my bare breast, squeezing it, shaping it, his thumb flicking over my rapidly hardening nipple. I gasped, pleasure arrowing through me, getting sharper as he bit the side of my neck. Then he pinched my nipple—hard.
The pain made my eyes water, yet at the same sent a jolt of excitement right through me. A throb had started up between my thighs and when he pinched me again, twisting my nipple in his fingers, I felt that same jolt deep in my pussy, too.
He pulled my hair harder, arching my back and pressing my body to the furnace of his, lifting my breasts so he could bring his teeth there, too, licking the aching tips. I squirmed against him as his hot mouth closed around my nipple, sucking rhythmically, nipping at it, biting at it.
My breathing had become ragged and I was shaking, and then he yanked my skirt up, his fingers sliding into the lace of my panties, grabbing a handful of the material and tearing them away as easily as if they were tissue paper. Once they were gone his fingers pushed between my thighs, sliding over the bare, slick flesh of my pussy, massaging my clit roughly.
Pleasure cut me like a knife.
‘Smoke... Oh, God...’ My voice was as ripped and torn as my clothes.
His scorching dark gaze was on mine as he slid one finger into me, keeping his thumb pressed hard to my clit, staring at me as another finger joined the first, pushing deep. Then he separated both fingers, stretching me, making me groan and tremble and burn. Crushing me with pleasure.
I knew what he was doing. He hadn’t wanted me to fight him so he’d taken control, the way he always did. But I couldn’t let him do that—not today. He was trying to leave me and I’d be damned if I let him go. I couldn’t stop him physically—not when he was so much stronger than me—but, as I’d learned over the past couple of weeks, I wasn’t exactly powerless.
I knew what his weakness was.
Me.
I looked up into his face as his fingers worked in a short, hard rhythm that made my hips lift and jerk, building the pleasure relentlessly.
He wasn’t untouched by what he was doing. I could see the black flame in his eyes, the darkness burning, searing. The lines of his face were taut and hungry, something like a snarl twisting his beautiful mouth.
I stared into that heated darkness, let myself melt into him.
Maybe he knew what I was trying to do, because he pulled his fingers from my body and brought them to my mouth, shoving them between my lips, a feral look on his face.
‘Lick them,’ he ordered. ‘Taste how wet you get for a fucking killer.’
I obeyed, keeping my gaze on his as I licked his fingers, tasting my own musk and the saltiness of his skin. Tasting us. Together.
There was strength in resistance, but sometimes true power lay in surrender.
‘I love you,’ I whispered, falling into his midnight eyes. ‘I love you so much.’
Anguish flooded his face and suddenly I wasn’t bent over his arm any more but turned to face the wall, shoved up against it, his hot, hard body coming up behind me, pinning me there. I turned my face to one side, the texture of the wallpaper pressing into my cheek and against the stiff points of my nipples, making my breathing wild and my heartbeat stampede in my head.
He put his arm against the back of my neck, keeping me jammed to the wall. His short, ragged breath was in my ear.
‘Those words mean nothing.’
There was a whole world of pain in his voice.
‘Don’t ever fucking say them.’
‘But they mean something to me,’ I gasped out. ‘I don’t want you to leave. I love you and I—’
His palm covered my mouth, stopping me from finishing.
I didn’t struggle. I let him keep his hand there. Because not being able to say the words didn’t change the intense rush of feeling in my heart.
But I shuddered as I felt him nudge my feet apart, knowing what was coming next. Wanting it. Craving it more than my next breath.
I heard his zipper being pulled down and then his lean, powerful body covered mine, worn denim and warm cotton against my bare back, his free hand reaching around to spread me open, the long, hard length of his cock pushing inside me.
We hadn’t bothered with condoms since I’d gone on the pill, and I shivered at the feel of his hot skin against my slick flesh, at the exquisite stretch and burn as he slid deeper, filling me. Impaling me.
I whimpered against his palm, the pleasure of him inside me making me arch against him, wanting more, wanting him deeper still.
‘Fuck... Cat...’ His whisper was desperate, and I felt him turn his face into my neck, the hand over my mouth sliding down to grip my throat in a possessive hold.
His free hand reached for the back of my knee, lifting my leg up, spreading me wider for him. Then he pressed his palm to the wall with my knee hooked over his wrist, opening me up, his cock pushing so deep I shook.
He began to fuck me hard, each thrust powerful, crushing me between the wallpapered surface at my front and the furnace heat of his body at my back.
I should have tried to protect my cheek from the rough scrape of the wallpaper. But I didn’t. I simply relaxed against him and let him do what he wanted, gave myself to the grip of his hand on my throat and the feel of his cock slamming in and out. His breath was hot against the back of my neck as he slid the hand on the wall up, lifting my leg higher, spreading me even wider. Then he adjusted his stance, thrusting up hard enough to lift me onto my toes, tilting my hips and making my back bow, penetrating me even deeper.
A choked sound escaped me as his rhythm picked up speed. The hand on my throat tightened, making me short of breath and light-headed.
But I wasn’t afraid. I would never be afraid of him.
‘There’s nothing you can do to push me away,’ I whispered. ‘There’s nothing you can do that I won’t want. There’s no part of me that isn’t yours. And even if you leave me I’ll still be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.’
‘Don’t say that.’
The raw anguish in his voice made my heart clench tight.
‘Don’t say that. Please.’
He thrust harder, faster, moving the hand around my throat down between my legs, his wicked fingers finding my clit, stroking me firmly, making the words mixed up in my head and my thighs shake. Making me pant like a dog as the orgasm rushed towards me and then crashed over my head, screaming Smoke’s name as I came.
His thrusts became wild, and then he slammed into me one last time, his teeth sinking into my shoulder as he came, too, the raw sound he made loud in my ear.
I was too dazed to move for long moments after that, content to stand there with the heat of his rock-hard body at my back and the warmth of his breath against my nape.
But then I remembered what he’d been going to do and I squirmed, making him drop the hand with my leg hooked over it so I could stand. I turned, pushing at him because he was leaning heavily against me, wanting to see his face. Wanting to kiss him. Wanting to hold on to him before he tried to leave again.
His dark eyes met mine and for one long, aching second I thought I’d won. Then he looked away and I knew I hadn’t won after all. I’d lost.
Despair opened up inside me and I reached for him. But he’d already pushed himself away, stumbling back as he adjusted his clothing. His face was a mask, unyielding as stone.
But I wasn’t stone. I was nothing but exposed nerve endings.
‘Don’t go.’
I couldn’t hide my desperation. If I’d had the strength, I would have tried to grab hold of him, but the wall was the only thing holding me up.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said emotionlessly, turning away and reaching for his bag.
‘You said you’d never leave me.’ The pain was sharp in my voice, but I didn’t care. ‘You said you’d always be there for me.’
‘Yeah.’
He headed towards the door and didn’t stop.
‘I lied.’
Then he was gone.