Braylen
My imagination ran wild with thoughts of Ryder lying on the ground. Dead. Shot. Stabbed. And nothing he could say would wipe the images from my brain. I didn’t want him to leave. I had a bad feeling, had it ever since we left California, but I tried to be strong. Brave.
But him telling me he loved me, and for the first time, was like a knife to my heart when it should have made me feel elated.
“Get off me.”
“No.”
“Ryder, please,” I begged. “I can’t breathe.”
“I’m not doing anything to you. The only thing I’m holding down is your hands.” His body was still connected with mine, and whenever I felt him twitch inside me, he stole my breath. I knew it didn’t make any sense, but I needed him to let me up. I needed distance to come to terms with what was gonna happen in a few short hours.
Ryder was gonna leave me, and there was a strong possibility he wouldn’t return.
“Please,” I repeated, closing my eyes briefly as my tears continued to fall. “Please.”
I heard him grunt before he fell from my body, his weight disappearing altogether as he moved off the bed and stood a few feet away. The heat from his stare bored into me, and I knew there was no way he was gonna leave until I divulged everything.
A month ago he would’ve walked away, but not now. Not after everything we’d been through. What he’d been through. He needed me just as much as I needed him, and that was why hearing those three precious words cut me so deeply.
As the seconds passed with my growing vulnerability, I covered myself with the bedsheet, an action which apparently infuriated Ryder.
“Don’t hide from me.” Whipping off the fabric, he grabbed my ankles and pulled me toward the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, struggling to move back up the mattress before my ass hit the ground.
“Come on,” he urged, reaching out to grab me again. I avoided his touch.
“Just go.” The words surprised me, because I didn’t want him to leave. Not then. Not ever.
“You want me to go?” His voice rose a level, his face scrunching in anger. “I tell you I love you, you freak the fuck out, and now you’re telling me you want me to go?” I didn’t answer. “Well?” he roared. “Is that what’s happenin’ right now?”
“I don’t know.” I was scared, petrified even, but I couldn’t put any of my emotions into words that would make him understand my reaction.
Running his hands down his face to try and calm himself, he finally looked at me again. There was sadness behind his eyes I hadn’t seen earlier. “I do love you, Braylen. I should’ve told you before but I was too scared. You make me feel things I’ve never experienced before and that terrifies me, but I know I can’t live without you.” He took a step. “I’ll come back. I promise.”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up my hand to stop him from advancing. “Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to come back to you. There, is that better?” His question was sarcastic but also serious.
“What happens to me if you don’t?” I cringed after the words left my mouth. I couldn’t imagine not having Ryder in my life, and the mere thought I’d never see him after that day ripped me apart inside. How did the other women deal with this? I could barely handle it one time, let alone time and time again.
“Just don’t go out with George. Promise me?” The corners of his lips curved up the slightest bit.
“You’re an ass.”
“I know. But I’m an ass who loves you.” He held out his hand, and I finally accepted, taking hold and allowing him to pull me up to stand in front of him.
I cupped his cheek, then slowly trailed my fingers over his neck and down his chest, coming to rest my hand over his heart. The man was it for me, and I’d regret never telling him in case something did happen.
“I love you too. I fought against it at first because I refused to fall for you when you were so guarded, but my heart won out in the end.” There was so much more I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t even know where to begin.
Instead of choosing to keep it serious, an uncharacteristic trait of Ryder’s that was slowly becoming more frequent, he tried to make light of my freak-out. “By the way, I knew you loved me.” A cocky look took hold before he continued. “I mean, come on, how could you not?”
As we all took time saying goodbye to our men, I couldn’t help the emotions which flowed freely once more. Only that time I wasn’t the only one.
Kena hugged Jagger extra tight, breaking away briefly to sign that she loved him, and that she’d kill him if he got hurt. She smiled through her anguish before he pulled her back toward him, kissing her over and over before whispering something in her ear.
Tripp and Reece huddled near one of the trucks, talking low amongst themselves before embracing for long moments. Tripp was turned toward me, and I could see how sad and worried he looked leaving his woman.
Stone and Adelaide, along with their daughter, Riley, were having a family moment when Marek, Sully, and Kaden joined them. Anyone looking at the small group could tell they were close, closer than anyone else in the club. Other than my sister and me, of course. Both children must have sensed the sadness of the moment, because they broke out in cries simultaneously. Adelaide and Sully rocked them, trying their best to soothe them while they themselves were distraught.
Right or wrong, I took comfort in not being the only one who was visibly upset.
Ryder wrapped his arm around my waist. “It’s gonna be okay, babe. You’ll see.” He leaned down and gave me a kiss, and just before he pulled away, I latched on to him for dear life. Lacing my fingers in his hair, I pulled him as close as I could and kissed him like I never have before. As we tasted each other, I poured every bit of love I could inside him, stealing his breath for my own to keep until he came back.
Only then could I breathe again.