Chapter Twenty-One
Chanel
I woke up the next morning gradually, feeling content as the warmth of the body next to mine reminded me where I was. I even smiled, but then it morphed into a frown as I remembered the events that led me there in the first place.
That sure as hell wasn’t how I’d wanted to end up back in Xavier’s bed. My heart sank again as I recalled the doctor’s words when he’d told me Noah had died on the operating room table. I wiped away a tear that managed to escape my eye, not wanting to start off the day like this.
“Shhh,” his deep whisper encouraged. “You’re okay. It’s okay,” he added, as if soothing a crying baby.
“They’re all dead,” I sobbed. “H-he killed his whole family.” I bit down on my bottom lip, not wanting to cry anymore.
“I know,” Xavier added, pulling me backward into his chest, firmly.
“I-I tried to save Noah,” I began, as the events of last night kept replaying in my mind. Maybe saying them aloud would make them stop for a while. “I knew Anne Marie was dead, but when I found Noah behind the chair, gasping for air, I thought maybe he’d make it. I tried to stop the bleeding, and when he stopped breathing, I gave him mouth-to-mouth until the paramedics had to pull me off. But he was just so little. He was just a little boy. H-how could a father do that to his child?”
My voice was full of the pain and anguish I was feeling. Logically, I knew abuse was about control. Abusers wanted to control and would do anything, even murder, to keep that control. But I would never fully understand how someone could bring a child into this world, only to murder them because they felt they were losing control.
“It doesn’t make sense. It will never make sense,” Xavier answered, echoing my thoughts.
We were quiet for a long time. I was lost in my own thoughts and trying my best to tamp down on the rage that’d begun to bubble up. There was no one to be angry at. Michael was dead, and I hoped he was burning in hell. Anger wouldn’t serve me or anyone else. Not right now.
“I went to call you last night,” I finally admitted. When Xavier didn’t say anything, I continued. “Right before I got the call from Anne Marie. I was going to call you to apologize.”
“Oh, yeah? And what do you owe me an apology for?”
I turned to look at him. For a minute, I just stared, having missed his face over the last week. I used my finger to trace the outline of his jaw, and then the lips I loved so much.
“You were right,” I stated. “What happened between our parents has nothing to do with us. I…” I sighed. “Truth is, I was jealous of your mom.”
His eyes widened and then lowered, confused.
“I know it doesn’t make sense. But my father, he was hardly there when I was a kid. I mean, he was there, but not…not for me, you know. He paid the women he had affairs with more attention than he did me.” I rolled my eyes. “I know it doesn’t make sense. I just, I used that to put distance between us. I’m sorry.”
Xavier’s gaze lingered on me as he digested my words. I had so much more to add, but didn’t feel like it right then. I just wanted him to know I was wrong, and after last night, I didn’t want that to go unsaid.
He stared down at me, his eyes not giving anything away. He inched closer, pressing his lips to my forehead. It was a silent acceptance of my apology, one that made me weak all over, and if I had been standing, my knees would’ve buckled. I closed my eyes against another torrent of tears brought on by his tenderness. That feeling of being overwhelmed threatened to strangle me again, and I squeezed my eyes tighter until I felt his hand at the small of my back.
“What can I do? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”
My eyes sprang open. His face was a mask of seriousness and concern. I reached up and bit his lower lip.
“Make me forget. Just for a little while.” I proceeded to lick the seam of his lips and nip his bottom lip again until he finally took over the kiss, pushing my back against the bed and climbing on top of me. Exactly where I wanted him. I spread my legs to make room for his muscular build. His hands were at my waist, and the weight of his body on top of mine was the best feeling I’d had in a week.
“You sure?” he questioned cautiously.
I could feel his hardness pressing against my wet core. I opted not to give a verbal response. Instead, I reached up to wrap my hand around the back of his head, pulling his mouth down to meet mine while simultaneously wrapping my legs around his hips.
That was enough enticement. Seconds later, once he’d dispensed of the T-shirt I wore and his boxers, I moaned as he sank into me. All thoughts of the previous night fled as total ecstasy replaced coherent thinking.
****
I set the laptop onto the low-sitting glass coffee table in front of me and hit the remote to pause the show I was watching. I turned when I heard his footsteps behind me. He peeked over my shoulder and rolled his eyes at the freeze frame that was on.
“Lemonade? Again, seriously?”
I gave a one-shoulder shrug, causing the off-the-shoulder sweatshirt I was wearing to fall even lower. That caught Xavier’s eye, and he licked his bottom lip, smirking. I was sure he wasn’t even conscious of his reaction, but I felt my body’s temperature increase from that small move.
“It’s helping me cope,” I answered honestly. It’d been two weeks since Anne Marie and Noah were killed, and I hadn’t had the easiest time with it. Thankfully, I’d been granted time off from work, but after the funerals and being stuck in the house for a week, I grew extremely antsy. After some begging, I was able to convince Xavier to pick up my work laptop for me so I could do some work from home—his home, which I hadn’t left since that first night. He was more than willing to keep me there, offering to run to my condo to get whatever I needed. For the last week-and-a-half, whenever he came home, he’d find me parked in his media room more times than not, watching Lemonade as I typed away on my laptop, sending work emails.
“How was your day?”
He eased around the couch at the same time he began undoing his tie, and I swear it was the sexiest thing to see him in the scruffy, undone businessman look. With his tie undone, hanging around his neck, top button undone, suit jacket strewn over the back of the couch. I contemplated briefly over which look I preferred more, the sexy undone businessman, the laidback V-neck and gray sweatpants, or him in just a pair of boxer briefs. The actual answer to that question was it didn’t matter. He looked like my dream in whatever he wore, especially when it was just his birthday suit.
“How was your day?” he asked, rounding the couch and pulling me into his embrace, pressing a kiss to my cheek then lips.
It just got so much better, I wanted to say, but he had that worried look on his face. The same one he’d worn every day for the last two weeks whenever he looked at me.
“It was fine. Only one breakdown today.”
He paused in the middle of removing his tie to stare at me.
“I’m kidding.” I held up my hand, giving him a half-smirk.
He continued to stare cautiously.
“Babe. It was a joke,” I defended, stepping closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. “But I have been thinking. It’s time for me to go back to work. Work has been generous enough to give me time off—”
“You deserved that time off and more.” He frowned down at me.
“I know,” I quickly added. “But there are things I need to take care of in the office. I can’t do everything remotely. I have a very important meeting with a client next week.” That was Michele’s case, and it was a meeting I’d put off for the last couple of weeks. Thankfully she was understanding, but I knew she wanted to get this divorce over as soon as possible. I’d been thinking it was time to get back to work for a few days now, but I held off on telling Xavier because I knew he wouldn’t be too keen on the idea, and the frown he was wearing told me I was correct in my assessment.
“And why can’t another lawyer handle it?”
I tilted my head toward the ceiling, trying to gather my patience as I still held him by the waist. “Because this is my client. Besides, two other lawyers have been handling the bulk of my cases over the last two weeks, and I can’t keep asking them to cover for me. My clients need me, and frankly, sitting around the house all day is not the best coping mechanism.”
He brought up his firm hands to begin massaging my shoulders. “Have you been thinking about that night? Maybe you need to speak to the counselor I told you about.” His forehead wrinkled in concern as he spoke. The previous week he’d brought home the business card of a grief counselor whose name he’d gotten from a business associate. He suggested I call a day or two after the funerals for Anne Marie and Noah. I took the card and told him I’d think about it, but hadn’t given it much thought since. I knew I couldn’t avoid the feelings of guilt and fear that continued to linger, but being there with him, I’d been in so much of a bubble, I somehow convinced myself it wasn’t necessary.
“No. I haven’t had more breakdowns. I’ve been...okay. I just think it’s time to get back to work. I know you’re tired of having me in your space all the time,” I joked.
His frown deepened.
Maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say.
“Why would you say something like that?”
I turned my head, avoiding his eyes. “I was just kidding.”
“Why would you kid like that? Have I given any indication I want you to leave?”
“No.”
“Okay, then why would say that?”
Damn, this conversation was going left. I’d only meant it to be a joke.
“Babe,” I said, pulling him to the couch and sitting on his lap. “I was just joking about you wanting to get rid of me. You’ve never really given me that indication.” On the contrary, most of the time, it seemed as if he never wanted me to leave, which scared the hell out of me when I found that thought enticing.
“But I do need to get back to work. My career is a part of me, and getting back into the swing of things will help me to cope. I haven’t been to dance class in two weeks. If Gabby didn’t call me nearly every day, I swear she’d think you’d kidnapped me. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Truly. But it’s time I got back to the real world.”
I stared down at him imploringly, hoping he wouldn’t have any more objections. I needed this, and I didn’t want to argue or fight over it. He’d been so wonderful the last few weeks, and short of having had the whole ordeal never happen in the first place, I couldn’t ask for much more.
He leaned back, resting his head against the back of the couch. I smirked, knowing that was his silent acceptance.
“Don’t smirk like you’ve won something.”
I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see how my smile grew.
“What day are you going back?”
“Monday. I called Liza and let her know. I have my meeting Monday afternoon.”
“Oh, so you already had this planned out?”
“Sort of.”
He shook his head. “Then you’ve been holding this in for at least a few days, huh? Sneaky ass.”
“I’m not sneaky,” I scoffed. “I’m just cautious. Anyway, don’t scold me, I’m going back to work soon. Be nice.” I grinned as I cuddled up to him, resting my head on his chest.
“I am nice to your ass. Too nice. With ya mean ass.”
I smack his chest. “I’m not mean.”
He snorted, and I felt the rumble in his chest. “Whatever. I gotta come home every day to you watching Lemonade. Always playing ‘Sorry’ with Serena’s non-twerking ass on my big screen.”
I cupped my mouth as I let out a laugh. “Don’t play my girl Serena like that.” I tried to contain my laughter but couldn’t as I glanced at the freeze frame that was still up on the screen.
“Hey, I’m not playin’. She fine and all and can play the hell out of some tennis, but twerking is not her forte.”
I shook my head. “You’re not right.”
“You know I’m right, but it’s cool. Go ahead and defend your non-dancing ass girl.”
“Stop!” I squealed as he began tickling under my ribs. I laughed harder when the tickling increased as he shifted our bodies. Soon, my laughter dissolved to a moan as he began licking my neck. I let out a satisfied sigh when his lips moved up and his teeth nipped at my earlobe. I felt us move and realized he was standing, my legs wrapped around his waist. I wondered where we were going, as his bedroom was two flights up from the media room we were in. I didn’t have to wonder long when I felt a hardness against my back. He’d merely walked us to the nearest wall. He let my legs drop, pulling down the short shorts I was wearing before he pressed a palm to cup my nether region. His tongue burrowed into my mouth, leaving no separation but our clothes between our bodies.
I gasped when I felt a tug, and then heard a tearing of the lace panties I wore.
“That’s the third pair of panties you’ve ripped,” I cried at the same time I heard his belt buckle and then zipper being undone.
“Then stop fucking wearing them,” he growled, gripping me under the thighs again, hoisting me back up to his waist.
“I...cannot go around….without underwear.” My words came out as a mumble due to his kisses.
“The hell you can’t.”
Instead of answering, I gave him a dose of his own medicine, biting his earlobe. He reached under my sweatshirt to pinch my nipples. I threw my head back against the wall as the pain from his pinch ripped through my body, turning into pure pleasure when it reached my core. Next thing I knew, my hands were over my head for him to push my shirt off of me. I felt his tip at my entrance and somehow had the presence of mind to remember protection.
“Xavier, condom,” I panted, pushing at his shoulders.
“I’ll pull out,” he quickly retorted. Not giving me any time to react, he took my lips in his and everything went fuzzy. Thoughts became sensations, and moments later, I felt his thick, stiff dick filling me up. I broke off the kiss to purr as he worked his way inside me.
“Fuck, baby girl. This pussy’s so tight,” he groaned in my ear, and my pussy responded by getting even wetter. “This is all for me, right?” he asked against my lips. “Look at me, tell me it’s all for me,” he ordered when I didn’t answer.
“Yes, all yours,” I responded, breathless as his hips rocked into me, one long slow stroke followed by two quick strokes. He left me unable to think, let alone speak. I needed more of him, though. Wanted to feel his skin against mine. I pulled open the button-up shirt he wore, pushing it down his shoulders so that I was touching his skin. I dug my nails into his brawny shoulders when he began swiveling and angling his hips, making contact with my G-spot.
“It better be!” he added ardently. “Fucking mine.”
I was on the brink of coming. Just that quick, his incessant strokes, his words, his entire being had me on the verge of orgasming. Just when I thought I was about to crest, he completely pulled out.
“What the fu—?” I began, but was pulled from the wall, my body pressed against the back of the couch, bent at the waist. He used his massive hands to spread my ass cheeks apart.
“Look back at it for me, baby girl,” he urged.
I turned my head to look at his glorious body standing over me. I bit my bottom lip, reveling at his beautiful chestnut complexion, arms and chest completely solid. My eyes moved up to his face, and my knees became weak at the look that was plain, shining in his eyes. I couldn’t bear to name the emotion I thought I saw there. Too vulnerable in this moment to name it, but it was there, and he wasn’t hiding it.
“You good?” he asked, bringing his gaze to mine as he steadied me.
I nodded.
“Ahhh!” I arched my back and moaned when he plummeted into me from behind. “Shiiit, Xavier!”
“Fuck!” he groaned at the same time. “You’re so wet for me, baby girl.”
“I’m always wet for you,” I admitted in between pants.
Those words spurned an even more vigorous reaction. His hands tightened on my ass, and he pushed my legs further apart with his knee, exposing me more to him and allowing him to sink even deeper into me. I swear by then, in that position, he was touching my womb. The feeling of being so full was bordering on painful, but I couldn’t get enough of it. Of him inside me.
“You feel so gooood,” I moaned.
He angled his hips so he was hitting my G-spot again and my arms began to shake. I felt our combined juices begin to drip down my thigh. The pressure in my core built.
“Show me how good I make you feel. Come on my dick.”
I arched my back, and he moved his hands up, digging his thumbs into the lower part of my back.
“Come on my dick!” He urged again, at the same time he hit the small bundle of nerves inside me.
I dipped my head and began pounding the back of the couch with my fist as my body released. The pressure in my core turned to pure ecstasy that spread throughout the rest of my body. My toes curled and flexed as the titillation flowed through my body. In the distance, I heard Xavier’s grunts, then felt his semen releasing inside of me. We came together, pushing and pulling, taking what we needed from each other’s bodies until the very last vestiges of our mutual orgasms drained from us.
I slumped over the back of the couch, unable to even support myself. Xavier’s hard, heavy frame pressed against my back, curling around me. I felt his warm, soft lips kiss the back of my right shoulder, and my eyes blurred from tears. I don’t know how long we remained like that, but eventually, he stood and finally pulled out of me. When he did, I instantly felt the running of our mixed juices down my legs.
“Let’s go upstairs,” his deep voice urged.
“You didn’t pull out,” I reminded him, as I stood and turned to face him.
He gave me an unbothered look before turning to pick up our discarded clothes off the floor.
“Next time,” he responded, pulling me into him by the waist and kissing my lips. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand, leading us completely nude up to his bedroom.