Scar

"So, you find Reggie for me yet?" I ask loudly as I barge into Hawk's computer room. He slams the lid of his laptop shut, causing a woman's chipper voice to cut off mid-sentence. Maybe I was right last time, maybe he does watch porn in here all day. But that's none of my business.

"Knocking, Scar, it's polite," he says harshly as he turns.

I shrug. "Yeah, I heard about that once or twice. Polite's not part of my skillset though. So, Reggie?"

"Reggie who?" he asks looking genuinely bewildered before he figures it out. "You mean Reaper?"

I nod. "Yeah, but that's one pretentious fucking name, and I don't use it. It's completely undeserved unless you count the hoards of domesticated animals he killed. And we don't count that."

He grunts something that sounds like agreement, but doesn't say anything, which is for the best since I hate discussing my brother more than is absolutely necessary. I pull up a chair, but he shakes his head at me like there's no need.

"I haven't found them yet," he says. "They're laying low real deep somewhere. And the FBI is hard on their asses, they made the top ten most wanted list. Well, the Spawns who escaped with him did anyway. Not your brother though. Go figure, since he was inside for first degree murder."

I sit down anyway, since maybe I have some info that'll make it easier for Hawk to find Reggie. I want him found and I want it done soon. I've waited too fucking long for my second chance at him, and I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs while waiting for him to surface.

"Reggie was always a charmer, kinda like our Tank, but with a whole lot more psycho," I say. "I wouldn't be surprised, if he made like a puppy dog in prison, that was always one of his favorite tricks."

I've seen first hand the depths of psycho that run very deep in my brother's mind. My reflection in the mirror is a lasting reminder of them, but everywhere else, you'd have a tough uphill battle to prove he was capable of something like that.

"He's a fucking coward is what I'm saying," I say. "He only ever dared to show his true face to a select few. The rest was just a lie."

Hawk nods with this weird expression on his face, like he's willing to hear me out if I want to chat, but he has other things he'd rather be doing. Don't we all? I managed to tear one of my stitches last night with Lynn, and Doc said no more farm work until it stops bleeding and closes up again, unless I want to get sepsis. So I have the whole day to get through before I can see her again, and I could be spending that time productively, as in tracking down Reggie.

"He won't stay with the Spawns he escaped with," I add, since this is where I was heading with this conversation. "He'll try and find his old gang, if he can. If not, he'll search for someone else who'll take him in and shelter him. Like I said, he's a little pussy. He also knows me and him have unfinished business, since I've made it quite clear to him that I'll kill him one day. That either means he'll try to get to me first, or that he'll run as far away from me as he can. I can't tell you which it'll be, since Reggie is very unpredictable like that."

"Alright, yeah, that's good info," Hawk says and wheels his chair away from the laptop he's been using to his large, three-monitor setup he usually works at. "I'll see what I can dig up in that direction."

I nod and stand up. "I'll leave you to it and check back later."

"Could take awhile," he says and grins at me over his shoulder. "In the meantime, go enjoy your downtime. How's that beauty queen of yours doing?"

A couple of days ago that suggestive question would've pissed me off no end, but I had her now, had her twice last night and once this morning, so it doesn't even sting. "She's just fine."

"I bet she is," he says and that does piss me off.

It's a throwaway comment, the kind I'd make too if a brother said a woman he'd fucked was fine. But Lynn isn't just another piece of ass that come a dime a dozen for us. I won't be starting shit over it though, so I let my hard look and silence do the talking as I leave the room.

I hoped I could start tracking Reggie today and making plans, but instead I have the whole afternoon of not having jack shit to do, but kill time until I get to fuck Lynn again, or see her for that matter, which is all I want to do anyway. I've never experienced anything like this before.

Women were always just there for the plucking when I felt like it, and I never spared them much thought, while I wasn't plucking them. Unless maybe I used to feel that way back in high school when all the girls looked at me with pity and disgust and none wanted to be alone with me.

But Lynn does, and that makes up for every other rejection and then some.

* * *

Lynn

I brought a change of clothes for tonight with me, and used the main bathroom in the house to shower and change an hour ago. I even picked up some new makeup on my way to get Scrap from the animal hospital and did a pretty stellar job applying it despite my lack of practice.

Bethany and Tammy have been giving me sidelong looks and making all sorts of comments about where I'm going so dressed up, but Raul's just been frowning.

I smiled at their questions and didn't tell them anything about my plans. I tried to keep the conversation pointed to whether it's a good idea to let the owners come pick up their animals now that the fires seem to be under control, or whether we should keep them for a few more days.

"If I have the maps and reports figured out right, that riding school near Sycamore Ridge is still in danger even with the main fire under control," I say. "They have ten horses, I think. We should convince them to bring them down here."

Raul grumbles something, and Tammy snorts derisively. "I tried one more time a couple of days ago, but the woman that runs the school is an arrogant fool. You can try convincing her if you want, but I've had enough of her."

"Alright, I’ll call her in the morning," I say and check my watch, which is something I've been doing practically every minute for the last hour.

It's almost seven thirty and the sun is setting outside. Scar said he'd be by to pick me up in the evening for sure, but didn't give me a time. It's the evening and he's not here yet. I'm growing afraid he won't show up at all, since I expected him to be here a lot earlier, if I'm honest with myself.

"Don't let us keep you, if you have somewhere to be," Bethany says with a smile as Tammy and her exchange a look.

"No, no, it's fine," I mumble and I know I'm blushing because my face is very hot.

"Or maybe…" I add and stand up, pushing my chair under the table awkwardly and so clumsily the screeching noise echoes across the kitchen and makes hair stand up on the back of my neck.

"Have a good time," Tammy says and smiles at me. I smile back, thank her, say bye to the others and leave.

I left so quickly because I'm worried and their questions and looks were making it worse. I'm worried Scar won't show up, worried last night was just a one-time thing. Worried he just used me.

We didn't talk about the future at all, didn't even exchange phone numbers, just made this one date to go for a ride. I have no idea about what he does with his life. For all I know he could have a family. I could've just been a bit of fun for him, a little trip down memory lane.

The failing light outside, as I stand by my car out of sight of the kitchen and the three inside it, waiting for him to come isn't helping my mood. My thoughts are turning blacker and bleaker with each minute that passes, and he doesn't appear.

If he just used me it's because that's all I'm good for. Getting used. Paying for my beauty and attractiveness with my body. And I paid with all I had.

And as hard as I try to fight it, pretend all that is done and gone, the grimacing faces of my abusers are coming alive before my eyes even though they’re wide open. I kept my eyes shut while they raped me. Got slapped and punched for lying there like a log. Got choked and bitten and pinched and punched until I screamed.

Scar well and truly used my body last night, but I loved it, loved also that he stopped when I asked him to. Loved it because he showed me the pleasure in rough sex, showed me the passion in it, so now I don't see just pain and degradation like I did before last night. He made me believe I could put all that behind me and start fresh, because he showed me the path to pleasure and led me to its breathless, earth-shifting end.

But right now, as I wait for him to meet me in the twilight, I can't tell Scar's face from the grimacing ones of those other men and it's making my heart race, making my skin cold and clammy, and my breaths hurt.

Then I hear the rumbling. The whole earth shakes from it. My thoughts shake too, so hard they crack then crumble into the ashes our passion made of my bad memories last night.

My racing heartbeat takes on a different pitch as I approach him.

"You came," I whisper.

"I said I would, didn't I?" He’s grinning, but his eyes are serious. "Ready to go?"

Despite all the fear and darkness I was experiencing a minute ago, I don't think twice, don't hesitate for even a moment before climbing onto his bike and cinching my arms around his waist.

Maybe it's because the absolute terror unfolding inside me moments before he came is rapidly getting replaced by a gorgeous song in my heart, which started playing the second I saw him driving towards me. Or maybe it's just how strong and big he is, how solid, like a rock, like a whole castle made of rocks built just so I can be safe, just to protect me. He even smells like rocks, and leather, and wood, all things hardy, hearty and earthy, natural and eternal, everlasting.

"I'm ready. Let's go," I say and hold him even tighter, press my whole body against his broad back, feel his laugh as well as hear it, and I know that we don't have to actually go anywhere, because we've already arrived. To the place I always wanted to reach, that I yearned and longed to reach. But it's not a place and it never was. It's him.