Age is not just a number. Anyone who says that is a moron. I’ll tell you what age does for you: as the years tick on, you get a sharper sense of your time running out. It’s not just an idea anymore, that you could die one day. In fact, you feel that dying little by little, in your own body. You start to realize just how precious this little ball of energy you have really is. Every night you go to bed and it’s the tiniest bit dimmer, the tiniest bit smaller. And that’s what age does for you – it makes you measure up everything you did during the day and ask, was it worth it? Was that little piece of me, of my energy, of my life worth it?

I became a journalist because for as long as I remember I’ve had a love affair with the truth. It wasn’t the danger that I was attracted to, necessarily. It was knowing that no matter how well it was hidden, that the truth could also be dug out and rescued, and brought into the light for everyone to see. Journalists are voyeurs, ladies and gentlemen. They hate secrets; they want to see. And they’d do anything for that pleasure.

Of course I knew that if the right people caught wind of what me and the guys were planning, it would be nothing for me to be politely scrubbed off the face of planet, my death written off as an “accident.” Good, decent people always underestimate just how evil those in power can really be. Following secrets always leads you to some scary places. But I knew the risks. I wasn’t on my death bed or anything, but there were a fixed number of years I’d have the energy to run around looking for juicy scoops and writing exposes. And now I had the opportunity to use that all for something big. Operation September had everything: a loathsome villain, a double cross, damning secrets, lies, explosions and sophisticated hacking. Oh, and not to mention a team of incredibly hot badass SEALs.

It was worth it. Sniffing around, doing secret interviews, pulling records I didn’t technically have official access to, poking around for information about Gartman and the black hole he fell into… It was worth it.

Or at least, that’s what I kept telling myself whenever I was in my study, alone, petrified that the sound I heard outside was someone who’d followed me here. I sprang to my feet, went to the window for the millionth time that evening, and peered out the curtains. The coast was clear. I sighed and sat back down at my laptop. It was late and I was having trouble focusing, but I rubbed my eyes and forced my attention to the screen again. Each word had to be perfect. After two hours on this paragraph alone, I was ready to scrap the whole thing and start again…

Was I being crazy?

Could it be that I was so spellbound by Jack that I had jumped into this whole thing without thinking it through? Thinking about Jack was a bad idea though… the second I did I couldn’t ignore the little flutter I felt inside. I got up and checked the curtains once more and when I returned to my seat, he was all over my thoughts. I definitely was being crazy. He made me crazy. Things were still so new with him… but I almost didn’t want to think too hard about it yet. It just felt so good to be rushed along, to let the crazy wash over me anyway…

When last had I felt that way? I let my legs fall open and slowly, as though I could fool myself I wasn’t going to do what I was about to do, I slipped my fingers down over my thighs and towards that little flutter. With my other hand I grabbed the phone and called. His voice was immediate and soft on the phone.

“Hope I haven’t woken you up or anything?” I said. It felt slightly illicit to talk to him like this, in the dark office, this late at night. I heard him yawn and stretch on the other end of the line.

“Hmmm… you did actually. I was dreaming.”

“Oh no! I’m sorry,” I said, and my hand slipped into my underwear.

“That’s okay… if you don’t mind I’ll just stay half asleep and pretend you’re still my dream, okay?” he said. His voice sounded like pillows and warm blankets and sleep. I settled back in my chair and smiled.

“You have a poet’s soul, you know that?” I laughed.

“Well, you keep me on my toes. You’re an intimidating woman to try and impress.”

I laughed.

This was how it had been the last few conversations. Him flattering me, me flattering him. I always felt that my cheeks somehow grew rosier whenever we chatted like this.

“Well, I didn’t call for any particular reason… just to hear your voice,” I said. And hat a sexy voice it was.

“My voice, huh? Okay, done. What else do you need?”

I wanted him here right now, with me. I wanted to rush through this strange, awkward phase and go straight to the part where I could tell him how scary it was for me to want him so badly. How scary it was to feel myself falling for someone this late in my life.

“Oh, Mr. O’Connor, I just love your can do attitude,” I teased. I liked calling him “Mr. O’Connor.” I think he liked it too.

“My daughter was over this afternoon. She left a few hours ago, but I think I may have …what do you call it? A food hangover.”

“Uh oh. Sounds serious.”

“You know, for a dream woman you sound quite a bit like a regular woman. Are you sure I’m not awake?”

“No! You’re definitely sleeping,” I laughed. “In fact, I called to hear more than your voice…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I was… well, I was sitting here, working on your big stupid story, and I was getting really stressed out,” I began in a coy voice. I knew he caught my drift instantly.

“Stressed out? Sounds serious. What are we going to do about it?”

“Oh I don’t know. I was hoping you’d have a suggestion for me. Or, a few suggestions.” I didn’t know Jack very well yet. But I did know he cottoned on quickly to things, and was more than obliging when it came down to it. Except for our breath, the line was silent for a moment.

“A suggestion. Well, shall I tell you what I do when I’m stressed? I think of something I really, really like to take my mind off things…” he said. I hovered a fingertip over the warm cleft between my legs and just left it there.

“Hm, okay. Something I really like? Well that’s easy.”

“Tell me,” he said.

“Your cock.”

I heard him adjust his weight. It was remarkable, how easily those little sounds, those little hints of his gorgeous body could turn me on so quickly.

“Well, yes, okay. Um, we can work with that. My suggestion is that you think about that really carefully, and you’ll soon feel better,” he said, playing along. This was a lot more fun that typing.

“The problem is that, when I think about it, I get so, so turned on that I have to… well, you know.” This was completely cheesy. But I loved it.

“Oh yeah? You can’t help yourself?” he said.

“Probably not.”

“Hmm. Well, let’s see what we can do about that. Do you think you could… and I’m just throwing some ideas out there… do you think you could …touch yourself right now? Just to see what happens.”

My clit throbbed.

“Oh, do you think it would help?”

“Absolutely. Not to be arrogant, but I do know a thing or two about this kind of stuff.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. But listen carefully; you have to do it right, okay? Do it really, really slowly at first.”

“Okay,” I breathed.

His words had already set me on fire. Merely slipping my fingertips under the fabric of my panties and stroking down along that wet slit had little waves of pleasure popping through me.

“Now hang on a second, where did you go?” he said.

I sighed.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I just got a bit distracted for a moment there…”

“No no no, that definitely isn’t good. You need to let me know exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise how else can I help you get all that stress out?”

“Of course. Makes sense…”

“Okay, good. Now tell me what you’re doing. And tell me what it feels like,” he said, his voice more assertive now.

I drew a deep breath and then took my time exhaling slowly.

“It feels… so sweet. So delicious. It feels like… like I just want to melt,” I said, and let my fingertips find little circles over my tightened clit.

“Good. I want you to melt,” he whispered. I loved how quickly his tone was changing.

“Will you melt for me?” he said.

I couldn’t repress a half moan, half laugh.

“Yes,” I said simply.

“Okay, that’s good. Are you still touching yourself?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good. Now… remind me again what you said made you happy to think about just a second ago?”

I giggled.

“You know exactly what I said.”

“Yes. But you’re going to say it again for me.”

I stroked a little further down and felt my own wetness.

“I feel so bad that you’re getting stressed out over there, especially over my big stupid story, so I’m just trying to help. Say it. Tell me what you’re thinking of right now.”

“I’m thinking of you,” I said, hearing how my own breathing had grown shallow.

“Yeah…?”

“Yeah. I’m thinking of… the last time we were together.”

“Keep touching yourself,” he ordered. I didn’t need to be told.

“I’m thinking of how you… how you grabbed my hips and you… I’m thinking of how deep we went, and how good it felt and—”

“You’re still not saying it.”

I exhaled again, this time more loudly. My fingertips moved more quickly now, of their own accord.

“I’m thinking of your cock,” I said quietly. And sweet lord, it’s exactly what I was thinking of.

“Good. I like that. Keep going. I’m going to stay here with you until you melt, remember?”

I moaned a little under my breath.

“I remember.”

“And when you finally cum, I’m going to be here, because I want to hear you. Okay?”

“Yes,” I breathed.

“Tell me how close you are.”

I squeezed my thighs tight around my hand.

“Seven.”

He laughed quietly under his breath.

“Seven? That’s very, very good. Let’s get you to an eight though. Are you naked?”

“No.”

“Ah, that’s the problem then. You’re going to have to take everything off.”

This was a new side to him I hadn’t encountered before. But I think I liked it. I think I really liked it.

“You can’t do what I want you to do next if you still have your clothes on” he said as I awkwardly pulled at my clothing with one hand to undress. I didn’t ask what he wanted me to do next.

“I’m… I’m already at an eight I think,” I said.

I could hear the pleasure on his voice.

“Already? No, that’s not good enough. I wanted to play with you a lot more and now look at you rushing ahead. You’re impatient aren’t you?” he teased. I couldn’t respond. I was focusing too hard on the sexy combination of his voice with the tiny circles I made right on the sweetest, most delicious places I could find. I was dripping wet. I would have given anything in the world just then to have him fuck me again. There was an itch deep inside that only he could scratch. It was almost distracting.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ll slow down.”

“Hmmm…” he moaned. Are you naked yet?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good. Now you’re going to stay here with me at eight, do you understand? Good. Now you’re going to have to be very honest with me this next little bit, Kay. Are you ready?”

“Yes…”

“Okay, here’s what we need to do. The best thing would be if I could come over there right now and fuck you myself. But as we’ve already determined, I’m sleeping. So we’re going to do something else. Be honest with me now – do you have any dildos in the house?”

I laughed out loud.

“Kay, this is serious business. Yes or no.”

I could feel myself blushing.

“Fine. Yes.”

“Oh you do? That’s good news. Because you know what I’m going to ask you to do next, don’t you?”

“Uh huh.”

“Tell me. Tell me what I want to hear,” he said.

Fuck. He seemed to know just what to say and just how to say it. My slick fingers kept moving over my pussy.

“You want me to…” I couldn’t finish. To my great surprise, I felt bashful. I could just tell how much he was enjoying teasing me.

“Yes…?”

“You want me to make myself cum…”

“Of course I do. You’re beautiful when you cum. Now, go and fetch the dildo. I’ll wait here.”

With shaking hands, I set the phone aside and looked around the darkened room. My heart galloped in my chest. It was upstairs in my bedroom. A big purple thing I had forgotten about. I had bought it once, on a whim, but never used it. In truth, it felt a little too much, a little too big and frankly, a little obscene. And now I was going to use it. I noticed how quickly I ran upstairs, rummaged through the drawers and pulled it out. Yup, it really was a big as I remembered. I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether I should pretend I’d taken it.

But before thinking further I slammed the drawer shut and raced downstairs again, grabbing the phone and flopping the dildo onto the desk.

“I found it,” I said, breathless.

He laughed on the other end.

“That was quick.”

“It’s… it’s a ridiculous thing.”

“Oh? Aren’t all dildos ridiculous?”

“Maybe. This one’s pretty crazy though. It’s purple, for starters.”

“I like it already.”

“It’s too big though,” I said and realized as I said it that I wasn’t quite sure if I was complaining or boasting. I blushed more.

“Too big? Oh don’t worry about that. I’m going to be right here, and I’ll help you through it” he said. A little thrill ran through me.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m… getting comfy,” I said as I settled back into my seat and lifted each leg high up onto the armrests. Just the fact of his voice in my hands was enough to make every action feel delightfully nasty. I wished he could see me right now, legs up and open, completely exposed.

“Let’s begin then. Tell me how close you are…”

“Just a four now” I said.

I heard him take a big, long breath and release it.

“Good. Now touch yourself again for me, and I want to hear everything. Don’t be shy. When you get to an eight again, you’re going to stop and tell me.”

“Yes,” I breathed and my fingers were again in those slippery folds.

I leaned back and soon had myself turned on again, eyes squeezed shut as I imagined that it wasn’t just his voice here with me, but all of him, from his salt and pepper hair right down to his toes.

Though we both said nothing, the conversation was far from silent. I obeyed and didn’t hold back on any little breath, moan or sigh. I held the phone close and in turn heard him listening to me. He was right there with me, coming all the way up and up that juicy ladder until I felt that I was going to come for sure.

“Jack?” I whispered.

“I’m… at eight.”

“Fuck yes. Do you know how sexy you are?” he moaned. My fingers had slowed now, lest I push myself too far.

“Now, listen carefully. You’re going to take that dildo. Have you got it?”

I reached forward and grabbed it.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Now I want you to fuck yourself with it. But remember – start slowly. And talk to me.”

“I’m …oh wow.”

“Talk to me.”

“It’s… um… I’ve put a little in.”

“Okay good. Can you just stop there for a moment? Can you remember what we were talking about before? I want you to imagine it’s that thing that makes you happy…”

“Your cock,” I laughed.

“Exactly,” he whispered.

“You feel…amazing. I’m wondering how much of it I can take.”

“Oh yeah? I was wondering the same thing. Shall we try and find out? Push it in for me. Not all the way, just a little.”

I spread my legs wide and guided the thick head into my pussy, shuddering a little as the widest part popped inside me. Fuck. That really did feel good.

“I… pushed it in…”

“Good. I bet you love that. This is how I would fuck you. Slow, like this. How close are you?”

“Nine?”

“Hmm, nine? You’d better go further then. Slowly…”

I obeyed and firmly pushed, relishing how good it felt to be opened up, to tease myself like this. When he heard me whimper quietly to myself his voice grew a little more urgent.

“Kay, go all way. Push it all in. But don’t you dare come yet,” he ordered.

My breath was jagged. I pushed until my fingers came to touch my body. But it wasn’t a ridiculous pink dildo – it was him.

“It’s… it’s…”

“Good. Now this is the most important part. In a little while, you’re going to cum for me, all over that dildo, but as you do, you’re going to say my name, do you understand?”

I felt like I was getting dangerously close.

“Yes,” I murmured.

“Now come gently with me. Slowly. All the way to ten, as slowly as you can… Kay, ae you with me?”

“I’m here,” I stammered.

“God. Stay here. Don’t cum…”

“I…”

“Kay, do you hear me? Do not fucking cum yet.”

I took every ounce of willpower to hold on, especially with how unbelievably sexy he sounded right now.

“Okay. I’m here,” I moaned.

“Tell me how badly you want to cum…”

I moaned softly.

“Fuck. You’re ready aren’t you? You really want to cum?”

I felt dizzy.

“Don’t forget what I need you to do for me. Hold on… hold on…”

I stopped breathing.

“Now cum,” he whispered.

If I had had any air in my lungs, I would have screamed. Instead, a deep, hard orgasm that wracked through me and all I could do was whimper.

“Say it,” he growled.

“Jack!” I panted, my entire body convulsing and bucking up off the chair as I came hard around the dildo. “Jack! Oh my fucking god Jack, oh god…”

Once the dam had broken there was no stopping the flood of pleasure rushing over me and drowning me completely. Eyes closed, I could feel that it was him inside me, him causing all this ecstasy. I cried out his name again and again, my lips turning each moan into a cry for him.

Still jerking, I slipped out the dildo and looked down in wonder that I had actually done it. I pressed my legs together, clutched the phone to my ear and curled up, savoring the ripples and aftershocks ripping through me.

“Jack…” I said once more.

“I’m still here,” he said simply. I think I was in love with his voice.

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. He laughed with me. Even though he wasn’t there to see it, reflexively held my hand up to hide my face.

“Jack,” I said again decisively. “Jack jack jack.”

“I like it when you say my name…”

“I like saying it.”

“Did we really just do that?” I said. I felt the oxygen returning to my brain again. Maybe I had written the poor purple dildo off a little too soon.

“Yeah, I think we did. You’re incredible.”

“Oh stop it…”

“No really. I love how you sound when you cum.”

I let out a long, heavy sigh and let my limbs relax.

“I needed that.”

“Yeah, seems like it,” he laughed. “But you know what’s really good?”

“What?”

“I bet you didn’t think once about my big stupid story.”

“Hey you’re right. I’ll uh… call you next time I need de-stressing.”

“You’re more than welcome. It was mostly you though.”

“What? I was just doing what I was told…”

“Mmmm… you really were.”

I laughed.

“Next time, I’ll try return the favor, how about that? I have some anti-stress techniques up my sleeve too, you know.”

“You do? How exciting,” he laughed.

I stared at the curtain again.

“The story’s… coming along. I was feeling a little paranoid this evening actually.”

“You notice anything strange? You’re afraid?” he said quickly.

“No it’s not that… it’s just that—”

“Do you need me there? I can come over. I can stay there a couple of days if you don’t feel safe.”

“Jack, I feel safe. But… do you want to come over for a few days anyway?”

The line was silent for a while.

“I’d love to.”