Harmony

Closing my eyes, I focused on the sounds of the birds singing all around me as my fingers rubbed the charm that Jake had given me that morning. The engraving was taken from a picture frame Trey had given me on TJ’s one-month birthday. The photo was of me holding TJ when he was only a few minutes old, as Trey kissed me on the check. My mind drifted back to the day TJ was born.

The moment the nurse placed our baby across my chest I knew my life would never be the same. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I looked at Trey. Smiling, he wiped his tears away as he gazed down at our son. Turning to me, he gently kissed my lips before whispering in my ear, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Each breath felt as if I was battling for air.

This is just a dream.

Jake took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. The preacher talked but I didn’t hear a word he said.

Birds. Focus on the birds, Harmony. This is just a dream.

My memory took me back to the day TJ was born and how happy Trey and I were. The way he looked into my eyes and told me how happy he was. I knew in that moment we had made the right decision to keep our baby.

Jake leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Harmony, do you want to lay a flower on their caskets?”

My eyes snapped open. Two boxes. That’s what they were, two boxes that held the two people I loved more than anything.

This isn’t a dream. This is very real. My baby is gone. Forever. My husband…gone…forever.

Swallowing hard, I turned to look at Jake and that’s when I saw him standing about forty yards away. He was dressed in a black suit and I couldn’t help but notice how he wiped his tears away.

Preston.

It was as if he knew I needed something to move my feet and pay my last respects to Trey and TJ. Giving me a weak smile, he turned and walked away. Looking back at the caskets, I grabbed hold of Jake’s arm.

“I feel sick, Jake,” I whispered.

“Harmony, draw from the strength I know you have. You can fall apart later, sweetheart. Just not right now.”

Slowly nodding, I made my way over to Trey’s casket first. Placing a single red rose on his casket, I kissed my fingers and laid them over the rose. “Trey” was all I could manage to get out.

Jake wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to TJ’s casket. My breathing became labored as I stopped in front of it.

It’s so small. My baby is all alone in the dark.

“Jake, he hates the dark.”

Jake cleared his throat and held me closer. “He’s not in the dark, Harmony. He’s in a beautiful light that has him wrapped up warm and safe.”

Shaking my head, I said, “No. Jake, please tell me I’m dreaming.” Turning to him, I looked into his blue eyes.

“Harmony, sweetheart.”

Nodding and quickly wiping my tears away, I took another rose from Jake and placed it on the small casket. Leaning over, I kissed the casket and let a small sob escape from my lips.

Sounds of people crying surrounded me, drowning out the birds.

Focus on the birds, Harmony.

“Mommy loves you, baby boy. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m so sorry.”

Tears fell freely from my eyes as I kept myself from falling to the ground and screaming. As much as I wanted to, I knew it wouldn’t bring him back. I’d never hold my child in my arms again. Sing to him while he fell asleep in my arms. Laugh while he ran from me during a chase.

“Harmony,” Jake whispered as he pulled me up and turned me around. My eyes scanned all the people. I didn’t even know half of them. They were friends of Trey’s from work, or friends of his parents. Everyone looked at me with sad eyes. Trey’s mother stood up and walked up to me and pulled me into her arms.

“Harmony, darling, we are here for you…please know that.”

Dropping my arms loosely at my sides, I nodded and whispered, “Thank you, Anne. I know you are, and I’m here for you and Dan as well.”

Anne pushed a piece of my blond hair behind my ear and gave me a weak smile. The missing piece of my heart was so evident it hurt to even exist.

Looking at Jake, Anne said, “She looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Jake, please make sure she rests.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Anne talking about me like I wasn’t standing there. Jake pulled me closer to his side and replied, “Yes, ma’am. I intend on making sure she takes care of herself.”

Nodding, she smiled. “Good. Dan and I are very worried about our sweet Harmony.”

Closing my eyes, my body swayed. Jake took the hint and began leading me away from Anne and all the prying eyes. As we neared the last row of chairs, a young girl caught my eye. She had dark hair and was dressed all in black. Her body shook as she cried. Stopping, I looked at her and she looked at me. Standing, she wiped her eyes and made her way over to me.

“Harmony?”

With a nod, I barely said, “Yes.”

Swallowing, she continued to speak. “My name is Margie. I…um…I worked with Trey. We actually all went to high school together, but I’m not sure if you remember me.”

Staring at her, I could have sworn I had seen her before, I just couldn’t place it.

“You said we went to high school together?”

Nodding, she smiled. “Yes. I was a year younger. Big into cheerleading,” she said with a nervous laugh.

My head began to spin and all I wanted to do was run. Run away from everything and anyone who reminded me of Trey or TJ.

Giving Margie a weak smile, I said, “Thank you for coming, Margie. I’m sure Trey would have appreciated it.”

She broke down sobbing again as Jake quickly led me away. Looking back over my shoulder, I watched as Margie made her way over to Trey’s casket and Anne wrapped her arms around her. I didn’t want to be anywhere near here when they lowered my husband and child into the cold, dark ground.

Margie turned and looked over her shoulder at me before turning back. She just stood there with Anne and Dan as they looked down at Trey’s casket.

Turning and staring straight ahead, I allowed my brother to guide me to his car. The sooner I got out of there, the better.

One month after the accident, I found myself in an unmoving stance at the intersection where the accident happened. My eyes traveled to the road where TJ had been lying on the ground. My chest ached even more than it did the day I found out I had lost Trey and TJ. Pulling the charm out of my pocket, I inhaled a deep breath as I looked at it.

I was tired of everyone telling me I would be okay. Tired of how people looked at me as if I would break at any moment. In my desire to escape the memory of losing Trey and TJ, I found myself staying in a hotel in downtown Boston. It was the only thing I asked of my parents when they called to tell me how sorry they were to hear about Trey and TJ. They offered to help in any way they could, and I knew it was just to stay on Jake’s good side. I didn’t care, though; if asking them to put me up in a hotel kept me out of the house and away from the memories, I’d ask. The thought of going home made me sick.

My phone beeped in my pocket. Pulling my eyes off the road, I turned and blew out a breath as I placed the charm back in my pocket.

“God, please help me,” I whispered.

Shaking my head, I pulled my phone from my pocket.

Jake: When was the last time you went home?

Pulling my head back in surprise, I responded.

Me: How did you know I wasn’t home?

Jake: Preston has stopped by a few times and left a few things at your front door. He stopped by today and they were still there. He was worried.

Letting out a deep breath, I walked away and headed to Trey’s office. Anne had called and said there were a few personal items of Trey’s that they thought I might like.

Glancing down at the text again, his name stood out.

Preston.

I wasn’t sure why I was so afraid to see him. He was a reminder of that day. His eyes haunted my dreams, yet something powerful pulled me to him. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.

Me: I needed to be alone and away from…memories. I’m headed back home today. I’ve decided to sell the house.

Jake: Damn, Harmony. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Just let me know what you need.

Me: Maybe you could help with packing up and sorting through…things.

Jake: Just let me know when and I’m there.

Me: Thanks, Jake. I need to run. Love you.

Jake: Love you, too, Harmony.

Smiling, I pushed my phone back into my pocket. Sometimes I wondered how I lucked out with Jake. He was by far more than just my brother. He was my best friend. I talked to him about everything.

Pulling the door open, I walked into the modern glass building. My heart pounded in my chest as I made my way to the elevator. The security guard, Tom, tipped his hat and gave me a sweet smile.

“Harmony, how are you, darling?”

Nodding, I decided to stop acting like everything was okay and just be honest with how I felt. “I’m hanging in there day to day, Tom.”

“That’s my girl.”

Stepping into the elevator, I turned and smiled at Tom. As the doors shut, I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. With how busy we both were, I hadn’t been by Trey’s office in over six months before he died. The last time I was here, I showed up in nothing but a sexy teddy, trying desperately to rekindle some sort of spark between us. Smiling, the memory of Trey screwing me against the wall that he shared with his father flooded my mind. It had been the last time we had really been together when it hadn’t seemed forced.

During the last four months of Trey’s life, he had pulled away more and more. Our sex life was almost nonexistent. The hugs stopped, followed by his kisses.

Shaking the memories out of my head, I took in a deep breath and concentrated on slowing my heartbeat down.

The elevator door opened as I squeezed my fists into balls and reached deep down inside for the strength to get through this. I had already decided I would just tell Dan to pack everything up and donate it. The last thing I needed was more items of Trey’s for me to go through when I sold the house.

Walking past Kim, the main receptionist, she smiled kindly. “I’ll let Dan know you’re here, Harmony.”

Nodding, for fear my voice would crack if I tried to talk, I kept walking toward Trey’s office.

When I walked up, I was stunned to see who sat outside his office.

“Harmony, w-what are you doing here?”

My mouth opened slightly at the sight of Margie sit`ting at the desk.

“I…um…came to go through Trey’s personal effects.”

Looking away, Margie nodded. “I haven’t let anyone but Dan into the office. Per Dan’s request.”

“Dan?” I asked, shocked that she would refer to the CEO of the company on a first-name basis.

“Mr. Banks, excuse me.”

Raising an eyebrow, my eyes traveled over Margie. “How long have you worked here, Margie?”

Attempting to give me a smile, it came across fake as hell. “A little over six months.”

My stomach fell and I felt sick. “As Trey’s receptionist?”

Smiling bigger, she nodded. “Not at first, but yes, most of the time as his receptionist.”

That’s when it hit me and I remembered where I had seen Margie before.

“Margie McDaniels,” Trey said as he pointed to the cheerleader out on the football field.

Looking back at her, I smiled. “She’s cute. I guess.”

Trey laughed. “You’re not jealous, are you, Harmony? It was your idea to date other people.”

Pushing Trey lightly on the chest, I chuckled. “No, I’m not jealous. I’m glad you’re going to ask her out. Trey, you know I’ll always love you.”

Pulling me into his chest and resting his chin on the top of my head, Trey whispered, “I’ll always love you, too, pumpkin.”

Four days later I found out I was pregnant and Trey never got to go out with Margie McDaniels. A few short months after that, we were married and had both made a promise to each other that we would really make an effort at this marriage for the baby. The love we had for our child was strong enough to hold our little family together.

Snapping out of the memory, it all hit me. Anger rushed through my veins as I started to feel sick. “Tell Dan I’ll be in Trey’s office.”

Margie jumped up. “Do you want me to go in with you? I can help you…um…pack up things if you need help. I pretty much know where Trey kept everything in that office.”

Feeling a lump form in the back of my throat, I whispered, “I’m sure you did, Margie.”

Her smile dropped as I spun on my heels and stormed into the office. Shutting the door, I locked it and placed my hand on my chest and fought to drag in air.

Oh my God. He was having an affair. Trey was cheating on me.

My mind spun as everything fell into place. The late dinners at work Trey supposedly had with his father. Trey avoiding me when I asked who his new receptionist was. The way he stopped touching me…even kissing me…around the same time Margie came to work for him.

Sliding down the door, I buried my face in my hands and cried.

The memory of Trey talking to me right before the accident popped into my head.

“Harmony, there’s something I’ve been needing to talk to you about.”

Lifting my face out of my hands, I looked through the glass window. “He was about to tell me. He was about to tell me he was sleeping with her.”

Standing up, I unlocked the door as I got a grip on my emotions. Walking forward, I stopped and looked at the pictures he had on his desk. One was of all of us in Florida. Picking up the picture frame, I ran my finger over Trey’s face as my heart broke a little bit more. Setting the picture down, I sat in the chair. I pulled out drawers, searching through them as if I knew what I was looking for. When I got to the bottom right drawer, it was locked.

Chewing on my lower lip, I tried to think where Trey would keep the key. Opening the middle drawer, I reached under the drawer and felt a key taped to the underside.

Pulling it off, I looked at it. My heart began beating faster as my hands shook. Squatting, I placed the key in the drawer and unlocked it. Slowly opening it, I let out a gasp as my hand slammed to my mouth and I fell backward.

“Dear God…Trey…Why?”

Turning my eyes away from the contents of the drawer, I fought like hell not to cry. I would never shed another tear over him. Not. One. Tear.

The door to the office opened. Staying on the floor, I waited to hear who it was.

“Um…Harmony? Are you okay?”

The sound of her voice made my skin crawl instantly. Inhaling a deep breath, I slowly stood up. Margie stood barely in the office. Dan was walking up behind her and smiled when he saw me.

“How long were you sleeping with my husband, Margie?”

Dan immediately stopped behind Margie.

Margie let out a nervous giggle. “W-what are you talking about, Harmony? Trey and I were not having an affair.”

Narrowing my eyes, I tilted my head. “Are you sure you want to stick with that answer?”

Dan cleared his throat. “Margie, Harmony’s been under a lot of stress, it’s probably best if you leave.”

Tossing my head back, I laughed. “I wonder, Margie. Did he fuck you on the desk? Maybe up against the wall like he did me.”

Dan stepped around Margie. “Harmony, now, honey, I know you’ve been—”

Margie glared at me. Oh. Margie didn’t like me bringing up how I let my own husband fuck me in his office.

“Margie? You want to change your answer?”

Swallowing hard, she looked away.

Bending over, I grabbed a handful of shit out of the drawer and threw it onto the desk.

“Answer me! Were you having an affair with my husband, because I know for a fact we didn’t use condoms and he has never used a vibrator on me here in his office. Nor do my panties have your fucking initials on them!”

Margie kept looking in the other direction. Glancing down, I saw our wedding picture and my mouth dropped open. Picking it up, I looked at how happy we were. Taking a closer look, I noticed Trey’s eyes didn’t look happy at all. They looked sad. His smile forced.

Letting a small sob pass through my lips, I pressed them together harder.

“Harmony, let’s you and I go through Trey’s belongings and we can talk.”

Looking directly at Margie, my voice cracked as I talked. “The least you could do is tell me the truth. You owe me that.”

Margie turned and when her eyes caught mine, I knew she didn’t have to utter a word. They had been having an affair.

Letting out a gruff laugh, I threw the picture as hard as I could at her. But I never was good at throwing things, and it hit the door nowhere near Margie. It did scare the hell out of her, because she let out a scream.

“I hope you enjoyed yourself while you fucked my husband with pictures of his wife and son surrounding you. Did that make you feel good, Margie?”

Grabbing the picture of the three of us, I threw it onto the floor and stepped on it as Dan rushed over to me.

“Harmony, please stop this. Let’s go into my office.”

Putting my hand up to stop him, I shouted, “Stop! I’m finished here. Whatever that bastard had in this office, let his mistress take it all home with her.”

Walking around the desk, I made my way over to the door, not before stopping and looking into Margie’s tear-filled eyes.

Shaking my head, I leaned in closer to her. “I hope karma comes back around on you someday. He was married with a small child. But then again, I guess whores don’t care about that…do they?”

Pushing past Margie, I made my way through the office as everyone stared at me. Keeping my eyes directly on the elevator, I counted my steps.

Hitting the button, I stood there and concentrated on breathing in and out. I needed to get out of this building before I broke down.

When the doors opened, I rushed in and leaned against the back wall as I looked at Dan rushing to the elevator.

“Harmony! Please don’t do this!”

The doors shut and I pressed my hands to my mouth tightly.

Do not cry. He isn’t worth the tears. Find your inner strength, Harmony.

He isn’t worth the tears.