It’s November, which means Landon and I are going on two months when I decide it might be time to bring up the elephant in the room.
I’m sitting on Landon’s couch, my feet resting in his lap as I work on homework and he reads the newspaper when I drop my highlighter into the book and look up at him. “Landon?”
“Yes, dear?” He smiles, but his eyes don’t come off the page. He’d gotten a kick out of calling me dear in-between his intermittent Bambis— a dad joke if I ever heard one and I can’t ignore the way my heart swells at this particular term of endearment.
My eyes dart around the room nervously, as if how to pose this delicate question will be written on the walls. “Am I ever going to get to meet Griffin?”
He drops the newspaper and looks at me, his perfect features falling as he furrows his brows together. “Of course.”
I finger my glasses as I prepare my relentless line of questioning. “When?”
“I figured once you were ready to tell your parents.”
“When should we tell them? Tell people?”
“I figured you would let me know?”
“My internship will be over in December, maybe when I’m no longer a permanent fixture in your office.”
He leans against the back of the couch and begins to rub my feet, digging his thumbs into the soles and cocks his head at me. “And if we were planning to make you a permanent fixture?”
I fiddle with my glasses again and blink my eyes in rapid succession. “What?”
“We were thinking of having you continue your internship this summer. We know you’re going to law school next fall…” He raises an eyebrow at me as if to say, ‘and are you ever going to decide where that is?’ “We thought a summer at the firm would be perfect.”
“You think me working there this summer while…” I point back and forth between us, “this is going on, is a good idea?”
“What else are you going to do this summer?”
“I was thinking I could intern for another firm?”
He scoffs. “Try again.”
“What does that mean?” We are breaking about a hundred rules by being together and it’s getting stressful working for the firm where both my father and boyfriend work, not to mention exhausting. My hormones swing faster than a pregnant woman’s. If I’m in the room with both of them, I somehow manage to get turned on and annoyed at the same time. I somehow have to keep my eyes off his dick which is more difficult than one would think.
“It means I’ve taken a vested interest in more than just your pussy, Serena Mitchell. You’re not going to some far less superior firm for some jackass to derail my teachings. Think again.”
After the night my father showed up at Landon’s and apologized, the power struggle between them seemed to wane. My father was more willing to let me tag along with him, and Landon stole me away whenever he could to take me with him wherever he was going. In a professional manner, of course. We only made out in his car after. Nevertheless, I was learning quite a lot from Landon… besides the obvious.
“But Landon…” I can’t help the whiny tone my voice takes. This is a horrible idea. “I don’t want to work there while everyone knows we’re together. It’ll be so awkward.”
“It’ll be fine. I’ll address your father, Frank, and whoever the fuck else thinks they’re entitled to an opinion.”
“I hope you approach my father nicer than that.” I roll my eyes. “Fine, we can circle back to that later. Griffin?”
“His mother is going to Lake Tahoe this weekend for some retreat, he’ll be here then…I was going to talk to you about whether or not you wanted to be here. I know you spend your weekends here…” I’d conveniently started staying with Zoey on the weekends the last several weekends because, “it was time I put myself out there,” much to my mother’s excitement. I swear my father is still side-eyeing me and is convinced I’m hiding something, but my mother is ready for bambinos, Bella!
As in plural.
“Do you think…do you think he’ll like me?” I ask, and I immediately regret it. Landon’s relationship with his son is in such a precarious position that Landon is convinced most days Griffin doesn’t even like him.
“He’ll love you, Serena. Any issues he may potentially have with you will be about me, not you, baby. He was raised to have impeccable manners, but I think he’s forgotten that as of late though.”
“I’m not much older than him though…” I trail off. “I don’t want him to call me like ma’am or something.”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes. “I’ll pass along the message.”
“Does he know you’re seeing someone?”
“No. I haven’t seen him since we’ve gotten serious, and I’m lucky if I can keep him on the phone for five minutes when we talk.”
“Are you going to tell him before you introduce us? Don’t blindside him, Landon.”
“You think that’s best?” he asks and my eyes widen in shock.
“What! Yes, of course. What are you going to say? Hey, Griffin, here’s my girlfriend, by the way, she’s twenty-one?”
“I didn’t realize you had an issue with our age difference.” He lets go of my feet and immediately I feel guilty for how I phrased it.
“I don’t. I definitely don’t. But I’m not so naïve to think that other people won’t take an issue with it. And forget other people, I’m not so naïve to think that our people will be totally on board.”
He runs a hand through his hair and stares straight ahead, his eyes fixed on the wall, and before I can decide to give him some space I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck as I snuggle into his chest. “Sorry.”
He noticeably relaxes and wraps his arms around me. “Don’t be sorry. I’m just…tense about Griff, that’s all.”
“I get that. And if you’re not ready for me to meet him, I’ll stay away this weekend. I can survive without you for a few days,” I joke.
He tenses below me and pulls my face out of his chest. “I can’t.”
My heart races as a vision of him telling me those three words flash through my brain. Does he love me? Is that where this was heading?
My feelings are getting stronger by the day and it’s getting to the point that being away from him is not only difficult but at times unbearable. He has been this unstoppable force that came barging into my life and my heart and I’m realizing that I can’t deny how deep my feelings are for him.
The thought is scary. How will my family take it? How will his family take it? What if it ruins what little bit of relationship he has with his son? I’d never forgive myself.
“Not going to Zoey’s this weekend?” my mother asks. I’m pulling the chocolate souffle out of the oven that I had decided to make on a whim, when I hear her voice behind me. I tap the top slightly and smile when I note that it’s perfect.
Okay, maybe I’m on a baking binge because I’m nervous about meeting Griffin tomorrow. I had thought it was a good idea for Landon and his son to spend some time together before I showed up, so I wouldn’t be going until the following day.
I turn around after setting it on the counter and look at her. “Why do you say it like that? And why are you looking at me like that?”
“Maybe because I know you. Sono tua madre, bella.” I am your mother, Bella. She shoots me a knowing look, that look all moms have perfected that says: I know you better than you know yourself.
“I don’t know what you’re implying.”
“La mia ragazza è innamorata.” My girl is in love.
“Mama...” I trail off, but there is no lying to my mother or ignoring the physiological reaction that happened from thinking about Landon. I can feel my cheeks heating and without thinking I slide my glasses to the top of my head, a telltale sign that I’m going to start crying.
“Oh, Rena,” she says as she makes her way towards me and envelopes me in her arms just as the first few tears start to fall. I hadn’t meant to start crying, but the intensity of the past few months coupled with what I know will be at best, a rocky few months in the future, causes the tears to form before I can stop them. “What is it, honey? Cosa c’è che non va.” What’s wrong?
I wipe my eyes, knowing that I’m going to have to lie to my mother for perhaps the first time ever. “Nothing, Mama. It’s just been a long semester. I’m just stressed about finals.”
“Uh huh.” She pulls back to look at me and wipes her thumbs under my eyes. I feel like I’m looking into a mirror of the future and it stuns me just how much I look like my mother. Hazel eyes, and hair the color of chestnuts is pulled back into a neat bun. She slides her frames above her head to look at me. “I’m not going to tell you a boy isn’t worth your tears, Serena. Love is hard and sometimes there will be tears. Sometimes there will be hard times.” She tucks a hair behind my ear and gives me a smile. “Does he feel the same?”
“I’m…I’m not sure.” I stammer. “I think so.”
“Then you don’t give up.”
I hadn’t expected this reaction from my mother. “This is a very different philosophy than what you preach to Sky.”
“Skyler is…impetuous. That’s my baby, but she acts quickly and with her whole heart in an instant. You, my first born…” she strokes my cheek, “I see so much of myself in you. You observe everything and absorb it into your soul. You’re cautious and you’ve protected your heart for so long. But I always knew the first man you gave your heart to would be the one.”
My scalp prickles as more tears form. Is Landon the one? Or is my mother projecting her high school sweetheart romance onto me?
“Mom, I don’t know about all that…It’s still so new.”
She smiles and nods once. “Mmmhmm. Well, I would love to meet this boy that has gotten your interest.”
Landon is certainly not a boy. Fairly certain he’s older than Mama.
“Soon.” I nod. “I promise.”
My leg bounces nervously as I sit in the garage, parked next to Landon’s car. My nail finds its way into my mouth, a habit I gave up years ago, as I try to calm my racing heartbeat. I know Landon knows I’m here having heard the garage open and close, so I know I’m on borrowed time, but I can’t bring myself to move. I turn the car off and finally have the nerve get out when the door opens and I see Landon moving through the garage towards my car. Before I have a chance to open my car door, my passenger side is opening and he’s sliding in next to me. “Hi, baby.” He smiles and it heats me everywhere. He sighs. “Just seeing you makes everything better.”
“I feel the same.” I return his smile, as I start to wonder if maybe I’ve been worried over nothing. “I…I was coming in. I just needed a second.” I let out a breath. “I’m nervous.”
“I missed you last night. Give me a kiss.” I hadn’t expected that to be his response, but I lean across the console anyway, knowing that his lips on mine would probably calm me better than any deep breathing exercise.
His tongue slips through my parted lips and I sigh into his mouth before I pull back. “I missed you too.”
“Griffin is going out to meet some friends soon. Which is perfect because my mouth has a date with your pussy, and we know you can’t be quiet.” He winks before he’s out of the car.
“Hey!” I purse my lips as he makes his way to my side and opens my door for me.
He kisses my nose and wraps his arms around me. “Don’t be nervous.”
“‘Kay,” I whisper. Easier said than done.
I follow him inside and I’m not sure what I was expecting—a welcome wagon? —because Griffin is nowhere in sight.
“He’s upstairs.” I nod in response. Maybe he doesn’t want to meet me? Which is fine; I think I might actually pee my pants right here in the kitchen.
“Maybe this isn’t—” I start when I hear Landon calling up the stairs. “Griff!”
“WHAT?!” I hear screamed back and my eyes widen.
“Can you come down here a sec?”
“Pass.”
I notice Landon’s jaw tightens and I know he’s gritting his teeth. “Let me rephrase that. Downstairs, now.”
“Land—” I start. I don’t want him to be forced to meet me. I try to get his attention when I see a damn near man walking down the stairs with a scowl on his face. He’s as tall as his father with hair and eyes almost the exact same color of brown. Sporting a grey sweatshirt with the words Tigers Football on it and sweatpants to match, he glares at his father as he passes him. The headphones around his neck are still blasting music. and he has a pencil behind his ear revealing a stud piercing. I hold my hand out, “Hi Griffin, it’s really nice to meet you.” I give him my warmest smile, but when he doesn’t return it, mine falters and my hand drops.
He narrows his eyes slightly. “You know you and I went to the same elementary school?”
“Griffin,” Landon speaks through gritted teeth.
“I was in Kindergarten, you were in fifth. I tracked down one of my old yearbooks when dear old Dad told me he had a new girlfriend that was practically my age.” He looks me up and down before he rolls his eyes. “You have a younger sister, right? She was a senior when I was a freshman.”
Oh God. “Sky-Skyler,” I stammer.
He chuckles. “Unreal.”
“Okay, enough,” Landon says. “Upstairs.”
“Fine. I’m out of here, anyway.”
“Nice to ummm...meet you?” I choke out as I feel the tears in my throat.
“Be right back.” I hear in my ear, followed by a kiss on my cheek, but I’m fairly certain I’m in shock. As soon as Landon leaves the room, I feel myself completely deflate and the tears start streaming down my face.
It’s not about you, Serena.
It’s not about you.
I chant the words in my head as I realize that while it might not be completely about me, it is about Landon. A man who has become a part of me.
A few minutes later, I hear a door slam upstairs and then Landon comes into view as he moves down the stairs. I quickly wipe my eyes before he can see that Griffin’s words affected me. He crosses the room and pulls me into his arms, hugging me to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
I pull back and put my arms on his chest. “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one that should be sorry. I pushed for this…I thought…I mean, this just wasn’t the right time.”
“There was probably never going to be the right time. My son hates me, and you by proxy.”
“He doesn’t hate you, Landon. Or me. He’s just angry. He’s upset. He’s sixteen.” I shrug. “His parents are getting a divorce, he’s in legal trouble, he can’t take the car when he wants…” I chuckle. “Any kid would be pissed.” God knows I want to break down completely, but I want to be strong for Landon. He needed me to be strong. Just like I’d need him to be the strong one when we go to my parents.
“Blake’s outside, I’m out,” I hear grumbled as Griffin walks by the kitchen. I turn my head just in time to see jeans and a hoodie walk by the kitchen and into the foyer.
“Be home by midnight!” Landon calls.
“Whatever.” I hear, and I frown as I’m fairly certain at sixteen, my parents would have yanked me back into the house and told me my plans were indefinitely canceled if I ever took that tone with them.
Pink colors his cheeks as if he can hear my thoughts about Griffin’s blatant disrespect when my eyes meet his and he backs up a little. “You hungry?”
“Not for food,” I tell him as I make my way towards him, unbuttoning my shirt with every step before I let it fall to the floor.
“I know what you’re doing.” He tells me as he lifts me into his arms and sets me on the counter.
“I’m not doing anything.” I lean forward, desperate to make contact with his mouth when he backs away.
“I don’t know how long it’s going to take for him to come around…” He trails off.
“I don’t mind waiting.”
“I’m just…really fucking sorry, Serena. I don’t know what to do about him.” He rests his elbows on the counter and drops his head into his hands.
“Have you thought about seeing someone?”
His head jerks up to look at me. “Like a therapist?”
“There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help understanding your child. Most parents don’t.” I shrug.
He stands up straight and crosses his arms. “What’s that about? You think I don’t notice those comments you make because I let them go by, but I hear them. Viv and P adore you.”
“Is that what you think? Is that what you see? Perception isn’t always reality, you know.”
I shrug, unsure of how to unleash the different kind of daddy issues I have. Not all of them stem from an absent father or one that doesn’t pay you any attention. There could be other issues, ones that you don’t even realize you have until you’re older and the damage is done. Ones that involve another sibling.
“Skyler is the little princess of the family. I was only two when she came around and it was…difficult sharing the spotlight. Mostly because Skyler didn’t share, she took.” I shrug. “So, I grew up being the quiet one, the shy one, the reserved one, because Skyler was loud and exuberant and all the attention was always on her, and I don’t know,” I sigh, “I guess I resented that. Her and I have a weird relationship now. We fight a lot…we grew up fighting a lot, and I’m not always the nicest to her. My parents have refereed a lot of our fights over the years and my dad always took Sky’s side. It’s hard growing up in a house where you don’t feel like you’re heard, you know?” I had come to terms with this years ago, so I’m almost numb to the feelings about my parents, but exposing this part of my heart to Landon makes me more emotional than usual. I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel his hands under my eyes. “Shit. Sorry.”
“Look at you, swearing and everything,” he jokes as he presses a kiss to my forehead and laces my hands with his. “Serena, look at me, baby.” I meet his gaze. “I hear you. I see… everything about you, even the parts you try to hide.”
The butterflies in my stomach explode from their cocoons, fluttering throughout my whole body. “No one has ever…wanted to see.” I had spent years guarding my heart, only letting a few people in, but Landon has surged through and planted his little white flag there. Claiming it, marking it, owning it.
He can have it.
“Landon…”
“Serena, I am…so crazy about you. Do you hear me?” He grips my jaw and stares into my eyes. “Crazy. So crazy that I want to tell your dad what’s been going on. So crazy that I want to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with you…wherever that is. So crazy that the idea of you going away to law school has me wanting to pack up my shit and follow you.”
I gasp. It had been a thought in the back of my head. What would happen if I go away? Pending my LSATs, a few schools have already been sniffing around, including my father’s alma mater in D.C. “But you’re a partner here. In a huge firm you helped build.”
He shrugs. “I can go anywhere, baby. Would I prefer you went to one of the eight states I’m licensed to practice law, that’d be great, but I’m not picky. I just want to be where you are.” He smiles and my eyes widen at the implication.
“You’ve taken EIGHT different Bar exams?”
He snorts. “That’s your takeaway?” He shakes his head. “No, only three, but I can waive into the others.”
“Right, reciprocity.” I scratch my head. “My home is here though.”
“Didn’t we talk about you moving out for law school?” He points at me and taps my nose. “You need space.”
“I know. I don’t know where I’ll go though. Maybe Zoey will want to live together.” I shrug.
“Or you know you can live…with me?”
My mouth drops open and, for a moment, I think my brain isn’t firing off any synapses because my mind is completely blank. “Like…together?”
“Or not.” He backs up, but I slide off the counter and scurry towards the man that is putting his guard back up.
“No! That’s not what I meant. I was just surprised that’s all. It’s really soon and…”
“By the time you graduate and then start law school, it won’t be all that soon. It would be about eleven months. My divorce would be final…I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I thought it might be nice having you around all the time.” One side of his mouth quirks up in a smirk and all I want now is to mount him here in the kitchen.
Living together? Like…permanently? Holy shit! “Can…can I think about it?”
“Of course. We have time. I wasn’t thinking today.”
I nod, my mind still moving a mile a minute at the idea of living with Landon. “I’m considering Yale, you know.” I start up the stairs and he follows closely behind, his hand grazing the curve just above my butt with every step.
“I want you to go wherever your heart desires, Serena. And no more of this being afraid shit. You are a big fish, baby.” When we get to the top, he presses me against the wall and touches my chest with his pointer finger. “It’s time to show the world what you’re made of.”
“Where are you?” The growl pulls me out of my sleep and I blink my eyes several times to try and chase the remaining slumber away. I turn my head to the side to see Landon rubbing a hand into his eye and sitting up in bed. “Sorry baby, go back to sleep.” He murmurs towards me before he gets up and slides his sweatpants over his naked body. “Griffin, it’s two in the goddamn morning, where are you? I’m coming to get you. Tell me where you are right now… No, you are not fine, and if you’re not walking through this door in thirty-five seconds, you are really not going to be fine,” he barks into his cell phone.
I sit up as I see him getting dressed and figure I should probably follow suit in case I have to stop Landon from killing Griffin. He snaps his finger at me and points back at the bed, signaling that I needed to get back in it. I shake my head and put my hands on my hips after I’ve successfully put my leggings and one of his shirts on. I pull my hair into a ponytail and slide my glasses onto my face as I hear him still arguing with Griffin. I follow him down the stairs and when he ends the call he turns around and I can see the torture in his eyes. I want you with me always, but…maybe not now. “Baby, can you stay here? I just feel like…that might be best.”
“Yes…I mean…will you be okay? I know you’re a little worked up and…did he tell you where he is?”
“I have an idea.”
“Okay, I’ll stay.” I reach around him and pull him down to me, planting my lips on his and reminding me of what we did earlier this evening.
“More of that when I get back. Put the alarm on when I leave.” He winks and then he’s gone.
I make my way back upstairs and climb into bed. I was going to wait downstairs but I thought maybe I’m the last person Griffin wants to see when he gets back, especially if he’s already in huge trouble. Skyler used to break curfew all the time and she was never a happy camper when she got caught.
Twenty minutes later, I hear someone come in the door and the alarm blares throughout the house causing me to jump. I sit up, waiting for it to go off, but it doesn’t seem to be stopping. In fact, it’s getting louder.
I furrow my brow wondering why Landon isn’t turning the alarm off when it starts to go faster.
“FUCK!” I hear screamed and I’m off the bed before I can think and bounding down the stairs. I see Griffin pressing every single button on the alarm system and I realize that he must have gotten a ride home by someone that was not his father. He sees me and points at the alarm system, a look of panic in his eyes. I punch the code in and he breathes a sigh of relief. “Shit. Thanks.”
“How did you get here? Your dad went to look for you.”
“I told him I was on my way home, he’s such a control freak.”
“Kinda what parents do.” I shrug, as if to say, don’t I know it.
“What are you my new one?” He snorts as he walks by me and into the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and pulls out a beer and my eyes widen.
“Ummm…does your father let you have those?”
“What, you going to tell on me?” he sneers.
He’s going to call me step-mommy dearest! “Well…umm…no…or…I don’t know? But…”
“Look, first party I ever went to, your sister was teaching us how to shotgun beers, so don’t get parental on me.”
“I’m not my sister,” I tell him.
He shrugs and takes a healthy sip of the beer. “Shame. She seems tight.” I try to ignore the flare of jealousy of being compared to my younger sister for the umpteenth time.
“Skyler is the fun one.”
“Are…are you drunk?”
“Ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He chuckles as he downs the beer. “This is trash.” He scrunches his nose at his father’s craft beer. “Of course, his pretentious ass wouldn’t have any Bud Light.”
“Don’t call him that.” I sigh, knowing that there’s no reasoning with a drunk, angry kid. “I should call your dad and let him know you’re home. But maybe, you should go to bed, so he doesn’t know you’ve been drinking.”
He laughs and hops on the counter. “You don’t get it, do you, Serena? I don’t care that my dad knows I’m drunk. He’s got a lifetime of making up to do. I think he can overlook my vices that he and my mother damn near caused.”
“You shouldn’t use that as an excuse for your bad behavior.” Jesus Serena, can you sound anymore preachy? “I’m not lecturing, I just…”
“Sounds an awful lot like a lecture. Aren’t you barely old enough to drink?”
“You’re not even eighteen, Griffin, and you’re already in trouble for underage drinking.”
“Ah, but I wasn’t driving…” He points at me. Does he want a medal or something?
“Which is good, and I’m glad that you got a safe ride home but you should still be more careful. You’re being watched and your father is already doing damage control for your future. Don’t make it worse.”
“You seem like a nice girl, Serena, so I’ll give it to you straight. I’m not this asshole kid you think I am. Sure, you don’t have the best impression of me right now, but until this year, I rarely acted out. I got good grades, was home by ten, took the trash out without being asked; I did everything my parents asked of me. And then he stepped out on us. He left.” Wait, what?
I’m about to interject for clarification when he continues. “My dad thinks I don’t know about his ‘extra-curricular activities,’ about all the women ready to drop their panties for a weekend at our house in the Hamptons or a shopping spree on his black card.” The room spins and I’ve become very aware at my state of undress as he goes on about all the women that have been in my exact same position. I cross my hands over Landon’s shirt as I remember that I’m not wearing a bra underneath.
“He thinks I don’t know the real reason my parents are divorcing. Why he was never home when they actually were married. Why he moved out...”
“Your father never cheated on your mother, Griffin. He wouldn’t—” The words are on the tip of my tongue like word vomit, but Landon would kill me if I spewed the truth all over his emotional son. So, I keep my mouth shut.
“Is that what he told you?” He snorts. “And you believed that?” He stares at me for a beat and looks me up and down, not out of lust or disgust but maybe…pity? I hate that. I hate feeling like he feels bad for me when really out of everyone he got the shittiest end of the stick. He’s stuck in the middle of his parents’ divorce amidst legal trouble and a year of SATs and prepping for college. I feel bad for him. Junior year is the worst.
He passes by me, his shoulder grazing mine lightly as he makes his way out of the kitchen before I hear him speak again. “I’m not some delusional kid that’s telling you this because I’m hoping my parents will get back together. I’m telling you because Landon West doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He breaks hearts. Mine. My mother’s. Probably a dozen other chicks…and he’ll break yours too.”