The house is quiet when I get home and it takes everything out of me not to rock the boat. Had it not been for Serena sleeping soundly, I would have woken Griffin up for round… whatever. It’s almost three in the morning before I drop into bed next to Serena and pull her warm body towards mine, which to my disappointment is not bare.
“You’re not asleep.” I murmur in her ear, having known what it means for Serena to be truly asleep. First and foremost, her body melts into mine the second I wrap my arms around her. A sigh usually leaves her lips, and sometimes she turns in her sleep so her head can rest on my chest. So, for her not to move, I know she’s awake and furthermore, something’s wrong.
“I was close,” she says as she turns in my arms. It’s dark, so I can’t see her face and, for some reason, it worries me.
“How was he when he got home?”
She clears her throat. “Fine.” Her voice is raspy and I wonder briefly if she’s been crying. Fuck.
I move over her and reach for the light on the bedside table. She squints when the area around us is illuminated and my heart constricts in my chest. Just as I thought, her face is red-tinged and her eyes are glassy. “Baby, what happened? Why are you upset?”
“Nothing! I’m not upset, I swear.” She shakes her head and reaches for the lamp to turn it off when I grab her hand and bring it to my lips.
“Serena.”
“I’m just really tired that’s all. It’s late.” Lie. She reaches up and presses a kiss to my lips before she wiggles out of my hold and shrouds the room in darkness again.
She turns on her side away from me, and I stare at her back for I don’t know how long before I pull her into my arms and fall into a restless sleep.
A familiar perfume and the smell of mint infiltrate my senses and pulls me from sleep. I manage to open my eyes just as Serena sits next to me on the bed. “Hi, honey.” She gives me a sad smile before she presses her lips to mine. “I have to go.”
I grab my phone off the nightstand, knowing it has to be early but also knowing she doesn’t have class on a fucking Saturday. “Why?”
“I have to get to the library. I have an exam before Thanksgiving break and a paper due the week after.”
“It’s early. Stay. Do it here,” I urge her. I can see her shutting down and I want to be there to calm all her fears. We’d made love while Griffin was gone, and everything was fine when I left. Something fucking happened when I wasn’t here.
“I don’t have all the books I need. Landon, it’s school.” She shakes her head at me like I’m the one overreacting and running.
“Baby, if this is about Griff—”
“It’s not. But you should talk to him.”
“Because that works out so well every time I try? Serena, please don’t run from me. I know I have baggage, but…” Jana left me, even before she filed for divorce. She left me the second she let another man stick his dick inside of her. The second she gave her heart and everything else to someone that wasn’t me. Since then, I had never gotten close enough to a woman to give them a chance to leave me. But Serena…Serena leaving would destroy me.
“That’s not what this is about. I really just have to go.” I can tell she’s still wearing my t-shirt under her jacket and seeing her in my clothes makes me feel like she’s taking it as some sort of parting gift.
“Really? Because it feels like you’re leaving me.” I throw the covers off of me and stand up. “What happened?” I raise my voice.
“Can you not yell? It’s early and we’re not…alone.”
“Do you think I give a shit?” I demand.
“You should give a shit, Landon.” She snaps, but her eyes tell me she regrets it. She lets out a sigh. “He’s your son.”
Just as I thought. Definitely about yesterday. “And you’re mine. He’s going to have to accept that.”
“Okay.” She shrugs sadly and this indifference is starting to piss me the fuck off.
“Why are you being like this?”
“Like what? You’re the one throwing a tantrum because I can’t stay here all day with you. I have shit to do, Landon!” she snaps and it feels like a punch to the gut. I have shit to do too. All the time. I just make time for you despite all that.
“Fine.” I’m standing next to the door, refusing to look at her with my arms crossed over my chest as she gets off the bed and makes her way towards me.
She stands in front of me and puts her hands on my arms. “Can I have a kiss?” I don’t look at her as I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead, knowing that if I looked into her eyes or kiss her lips I’ll probably drop to my knees and beg her to stay. “Okay then.”
“Bye Serena.”
I’m sitting at the kitchen table, ready for Griffin to make his appearance so we can talk about a lot of fucking things when Preston calls me. God, what now?
“Hey P.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and lean back in my chair.
“Hey, they say the weather is going to get to seventy today. Probably the last warm day of the year. Want to see if I can get a noon tee time?”
No, playing golf with my girlfriend’s dad, who didn’t actually know I was dating his daughter was not high on my list of priorities. “Actually, I have Griff this weekend,” I tell him.
“Oh! Well, maybe you can bring him? How is he doing?”
Besides terrorizing everyone he comes into contact with? Great. “The same as always. I’ll see if he’s in the mood.”
“Make him, Landon. He’ll have fun. I’m sure he needs it.”
He needs to be grounded forever. “He has plenty of fun, P. Trust me.” Besides, do I trust Griffin to be around Serena’s dad right now? God, I could only wonder what he’d extort from me in exchange for his silence once I tell him. Fuck, I need a drink.
“Alright, well let me know. I just closed the Patterson case yesterday and I need to blow off some steam.”
“Well, I’m sure Viv will indulge you.” I chuckle.
“We’ve been indulging for two straight days.” He laughs and, for the first time since I woke up, a smile finds my face.
“Well, alright, P.”
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Let’s grab a drink next week or something.”
“Sounds good,” I say as I watch my son drag himself down the stairs with a hood pulled over his head like the classic emo teen. “Listen, let me call you back.” I hang up without another word.
“Well, look who’s risen from the dead?” To be honest, I want to go straight for the jugular but for a moment I’m reminded of the young boy that followed me everywhere. That wanted to sit on my shoulders everywhere we went. The one that wanted to be me when he grew up. I miss that kid.
“Where’s New Mom?” He snorts and I’m out of my chair instantly, flinging it back and it hits the refrigerator hard. Well, that trip down memory lane is way the fuck over.
“ENOUGH,” I roar.
“Whoa relax, Dad. Joke.” He puts his hands up, but I can hear the sarcasm in his voice.
“Not funny,” I grit out. “What did you say to her last night?”
“Oh, what did she rat me out?” He grabs a water from the refrigerator. “Probably told you I took one of your beers too.” He snorts.
“No. But you just did. You’re SIXTEEN, Griffin. Just who do you think you are? What makes you think you’re so grown you can just openly consume alcohol in my house?”
“Oh, now you care?”
“I ALWAYS CARED! What is this shit about me not caring? When have I acted like I didn’t care? When have I not shown up for you? WHEN?!” I scream, feeling myself snap after enduring months of his horrible attitude.
“I’m over this.” He starts walking out of the kitchen, but I’m in his face before he can make it out.
“We are certainly not finished. You want to live with your mother? Fine. But you’re going to tell me what it is that I did to you that was so horrible that I deserve this shit from you. As far as I’m concerned, there are two people at fault for why this marriage ended. It doesn’t all fall on me, Griffin.”
“What did Mom do? Besides get tired of waiting around for you to get home? Besides crying herself to sleep every night you didn’t?”
“She wasn’t crying herself to sleep because I wasn’t home, Griffin. Believe me. What makes you think you know everything? You’re a child. It’s not your place to know everything. But, when have I ever lied to you? When have I left you stranded anywhere? I’d drop ANYTHING for you, including a job. Something your mother does not have. Your mother lied to you, Griffin. I never cheated on her. Why do you think all of a sudden, I’m lying to you? If I tell you I wasn’t unfaithful, you should believe that.”
“Why would Mom lie to me? You certainly don’t make it easy to believe you with the track record you’ve had before you and mom are even divorced.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Griffin, I am your father. I don’t owe you an explanation for anything. But just to clear the air, your mother and I are separated, and if you’re so delusional you don’t know the real reason your mother drops you here once a month, then she really does have you brainwashed. As far as her lying to you, she’s angry at me and she wants to turn you against me and it looks like she’s succeeded.” He swallows and looks towards the door. I have to count backwards from ten to keep myself from screaming that Jana is the one that cheated on me. “I’ve done everything short of something that could get me disbarred to make things easier with this DUI. I’ve called in every favor in my power, and son, I have a lot of goddamn power. I can’t make this go away, not completely.”
“It’s not about the DUI,” he grumbles as he leans against the wall, his anger slowly subsiding into a hurt.
“Then what is this about? Why do you hate me so much? What did I do? How can I fix this?”
He doesn’t say anything so I push it a step further. “What did you say to Serena? She means something to me, Griffin. I know you hate me, and you think I’m the root of everything that’s wrong in your life, but…Serena makes me happy and she ran out of here this morning like the place was on fire.”
“Is that what all this is about? Your toy is mad at you?”
“Watch yourself, Griffin Michael,” I scold him. “God, who are you? You’re not the boy I raised.”
“You’re right, I’m not. Must be why you found a new kid to raise.” He snorts as he leaves the room, but I don’t go after him, because I’m sure if I do, I’ll kill him.
And that is definitely a lot of paperwork.
Griffin didn’t come out of his room for most of the day. I didn’t want him to starve, despite how angry I am with him, so I dropped his favorite from the Chinese takeout place we used to order from in front of his door and went back downstairs to wallow in my self-pity over not talking to Serena all day.
I stare at our conversation from the past four hours that has basically been me just talking to myself.
Me: Hey
Me: Did you make it to the library?
Me: Are you coming back tonight?
Me: Whatever is wrong, we can fix it. Just talk to me.
Me: Why are you so angry at me? What the hell did I do?
I let out a sigh as I toss my phone next to me and put my hand over my eyes. Why is everyone so angry at me? Have I really put so much bad karma out there?
Yes, a voice speaks back to me and I scoff. The shit post-separation doesn’t count. What did I do to make Griffin hate me? Why is Serena so pissed? Yes, I don’t have the best track record with women, but that doesn’t have shit to do with Griffin. And I worship the ground Serena Mitchell walks on, so what the hell does that have to do with her? She knows she’s different.
And you know Griffin said something to her.
My phone pings and I scramble to see if it’s Serena, making me feel like a teenage girl. Who have I become?
Bambi: Sorry, my phone is on Do Not Disturb when I’m in the library. I’m not angry. I just…I think we’re making a mistake.
My heart drops when I read her words.
Me: What? Baby, talk to me. What’s this about?
Bambi: I would never ask you to choose me over anything. Griffin, work, your friendship with my dad…those things might be in jeopardy if we stay together.
Me: And you’re doing this via text? Are you serious right now?
She doesn’t mean it. You don’t mean it, Serena.
Bambi: I’m sorry, you’re right. I can call you when I leave.
Me: I need to see you.
Bambi: I’m at the library.
Me: Leave.
Bambi: I can’t…
Me: Then I’m coming there.
A few minutes later, my phone whirls to life and I answer it instantly.
“Landon, don’t come here, please,” she pleads.
“Why?”
“Because I’m busy.”
Busy. I understood busy. I knew the word well. But, coming from her felt like a punch in the gut. “What’s going on with us?” She’s silent and my heart begins to race. “Serena, I can’t do this if you’re going to freak out every time someone takes an issue with our relationship. We knew this was going to be difficult. But if we’re going to be together, I need you in this with me. Are you?”
She sniffles and I can just picture her with tears in her eyes in her own corner of the library trying to remain quiet. “Landon…I’ll call you when I’m leaving the library, okay? I promise.”
“Fine,” I tell her as I grab my keys and my jacket. The call has barely ended before I’m in the car.