I’m feeling a myriad of emotions as I pull away from my best friend’s house which just so happens to also be the love of my life’s house. I’m so angry I can barely see straight. Furious. Devastated. Livid.
All the while, I feel so unsettled with what would happen between me and Serena. And I knew just who to take that out on.
Her voice blares through the phone like nails on a chalkboard, and if I had the power, I’d reach through the phone and strangle her. “I was wondering when I’d hear from you,” she sneers.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Jana? Do you just enjoy hurting people and ruining their lives, is that it? You’re so miserable and unhappy with yourself that you have to make sure others are as well? Misery really does love company, I guess.”
“I enjoy hurting people? You are sleeping with Preston’s daughter! His twenty-one year old daughter! Did you think he was just going to be okay with that?”
“IT WASN’T YOUR BUSINESS TO TELL HIM!” I bellow into the phone. “Why the hell didn’t you come to me? I could have explained to you—”
“Explained what, that Griff was lying? That you didn’t have that skank around my son?”
“Watch your fucking mouth, Jana. Serena is far from a skank. And you of all people don’t have any room to talk about promiscuity.”
She scoffs. “Fuck off, Landon.”
“You do realize that if Preston goes to the board and I get disbarred for morality or ethics, you can go ahead and kiss your pretty little alimony check you’re gunning for, goodbye.”
The other side is silent and I shake my head. Didn’t think about that shit, did you? Not that it’s totally true. There are quite a few loopholes; the main one being that Serena doesn’t technically “work” for our firm, and I plan to use that if it comes down to it. But my guess is that the board won’t really give a shit that I’m having a relationship with Serena Mitchell. I make the firm too much money for that.
Preston will certainly give a shit though, and his opinion matters more to me than anyone on the board.
“Jana, I’ve never wronged you. Maybe I could have been home more, but that was after you cheated on me. I was hurt and angry and I could barely look at you. Maybe we should have tried therapy, but I just didn’t have it in me. So, I checked out. Maybe I spent too long punishing you for what you did, maybe I took my coldness too far, but you are in the wrong here, Jana. For you to turn our son against me, to go after my best friend…and for your information, Jana,” I spit out her name and it tastes awful coming out, “I’m in love with Serena Mitchell. Maybe that offends you or her father or whoever else, but frankly soon to be ex-wife of mine, I don’t give a damn. And if you don’t set our son straight and stop feeding him lies, then I’m going to tell him what actually happened in our marriage. And unlike you, I’ve actually got proof,” I growl. It’s true, I have pictures and phone records and an email exchange that highlights all of Jana’s indiscretions that I’d kept for insurance purposes.
Stay one step ahead of your opponent.
“You wouldn’t dare!” she screams. “And Griffin doesn’t believe anything you have to say!”
“Because you lied to him!” I yell. “Jana, I—” My words are halted by the sound of a horn, blaring long and hard, someone slamming on their breaks, and tires screeching against the pavement. My head snaps to my right just in time to see a car connect with my passenger side, hard. I drop my phone just as the car connects and it’s like the entire crash is happening in slow motion. The glass of my passenger side window shatters and glass begins to fly throughout the car and I shield my face as best as I can to prevent lacerations. The force of the crash slams me against my driver’s side door and the whiplash from my seat belt burns against my neck almost cutting into the flesh. Every light on my dashboard lights up, and every sound imaginable beeps as smoke begins to expel from my hood.
“Fuck.” I cough as I lean back against my headrest, trying to gain enough strength to get out of the car. My heart is racing a mile a minute, but my vision is getting foggy and everything sounds muffled. I feel something wet—blood, I think fleetingly—trickle down the side of my face and I try my best to wipe it, but my limbs feel like they’re being weighed down by cement blocks, preventing me from moving. My eyelids are getting heavy and the sight of Serena’s sweet face is the last thing I see before my eyes shut.
“Mr. West, can you hear me?” Words are being shouted all around me, and I hear the sound of a siren somewhere in the distance. “Mr. West if you can hear me, squeeze my hand. You’re going to be fine, sir, but can you open your eyes?” The sensation of being lifted takes over, and then I am set on my back on something hard and stiff. My guess is on one of those boards to keep you straight. My head is throbbing, the pounding behind my eyes so aggressive I think I could pass out at any second. “Stay awake for us, sir. Can you tell us your first name?”
Landon. I don’t know if I say it, or merely think it as the sky disappears and is replaced with fluorescent lighting and the ceiling of the ambulance.
I need my phone. I need to call Serena. She’ll worry or she’ll think I’m ignoring her.
I cough, forcing my lungs to take a breath, and I lift my arms, trying to press my hand to my chest.
“Don’t move, we need to make sure nothing is broken and you don’t have a concussion. The less you move the better.”
“Ser...ena,” I manage to force the words out of my mouth, only coughing once in-between. “Call,” I whisper and the EMT nods.
“Okay, is that…your wife? Someone else in your family?”
“Gi—girlfriend.”
“Okay, Serena?”
I try my best to nod, but I don’t think my head is moving. “Tell her…” My voice seems to be coming back, but my body feels like it’s getting weaker by the second. “Tell her...I love her.”
“You can tell her yourself, sir. Everything is going to be fine. I know you feel a little banged up, but you will feel better when you get to the hospital.”
“Tell P, I’m sorry,” I murmur, and it’s the last thing I remember before I’m out again.
I was seconds from hopping in my car and driving to Landon’s when there’s an aggressive knock on my door.
“Go away!” I scream at the only person who would knock like that. I told Skyler to give me some space, but mostly I don’t want to stare at her and Aidan and be witness to how easy their relationship is. My dad will give Aidan a hard time for a day or two and that’ll be it. He’ll accept Aidan.
Will my father ever accept me and Landon?
Will he ever completely accept me?
My door opens and I watch as my parents enter the guest house. My mother, who is always happy and cheerful and rarely has a reason to shed a tear unless she is overwhelmingly happy, looks like she’s been crying for the better part of the past hour. Her eyes are red and swollen and she’s not wearing her glasses—probably because they got in the way of how much she has been rubbing her eyes. That’s why my glasses are perched firmly on top of my head.
“Oh, my sweet Bella,” my mother says as she sits next to me and pulls me into her arms.
The feeling of her arms around me makes the dam burst, yet again, and suddenly the uncontrollable sobs erupt out of me. “It’s not fair!”
“Sweetheart…you know your dad is just trying to do what’s best for you.”
“Don’t you get that he’s what’s best for me?” I look at my mother, as she hadn’t heard my pleas earlier. “I’m in love with him, Mama. You told me you understood. You said you knew the first man I gave my heart to would be the one.”
“Vivianna, you knew?” my father asks, with a confused expression, and I can tell he’s trying his best to keep from sounding accusatory. I’ve never heard my father take any kind of tone ever with my mother.
She shoots my father a glare before turning back to me. “Baby, I didn’t know the details. I didn’t know…” She rubs her eyes. “It broke my heart hearing you cry like that.” She tightens her hold around me and looks at my father again. “You apologize, right now.”
He unfolds his arms and sits on the coffee table in front of me. “How…?”
“That’s not an apology, Preston Mitchell,” she scolds.
“I want to know how it started.” He looks at my mother.
“It doesn’t matter. Someone tells you they’re in love. Their first love. The normal response is not to scream at them. You forget it wasn’t all that long ago, that my parents weren’t too keen about the non-Italian boy I brought home at eighteen.” She narrows her eyes at him. “And you weren’t Catholic.”
“Vivi…it’s…”
“Not different, Preston. Love is…love.”
I should have expected this from my mother. This level of understanding is something that only a mother can have and it makes me feel less alone.
“You understand why I reacted the way I did, don’t you?” He runs a hand through his hair and rests his elbows on his knees. “I feel like he’s taking advantage of you.”
“And when I made it clear that was definitely not the case, you should have backed off.”
“He’s old enough to be…” He clears his throat. “He’s my age, Serena.”
“Technically you’ve got a few years on him.” I point at him. “He would want me to point that out.” I know it isn’t the time for the joke, but having my mother here feels like I’m protected from anything my father can throw at me.
“Serena…”
“I don’t know, Dad. It just…happened. I didn’t plan for it. But I didn’t hide from it either. It just feels right. It feels natural. I know he has a track record, Dad. Thank you for pointing that out.” My lips form a straight line as I try to ignore the sinking feeling that, while Landon is my first, there is quite a long line of women that came before me.
He wants you to be his last, though.
“Please don’t go to your board. Don’t get him in trouble. I’m done interning as of next month, and I don’t have to return next semester.”
“Your father isn’t going to report anything.” My mother gives him a stern look and his shoulders sink.
“I was angry and I…I am angry…but…I don’t want to hurt you. And some of the things you said, I...it seems like I’ve hurt you quite a bit.”
I shrug. I don’t want to get into this. At least not without a certified therapist present. “I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t be used to it,” my mother speaks up. “Sweetheart, I wish you would have said something. We love you and your sister equally. Do you understand that?” Her hands have found my face and she gives me a kiss on my nose.
“I know…you do,” I respond as I look at my mom. My mom and I are almost one in the same and she’s never made me feel like I was less than anyone.
“Serena…” My father grabs my hand and holds it between his. “I’ve loved you your whole life. I’m sorry we haven’t had the best relationship, but I hope you don’t think it’s because I don’t love you or I don’t care. I thought you interning at the firm would bring us closer together…”
“I thought so too, but… I rarely saw you.”
“I know. It was…a shitty few months. I’m sorry, Serena. I am so sorry.”
I nod, not knowing what to say. I hadn’t anticipated this level of humility and vulnerability from my dad when he knocked on the door, but when I look up at my mom and she gives me a subtle wink, I should have known better.
My mother is always in my corner, even when I don’t know she’s there.
“Listen about Landon…I can’t promise, that I’m going to just suddenly be okay with it—”
“And that’s fine,” my mother interrupts. “The point is we’re going to put forth the effort to be there for you and support your decisions as a grown woman. You are wise beyond your years, Serena, and we are sorry if we ever took that for granted.” She tucks some hair behind my ear and kisses my cheek.
The tears have formed in my eyes but haven’t made their way down my face, so my vision is blurry, and I wipe my eyes for the hundredth time. But these tears are the cathartic release that I’ve needed my entire life and certainly after the stressful last three months. I knew eventually we were going to have to come clean, and my father’s potential reaction had been weighing heavily on my mind.
But now everything is out in the open.
No more hiding.
No more secrets.
We are free.